Carry on Abroad

A pub landlord and frequent holidaymaker Vic Flange (Sid James) openly flirts with the sassy sauce-pot Sadie Tompkins (Barbara Windsor) as his battle-ax wife, Cora (Joan Sims), looks on with disdain. Vic offers Sadie free drinks and ogles at her. Their twitching friend Harry (Jack Douglas) arrives and let's slip that the package holiday Vic has booked to the Mediterranean island Els Bels (a pun on the slang expression "Hell's Bells") also includes Sadie, much to Cora's outrage. Cora wants Vic to cancel the booking, but he laments that they will lose the deposit money. Cora, who avoids holidays because she hates flying, suddenly decides to accompany her boorish husband on the trip, to ensure he keeps away from Sadie. The next day, Stuart Farquhar (Kenneth Williams), the nasally representative of Wundatours Travel Agency, and his seductive assistant, Moira Plunkett (Gail Grainger), welcome the motley passengers. Among them are the henpecked and love-starved Stanley Blunt (Kenneth Connor) and his prudish, overbearing wife, Evelyn (June Whitfield); a drunken, bowler-hatted mummy's boy, Eustace Tuttle (Charles Hawtrey); brash Scotsman Bert Conway (Jimmy Logan); young and beautiful friends Lily (Sally Geeson) and Marge (Carol Hawkins) who are each hoping to find a man to fall in love with; and Brother Bernard (Bernard Bresslaw), a timid young monk who has difficultly fitting into his new path of life. Bernard is traveling with a party of 12 monks. Lily and Marge are disappointed as there isn't a single eligible bachelor on the trip with them Farquhar loads all the guests into a bus to the airport, they board their flight, and after they land, they take another bus to the palace hotel, their destination. Unfortunately, upon their arrival they discover their hotel is only half-finished; the builders have just quit suddenly for unspecified reasons, leaving the remaining five floors unfinished. Some of the rooms are also unfinished with glass panes not installed in windows. In some cases, 2 rooms share the same bathroom, and drawers have no bottoms in them. Distraught manager Pepe (Peter Butterworth) desperately tries to run the place in myriad different guises - the manager, the doorman and the porter - and the chef is his shrewish wife, Floella (Hattie Jacques), who battles repeatedly with the temperamental coal fired stove (Pepe insisted on a coal stove than an electric stove as he believed that coal stoves are more reliable) while their Lothario son Georgio idles behind the bar. Since there aren't enough rooms in the hotel, guests are made to share rooms, with as much logical pairing as possible. The hotel also hides an assortment of faults and Pepe is soon overrun with complaints: Vic discovers Sadie naked in his shower; Lily and Marge's wardrobe has no back to it, allowing them to be accidentally seen half-dressed by Brother Bernard in the opposite room; sand pours out of Moira's taps; the lavatory drenches Bert. The phone system itself is faulty, and the guests end up complaining to each other for much of the time. The switchboard of the hotel blows up due to the inordinately high number of calls flowing through it. Nevertheless, Stuart is determined to ensure everyone has a good time. Later that evening, although agreeing to play leapfrog with Tuttle, Lily and Marge have their eyes on other things. Bernard gives a hand to Marge in the garden, but accidentally ends up ripping off her skirt, which makes her run away all the way to her room in embarrassment. Dinner on the first night is foul and made more unpleasant by the smoke from the burning food (Sausage, Beans and Chips) and the misfiring stove in the kitchen, which forces the holiday-makers to open the windows, prompting the arrival of mosquitoes. The next day, the holidaymakers are awakened early in the morning at 5 am by the builders, who returned to work. Marge takes a shine to Brother Bernard, while Lily lures the dashing Nicholas (David Kernan) away from his jealous (and implied gay) friend, Robin (John Clive), and Marge and Bernard develop an innocent romance. Bernard says that he is a not a monk yet and he has only recently joined as a brother. A brother is layman, not ordained, usually lives in a religious community, & works in accordance with their capabilities. A monk lives by rules. A brother lives in grace. Meanwhile, Stanley attempts to seduce Cora whilst his nagging wife is not present, but Cora is more interested in keeping Vic away from Sadie, who grows fond of Bert. Vic tries to put Bert off Sadie by saying that she is a black widow who murdered her two previous husbands, when actually both were firemen who died on the job. While most of the party go off to the village, Stanley ensures his wife is left behind so that he can spend the day attempting to woo Cora. Vic samples a local drink, "Santa Cecelia's Elixir", which blesses the drinker with X-ray vision, and he is able to see through women's clothing. However, the tourists are arrested for causing a riot at Madame Fifi's (Olga Lowe) local brothel after Vic, Bert and Eustace annoy the girls there; left-behind Evelyn is seduced by Georgio, which leads to her abandoning her frigid manners. In the local prison, Miss Plunkett seduces the Chief of Police, and the tourists are released. Back at the hotel, Mrs Blunt resumes her sex life with a surprised Stanley. The last night in the hotel starts as a success, with all the guests at ease with each other thanks to the punch being spiked with Santa Cecelia's Elixir. Midway through the night it begins to rain, and the hotel is shown to have been constructed on a dry riverbed. As the hotel begins to collapse Pepe finally loses his patience and sanity with the guests, who party on, oblivious to the disintegrating hotel. Sometime later, an Elsbels reunion at Vic and Cora's pub is held. Farquhar has lost his job at Wundatours and now works at the pub. All the guests are happy and reminisce about the holiday they barely enjoyed.