Spy Hard

Secret agent WD-40 Dick Steele (Leslie Nielsen) was assigned to apprehend arms dealer Rancor (Andy Griffith) along with agent Victoria. Steele and Victoria were in love. Steele was taken to Rancor's secret island in a helicopter, where he listens to his mission briefing on a tape. He leaves the self-destructing tape on the helicopter before he jumps out of the helicopter and deploys his parachute. As a result the agency helicopter and its pilot are destroyed. Rancor was selling scorpion missiles to a Middle East nation and Steele's mission was to stop him. Steele attaches a bomb to Rancor's helicopter in which he was transporting the missile. Victoria and Steele were standing near a cliff, when Steele triggered an explosion on Rancor's helicopter. This made Victoria off balance, and she fell on to the rocks below and died. Rancor was wounded in this encounter but survives the helicopter explosion. 15 years later, Steele is now retired from active service. Rancor kidnaps agent Barbara Dahl when she came around snooping to his headquarters & now is asking for a computer chip in ransom to release Dahl. Rancor no longer has arms. However, he can "arm" himself by attaching robotic limbs with various weapons attached. The chip will allow Rancor to control the world's satellites. If the chip is not delivered to him within 36 hours, Rancor will attach Barbara (Stephanie Romanov) to the nose of the missile & launch her towards USA. With the chip, Rancor rules the world, and without the chip he destroys it. Barbara is the daughter of Victoria Dahl (Stephanie Romanov), a fellow agent, who used to be Steele's girlfriend & was killed in the previous encounter with Rancor. US Covert Operations Center asks Steele to come out of retirement & rescue Barbara. Many agents are against it, since the last time Steele was put in the line of fire, he was protecting POTUS during one of his public appearances. Steele panicked at the sound of champagne corks popping (along with bubble wrap popping, and the sound of bubblegum popping) and took it as gunfire, and forcibly put POTUS in his car, and led it into the direction on an incomplete bridge, where he directly became the cause of the car falling into the water with the POTUS in it. POTUS only survived as he is a good swimmer. Steele is still very much the ladies' man and is pursued by Femme Fatales, whom he manages to outwit by dumb luck. Steele is still very much in love with Victoria. Steele is talked out of retirement by an old friend, agent Steven Bishop (Robert Guillaume). Steele agrees when he realizes that Rancor is alive, and that Barbara is Victoria's daughter. Steele remembers all the good times he had with Victoria. Steele resists the temptations of a mysterious woman. Steele had met the woman at the airport, and she was on the same plane with Steele to Washington, when he was going to the agency to be reinstated. Steele is given his new assignment by The Director (Charles Durning), who also is testing out a new variety of disguises in his office. Sometimes he is disguised as the furniture, as a wallpaper, as a sofa and so on. The Director says that Barbara's last transmission was from LA itself. If he finds Barbara, he will find Rancor and the rocket too. At headquarters, Steele encounters an old agency nemesis, Norm Coleman (Barry Bostwick), and flirts with the Director's adoring secretary, referred to as Miss Cheevus (Marcia Gay Harden). Noggin (Clyde Kusatsu) is in charge of outfitting the agents with the latest gadgets. The gadgets include microchip Z-ray lenses that are capable of penetrating a layer of clothing to see if the enemy is carrying a weapon, a laser beam inside a lapel pin, and a Micro-detonator with a 30 second timer powerful enough to blow up a two-floor building. On the job in LA, Steele is assisted by an agent named Kabul (John Ales), who gives him rides in a never-ending variety of specially designed cars. They seek help from McCluckey (Mason Gamble), a blond child, home alone, who is very good at fending off intruders. At the hotel, Steele finds Moore (Talisa Soto) waiting for him in bed. Steele was briefed about Moore by Kabul. Moore was sent by Rancor to seduce & eliminate Steele. Steele manages to subdue Moore. Later, the mysterious woman rescues Steele from assassins hunting for him, and reveals that she is Agent 3.14 Veronique Ukrinsky, whose father, Professor Ukrinsky (Elya Baskin), is also missing & was working with Rancor. When Prof Ukrinsky realized that he was making the chip for Rancor, and not the US Government, he ran away into hiding. 3.14 does not know the location of her father & her only clue is a pendant that her father gave her. 3.14 is kidnapped by Rancor in front of Steele, but he finds the pendant at the spot where 3.14 was kidnapped. Steele follows the trail of the Pendant & finds Prof Ukrinksky. He has the control chip for Rancor's satellites. Ukrinsky knows that in Rancor's hands the chip can be misused to control the world. He wouldn't destroy the chip as it can also be used for world peace, so he went into hiding. Steele informs the Director that he has the chip, but his call was being snooped on by the entire office, and a mole informs Rancor. Steele hides Ukrinsky at McCluckey's & goes to rescue Veronique Ukrinsky (Nicollette Sheridan) from Rancor's men who has kept her in a nunnery which is a front for his illegal activities. Rancor's men attack & kidnap McCluckey & Prof Urkinsky. Veronique & Steele follow Rancor to Kirkiri island, which is the base of his operations. Prof is forced to attach the chip to Rancor's satellite. Cheeve is the real mole inside the secret service, working for Rancor. Dick & Veronique are captured & taken to the control room, where Steele attacks & rescues all the hostages. He ties Rancor to the missile & reprograms it to launch it into space, while destroying the satellite.