Cheech Marin

A couple's extravagant destination wedding is hijacked by criminals. In the process of saving their families, they rediscover why they fell in love in the first place.

Forced to give up his room to his grandfather, a scheming boy devises a series of outrageous pranks in an attempt to make him move out.

Red Riding Hood is training in the group of Sister Hoods, when she and the Wolf are called to examine the sudden mysterious disappearance of Hansel and Gretel.

The story of a literary agent, his best-selling client, and their own individual search for what's really important.

A young detective goes undercover at an elite private school to destroy an international stolen car ring.

Riverside, Illinois couple Luther (Tim Allen) and Nora Krank (Jamie Lee Curtis) see their daughter, Blair (Julie Gonzalo) depart for a Peace Corps assignment in Peru on the Sunday following Thanksgiving, and their empty nest syndrome sets in. Blair had left for a year and had promised to come back for Christmas the following year. Nora is distraught that Christmas will not be the same without Blair. It is cold and wet in Riverside, and Nora forces Luther to get chocolate from a shop. While coming out, Luther is drenched and that's when he sees the advertisement for a warm and inviting Caribbean cruise. Luther calculates the couple spent $6,132 during the previous year's holiday season and, not looking forward to celebrating Christmas without their daughter, he suggests they invest the money usually spent on decorations, gifts, and entertainment and treat themselves to a ten-day Caribbean cruise instead. Luther insists that they completely boycott the holidays but Nora initially objects. Nora finally agrees when she realizes that the cruise is only $3000, and they would save money by skipping Christmas. Nora agrees under the condition that they still give a donation to the church and Children's Hospital amounting to $600. Luther tries to refuse but finally agrees and they begin planning the trip. They leave at noon on Christmas Day. The Kranks are amazed to discover they are considered pariahs as a result of their decision. Luther's co-workers think he has become Ebenezer Scrooge when he gives all his employees letters that state about his Christmas boycott (which includes no gifts, no participation in holiday rituals, no attendance at the office party or at the black tie Christmas dinner), local stationer Aubie (Patrick Breen) is distressed to lose the couple's order for their engraved greeting cards and Christmas Eve party invitations, the Boy Scout troop is upset and angered when the Kranks refuse to purchase one of their Christmas trees to help the scouts make enough money for a camp outing, and the police are stunned to discover they won't be buying this year's calendar from them. Nora even cancels her famous Christmas Eve party that her friends and the whole neighborhood looks forward to. Most vocal in their objections are neighbors Vic Frohmeyer (Dan Aykroyd) and Walt Scheel (M. Emmet Walsh). Vic, who's the self-appointed leader of the street, organizes a campaign to force the Kranks to decorate their home (with Christmas lights, and a Frosty) so Hemlock Street won't lose the coveted award for best decorations. Walt doesn't seem to like Luther, so his efforts are primarily personal. However, it is revealed that Walt's wife Bev (Elizabeth Franz) is suffering from cancer, perhaps dampening his holiday spirits. Bev has had the cancer return for the 3rd time and this Christmas might be her last. Vic even offers to install Frosty himself, if Luther would just take him out of the basement and leaves it on the front lawn. But Luther still refuses, citing the principle of his stand. Father Zabriskie (Tom Poston) finds Luther and Nora in a tanning salon in a mall, in their beachwear, and admonishes them for trying to skip Christmas. Children picket, led by Vic's son Spike (Erik Per Sullivan), neighbors constantly call, and Christmas carolers try to revive the Kranks' holiday spirit by singing on their lawn which Luther stops them by freezing his front lawn. Even the newspaper gets into the act by publishing a front-page story complete with a photograph of the unlit Krank house and states that the Kranks' street has lost the prize and won sixth place because of how Luther and Nora refused to decorate their house. Still, Luther and Nora continue to stand their ground. Luther gets a Botox injection to get ready for his vacation with Nora. The two are in the process of packing on Christmas Eve morning when they receive a call from Blair, who announces she's at Miami International Airport, on route home with her Peruvian fiance as a surprise for her parents. She's anxious to introduce Enrique (Rene Lavan) to her family's holiday traditions, and when she asks if they're having their usual party that night, a panicked Nora says yes, much to Luther's dismay. Comic chaos ensues as the couple finds themselves trying to decorate the house and coordinate a party with only twelve hours to spare before their daughter and future son-in-law arrive. While Nora scrambles to find food, especially Blair's favorite ham, Luther buys a tree from the Boy Scouts, but they only have one left, which is a dead, ugly, non-green tree. Luther buys it anyway but rejects it by throwing it in his backyard. While Spike leads a picket at the Kranks', Luther arranges to borrow the tree of neighbor Wes Trogdon (Mark Christopher Lawrence) who is going away for a couple of days. Luther and Spike try to transport it across the street on Spike's Radio Flyer wagon, only for the neighbors to confuse this to be Luther stealing the family's Christmas tree, and to be stopped by the police, who assume they have stopped a robbery in progress. Spike comes to Luther's rescue. Nora comes home enraged at Luther for making the borrowed Christmas tree a "Disaster" and how she had to buy "Smoked Trout" to replace the honey ham (because the ham rolled into the street and got smashed by a truck). Nora tells Luther to put up Frosty on their roof, which fails when he and Frosty fall off, drawing the neighborhood's attention. Once it is established why Luther is trying frantically to decorate his home, the neighbors, led by Vic, come out full force to help him and Nora ready it for Blair. Blair calls to say she landed from Miami. The party starts off strong, with Blair having no idea of the earlier drama. Enrique thanks everyone for the warm welcome, and Nora thanks her neighbors for being a strong community. Luther, to everyone's disappointment, offers only a lukewarm toast. When Nora confronts Luther, he tries to convince her to still go on the cruise, but Nora refuses, disgusted that he is not happy that Blair is home. Luther sadly slips out of the house and goes across the street to the Scheel home. Bev's cancer, once in remission, has returned and, knowing this may be their last holiday together, Luther insists they take the cruise in place of him and Nora, going so far as to offer to take care of their hated cat, Muffles, who's always under Luther's foot. At first, they decline, but ultimately they accept his generosity. With his holiday spirit renewed, Luther finally admits to Nora that skipping Christmas was not a good idea until she suggests they should do it next year.

The mythic guitar-slinging hero, El Mariachi, is forced out of hiding when a CIA agent recruits him to sabotage an assassination plot against the president of Mexico.

Carmen (Alexa PenaVega) and Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara) live with their parents, Ingrid, and Gregorio, who they believe are boring, unaware that their parents are actually semi-retired international spies Grogorio Cortez (Antonio Banderas) & Ingrid Cortez (Carla Gugino), working for an organization called the OSS (Organization of Super Spies). Originally, Ingrid and Gregorio were enemies until they fell in love and got married. They retired to some degree when they had their children. Long ago, at a time of unstable relations between countries, a new breed of soldiers was created: super spies. Using their vast intellects and prowess in the art of stealth, they could stop wars before they even happened. The two protagonists of the story, both of whom were spies, were tasked with eliminating each other, but they ended up becoming infatuated with one another instead and soon fell in love. Despite being from opposing nations, they decided to marry, but this only painted a massive target on their backs for enemy factions that wished to see them dead. They ultimately chose to retire and start a family. They shield their children from their secret spy lives to protect them from inherent danger. The parents are worried about their kids as according to their school principal Carmen's been skipping out on school and Juni's self-proclaimed 'friends' are only in his head. Carmen's main concern in life is with the unwelcome responsibility of babysitting her brother, Juni, and is therefore usually mean to him. However, underneath her abusive exterior, Carmen is hiding secrets of her own: she skips school and has to wear diapers at night due to having problems with bed-wetting. She is desperate to keep both of these problems secret, especially from her brother. Juni lacks self-esteem and is a fan of a children's television show called "Floop's Fooglies." Hosted by Fegan Floop (Alan Cumming) and co-starring the Fooglies-colorful, mutant, gibberish speaking friends of Floop-the show proves to be an irritant to Gregorio, who openly displays his dislike for the program. Gregorio receives information from the OSS that several of their agents have gone missing, notifying Ingrid the following morning. Gregorio and Ingrid are suddenly called back to active field work to find missing agents. Gregorio suspects children's television host Fegan Floop has kidnapped them. Georgio takes notice that one of Floop's side characters, called 'Fooglies,' looks suspiciously like one of the missing OSS agents, Donnagon Giggles (Mike Judge). Gregorio suspects the show is involved in the disappearance of several fellow spies mutating them into his "Fooglies" - creatures on his show, a program that Juni avidly watches. Ingrid and Gregorio decide to investigate and leave their children in the care of "Uncle" Felix Gumm (Cheech Marin), a man not actually their uncle but, rather, a family guardian. Gregorio and Ingrid take a mini-sub and head to Floop's suddenly pick up a transmission from Floop, telling them they have something he desires, and they find themselves being chased by a sub. Gregorio tries to outrun it, but soon he and Ingrid end up getting engulfed by a much larger sub. Ingrid and Gregorio are captured by Floop's men, the ever-idiotic Thumb-Thumbs, robots with thumbs for legs, arms and heads that wear red vests. Carmen and Juni discover the truth about their parents when they find that their parents have been kidnapped. In Floop's island castle, Floop is in a pickle of his own. He is being contracted by a businessman named Lisp (Robert Patrick), the head of a nameless corporation, to build an army for them, and so far, the candidates he's given them (The Fooglies and Thumb-Thumbs, additional characters from the show) have been unsatisfactory to their liking. Floop then presents them with his newest invention, Spy Kids, an army of super-strong robots, using the children of world leaders as a disguise, to conquer the world. The robots were constructed by Floop's servant Alexander Minion (Tony Shalhoub). Since the androids have no artificial intelligence yet, they are unable to function outside their regular programming. An item named the Third Brain is required to power the robots, or at least give them the ability to speak and think. Lisp is furious, demanding usable androids. Lisp chastises Floop for not keeping with their schedule, and demands that he finish his army in two days or everything he's built will be reduced to ashes. Ingrid and Gregorio were brought in, due to Gregorio being one of the scientists who created the Third Brain and hid it, although he refuses to give the hiding place. Ingrid knows nothing of it, while Gregorio claims he had destroyed the brain years ago. After Floop leaves, Gregorio reveals to Ingrid that the Third Brain was a secret OSS project he had worked on: an AI brain with all the skills of the entire OSS. The project was scrapped as being too dangerous and many scientists demolished the brains that they were working on, but Gregorio refused to destroy the final prototype. Floop's minions invade the Cortez home, although Carmen and Juni escape whilst Felix is captured, but not before he tells the children the truth about their parents. The children escape alone via a miniature submarine set to autopilot to a safe house. At the safe house, the children accept that their parents were spies and decide to rescue them. The children flee to a safe house where they decide to become spies, until Ms. Gradenko (Teri Hatcher), a fellow spy, arrives to help them. Giving Carmen a bracelet as a sign of trust, she asks about the Third Brain, but Carmen is confused. Gradenko orders the house to be dismantled and the siblings realize Gradenko is a traitor when they see ninja Thumb-Thumbs destroying the escape submarine. It is revealed that Third Brain is hidden in the house. Juni accidentally exposes the Third Brain, and a chase ensues. Carmen gets the brain, and she and Juni escape. She realizes too late the bracelet from Gradenko has a tracking device. The children escape but soon encounter robotic clones of themselves who steal the Third Brain and deliver it to Minion, who takes command of the robots and imprisons Floop. Meanwhile, back at the castle, Gregorio tells Ingrid that Minion used to work for the OSS, but was fired after he reported him tampering with the Third Brain project. With it, Floop can achieve his goal, but he wishes to continue his children's show. Carmen and Juni locate Gregorio's estranged older brother and inventor, Isador "Machete" Cortez (Danny Trejo), who harbors bitter feelings against his younger brother, similar to the feelings Carmen harbored toward Juni. Machete was apparently forced to watch over Gregorio and left him because of this. He refuses to help the children because of this. With no support from their uncle, the children sneak away to rescue their parents on their own, stealing a map of Floop's castle and a spy plane to get them there. Their sibling rivalry comes to a head, however, when Carmen's continuing criticisms and name-calling pushes Juni to retaliate by calling her "diaper lady," starting a quarrel that almost crashes the plane. As they work together to safely land the craft, Juni reveals that he had always been aware of Carmen's nighttime bed-wetting but kept that knowledge to himself at their mother's insistence. Having come to an understanding of each other as brother and sister, their relationship begins to improve from this point on. The two make it to the castle and search for their parents. Juni finds Floop and frees him, convincing him to help them and explaining what was missing from his TV show- children. Carmen, Juni and Floop free Ingrid and Gregorio and then confront Minion, trapping him in a machine that creates the Fooglies on the children's show (who are actually the missing agents). Minion deliberately starts the machine but escapes before he becomes a Fooglie, altering his appearance with three extra heads and combined hands with multiple fingers. The spies confront Gradenko, Minion and Lisp and are attacked by their 500-man army of child robots. Machete arrives to help, later on claiming he came back for the same reason he left, meaning that he was told to watch over his brother. Floop rewrites the children's minds to make them act like children (as Minion says to Lisp, "They have minds of their own now, sir; anything we tell them to do goes in one ear and out the other!"), saving the Cortez family and causing the children to play with Gradenko, Minion and Lisp, tossing them around in the air. Gregorio and Machete reform their brotherly relationship, with both of them claiming neither of them even remembering why Machete left, and Floop redesigns his show with Minion and the robotic Carmen and Juni as his new characters. The leader of the OSS, Devlin, offers the Cortez children jobs as spies, to which Carmen responds that the spy-work is easy, whilst keeping their Cortez family together is the hardest mission of all. Having adopted a stronger value of family unity, she demands that they be allowed to work together as a family.

A talking parrot named Paulie recounts his travels to look for his original owner to a Russian janitor who helps him to the end of his journey. Paulie, an intelligent parrot who actually talks, relates the story of his struggle to a Russian immigrant who works as a janitor at the research institute where he is housed and neglected. His story begins many years earlier when he is given as a gift to a little girl named Marie who stutters. Eventually, he teaches her to speak correctly but is taken away by her father because he believes she can't distinguish fantasy from reality because she believes he can talk. He goes through a series of adventures with a pawn shop owner, an aging widow, a Mexican American troubadour, and a would-be thief before being taken to the institute. —<lodger13@iwl.net> A male bird tells the story of his big and long adventure as he tries to find and reunite with his owner. With the the help of a poor male worker, he does his best to discover and remember what it is really like to be a bird in a world where everyone is completely different. —RECB3

After kidnapping a family, the Gecko brothers seek refuge in a Mexican bar, only to face its deadly vampire patrons.

Roy 'Tin cup' McAvoy (Kevin Costner), is a failed pro golfer who lives at the run-down driving range which he manages with his sidekick and Caddy Romeo (Cheech Marin) in the West Texas tin pot town of Salome. Roy ends up signing over ownership to a Madam Doreen (Linda Hart) of 'show girls' to pay off debts. Roy once lost his chance to become a professional golfer when he attempted a riskier shot for the final round of the PGA Tour Qualifying Tournament rather than taking a safer shot. Roy lost the qualification by one shot. Roy's foxy novice golf pupil, female psychiatrist Dr. Molly Griswold (Rene Russo), turns out to be the new girlfriend of McAvoy's sarcastic one-time college golf partner, slick PGA superstar David Simms (Don Johnson). Molly had spent over $200 on golfing accessories, which Roy calls unnecessary. Molly wants Roy to break down the process of golfing to her, but he says that Molly has to feel the game. Roy compares golf to a poem. Roy says that he has a short follow through which, some people say, indicates that he has never finished anything in his life. Molly is only trying to learn golf to share the passion of her boyfriend. Simms asks Roy to be his Caddy for a charity tournament (Roy once shot a 59 on the course, can still hit a 65 with his eyes closed. Roy knows the course like the back of his hand and the tournament has a $500K purse) & Roy takes it (As Simms promises $100 and 5% of his earnings). The offer is an insult to Roy, but he deep in trouble and has no other options to make money. Roy can't resist challenging Simms to a risky shot on the course. Simms fires Roy when one of the competitors asks Roy to take the shot that he had been proposing to Simms, and he makes it. Simms refuses to pay Roy any of the money promised to him. Roy is neck deep in debt & owes $2K even after signing over his driving range to the madam of show girls. Roy owed a debt of $12,000 and signs over the range for $10,000 plus a salary for him and Romeo. He even pawns off his golf set to survive. When he finds that Molly is Simms girl, he decides to win the US Open to impress Molly & win her back. He wins a golf gamble (for $400) using garden tools to win money to get his golf set back. Molly is a therapist, so Roy decides to ask Molly whether his strategy to win her is right. Roy talks hypothetically about another girl in his life & Molly asks him to take a risk & ask the girl out to dinner. Roy professes his love to Molly & she is stunned. Molly says that she cannot be romantically involved with a client. She agrees to be his doctor & help him qualify for the Open. Roy tells Molly that her boyfriend is a very negative person, and he hates everything and everybody, which she refuses to believe. In the qualifiers, Roy displays a tendency to take needless risks, just to satisfy his own professional esteem, without caring for winning or losing. He angers Romeo when Roy insists on going over a set of trees rather than playing safe and going around them with an extra shot. Roy breaks all his golf clubs when Romeo won't allow him to take the shot. Roy completes the rest of the course only with his 7 iron and qualifies for the sectionals. Roy even loses his car when he challenges Simms to hit the ball the farthest, & Simms wins it by hitting the ball onto the road. Roy again tells Molly that when the camera is not on Simms, he treats old people, kids and dogs like dirt. Roy qualifies & asks Molly to join him at the Open, which she refuses. Roy begs Romeo to join him as his Caddy at the Open, who accepts. Roy's swing develops a problem and Romeo thinks that the issue is Molly. Roy begs Molly that he needs her, but she continues to resist. Roy wants Molly to dump Simms and be with him. On the opening day, Roy gets the jitters at the Open Driving range & Romeo makes him realize that he only has to think about golf & nothing else. At the open Roy has a bad first day as he still has the Shanks and cannot hit a single ball straight. Simms comes around to gloat when he hits a 67 and Roy hits an 83. Molly realizes what Roy had been saying all along, that Simms is not a nice guy when the TV cameras are off him. She dumps Simms & has sex with Roy. Before dumping Simms, she makes Simms pay out $2000 on a bet in which Roy makes an seemingly impossible shot from inside a bar, over a fence, across a river to make a pelican fly off its perch at a pier, at the other end of the river. Roy has a spectacular day & makes the cut, but not before running into par 5 18th, & taking a risky shot for an eagle chance, & then hitting the water, to make par. He makes the same mistake the 3rd day & ends it at 7 under, tied for the lead with Simms. He is paired with Simms the last day & Simms keeps challenging Roy to difficult shots & Roy keeps taking them, falling behind in the scores. At the 18th, 3-way tie for the lead, same shot, & Roy goes for it to win it outright. He makes the green this time, only for the ball to roll back into the water. Roy takes the same shot 11 more times from the same spot, before he makes it perfectly. He loses the US Open, but his 12 on the 18th hole becomes a part of golfing folklore as the whole gathering gives him a standing ovation for making that shot. Molly & Roy are together. Back in Texas, Molly tells Roy that he automatically qualified for next year's Open due to his standing.

In August 1994 at the Tarasco bar in Mexico, an American man named Buscemi (Steve Buscemi) tells the story of how he witnessed a massacre in another bar committed by a Mexican with a guitar case full of guns. The bar's patrons are uninterested until Buscemi mentions the name "Bucho". Meanwhile, El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas) has a dream of his encounter with Moco (Peter Marquardt), Bucho's (Joaquim De Almeida) underling, who killed his lover and shot his left hand. He is awakened by Buscemi, who tells him to continue his search for Bucho at the bar (since they all freaked when Buscemi mentioned the word Bucho). El Mariachi meets a child, whose father allegedly plays guitar for a living. He gives the boy some pointers. At the Tarasco bar, El Mariachi engages in a tense standoff with Bucho's goons before a massive gunfight erupts. He kills everyone in the bar, but Tavo (Tito Larriva), who was in a back room conducting illegal business, survives and follows him outside. On the street, Tavo wounds El Mariachi before being killed himself. Carolina (Salma Hayek), the woman who El Mariachi shields from Tavo's bullets, takes him to her bookstore. Bucho arrives at the bar to survey the carnage. Paranoid (The Columbians have Bucho under watch before they trust him with a large deal. So Bucho wants everything to be perfect), Bucho orders his men to hunt down the man "dressed in black". In the bookstore, Carolina tends to El Mariachi's wounds and operates on him to take a bullet out. While he rests, she discovers the guns in his guitar case and realizes who he is. El Mariachi asks her to help him find Bucho. He goes to the town church and talks to Buscemi. Upset by the massacre at the bar, Buscemi convinces El Mariachi to give up his quest for blood. Meanwhile the Columbians call Bucho and tell him that they have man on the ground and give him the man's description. Outside the church, a man (dressed in black) armed with throwing knives ambushes them, kills Buscemi and severely wounds El Mariachi. Bucho's men arrive at the scene (Bucho isn't able to call his men as he doesn't have the phone number of the phone in his brand new bullet proof car which his men were using to hunt for El Mariachi), mistake the man (who dresses in black) for El Mariachi and kill him. They take the body back to Bucho, who realizes they have killed the wrong person, a hit-man named Navajas (Danny Trejo) sent by the Colombians to kill El Mariachi. As El Mariachi wanders through the streets, he meets the kid with the guitar. He learns that the kid is being used by his father to mule drugs hidden in his guitar. He angrily confronts the boy, who tells him about most people in the town work for Bucho, including Carolina. El Mariachi returns to Carolina and learns that Bucho paid to build her bookstore as another front for his drug-dealing. Unexpectedly, Bucho pays her a visit, and she hastily hides El Mariachi. She feigns ignorance of the commotion in town, and Bucho leaves. Carolina finishes stitching up El Mariachi's wounds. That evening, Carolina gives El Mariachi a new guitar, he plays for her before they make passionate love. Meanwhile, Bucho realizes that Carolina lied to him. In the morning, Bucho's men arrive and attack them while setting the bookstore ablaze. The two fight their way out of the burning building and onto a local rooftop, where El Mariachi gets a clear shot at Bucho but inexplicably chooses not to attempt to kill him. The two take refuge in a hotel room. Bucho gathers his men and tells them to kill anyone they see in town that they don't know. Realizing that Bucho will never stop hunting them, El Mariachi calls his friends Campa (Carlos Gallardo) and Quino (Albert Michel Jr.) in to help. The trio meet up on the edge of town and encounter Bucho's goons. A massive gun battle ensues, and most of Bucho's goons along with Campa and Quino are killed. El Mariachi sees the kid wounded in the crossfire and rushes him to a hospital. El Mariachi and Carolina head over to Bucho's compound to confront him directly. It is then revealed that Bucho and El Mariachi are brothers. Bucho offers to let El Mariachi go if he lets him kill Carolina. El Mariachi kills his brother, then shoots his remaining henchmen. The two visit the boy in the hospital, and El Mariachi leaves on his own. Carolina catches up to him on the road and picks him up, with El Mariachi initially leaving his weapons on the side of the road. The two drive away together, but shortly return and pick up the guitar case full of guns just in case.

In "Cheech and Chong's Get Out Of My Room", the stoners hit the streets of L.A. in a mockumentary about--themselves. Featuring their classic song/video "Born In East L.A.", co-starring Beverly D'Angelo and Jan-Michael Vincent. A mock documentary filmed mostly in and around LA with interviews of Cheech and Chong interspersed between four videos of songs from their last album. Songs include: Get outta my room and Born in East LA —<jollyw@minn.net>

After a long and boring day at work, Paul Hackett (Griffin Dunne), a computer word processor, meets Marcy Franklin (Rosanna Arquette) in a local cafe in New York City. Paul wants more in his life than just going to work and going home every boring day of his life. Paul is a well-dressed man in a suit and a tie. Paul leaves the office building when it closes at the end of the day and goes to his Upper East Side apartment on East 91st Street where he wastes the evening away watching TV and reading Arthur Miller books. Paul went to the coffee shop as he had nothing else to do at his apartment. Marcy was having her own dinner across the table from Paul. Paul and Marcy discuss their common interest in Henry Miller. Gradually, Marcy comes over to Paul's table as they strike a conversation. Marcy leaves Paul her number and informs him that she lives in SoHo with a sculptor named Kiki Bridges (Linda Fiorentino), who makes and sells plaster of Paris paperweights resembling cream cheese bagels. Later in the night, Paul calls the number from his apartment under the pretense of buying a paperweight. She invites him to come down to SoHo where she is staying with Kiki. The time is 11:32 p.m. Paul visits Marcy, taking a cab to her apartment. On his way to visit Marcy, Paul keeps a $20 bill into the payment slot of the cab. But the driver was driving very fast and recklessly and the $20 bill is blown out the window of the cab, leaving Paul with only some spare pocket change. The cab driver is furious that he cannot pay. This is the first in a long series of misadventures for Paul that turn hostile through no fault of his own. At the apartment Paul meets the sculptor Kiki, who's wearing nothing but a black bra and leather miniskirt. He comes across a collection of photographs and medications which imply that Marcy is severely disfigured from burns on her legs and torso. Kiki is working on a sculpture of a screaming man which he compares to Edvard Munch's The Scream. Marcy had gone to the drug store. Kiki invites Paul to work on her sculpture and he spills plaster of Paris on his shirt. Kiki takes the shirt away for laundry and asks Paul to give her a shoulder massage. Kiki falls asleep just as Marcy returns from the drug store. They go out to a nearby diner where they talk about their favorite movie, which is The Wizard of Oz, among other things. When offered to pay the bill, the strange diner waiter (Dick Miller) tells Paul that it's on the house. At 1:40 a.m., Marcy and Paul return to the loft, where she ushers Paul to her bedroom. In conversation Marcy reveals that she was sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. And that she is married to a guy named Franklin, who owns the place where she lives, but Franklin doesn't stay there anymore. Franklin was obsessed with the movie "the Wizard of Oz" and would scream "Dorothy", after he came during sex. After smoking a joint of Marcy's which she claims it's from Columbia, Paul, for some reason, begins acting like a jerk and leaves. Paul then attempts to go home by subway, but the fare has increased at the stroke of midnight, and he finds that his pocket change is no longer sufficient to purchase a token. Paul had 97 cents in his pocket. The attendant tells Paul that the subway fare for a token has just gone up to $1.50 that very midnight, and the time is now 2:15 am. He goes to a bar where Julie (Teri Garr), a waitress, becomes enamored with him. After Paul uses the men's room, he returns to his table and finds a note slipped by the waitress in which she asks for Paul's help as she hates her job. At the bar, Paul learns that there has been a string of burglaries in the neighborhood. The bar's owner, Tom Schorr (John Heard), offers to give Paul money to cover the subway fare, but cannot open the cash register. As a sign of trust, Paul leaves his apartment keys with Tom and rushes off with Tom's apartment keys to earn his $1.50. Paul lets himself into Tom's apartment, checks the alarm which is on (Tom had asked Paul to check the alarm due to robberies in the neighborhood). On the way back from Tom's apartment, Paul is questioned by suspicious neighbors. Afterwards, Paul spots two actual burglars, Neil (Cheech Marin) and Pepe (Tommy Chong), with one of Kiki's sculptures. After he attempts to confront them, they flee, dropping the sculpture in the process. Paul brings the statue back to Kiki's loft nearby and finds her gagged and tied to a pillar. He unties Kiki thinking that they robbed her, but she tells them that the men are Pepe and Neil, friends of hers who just bought the stature and that she's tied up because she and her boyfriend Horst (Will Patton) are playing a sex game. Kiki and Horst tell Paul that he should apologize to Marcy who has been in her bedroom crying since Paul left. Paul finds Marcy has committed suicide by overdosing on Seconal. Paul reports Marcy's death before noticing a roving neighborhood watch on the street below. On the way out, he grabs a note from Kiki inviting him and Marcy to Club Berlin. Kiki and a stout man named Horst had already left to go to Club Berlin, a nightclub. Paul looks and finds no burn marks on Marcy. Paul sees a $20 bill left behind by them and instinctively takes it. Paul calls the police to report the body. Paul attempts to return to Tom's bar, but it is locked up, with a sign indicating that Tom will be back in half an hour. Paul meets Julie, the waitress, in the street, who invites him up to her apartment to wait for Tom to reopen the bar. Julie's apartment looks like a shrine to the mid-1960s replete with the music of the Monkees playing in the background. Julie asks Paul to let her draw a picture of him which he agrees. Julie is enamored with Paul, but Paul goes back to Tom's bar. Tom tells Paul that he just left to check his apartment because it took so long for Paul to come back. Paul apologizes and gives Tom back his apartment keys. Just as Tom is about to hand over the $1.50, the phone rings and someone on the other line informs Tom that his girlfriend has just committed suicide. To his horror, Paul immediately learns that Marcy was Tom's girlfriend. Paul returns to Julie's apartment where she begins to sketch his portrait while they talk. Ultimately, Paul rejects Julie's advances and leaves. But when Paul returns to the bar to get his apartment keys back from Tom, he finds the place closed again. Paul goes over to Tom's apartment, but he is not there either. Then the gay couple and another of Tom's neighbors see him and chase him away again. By this time, however, Tom's neighbors have become convinced that Paul is responsible for the rash of burglaries in SoHo and form together a vigilante group to hunt him down. Paul goes to find Kiki and inform her of Marcy's suicide. The bouncer at Club Berlin refuses him entry because his hairstyle does not fit the Mohawk dress code, and Paul narrowly escapes several punks who attempt to forcibly give him a haircut. Paul sees Kiki and Horst at a table and calls out to them, but they don't see or hear him through the loud music and crowd. Paul runs out of the club barely able to compose himself with only a line or two of his hair shaved off. On the street, Paul is mistaken for a burglar and is relentlessly pursued by a mob of local residents. Back on the street, Paul suddenly meets the same cab driver whom he was forced to stiff earlier for the ride. Paul gives the driver the $20 bill he took from Kiki's loft, but the driver just grabs the bill and drives off as payback for stiffing him. Paul by then has just run into another strange woman, coming out of the cab, named Gail (Catherine O'Hara) a Mister Softee ice cream truck driver, whom she feels sorry for and takes him back to her apartment. Gail then blurts out that she drives a Mister Softee ice-cream truck nearby and will be glad to give him a ride home. But when they arrive at the truck parked in an alley, Gail spots a wanted poster of Paul. Gail mistakes him for the burglar based on Julie's posters. Back on the street, Paul runs into a shy homosexual man, named Alex, (Robert Plunket) and allows himself to be "picked-up" to let himself into the man's apartment. Paul asks to use Alex's phone to call the police and then tries to tell the desk sergeant about wanting to report the vigilante mob that's been endangering his life. Unbelievably, the police officer on the other end of the line thinks that it's a prank call and hangs up on him. Then Paul sees Julie on the street putting up wanted posters of him on a lamp post. Paul runs back out onto the street and calls out to her, but she just scornfully glances at him and rides off on a bicycle. At 4:10 a.m., Paul goes back to the diner where he sees Tom sitting at a table. Tom tells Paul that he just got back from the local morgue where he was forced to identify Marcy's body. Paul demands that Tom give him back his apartment keys, but Tom says that he left them back at the bar. Frantic, Paul asks Tom to hide him for there is a vigilante mob looking for him. Tom goes outside to check if the coast is clear, but Paul sees Tom running right to up Gail and the vigilante mob passing by and he tells them where Paul is. Angered at Tom's betrayal, Paul runs out of the diner just in time. As a last resort, Paul dashes back to Club Berlin hoping to find Kiki and Horst there to ask them for help, but now finds the place deserted for it is closing since the time now is almost 5 a.m. Sleep-deprived, bedraggled, and ranting, Paul uses his last quarter to play "Is That All There Is?" by Peggy Lee on the club's jukebox and asks an older woman named June (Verna Bloom) to dance. After he explains his situation, June offers to hide him in her apartment underneath the club, where she uses Papier-Mache to disguise him as a sculpture while the mob raids the club. After the mob leaves, June is worried they will come back, and doesn't take off the plaster, which hardens, trapping Paul in a position that resembles Kiki's sculpture. Neil and Pepe break into June apartment and steal Paul, thinking him to be the sculpture they had dropped in the street earlier. They load Paul in the back of their van now spilling over with dozens of stolen appliances from the SoHo apartments including June's. The van speeds uptown and takes a sharp turn which swings open the van's back door. Paul falls to the pavement, with the force of the impact breaking the plaster open, directly outside the front gate of his office building. With no way to go home, he simply brushes himself off and goes to his desk. Paul goes to the floor where he works, sits at his desk, and goes to work at his computer while the rest of the office workers arrive. It's the beginning of just another boring weekday for him.

Cheech and Chong fly to the marijuana capital of the world, Amsterdam, for a film festival where they take Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds' place in a limo, suite, press conference and performance. They throw in some sketches as well. Cheech and Chong are invited to a celebrity party/festival in Amsterdam. When they get there, however, it turns out that the guy who invited them has taken off with all the money, and the rest of the hosts have a VERY limited budget. They are actually expecting Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton, so our heroes get to be Mr. Burt and Mr. Dolly. We follow them around Amsterdam, at their hotel, (still) smokin' joints and doing shows. —Erlend Johannessen <erlend@oslohd.no>

On a Spanish galleon in the year 1687, aristocrat El Nebuloso (Tommy Chong) and his second-in-command, El Segundo (Cheech Marin), abscond with a treasure chest intended for their king. A band of English pirates, led by the dreaded blonde-haired Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman), descend on the ship and seize the treasure. Although his boatswain, Moon (Peter Boyle), planned the attack, Yellowbeard refuses to share the treasure, and as he slams the chest shut, Moon's left hand is severed. Yellowbeard continues his reign of terror, killing more than 500 men, until a betrayal by Moon leads to his 20-year prison sentence for tax evasion in England. Despite years of rehabilitation and torture, Yellowbeard refuses to divulge the location of the treasure. In a jump-forward to 1707, during the final week of his incarceration, Yellowbeard is informed by his wife, Betty (Madeline Kahn), that they have a teenage son named Dan (Martin Hewitt). The pirate is horrified to learn that the boy was raised by Lord Percy Lambourn (Peter Cook) to be an intellectual and a gardener. Dan, however, is fascinated by the idea that his father is the most ruthless pirate of all time. Meanwhile, Commander Clement (Eric Idle) of the Royal Secret Service coerces Queen Anne (Peter Bull) to extend Yellowbeard's sentence an additional 140 years, hoping the pirate will escape and lead authorities to his treasure. As predicted, Yellowbeard breaks out of prison and makes his way to Betty's tavern in search of the treasure map. Betty reveals that she tattooed it onto Dan's head before destroying the original, and directs Yellowbeard to Lambourn Hall, where the boy lives with his mentor. On the advice of informant Harvey "Blind" Pew (John Cleese), Commander Clement follows Yellowbeard into the tavern, but the pirate evades him. Moon's henchman, Gilbert (Marty Feldman), questions Blind Pew about the location of the map, but the informant refuses to assist pirates. Yellowbeard confronts his son at Lambourn Hall, declaring that he needs to remove the boy's head. Dan asks to remain intact and join his father on the treasure hunt. They consult Dr. Ebenezer Gilpin (Michael Hordern), who advises Yellowbeard to pose as a scientist on a voyage of discovery. Gilpin, Dan, and Lord Lambourn sign on as traveling companions. Blind Pew listens outside the office and informs Commander Clement of the group's departure. Moon and Gilbert eliminate Blind Pew by locking him inside a shed full of explosives and detonating them. The next morning, while Yellowbeard wreaks havoc in a brothel, Moon and Gilbert infiltrate a group of sailors and take Dan, Lord Lambourn, and Dr. Gilpin aboard the battleship, Lady Edith. As the ship sets sail, Yellowbeard stows away in the hold, while Captain Hughes lectures the men of their duty in England's war against France. Certain that Yellowbeard is aboard, Moon organizes a mutiny and elects Dan the new captain. Dan places the ship on a course to Madagascar, but during the night, Yellowbeard takes the helm and guides it toward the West Indies. Guided by Yellowbeard's wife, Betty, Commander Clement pursues the Lady Edith. He flies the French flag on his ship to avoid suspicion, and inadvertently attracts cannon fire from the battleship, forcing him to retreat. When the crew of the Lady Edith sights an island, Yellowbeard jumps overboard and swims ashore. Meanwhile, in El Nebuloso's hilltop fortress, an underling named Verdugo demonstrates his latest torture device, designed to break every bone in the human body. To further intimidate victims, it is suspended on a walkway over a pool of acid, to which nothing is impervious except gold and jewels. As the crew arrive on shore, Dr. Gilpin consults the map on Dan's scalp and leads a small party to the other side of the island. El Segundo assumes the landing party is searching for Yellowbeard's treasure and rallies his troops against the invaders, taking Dan prisoner. The boy is placed in the torture device, but refuses to talk. El Nebuloso's daughter, Triola (Stacey Nelkin), begs Dan to lead her father to the treasure, "for the grace and glory of God." When Dan suggests that torture is inconsistent with Christian ideals, Triola explains her father's desire to expedite his victims' entry into heaven. After Dan and Triola declare their love for each other, he promises to find the treasure and return for her, although El Nebuloso may be killed in the process. The avaricious Triola voices her approval. Elsewhere in the castle, El Nebuloso instructs El Segundo to feign resistance as the invaders approach the castle, enabling him to trap their leaders in the torture chamber. Yellowbeard joins Dr. Gilpin and Lord Lambourn as they lead their men into the fortress. Although guards pretend to fall dead at their feet, Yellowbeard proceeds to dispatch all in his path, including El Segundo, who dies a highly dramatic death, and receives a round of applause from his men. Upon entering the torture chamber, Dan's comrades find El Nebuloso threatening the boy with a sword. Yellowbeard swings from a rope and pushes the despot into the acid. Triola enters as Dan is set free, and she is happy to learn that her father is in heaven with all of the people he sent there. Moon leads his band of mutineers into the chamber and a sword fight ensues where Gilbert also falls into the pit of acid. Yellowbeard offers Dan the opportunity to fight Moon, but Triola intervenes and pushes the boatswain into the acid. Returning to the beach, Yellowbeard uses his sword to shave the top of Dan's head, revealing the map. When they unearth the treasure, Dan embraces his father, accidentally stabbing him with a dagger. Yellowbeard is proud of his son for adhering to the family tradition of patricide. Clement confiscates the treasure in the name of Queen Anne, prompting Triola to reject Dan and declare her love for the commander. Later, while Commander Clement considers keeping the treasure for himself, Dan and Yellowbeard burst into his cabin and take control of the ship. Triola has renewed affection for Dan, and Yellowbeard declares, "There's pirating to be done."

Cheech and Chong are hired to drive a limo from Chicago to Las Vegas by two shady Arabs--Mr. Slyman (Cheech) and Prince Habib (Chong). Unbeknownst to them, five million dollars of dirty money has been stuffed throughout the car. Cheech and Chong work briefly as car-wash attendants and musicians before being hired to drive a car from Chicago to Las Vegas. Unbeknownst to them, their employers (themselves in double roles) have concealed $5 million of dirty money in the upholstery. A series of adventures ensues, including the making of a porn film featuring 'The Guys' and their real-life squeezes. —<rth@ece.arizona.edu>

Cheech and Chong have set up a new business- selling ice cream from a large, odd-looking ice cream truck! However, this isn't regular ice cream- it's actually scientifically-experimented marijuana, sold in the form of ice cream. They've dubbed their business "Happy Herb's Nice Dreams Ice Cream". Day by day, the 2 drive their ice cream truck around to the beach, to the gym, to other places, selling the marijuana ice cream. Soon, all their business starts paying off as the 2 make millions of dollars. However, they've unwittingly sold some marijuana ice cream to undercover cops, planning to bust them from the start. The cops, led by Sgt. Stadenko (Stacy Keach reprising his role from "Up in Smoke"), who has become a stoner and alcoholic, have the marijuana tested in their labs, and it turns out that the marijuana has some odd side-effect, those who smoke it turn into a lizard! Sgt. Stadenko sends 2 incompetent cops out to catch Cheech and Chong, while he in turn smokes some of the marijuana himself- and slowly turns into a lizard himself. After visiting a gym and selling marijuana ice cream to guys working out, Cheech and Chong drive their truck back to their home on a California cliff overlooking a beach. Cheech totals up the money, to discover they've made up to $20 million! The stoners dream of all they can buy with the money- their own private island, guitars, cars, their own resort, and of course, get a lot of women! The 2 head to their house and meet up with their roommate. Cheech and Chong go to the lab where their friend makes and experiments on the marijuana. His lab, under a fake pool, is full of marijuana and dope. As Cheech bargains with the experimenter to get more marijuana to sell, Chong uses a trash can to steal a whole load of the stuff. Meanwhile, cops have tracked Cheech and Chong to the house and begun circling it overhead from helecopters. The cops, however, become side-tracked by naked girls on the beach. Discovering they're being busted, Cheech and Chong load all the marijuana they can into their ice cream truck (while stopping to smoke a bit) and escape, leaving for the cops to bust their roommate and the guy experimenting on the marijuana. The marijuana factory is then taken apart and destroyed. They're taken to the police office and meet Stadenko, who's slowly turning into a lizard. The 2 incompetent cops ask the Sgt. what to do now; the stoner chief now mumbles different words, leading the cops to think they're looking for "Mr. Big." The cops then set off to find Cheech and Chong and finally bust them. It's nightfall and Cheech and Chong have parked outside a Chinese food restaurant and begun to dine inside. While inside, a crazy lady who thinks she knows Chong comes over to him and tells him about making a record, while actually stealing his plate and food. At that point, Cheech's old high school girlfriend Donna shows up with a friend, Howie Hamburger Dude (played by Pee-wee Herman), who is a mental patient. The 4 sit down together and Howie takes out some cocaine, and the 4 go under the table and snort it. Coming out from unde the table, Cheech and Donna go to Donna's car to have sex, leaving Chong to talk to Howie Hamburger Dude. Cheech and Donna begin to have sex in the car when Donna faints, leaving Cheech stuck. Cheech realizes he can't do it with her sleeping (and even asks the audience what they would do), when a cop car pulls up. Cheech fears he'll be in trouble, when suddenly, a coked-up Chong drives up in the ice cream truck- stocked up with marijuana! The cops, not wanting to arrest Cheech and Chong and have to fill out the paperwork and reports, let them go, despite Chong telling them that they're wrong. Having to leave their truck behind, Cheech and Chong have neither the marijuana plant, nor their truck with marijuana to sell, leaving them out of a job. At least they have their money, right? Cheech, Chong, and Donna go to Donna's apartment to have a threesome. In her room the stoners try to nail her all at once, when Chong goes to get some ice. Cheech begins to make out with her when Donna gets a call- her ex-con biker boyfriend, Animal, known to hate Mexicans, has just broke out of prison and is in the lobby of the apartment, coming up. Cheech worries, and when a loud knock is heard on the door, he hides on the balcony and gets locked out. When Cheech sees it's just Chong coming back, he tries to get back in, when he discovers the door is locked, and he's outside on top of a hotel, naked. Cheech tries to scale off the hotel by walking on the balconies, then getting stuck on top of the elevator, going up and down. Meanwhile, Animal has broken the door down into the apartment, and Chong is hiding around the apartment. Animal grabs Donna and has sex with her on top of the bed, where Chong is hiding underneath. Animal and Donna pass out on the bed, and Chong dresses back up. Cheech, meanwhile, has jumped off the elevator into the pool, got a towel, and returned to the room. Chong tells Cheech of Animal in the room, and the 2 get dressed back up and leave. As they go down in the elevator, Cheech asks Chong where the money is- Chong tells Cheech that he cashed in the money with Howie Hamburger Dude for a check! Unfortunately, Chong is illiterate and has no drivers liscence or ID- now he can't cash the check, and the stoners are broke again! $20 million, gone! Cheech, however, is not letting Howie Hamburger Dude walk away with all their money, so he looks up the address on the check, and he and Chong get a ride. However, they're actually getting a ride from the 2 incompetent cops that are looking for them in the first place. Knowing who they are, and waiting for the perfect busting moment, the cops wait outside the address waiting for Cheech and Chong. The 2 stoners climb the gates of the residence- Casa Del Whacko, which is a mental asylum. Sleeping in one of the rooms overnight, the 2 are awoken by multiple mental patients and crazy people. Cheech and Chong try to escape the mental people and find Howie Hamburger Dude, who is running around. Cheech corners Howie, telling him to give back the money. Cheech doesnt understand what Howie says and starts fighting with him, pushing him, when doctors show up, and grab Cheech. Believed to be mentally unstable and dangerous, Cheech is chained in a straight-jacket and locked up in a soft-padded room. Cheech screams and yells to be let free, but is ignored. Meanwhile, Chong is believed to be a doctor and finds Cheech in the soft-padded room. Cheech tells Chong to go find the key, and Chong goes off. Later, Chong returns to the room with a real doctor (played by Timothy Leary), and Cheech begs him to be set free. The doctor tells Cheech he'll give him "the key", and gives both Cheech and Chong "the key to the universe", actually medicated pills. Cheech and Chong swallow the pills and fantasize and get high off the pills. As they fantasize and have weird hallucinations about being hung and killed, the 2 stoners are awoken by the manager, Mrs. Del Whacko. She's realized the mistake and unlocks Cheech and gives them back their bag full of money, apologizing for the incident. She makes Howie apologize and takes him away to get a lobotomy. The 2 stoners rejoice in the room that they've gotten their money back, when a siren sounds- the cops are outside, waiting for Cheech and Chong to bust them. The 2 escape out through a tunnel in the asylum, and the cops arrest Howie and Mrs. Del Whacko by mistake, thinking Howie to be "Mr. Big." A while later, the stoner buddies have managed to lose their money yet again in an unknown way, and now have no job, no marijuana to sell, and they're broke. Cheech and Chong are now forced "to go to work" to make some money, being that Chong has lost all their money. The 2 take off their shirts and strip their pants to their underwear, and go on to a strip club stage, dancing as the male strippers in an all-male strip-club, which is their only way to get money. With the stoners now living a poor job and having an unfortunate job, the movie ends.

As the movie opens, Cheech & Chong are siphoning gas from a tow truck to fill the tank of their "borrowed" car. As they drive away, Chong rolls and lights up a joint, igniting the gas fumes and causing an explosion in the car. Cheech is dropped off at a movie studio to ask a girlfriend for clean clothes, claiming his state was caused by rescuing a baby from a fire. Meanwhile, Chong returns the car to their prudish neighbor, resulting in a confrontation as the neighbor rants. Chong returns his sentiments by shooting exhaust fumes out of the house window, killing the neighbor's rose bushes. After smoking up, Chong plugs in his guitar and starts wailing away loudly, annoying the entire neighborhood. Cheech arrives, barely managing to pull the power on the amplifier. Cheech drives Chong to pick up a urine sample for his probation officer (last time, he used an unwashed mayonnaise jar; this time, his sister's urine, and she's pregnant!). While driving down the street, Cheech swerves the van causing the urine to splash all over Chong. Chong pulls out a large bag of what appears to be cocaine, refusing to share until Cheech asks to just "smell" it. Chong shoves the bag in Cheech's face, revealing it to be a bag of his laundry soap. Cheech grabs and drinks from the urine sample, spits it out, and Chong hands the urine to him again! The next morning, Cheech awakens to find the van has been stolen. The phone rings, Chong answers and hands it to Cheech, only to find that Cheech has been fired and that his employer has retrieved the van. The day continues as the guys go to the welfare office causing a ruckus as Cheech attempts to fornicate with one of the office workers on her office floor. Later, Cheech invites the worker over the house, practically pushing Chong out the front door. Upon finding that Cheech's cousin (Red) is in town, Cheech sends Chong to meet with Red. Chong finds Red arguing in a hotel lobby with Pee Wee Herman over an unpaid bill only to discover that Red is trying to get back his large duffel bag, stuffed full with marijuana buds. The two break into another room through a window, make their way to Red's room, and successfully grab Red's luggage. Meanwhile, Pee Wee has called the police and while leaving, Red records the police sirens and bullhorn comments on his boombox. The two end up at a brothel and, as they're leaving, Red plays the police sounds on his boombox, emptying the brothel completely, including a tied-up girl. She takes them to the home of her "trick" and before long, all of them, save Cheech, end up in a comedy club. Meanwhile, Cheech has fallen asleep waiting for Donna, the office worker, dreaming vividly of her. Back at the comedy club, Pee Wee Herman shows up and a riot ensues. As Red & Chong leave, Chong complains that they left the herb behind. Red takes Chong to one of his marijuana fields to get more with the police in hot pursuit. The police set off the booby-traps as Red and Chong are abducted by aliens. Back at the house, Donna shows up while Cheech is dreaming that the neighbor has interrupted his fun. He shouts out in his sleep "Get out! Get the f*** out, you f*** a**hole!" Donna, thinking he's yelling through the door at her, leaves angrily. Cheech falls back asleep, continuing to dream. Chong appears in the dream as a warlord and, upon awakening, realizes that Chong is now home, wearing a horned helmet, and holding a vial of "space coke." Cheech samples the coke and goes into a rage, tearing a hole in the side of the house and doing the same to the neighbor's house. The movie ends with Cheech & Chong flying high into the air to the great doobie in the sky.

In California, jobless hippie and stoner Anthony "Man" Stoner (Chong) is kicked out of his house by his rich and classy father. He drives off in his father's car, which breaks down, and Anthony is left stranded near a beach, left to sleep in a ditch over night with his belongings. The next morning, Chicano stoner Pedo De Pacas (Cheech) sets off from his Mexican-family-house in his low-rider car looking for love with errands to run. Pedro drives along the beach where he tries to pick up ladies and sees Anthony with melons stuffed under his shirt. Assuming that Anthony is a large-breasted woman, Pedro drives his car around and tries to pick "her" up, only to be horrified when he discovers Anthony is just a guy looking for a ride. Feeling bad (and liking that Anthony likes his car), Pedro gives Anthony a ride, just missing being caught by the police. While driving, the 2 take a liking to each other being that they both like smoking marijuana. Pedro offers Anthony a small joint, while Anthony shows Pedro a huge joint, made out of dog feces (being that the dog ate Anthony's stash). The 2 smoke the joint and get incredibly high, followed by Pedro accidentally swallowing a lot of acid. The car crashes into a light pole, and the 2 are arrested and the car towed away. In a small courtroom trial, the 2 are being prosecuted when Anthony, still high, begs for water. Pedro grabs some of the judge's "water" for Anthony, only to have Anthony spit it out, revealing it to actually be vodka. With the judge taken away, Pedro and Anthony are let off free. The next morning, after Anthony meets (and argues) with Pedro's band (being that Pedro is a guitarist/singer and Anthony is a drummer), the 2 set off to score some weed. However, the town is dry being that many people are smoking pot these days. The 2 visit Pedro's cousin Strawberry, who is a retired war veteran who is a little messed up in the head and has a large "birth mark" on his face. Anthony stays in Strawberry's messy apartment while Pedro and Strawberry go off on a motorcycle to get weed. While in the apartment, Anthony meets Strawberry's roommate, a coke-head who throws a large drug party in the apartment. Meanwhile, Strawberry has a war flash and loses his mind and jumps off the motorcycle, sending Pedro crashing. When he crashes, he sees cops hiding outside the apartment, ready to bust in and arrest the druggies at the party. Pedro tries to warn Anthony via phone, which is bugged, and the party is busted. Pedro infiltrates the bust dressed like a repossession man, claiming he's there to repossess the stuff. The cops buy the story, and Pedro rescues Anthony. After that, the 2 visit Pedro's friends' place where the 2 get stoned, but not so much being that the weed is bad. At that point, immigration busts in, being that Pedro's friends calling immigration on themselves to get a free ride to a wedding in Mexico. Of course, Pedro and Anthony, despite their efforts to hide, get caught and deported to Tijuana as well. While in Tijuana, Pedro calls his uncle and gets the address of a upholstery shop and arranges to pick up a van to drive back to America. But after getting fast food over the address, the 2 arrive at the wrong place- an upholstery shop which is actually a marijuana plant in disguise. The factory actually makes materials out of solid and liquid marijuana, which is then smuggled across the border. The marijuana-made things made there are worth up to $9 million, and is heavily watched by police, led by Sargeant Stedanko. Pedro and Anthony show up to the factory, unaware of what it really is, and say they're there to pick up "the van". Rather than getting an actual van, the stoners get a huge green van, made from marijuana, top to bottom. From the steering wheel, the tires, the doors, the gas tank, to the very structure of the van itself, its all made of pure solid and liquid marijuana- and the guys have no idea they're smuggling it into America. The stoners drive their marijuana van to the border where they're stopped by police. Anthony is smoking a joint, which he throws out the window into the window of a car full of nuns. Pedro and Anthony are almost caught, when the police discover the joint in the nuns' car. The car is taken away and the nuns searched and arrested by Sgt. Stadenko and his police officers. Unaware of what they did, the hippies drive through the border back into America in their van, stopping at the border patrol station so Anthony can use the restroom. In the restroom, Anthony pees next to Stadenko and accidentally "shakes himself dry" on the sergeant's leg before leaving. An angry chief leaves the bathroom to have the officers tell him that they were wrong about the nuns, its actually 2 hippies in a big green van. Realizing who Anthony must have been and the green van was completely ignored, Sgt. Stadenko and 3 officers get in the police car and set off on the roads after Pedro and Anthony. It isn't long before the cops get sight of the marijuana van being driven by a Chicano and a hippie. They speed up, only for Pedro to get view of 2 hitch-hiking young ladies. He swerves the van across the highway, causing for the police to accidentally shoot the tires off their own police car. Pedro and Anthony (who have no idea cops are pursuing them), pick up the hitchhikers and drive off. Pedro and one of the hitchhikers make out in the back while Anthony drives with the other hitchhiker. Meanwhile, Stadenko has fixed the tires and has continued the search, having no idea where the stoners could've gone. Pedro and Anthony learn from the hitchhikers that they are actually heading for a battle of the bands concert in Los Angeles, with the winners getting a record contract. Excited, Pedro and Anthony decide to go to the battle of the bands with the ladies and compete. But first, they need to stock up on some weed. The 4 stop the green van at a police station, where a stoner female cop goes to get the 2 ladies' illegal marijuana. Pedro and Anthony use this time to play with the intercom and police transmitter, taunting Sgt. Stadenko over the radio. At this point, Stadenko is really upset, and he and his cops show up at the station. Stadenko goes to use the bathroom, where Pedro is. Pedro too "shakes himself dry" upon Stadenko's leg as Anthony did earlier and leaves, making Stadenko angrier. Pedro and Anthony and the girls, acquired with weed, return to the marijuana-made van and head on to the road again to Los Angeles. However, unknown to the 4, the gas coming out of the van is pure marijuana smoke, getting anyone who inhales really high. This occurs at the police station where someone near the van gets high and a case of the munchies, ordering multiple hamburgers from a nearby fast-food stand. While they drive along the highway, the smoke from the van spreads out the exhaust pipe, getting all driving by with their windows down really high. At one point, a police officer on a motorcycle speed after them, but inhales the smoke and gets high, and forgets what he's doing. Pedro, Anthony, and the women get away, but the high cop is found by Stadenko, and, while high, reveals where the marijuana van headed off to, and Stadenko follows after the van. The van soon arrives in Los Angeles to the Roxy Theater where the battle of the bands takes place. Pedro and Anthony head into the theater and enter the competition, leaving the ladies behind. While inside getting ready, Anthony isn't feeling good so he takes some pills given to him by the hitchhikers- which turns out to be acid. Anthony slowly gets high, and the smoke from the van enters the vents backstage and gets both Pedro and Anthony very high as they prepare to go on. As a result, Pedro dresses in a pink tutu and a Minnie Mouse bow, while Anthony dresses in a red Quaalude. Meanwhile, outside, Stadenko and crew have found the theater, and try to get inside, but are shooed off by real policemen, being that they've left their badges in the car and don't have tickets. The van is almost towed away and Stadenko tries to take the van but is denied the right to have it taken away. A billion-dollar bust, gone. Stadenko and the cops hang around the van waiting for Pedro and Anthony, but get high off the smoke, and Stadenko is soon turned into a huge stoner (as seen in the movie Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams) as the van burns down into nothing but marijuana smoke, getting everyone in Los Angeles really high. Back in the theater, it is Pedro and Anthony's turn to go on. The van has nearly burned down and all the smoke entering the vents has gotten everyone in the theater high. The 2 go on stage, really high from the van smoke, and almost knock over the band equipment. The 2 then play their rock song "Earache My Eye" (an actual song on a Cheech and Chong record), about a gay boy trying to live his life. The song is a big smash (even though Pedro had just written it and sang it as he went on), and Pedro and Anthony win the contest and the record deal, although still very high. Days later, Pedro and Anthony are back in California from their whole drugged-up adventure, driving in Pedro's low-rider on the street next to the beach where they first met. They're happy, talking about their new record deal and all the possibilities that can happen, when they decide to smoke some hash. Anthony smokes some and hands it to Pedro, who accidentally drops it in his crotch. Pedro's crotch starts burning up and he freaks out as he and Anthony try to put it out. The car crashes as the hash starts burning up, and Pedro and Anthony (Cheech and Chong), their car, and the record contract are all left, well, up in smoke.