Danny Kaye

An employee at Diner's Club issues a credit card to a well-known mobster and has to retrieve it in order to keep his job. Mobster Foots Pulardos, who operates a health gym as a front, plans to flee to Mexico to evade government tax officials. His girlfriend Sugar Pye suggests that he first arrange for the cremation of a man having his own peculiar identifying characteristic--feet of different sizes--then apply for a Diners' Club card to use to pay his fare. The credit-card request comes to the desk of timid clerk Ernie Klenk. Nervous about his forthcoming marriage to the boss' secretary Lucy, Ernie inadvertently OKs the application; when he discovers his mistake, he rushes to the health gym to recover the club card he had issued. —Canon y mus

At the time of the invasion of Normandy, an American soldier is asked to impersonate a British general in order to confuse German spies and assassins in London. American GI Ernie Williams (Danny Kaye), admittedly weak-kneed, has an uncanny resemblance to British Colonel MacKenzie (Danny Kaye). Williams, also a master of imitation and disguise, is asked to impersonate the colonel, ostensibly to allow the colonel to make a secret trip east. What Williams is not told is that the colonel has recently been the target of assassins. After the colonel's plane goes down, the plan changes and Williams maintains the disguise to confuse the Germans about D-Day. —Jerry Milani <jmilani@ix.netcom.com>

Danny Kaye cuts loose with his trademark musical clowning. Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong plays his horn and croons in that famed gargling-granite voice. Big Band icons Bob Crosby, Ray Anthony and Shelly Manne join the fun. Loring "Red" Nichols is a cornet-playing country boy who goes to New York in the 1920s full of musical ambition and principles. He gets a job playing in Wil Paradise's band, but quits to pursue his dream of playing Dixieland jazz. He forms the "Five Pennies" which features his wife, Bobbie, as vocalist. At the peak of his fame, Red and Bobbie's daughter, Dorothy, develops polio. Red quits the music business to move to Los Angeles where the climate is better for Dorothy. As Dorothy becomes a young teen, she learns of her father's musical past, and he is persuaded to open a small nightclub which is failing until some noted names from his past come to help out. —Ray Hamel <hamel@primate.wisc.edu>

During the main titles, Danny Kaye, dressed as a jester, sings the clever song, Life Could Not Better Be, with lyrics that are apropos to the actors or technicians who are being introduced. A narrator introduces the film while the audience sees a cadre of horsemen riding along the English coastline: "This is the story of how the destiny of a nation was changed by a birthmark, a royal birthmark, on the royal posterior of a royal infant child." Roderick the Tyrant had killed all of the royal family except for a baby boy who survived and has been cared for by a group in the forest. This band of loyalists to the throne is lead by a Robin Hood-type outlaw, the Black Fox (Edward Ashley). The scene changes to the castle where King Roderick (Cecil Parker) is considering an alliance with Griswold of McElwaine in which the King would offer his daughter, Gwendolyn (Angela Lansbury), as Griswold's bride. Gwendolyn is completely opposed to this arrangement. Back in the forest, the audience is led to believe the Black Fox is singing "(You'll Never) Outfox the Fox." He is assisted by a band of midgets, all in Black Fox outfits. However, soon the real Black Fox arrives and we learn that the person who was impersonating the Black Fox is Hubert Hawkins (Danny Kaye), a former carnival entertainer, and the midgets are his pals from the carnival. When the Black Fox reprimands Hawkins for wearing his clothes, he responds that he is only trying to improve the morale of the troops. Maid Jean (Glynis Johns), who is a Captain in the Black Fox's band of outlaws, enters to announce that a group of recruits is arriving. The Black Fox orders Hawkins to get the child - the royal child. Hawkins retrieves the infant and holds the baby on his shoulder to reveal the royal birthmark - the purple pimpernel - for the recruits to see so they will know the Black Fox and his gang are fighting to restore the rightful heir to the throne. The Black Fox orders Hawkins and the Captain to transport the baby to the Abbey in Dover for safekeeping. Hawkins disguises himself as an old man, while Jean transforms from the Captain into a lovely young maiden. They conceal the baby in a fake wine cask. When the King's men stop them on the road, Hawkins claims he is Foutzingdale, the wine merchant, and Jean is his granddaughter. After safely eluding the King's forces, a thunderstorm forces Hawkins and Jean to spend the night in a woodman's hut. Hawkins sings "Baby, Let Me Take You Dreaming," as a lullaby for the baby. Since there is only one straw bed, Hawkins and Captain Jean share it. Hawkins has always been attracted to Jean and she now warms to him. They kiss, but Jean resists. She says, "We daren't think of ourselves until our fight is won." Jean reveals to Hawkins the existence of a secret tunnel leading from the forest to the castle. The problem is it is locked at both ends and the key is in the King's possession. However, if they could get someone inside the castle that could access the King's chambers and retrieve the key, it could be opened so the Black Fox's forces could launch a surprise attack against King Roderick. Suddenly, their planning is interrupted by a stranger entering the hut seeking shelter. He introduces himself as Giacomo (David Carradine; Giacomo is pronounced "Jockamo"), "King of Jesters and Jester of Kings." He is headed for King Roderick's court to become his jester. Jean knocks out Giacomo so Hawkins can become the jester. The wicked Sir Ravenhurst (Basil Rathbone) has hired Giacomo as jester because he is also an assassin. So Hawkins assumes the identity of Giacomo and heads for the castle, while Jean and the infant king continue their journey to the Abbey. However, Giacomo's wagon loses a wheel, so he is delayed on the road and Jean runs afoul of the King's men who are scouring the countryside for the fairest wenches in the land. Therefore, Jean and the wine cart with the precious baby hidden inside arrive at the castle before the new Giacomo has finished repairing his cart. Once at the castle, Jean whistles a secret signal. A blacksmith responds to the signal and takes the child to safety. When Giacomo finally arrives, he sings "My Heart Knows a Lovely Song," which includes the whistle signal. When Giacomo hears the signal returned, he thinks it came from Lord Ravenhurst. Meanwhile, Princess Gwendolyn is fretting to the witch, Griselda (Mildred Natwick), about being forced to marry Griswold. Griselda reassures her that she is destined to wed someone else. When Griselda witnesses the arrival of Giacomo, she tells Gwendolyn he is her intended. Ravenhurst introduces Giacomo to the King. Their conversation about the Italian court is a classic Danny Kaye tongue-twister that ends with, "Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Doge. Now the Duke ducked, the Doge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Doge, and the Doge got the Duke!" The King is on his way to select a wench from those who have been recently rounded up by his men. Ravenhurst convinces the King to allow Giacomo to make the appropriate selection. During all of this, the blacksmith is desperately trying to identify himself to Hawkins as his contact. Shortly after Giacomo is shown to his room, the blacksmith comes there, but is interrupted by the arrival of Griselda. Using her evil eye, she hypnotizes Giacomo. He can be brought in and out of this trance by the snap of a finger. She sends him to make love to the Princess. The blacksmith, who has been hiding behind a curtain, has overheard everything. Meanwhile, Jean has made her way to the King's chamber and has found the key to the secret tunnel. As she is leaving, she runs into Giacomo, who is under Griselda's spell. Jean, unaware of the trance, gives the key to Giacomo. When the King arrives, he thinks Jean is Giacomo's choice from the wenches and immediately takes a fancy to her. Giacomo continues to the Princess' chamber. Gwendolyn discovers the key and assumes he has secured it for their escape from the castle. She keeps the key and gives him her silk handkerchief. In several instances, finger snaps bring Giacomo in and out of the trance with comic results. When he leaves Gwendolyn, Giacomo goes to Ravenhurst's chamber, where again finger snaps cause hilarious results. At one instant he is Ravenhurst's assassin-for-hire, at another he is in Griselda's trance as the super confident romancer, and at another he is Hawkins, the scared former carnival performer. When he leaves Ravenhurst, he returns to his room where Griselda puts him to sleep. Meanwhile, Jean is being dressed by ladies-in-waiting for her presentation to the King. She sends the attendants away when she hears the whistle signal from the blacksmith. She tells him to take the baby to the jester. Once Giacomo awakens, he is the jester again. When he arrives at the King's banquet room, he sees Jean seated next to the King. During this sequence, there is great deal of confusion: the blacksmith delivers the baby to Giacomo in a basket, Ravenhurst confuses Giacomo by talking about Plan 1 and Plan 2 in the assassination attempt, and Gwendolyn tells him to meet her at midnight at the north gate. When he finally realizes that the infant king is in the basket, he diverts everyone's attention away from the basket by singing "The Maladjusted Jester." During his performance, Griselda puts poison pellets in three flagons. Just as Jean retrieves the basket and is stopped by some guards, Giacomo proposes a toast to the King. As the guards turn to participate in the toast, Jean gets away. Sirs Brockhurst, Finsdale and Pertwee fall over dead when they drink from the poisoned flagons. Ravenhurst is very impressed by Giacomo's tactics. A page announces the arrival of Sir Griswold (Robert Middleton) at the castle. Jean hands the baby off to the blacksmith again. Griswold enters and accepts the terms of the alliance, but Gwendolyn tells her father she loves someone else and refuses to marry Griswold. She has presented her loved one with her silk handkerchief. Giacomo is arrested and they find Gwendolyn's silk handkerchief stuffed in his blouse. The King throws Giacomo, or whoever he is, in jail. When Ravenhurst learns that Giacomo is an impostor, he suspects he is the Black Fox. He recommends the King knight the jester so he can legitimately joust Sir Griswold. The winner, which should be Griswold, would marry Gwendolyn. The King quickly agrees. It usually takes years to attain knighthood, but Giacomo is rushed through the tests with comic ease. Jean approaches the King in his chamber while his dressers are grooming him. She gets him to dismiss his attendants and while she combs his hair, she retreives the key to the secret tunnel. The King also reveals to her the plans to knight the jester so he can be killed in the fight with Griswold. As soon as she gets away from the King, Jean gives the key to the blacksmith to get it to the Black Fox so he can attack. Just before the knighting ceremony, Jean warns Giacomo/Hawkins about the plot and urges him to run. He doesn't get away, however, and the ceremony begins. It is speeded up with hilarious results to allow the tournament to commence before it can be delayed by a storm that is brewing. Immediately upon being knighted, Hawkins is challenged to a duel to the death by Griswold. Gwendolyn expects Giacomo to be killed, so she warns the witch that if he dies, she dies. Therefore, Griselda puts poisonous pellets in the vessel with the pestle. One of Griswold's men overhears the plot and informs his master. In a scene full of tongue-twisting confusion, the "Vessel with the Pestle (or The Pellet with the Poison)" routine begins. Lightning hits Giacomo's suit of armor making it magnetic. During the hilarious joust, Griswold's weapon sticks to Hawkins' shield, so Hawkins pulls him off his horse and wins the joust. When he is proclaimed the winner, Ravenhurst accuses him of being the Black Fox and Jean as being his accomplice. They are arrested and taken to the castle for judgement. In the forest, the Black Fox and his men prepare to sneak inside the castle, but the secret passage collapses. The Black Fox immediately summons Hawkins' midget friends to infiltrate the castle first. As Hawkins and Jean stand trial, the midgets attack. Jean runs to raise the drawbridge so the Black Fox and his men can attack. Hawkins engages Ravenhurst in a sword fight. Griselda hypnotizes him again into believing he is a great swordsman. In the hilarious scene that follows, finger snaps cause him to alternate between a cowardly carnival performer and a master swordsman. Eventually, with the help of Jean, Hawkins bests Ravenhurst. Once the usurpers of the throne are defeated by the Black Fox and the army of midgets, the rightful King is revealed by the distinctive birthmark - the purple pimpernel. Hawkins embraces Jean and sings a reprise of "Life Could Not Better Be." As the film ends, Gwendolyn and Griswold can be seen in the crowd holding hands.

Discovering that a ventriloquist is travelling to Zurich, a spy ring hides secret plans in his dummies' heads. When a second spy ring learns of the plans, they descend upon the ventriloquist, causing city-wide pandemonium. Ventriloquist Jerry Morgan has to see another love affair fail. The reason: when the relationship reaches the point when it is time to discuss marriage, his doll Clarence becomes mean and jealous. His fiancée Audrey leaves him and Jerry smashes his two dolls, Clarence and Terrence. Morgan's doll maker Papinek is a member of a spy ring who has stolen secret plans to the top secret Lafayette airplane. Since Morgan is leaving for Zurich the same night, Papinek decides to use Morgan's dolls as a mailbox and hides the secret plans in the heads of the dolls. Another secret spy ring also wants to get their hands on Jerry's luggage and they *also* follow him. Eventually, Jerry is chased by both these organizations as well as the police, who suspects him of murder. —Mattias Thuresson

On Christmas Eve, 1944, somewhere in Europe two World War II, two U.S. Army soldiers, one a Broadway entertainer, Captain Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby), the other a would-be entertainer, Private Phil Davis (Danny Kaye), give a show to the troops of the 151st Division in a forward area with Bob singing "White Christmas". But the mood is sombre: word has come down that their beloved commanding officer, Major General Thomas F. Waverly (Dean Jagger), is being relieved of command. He arrives for the end of the show and delivers an emotional farewell. The men give him a rousing send-off ("The Old Man"). After the war, over the next 10 years, the pair make it big as performers in nightclubs, radio, and then on Broadway, doing many different songs, and finally becoming successful producers living in Florida. They eventually mount their newest hit musical entitled 'Playing Around'. The same day they receive a letter from "Freckle-Faced Haynes, the dog-faced boy," their mess sergeant from the war, asking them to look at an act which his two sisters are doing. When they go to the club to audition the act ("Sisters"), Phil notices that Bob is slowly smitten with Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney), while Phil has eyes for her sister, Judy (Vera-Ellen). Following their number, Betty and Judy join Bob and Phil at their table, and believing he may have found the right woman for Bob, Phil brings Judy on to the dance floor so that Bob and Betty can get to know each other better. Phil and Judy hit it off ("The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing"). Judy tells Phil that she and her sister are headed for the Columbia Inn in Pine Tree, Vermont, where they are booked to perform over the holidays. Phil gives the sisters his and Bob's sleeping-room accommodations aboard the train to Vermont. When the train arrives in Pine Tree, there's not a flake in sight, and the weather is so unseasonably warm, chances of it falling appear dim. Bob and Phil discover that the inn is run by their former commanding officer, General Waverly. Waverly has invested all of his savings and pension into the lodge, which is in danger of failing because of the lack of snow and consequent lack of guests. Deciding to help out and bring business up to the inn, Bob and Phil bring up the entire cast and crew of their new musical 'Playing Around', and add in Betty and Judy where they can. At the same time, Bob and Betty's relationship starts to bloom ("Count Your Blessings") and they begin to spend a good deal of time together. Meanwhile, Bob discovers the General's rejected attempt at rejoining the army, and decides to prove to the General that he isn't forgotten. Bob calls Ed Harrison (Johnny Grant), an old army buddy, now the host of a successful TV variety show. Bob tells Ed that he wants to make a televised pitch to all the men formerly under the command of the General, asking them to come to the inn on Christmas Eve as a surprise. In response, Harrison suggests they go all out and put the show on national television, playing up the whole "schmaltz" angle of the situation and generating lots of free advertising for Wallace and Davis in the process. What Bob doesn't know is that nosy housekeeper Emma Allen (Mary Wickes) has been listening in to the phone conversation on the extension but has only heard about the whole schmaltz suggestion, hanging up before Bob rejects the idea. Mistakenly believing that her beloved boss will be presented as a pitiable figure on a prime-time coast to coast broadcast, Emma reveals what she heard to a shocked Betty who is originally loath to believe Bob would pull such a stunt for his own gain, but mistakenly comes to believe he would indeed stoop to such depths when Phil asks her if he made the call to Ed. The misunderstanding causes a now-disillusioned Betty to grow suddenly cold toward a baffled Bob. Unaware of the real reason for her sudden change of behavior, Judy becomes convinced that Betty, ever-protective of her little sister, will never take on a serious relationship until Judy is engaged or married. She pressures an extremely reluctant Phil to announce a phony engagement, but the plan backfires when Betty abruptly departs for New York City, having received a job offer. Distraught, Phil and Judy reveal to Bob that the engagement announcement was phony, and Bob, still unaware of the real reason behind Betty's annoyance, heads to New York to explain. Bob goes to see Betty's new act ("Love, You Didn't Do Right by Me") and reveals the truth about the engagement, but is called away by Ed Harrison before he can find out what is really bothering her. The sight of Ed pushes Betty who was nearly forgiving Bob, back down. Meanwhile, back at the Inn, Phil fakes an injury to distract Waverly so he won't see the broadcast or Bob's announcement. On the broadcast, Bob proceeds to ask the veterans of the 151st Division to come to Pine Tree, Vermont to surprise General Waverly ("What Can You Do with a General"). When Betty is backstage between performances, she catches Bob's pitch on a television set. She, then, realizes she was mistaken and behaved foolishly that ignited a chain of events such as Phil and Judy's false engagement. She returns to Pine Tree just in time to be in the show and to make amends. Emma convinces Gen. Waverly that all his suits were sent to the cleaners and suggests he wear his old uniform to the opening of the show. Initially reluctant, he agrees. When the General enters the lodge where the show is to take place, he is greeted by his former division, who sing a rousing chorus of "The Old Man." Emotional and delighted, Waverly expresses his gratitude and admiration for his division. Just as the following number ("Gee, I Wish I Was Back in the Army") ends, he is notified that snow is finally falling. In the finale scene, Bob and Betty declare their love for one another, as do Phil and Judy. The background of the set is removed to show the snow falling, everyone raises a glass, and toasts, "May your days be merry and bright; and may all your Christmases be white." Bob then performs the last musical number before the final fade-out (a reprise of "White Christmas").