David Niven

Pink Panther features an inept French police detective, inspector Jacques Clouseau who is investigating the case of Pink Panther, a large pink diamond. He is clumsy and unhandy sometimes, but his arrows hit the target at the end.

(Note: this is a direct sequel to Trail of the Pink Panther with most of the cast from the previous film) In Lugash, the fabled Pink Panther diamond is stolen by a man named Gino Rossi (Christopher Reich) (a replay of the opening scene in 'Trail of the Pink Panther') from a museum in the Middle Eastern country of Lugash. Rossi then offers it to Countess Chandra (Joanna Lumley) at her private spa on the island of Majorca. However, the sale is interrupted by Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau of the Sûreté, France's national police force. When Rossi takes aim at the inspector, Chandra shoots the thief dead and points her gun at the Inspector. The French government is shaken by the disappearance of its greatest detective, and assigns Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom), aided by "Aldous," the Huxley 600 super computer, to find a suitable candidate to solve the mystery. However, Dreyfus is overjoyed to be free of the dimwitted Clouseau and sabotages the computer, programming it to determine the world's least capable detective. Aldous selects Officer Clifton Sleigh (Ted Wass), a well-meaning but inept New York City policeman. In New York City, Clifton Sleigh is shown to bungle a sting operation when he dresses up as a woman to nab a purse snatcher, only to get accosted by a leering dirty old man, a pimp and a couple of prostitutes whom think that he's intruding on their turf, and falsely arrested by a pair of beat cops who think he's a prostitute while the purse snatcher steals another woman's purse right under everyone's nose. At the precinct, Clifton's beleaguered commander, Lieutenant Palmyra, is incredulous when he informs Clifton about his assignment to France, but gladly consigns the city's worst detective to the Sûreté. Meanwhile, a group of Mafia bosses celebrate their improved fortunes since Clouseau's disappearance, and their leader, Bruno (Robert Loggia), assures the inspector's permanent absence by hiring an assassin to kill Clifton before he leaves the U.S. However, Clifton proves to be a difficult target, and the gunman falls to his death while taking aim. Another killer awaits Clifton at the airport in Paris, but he trips and falls on his own knife. When Clifton enters Dreyfus's office to meet with him for the first time, he bumps into the desk, which pushes the inspector through the open window and into the concrete fishpond below two stories below. While Dreyfus recovers from his injuries as a result of a broken leg, Clifton breaks into Clouseau's apartment, now a museum dedicated to the detective, and is attacked by Cato (Burt Kwouk), Clouseau's manservant. Clifton defeats Cato, who refers the detective to Professor Auguste Balls (Harvey Korman), the creator of Clouseau's disguises and the last known person to see him alive. Clifton goes to the professor's shop, and though Balls has no information on Clouseau, he does offer the detective his latest invention, the Instant Companion, an inflatable, lifelike female doll. Another attempt on Clifton's life only stiffens his resolve, and he notifies Dreyfus that he will begin his investigation at the theft scene in Lugash. The President of Lugash, who has already spent the insurance money from the stolen diamond, is forewarned of Clifton's arrival and instructs his Secret Police to send the detective back to France before he can collect any evidence. From her private spa on the island of Majorca, Chandra follows Clifton's progress with amusement, and shares the news with Clouseau, whose face is obscured by bandages following plastic surgery. Clifton's next destination is Nice on the French Riviera, where he meets Sir Charles Litton (David Niven), his wife, Lady Simone Litton (Capucine), and Litton's newer, George (Robert Wagoner). The detective's clumsiness prompts the Littons to ask if he is related to Clouseau. Clifton denies any relation, recalling that the President of Lugash posed the same question. Sir Charles admits to being interrogated by Clouseau shortly after the robbery, but denies any guilt, along with the rumor that he is the brilliant jewel thief known as "The Phantom," and that George is his successor. He then advises Clifton to continue his investigation in Valencia, Spain. In Spain, Clifton hires a taxicab to bring him to his hotel (driven by the same driver that reporter Marie Jouvet interacted with in the previous film), but soon discovers Bruno's henchmen in pursuit. After barely escaping with his life, Clifton evades the gangsters with the help of his Instant Companion, which creates the illusion of a young couple on vacation. However, a misplaced cigarette causes an air leak in the doll, and Clifton returns to his hotel to re-inflate his "companion" with a gas pipe, while he updates Dreyfus by telephone. Clifton survives the resulting explosion and travels to Valencia, where a fiesta is underway. Bruno's men continue their pursuit, but Clifton eludes them in the crowded streets and takes refuge in a nightclub, where he meets Juleta Shane (Leslie Ash), a young Englishwoman with an aptitude for martial arts. Together they subdue the gangsters and make their way back to the hotel, where Juleta tries to seduce Clifton. Meanwhile, Dreyfus observes the couple from a nearby window and telephones Valencia police chief Vichila, saying that Clifton is an impostor. When Juleta attempts to poison Clifton's drink, she is shot with a tranquilizer dart by an unseen assailant, and Vichila arrives moments later to arrest Clifton. The police chief informs Clifton that his companion is actually Julie Morgan, Countess Chandra's personal secretary. When a policeman unwittingly drinks the poisoned wine and falls dead in the streets, Clifton takes advantage of this to escape into a crowd of revelers. George drives past and offers the detective a ride to the Litton yacht. The next morning, Clifton joins the Littons as they sail to Majorca, while Chief Vichila advises Chandra to expect a visit from the detective. Unable to reach the spa from the coast, Clifton par-ascends over the structure, but is shot down by the wheelchair-bound Dreyfus, who is driven over a cliff by the gun's recoil. Unfazed by Clifton's crash-landing through her stained-glass ceiling, Chandra invites the detective to join her and her "lover" for a drink. Clifton is awe-struck by Clouseau's resemblance to actor Roger Moore (credited as Turk Thrust II), and overlooks the inspector's French accent and profound stupidity. Chandra convinces Clifton that Clouseau, under the alias of the late "Gino Rossi," visited the spa a year earlier before traveling to Madrid for plastic surgery. Clifton notifies the Sûreté of his findings and returns to Paris. Meanwhile, Chandra and Clouseau open their safe to gaze at the Pink Panther, but find only a white glove in its place. "Swine Phantom!" says Clouseau/Roger Moore. At Sûreté headquarters, Dreyfus declares the case closed after determining (incorrectly) that Clouseau, posing as Rossi, stole the diamond. Relieved to have Clouseau out of his life, Dreyfus sets fire to the inspector's dossier, but the flames quickly engulf his desk, and Clifton comes to the rescue with a fire hose. The force of the water blasts the inspector through the open window and into the concrete fishpond below... again. In the final scene, on the Litton yacht, George admires the stolen Pink Panther diamond, while Sir Charles comments on the disappearance of his one white glove. Simone hints that she is continuing the legacy of "The Phantom." The three criminals then toast to their success. In a post-credits scene, the animated Pink Panther is shown stealing the Pink Panther jewel. Realizing it's heavy, he slips out of the shot and drops the diamond off-screen, shattering it; the credits roll shortly afterwards.

When the famous Pink Panther diamond is stolen once again from Lugash, Chief Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) is called on the case by Deputy Commissioner Lasorde (Marne Maitland) despite protests by Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom). Lasorde has received a request for assistance by the President of Lugash (Harold Kasket) himself, who has asked for Clouseau personally. Dreyfus is under therapy with Dr Longet (Ronald Fraser), due to his obsession with Clouseau. Dreyfus derives pleasure from the through of Clouseau dying. While on the case, Clouseau is followed by the mob who are seeking to assassinate him. Clouseau gets himself a disguise designed by Prof. Auguste Balls (Harvey Korman) and his wife Martha (Liz Smith). The disguise consists of a wig, a false nose and teeth. Clouseau first goes to London to interrogate Sir Charles Litton (David Niven) (having forgotten that the Sir Charles Litton lives in the South of France) and that Prince Charles lives in London. Traveling to the airport driven by Sgt. Francois Chevalier (André Maranne), he accidentally blows up his car, but mistakenly believes it to be an assassination attempt. Clouseau disguises himself in a heavy cast while on the flight, which causes complications in the air (when he attempts to go to the toilet with his cast on) and on land and leads to an awkward introduction to the Scotland Yard detectives who meet him at Heathrow. The Yard is represented by Superintendent Quinlan (Leonard Rossiter), Alec Dummond (Colin Blakely) and Inspector McLaren (Dudley Sutton). Meanwhile, Dreyfus learns from Scotland Yard that Libyan terrorists may have marked Clouseau for assassination once he announces his intent to visit the scene of the crime in Lugash. Rather than order him back to Paris, Dreyfus orders him to continue on to Lugash as planned. Colonel Bufoni (Peter Arne) is the right hand man to the President of Lugash and advises him the Clouseau reaching Lugash is not good news as that would put Lugash in a negative light in the international community. The President asks Bufoni to take care of the situation, with a promise of a promotion to General. Clouseau's plane crashes on route to Lugash. All aboard are believed lost at sea. Marie Jouvet (Joanna Lumley), a television reporter covering the story, sets out to interview those who knew the detective best. All of these interview scenes provide flashbacks to scenes of earlier Pink Panther films (The Pink Panther, A Shot in the Dark, The Return of the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, and Revenge of the Pink Panther). Dreyfus is barely able to contain himself when Jouvet describes Clouseau as an athlete, an expert marksman, a born leader, a karate black belt, and so on. To prepare for unforeseen attacks, Clouseau would assign his manservant Cato (Burt Kwouk) to attack him at any time of day or night. Jouvet interviews Clouseau's former assistant Hercule Lajoy (Graham Stark). Hercule says that while Clouseau was obsessed with facts, but he made decisions based on his intuition. He was always proven right at the end of a case. Clouseau's meeting with Princess Dalia (Claudia Cardinale) who claims to be the real owner of the Pink Panther. Jouvet meets Lady Simone Litton (Capucine), Clouseau's ex-wife, who is now married to Charles Litton whom Clouseau accused of being the Phantom. For a while it looked like Clouseau was the Pink Panther and was even sent to prison for the same reason. Charles Litton says that Clouseau was a fool, but he epitomized determination. Jouvet also interviews Clouseau's father, at his winery in the south of France. He uses naked French beauties to crush his grapes into wines. Clouseau's father provides glimpses of Clouseau's childhood (Lucca Mezzofanti) (who was born on Sep 8th, 1920) (as a child he always wanted to be a policeman and was very resourceful), and his early career during college (Daniel Peacock), nearly leading him to commit suicide after a girl of his dreams marries another person, especially in the French Resistance involving him failing to detonate a bridge full of crossing Nazis. Jouvet also has an unpleasant encounter with Mafia don, Bruno Langlois (Robert Loggia), an antagonist. Langlois warns Maria to stop asking questions about Clouseau as business is booming in the French underworld with the detective missing. Jouvet refuses and tries to file a complaint against Langlois with Chief Inspector Dreyfus. Dreyfus, who wants Clouseau dead just as much as Langlois does, refuses to press charges citing circumstantial evidence, much to Jouvet's frustration. The film ends with Maria hoping that Clouseau might be alive. Clouseau is seen standing looking over a seaside cliff, when a seagull flies over and messes the sleeve of his coat. The words "Swine seagull!" are heard in the distinctive 'over French' accent of Clouseau. The next shot shows the animated Pink Panther in trench coat and trilby hat, revealed to be in place of Clouseau watching the sunset; he turns around to face the camera and flashes his coat open.

An eccentric millionaire invites the world`s top detectives to his remote mansion to involve them in a baffling whodunit, convinced he can out-sleuth them all.

Casino Royale (1967) Sir James Bond (David Niven) retired at the height of his powers when forced to betray his lover Mata Hari, and now lives in an English country house, surrounded by lions, devoting himself to Debussy and cultivating black roses, attended by his butler (Erik Chitty). However, alarmed by the mounting losses of their spies, he is visited by the heads of the British ('M' or McTarry; John Huston), French (LeGrand; Charles Boyer), American (Ransome; William Holden) and Russian (Smernov; Kurt Kasznar) Secret Services (collectively driven by M's chauffer John LeMesurier), who petition him to return. He refuses, considering himself to belong to a nobler tradition, and them all gadget-ridden "jokeshop" spies, and deploring the handing on of his legend, name and number to a "sexual acrobat". Even a letter from the Queen does not sway him, and as a final desperate trick M signals for Sir James' home to be blown up by the Army: the attack also kills M (but not, apparently, the others). Smersh Authority (the villains) learns that "Sir James Bond is back, with his morals, his vows and his celibate image. We must destroy that image". Sir James, thus forced out of retirement, travels to Scotland, taking M's toupee (the only surviving relic or heirloom) to M's widow, Lady Fiona, who has been substituted by Smersh agent Mimi (Deborah Kerr). She explains the rituals surrounding the death of The McTarry, which include a banquet (with fresh goat haggis and lots of whisky), dancing, and a memorial grouse shoot ("Whenever a McTarry dies, the grouse come into season"). The castle is filled with beautiful girls, agents of Smersh, pretending to be M's eleven 16-19-year-old daughters ("some of us are adopted") including Heather (Tracey Crisp) and Meg (Alexandra Bastedo), who undress Sir James for his bath ("be careful, that's my loose kneecap"), Buttercup ("Daddy's little thermometer", Angela Scoular) whom Sir James discovers actually in his bath, as well as Eliza (Gabriella Licudi), Peg (Elaine Taylor), and Michele (Frances Cosslett). Sir James drinks all the others under the table at the banquet, but when later approached by Mimi in his bedroom claiming he "comfort her" as her "widow's due", upon rejecting her, she calls him a "ninnogaywillycouf" and summons the pipers for a 'worzle', a contest which involves picking up and attempting to throw large stone cannonballs. This he wins, largely as the five pipers (Robin, Jock, Sandy: Bob Godfrey, Percy Herbert) injure themselves in trying to pick up the balls, whereas he manages to pick one up, throw it and catch it. Mimi is so impressed the other girls decide she is a risk and lock her in her room. At the grouse shoot, one of Sir James' cape buttons has been substituted with a homing beacon, and the girls send rocket-launched explosive-laden dummy grouse towards him. Assisted by Mimi, who has escaped down the rather unsafe drainpipe from her room, Sir James uses his braces to fire the button back into the rocket launcher, blowing it up. Mimi, injured, wins a farewell kiss from Sir James ("Madam, are you quite sure you're dying?") before entering a convent, and tells him that their orders came from "Authority: International Mothers' Help, East Berlin" (1). Driving back from Scotland, Sir James is trailed by a remote-controlled booby-trapped milk float (control girl Penny Riley), but manages to escape so that it kills yet another Smersh agent (). In London, he takes over as head of the British Secret Service, whose only surviving members are his secretary Miss Moneypenny (or rather her daughter; Barbara Bouchet), and his assistant Hadley (or rather his son; Derek Nimmo), who explain that all the secret agents apart from Sir James' replacement (now doing television) have been killed in sexually suggestive situations ("stabbed to death in a ladies sauna bath", "burnt in a blazing bordello", "garrotted in a geisha house", etc.) with the possible exception of Sir James' nephew, Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen), last seen in the Caribbean escaping a firing squad ("I have a very low threshold of death") with an exploding cigarette, only to end up in front of another firing squad. Sir James decides to call up all the auxiliary staff, and to create the ultimate 'Anti-Female Spy Device' - a man whom all women desire, but who is indifferent to them. Miss Moneypenny is tasked with finding one such ("your mother did some of her best work at night"), and she finds Cooper ('Coop': Terence Cooper: "Sounds like something for keeping birds." "That's me"). Coop, a holder of the 'Kama Sutra Black Belt', is then sent for his anti-female training, against a gym-full of a variety of exotic, exotically dressed Bond girls (Yvonne Marsh, Veronica Gardnier - there are over 200 beautiful girls in the film), overcoming them all but eventually meeting new secret weapon The Detainer (Daliah Lavi), who also becomes 007 ("I don't do anything, but, unless you're one of them, you do"), Sir James having decided that to create confusion all agents, both male and female, will become 'James Bond, 007'. Sir James personally recruits two new 007 spies. The first is wealthy Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress: assistant Valentine Dyall), who Sir James persuades using a £5m tax arrears demand (2). Vesper is given the task of approaching and recruiting Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers: "Isn't Evelyn a girl's name? No, its mine"), an expert in baccarat at the Buckingham Club, whom Sir James wants to use to defeat Smersh's treasurer, Le Chiffre (Orson Welles), currently gambling with Smersh's money at Casino Royale. She does this, seducing Tremble at her Mayfair flat (to which she has lately had Nelson's Column removed) and also encouraging him to dress up in a number of costumes (including Napoleon - complete with 'Sunny Elba' pamphlet - Hitler and Toulouse-Lautrec: "Come on, you have more to do". "More?!"). Tremble, now also James Bond, 007, goes to Q (Geoffrey Bayldon) and his fey assistant Fordyce (John Wells) in their cellars full of inept inventions (where he is also shadowed by a dwarf dressed as a garden gnome "He's our security man") for his fitting with a gadget-filled suit ("a little bit tight about the..." "Poison capsule compartment?"). Sir James then recruits his own daughter by Mata Hari, Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), currently working as a living Eastern goddess ("Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar" "Figuratively speaking, of course": temple guard Milton Reid, monk John Hollis): there is a superb temple dance sequence. Mata Bond is sent to West Berlin by London taxicab (taxicab driver Bernard Cribbins) to infiltrate International Mothers' Help, known to be a Smersh cover for the Mata Hari School of Dancing, a spy training school, with rather complex neo-Cubist décor, presided over by the formidable Frau Hoffner (Anna Quale) and the diminutive Polo (Ronnie Corbett). Revealing her identity as Mata Hari's daughter, she is shown by Polo to her mother's old room ("What an enormous bed!" "The German army was very large in those days"), where she discovers a secret passageway activated by the cistern, which leads to a projection suite: she also discovers 'little Otto' one of her mother's lovers ("Is he dead?" "Hard to tell. He always looked like that"). She learns that Le Chiffre is, via his agent (Vladek Sheybal) auctioning his art collection of blackmail photographs to raise money: the auction in the auditorium is attended by officers from the British (Jack Gwilliam, Richard Wattis), Chinese (Burt Kwouk), American (Hal Galili) and Russian armies. Warned by the taxi-driver (revealed as Carlton-Towers of the Foreign Office) to prevent Le Chiffre raising the money, as the bidding for the first lot escalates ("Seventy million tons of rice!" "Sixty tons of caviar!"), Mata returns to the projection room, seizes the case of projector slides and flushes them away: she then escapes Polo by unplugging his external heart battery, Frau Hoffner is shot by Otto, and Mata, using a foam fire-extinguisher on the assorted military, makes good her escape with Carlton-Towers (first trying a drain, but on hearing 'What's New, Pussycat', by taxi back to London). Le Chiffre's agent, telephoning him to report his failure, and that Smersh's leader Dr. Noah now knows what Le Chiffre has been up to, is blown up in his telephone box (the explosion also destroys part of the Berlin Wall). Tremble now travels to Casino Royale, where after meeting Matthis, a French inspector of police (with an improbable Scots accent; Duncan Macrae (3)) , and having a car-wash with many eavesdroppers (yet more beautiful girls), in his room meets Miss Goodthighs (Jacqueline Bisset) "the management of the Hotel Tropical present their compliments" who attempts to drug him with doped champagne. Vesper arrives, 'takes care of' Miss Goodthighs, and rouses Tremble. Vesper and Tremble go the Casino: they deposit £100,000 (cashier Graham Stark) and then meet the casino director Slimmington-Jones (Colin Gordon) in his office. Tremble spots that Le Chiffre is using infra-red spectacles to cheat: Vesper steals these: Le Chiffre shows off with some magic (assistants Jennifer Baker, Susan Baker), and then Tremble and Le Chiffre play a very-high-stakes baccarat game (50 million francs: ~£3.6m or $10m at the time), which Tremble ultimately wins. Tremble takes his winnings as a cheque drawn on a Swiss bank. On the way out of the Casino, Vesper is kidnapped: Tremble, advised of this by the doorman (John Bluthal) follows in a racing car (the racing car driver Sterling Moss, as himself, having run off) but is also captured by Le Chiffre, who wants the cheque. Placed in a very elaborate but broken chair in Le Chiffre's dungeon, he suffers torture - not physical, but mental - eventually becoming a Scot in full Highland costume attacked by four Scots marching bands (including Peter O'Toole), he is rescued by Vesper using a machine gun disguised as bagpipes, who then, however, betrays and kills him (and presumably takes the cheque: "Never trust a rich spy'). Le Chiffre is then killed by Smersh agents sent by Dr. Noah. Back in London, Sir James goes to see the Prime Minister, leaving Mata to sight-see ("Mummy would have taken me in" "Mummy took everyone in"): she is captured by a Household Cavalry officer () on horseback and taken by flying saucer, which lands on the now-vacated site of Nelson's Column, to Casino Royale, where, it is now revealed, the secret headquarters of Smersh's leader Dr. Noah are located (announcer Valentine Dyall). Advised of this by former agent Mimi, now a nun collecting donations ("This department has always been very helpful to needy girls") Sir James and Moneypenny follow to Casino Royale: attacked in the casino director's room (which is a lift connecting to Dr. Noah's HQ, activated by pushing the eye of a stuffed tiger) they eventually win through to an audience hall with chairs made of gold ingots to see Dr. Noah himself - who turns out to be Sir James' missing nephew, Jimmy Bond. Jimmy is however speechless in his uncle's presence: "I never should have let Nellie send him to progressive school... I'm beginning to think you're a trifle neurotic". Dr. Noah/Jimmy reveals part of his plans (using a taped message); to release a bacillus which will leave all women beautiful and all men shorter than himself; and then hits a gong to summon his staff and have Sir James and Moneypenny incarcerated. Dr. Noah then reveals to The Detainer, whom he has also captured, stripped and strapped down to a couch ("I learnt that in the Boy Scouts"), his desire to outshine his uncle, and the rest of his plans: to substitute robot doubles for all world leaders (some of which he has already done). He also shows her a pill he has invented, which "looks like an aspirin, it tastes like an aspirin, but it is not an aspirin" - it is in fact an atomic bomb, which goes off after 400 chain reactions. Feigning interest in him, she is released, steals the pill, and manages to slip it into his champagne, and he starts his hiccup-visualized countdown. Sir James, Mata, Moneypenny and Coop (captured earlier) now manage to escape the psychedelically-decorated room in which they have been imprisoned (using exploding 'vaporized lysergic acid' (4)), and making their way back to the audience hall ("Super place for a coming-out party") and meeting up with The Detainer, find their way back to the Casino (with the aid of Frankenstein's monster: David Prowse). Whilst The Detainer escapes, Sir James tries to call London for aid, but is stopped by Vesper; "Dear Vesper. The things you do for money": who has, however, apparently fallen in love with him, and everything that has happened has been a plan to lure him to her at Casino Royale. He overpowers her, and then he and the remaining James Bonds initiate an attack on the Smersh agents in the Casino, aided by the French (Jean-Paul Belmondo: translates 'Merde!' as 'Ouch') and the Americans, both horse-riding Cowboys and tomahawk-wielding Red Indians (air-dropped with tepees as parachutes: Ransome reappears also): George Raft (as himself) shots himself during the affray, and the Keystone Cops have a cameo. Dr. Noah appears with the final chain-reaction countdown hiccups, and the Casino is explosively completely destroyed, killing all five remaining James Bonds (Sir James, Coop, Vesper, Mata, Moneypenny), as well as Dr. Noah/Jimmy Bond. The closing song explains that six James Bonds (including Tremble) go to "a heavenly spot", Jimmy to "a place where it's terribly hot"). Notes: (1) For younger readers: During the Cold War, the city of Berlin was divided by the Berlin Wall (1961-1989) into West Berlin (under Allied control: the Wall surrounded this) and East Berlin (under Soviet control). One of the motifs of the film is that the International Mothers' Help building straddles the border, this being reflected in the interior décor and lighting, and a symbolic rope bisecting the auditorium. (2) In 1967, £5m was half of art auctioneers Christie's annual turnover. Nowadays (2009) it buys 10% of a Titian. (3) There is also a brief pre-credits scene where Tremble (as James Bond) and the Inspector meet in a pissoir (4) Lysergic acid is a precursor for lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD - very Sixties). As its melting point is 240oC, and its (theoretical) vaporization point considerably higher (it degrades), a certain technical liberty is taken by considering it to be an explosive vapour collectable in a seat-cushion-cover in the film (Original version retained below - fades a bit to the end) Any movie directed by 5 different people is bound to be confusing. This is, off course, no exception. The movie starts off with James Bond (Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers)) meeting Lieutenant Mathis (Duncan Macrae) of the Special Police in a pissouir in Paris. After Bond checks Mathis' credentials, he follows him out. The credits roll. 4 cars come in from different directions - a Citroen, a Cadilac, a Bently, and what appears to be something Russian. The 4 chaufers wait by their cars as the 4 passengers get into a Rolls Royce, driven by a fifth chaufer. Through conversations between M (McTarry (John Huston)), Ransome (William Holden), Le Grand (Charles Boyer), and Smernov (Kurt Kasznar), we learn that this is the home of the original James Bond. He is pure of mind and body. They property is protected by many lions. James is exercising as the gentlemen arrive. He has a stutter. He complains that the agent that replaced him as James Bond 007 is leaving a trail of dead women behind; that the new gadgets have taken the honour from the profession. He takes them outside to show them his black rose. Each spy head complains that they are losing agents at an alarming rate. They want James to come out of retirement to fix their shared problems. James interrupts them to play some Debussy. We learn that Bond retired because he had to lure his lover, Mata Hari, to her death. He returns from playing. M shows him a letter from the Queen. Still, he refuses the request to return to duty. M lights a cigar as a signal, and British troops bomb the property. His mansion is destroyed and M's toupee is blown off. Cut to a Smersh control room. We hear the head of Smersh (Authority) tell them that James Bond is back, with his morals, vows, and celebate image in tact. He tells them to initiate Plan B to attempt to destroy that image. We see James driving his Morgan (?) through the British countryside into Scotland. Various spys report his progress. We learn that he is heading for M's (McTarry's) castle. Plan B is in operation with Agent Mimi taking the place of M's widow (Lady Fiona) because she has the best Scot's accent. Sir James presents the remains of M to Lady Fiona (Deborah Kerr). They explain that they'd heard of the death from the Grey Piper. The room is full of women, mourning. They prepare a traditional hagis feast for midnight, where they will dance the traditional Scotish Fling and drink Ouskabar. It is explained (there's a lot of explaining going on, but it really doesn't help) that they drink until they drop in their tracks, then after an hour's rest, the piper awakes them for the morning grouse shoot. James is shown to his room, where Meg and Heather help him undress for his bath. The room is full of paintings of nude women. Meg and Heather tell him that they are 2 of M's 11 daughters - all between the ages of 16 and 19. As they walk down the hall to the bath, they walk past a series of bedrooms, each with a gorgeous girl peering out. James goes into the bath room and starts to undress, when he notices that 17 year old Buttercup is in the tub - testing the water temperature ("Daddy's little thermometer"). She invites him in to scrub his back. James has to turn on the cold water to avoid certain embarassment. Cut to James' room, where we see Meg and Heather swapping a button on his coat - but they are speaking French! We learn that the button is to be used only as a last resort - that Mimi's never failed before. At the hagis feast, everyone is drinking scotch. Two girls have their legs entwined with James at the table, as he listens to Mimi pass on some of the McTarry folklore. Everyone eventually passes out except James, who takes his cup and the scotch decanter up to his room. He's enjoying a nightcap as Mimi comes in and declares "her Widow's Due", insisting that James "doodle her". He refuses, so she insists that he "pay the piper". She blows a silly trumpet solo on a hunting horn, and calls the huge Scottish pipers in. They are going to "wassle" - play catch with heavy stone cannon balls. The first 5 do themselves in trying to lift and throw the balls. The sixth manages a throw that James catches and throws back. The piper catches the ball, but the weight forces him back, into an armour display, which falls on him and knocks him out. James then picks up the last wassle ball and karate chops it in 2. Mimi is stricken. She praises him in French, blowing her cover. The other girls realize, and lock Mimi in her room. The next morning, James is out for the grouse shoot. Mimi's locked in her room, and realizes that James is in trouble. The truck that brought the beaters is actually a launcher of exploding grouse. Mimi escapes by sliding down a drainpipe outside her window, and come to warn James that the button on his coat is actually a homing device. He shoots the grouse before they can get too close, and tells Mimi to take off his braces. They use them like a slingshot to fire the button back towards the beaters. The beaters use a garter belt to fling the homing button back. James grabs the return shot, and Mimi is able to fire it into the grouse launcher. Mimi is injured, and commits herself to a nunnery. She tells James that they are run by International Mother's Help in Berlin. James leaves the McTarry estate, but is followed by a woman driving an E-Type Jaguar. The women in the Smersh control room activate a rigged milk truck. Through some tricky driving, James gets in front of the Jag, and the milk truck loses its visual feed to Control. Control has to set the truck to automatic. James drives into his gated estate and gets the gate closed as the Jag spins into them. The milk truck plows into the Jag, and they both explode. James shows up at MI5, sees Moneypenny, and gives her a big kiss. Moneypenny enjoys it, but explains that she is actually Moneypenny's daughter. James is on a mission, and has lost his stammer. He meets Hadley, who is also the son of the original Hadley. Hadley goes over the state of MI5's agents. Most have been lured to their death by enemy women agents. The replacement James Bond has quit to "do television". James' nephew, Jimmy Bond was working as a spy in the Caribbean, but hasn't been heard from in a while. In a flashback, we see Jimmy (Woody Allen) about to face a firing squad. He escapes using an exploding cigarette. James assigns Moneypenny to find a replacement 007 agent that is desireable to women, but can be trained to resist them. She selects agent Cooper, and spends the night confirming that he is good with women. The next day, she is having trouble staying awake, but James likes Coopers credentials (6" 2 1/2', 184 lbs, Kama Sutra Black Belt). James announces that all remaining agents and trainees will be known as "James Bond 007" to confuse the enemy. Cooper goes through his anti-female training, flipping off a girl dressed identically to Ursula Andres in Dr. No. The third girl appears later as Dr. Noah's prisoner. James shows up at the headquarters of Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress). We learn that she is the world's richest spy. She negotiates a trade of the Eiffel Tower for nuclear warheads, and purchases the Lord Nelson's statue. James requests her help in exchange for reducing a large writ for tax arears. Vesper approaches Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers) at the Buckingham Club. They come close to kissing, as Vesper suggestively tells him that she would like to go over some of the passeges in his book on winning at Baccarat. She has been reading it in her bed. She will send her car to bring him to her place. Evelyn arrives as Vesper is disposing of a body. In one of the best looking shots in the movie, they walk behind a huge aquarium - in slow motion - to "The Look of Love" song. Vesper is waiting for Evelyn on (in?) her sunken couch. Evelyn admires Lord Nelson's statue from her window. After some suggestive banter, we see Evelyn exercising in his pyjamas and Vesper wearing a nightgown. She films Evelyn dressing up as Hitler, Napolion (complete with a "Sunny Elba" brochure) and Toulouse-Lautrec. She requests his help in breaking La Chiffre, who likes to play high stakes Baccarat. Evelyn accepts, and agrees to become James Bond for the assignment. Evelyn shows up at the MI5 training facility, where we see frog-men firing bows and arrows and a drill sergent leading his men into an elevator. Evelyn is fitted with a wrist-TV, and body armour vest. Cut to James Bond's office, and James has learned that International Mother's Help (IMH) is a Smersh front. He decides that Mata Bond should try to infiltrate. She is his iligitmate daughter with Mata Hari. She gets to IMH and destroys the slides, forcing Le Chiffre to play baccarat. Tremble to France / Carwash / Miss Goodthighs Vesper & Tremble to Casino Le Chiffre's Magic, swap glasses Tremble plays one hand, and loses. Le Chiffre Stirling Moss Big disconnect - Bond is Le Chiffre's prisoner - mind torture Vesper kills Tremble, Dr. Noah's men kill Le Chiffre Mata kidnapped - Mimi gives a hint Ambushed in casino office Escape, but end up in front of Dr. Noah Dr. Noah is Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen) Bacillius The Detainer Looks like an Asperin, tastes like an asperin. 400 tiny little time pills. Vaporized Lysergic Acid - Agent Cooper returns Frankenstein to office Vesper pulls gun on Evelyn American Aid Monkey wearing toupee Indians Police - Keystone Cops Explosion

Workers employed at a French vineyard quietly follow old pagan rituals that call for the life of the marquis owner to save his crops during dry seasons. Vineyard owner Marquis Philippe de Montfaucon (David Niven) is called back to his castle Bellenac because of another dry season. He asks his wife and children to remain in Paris, but they still come after him--and his wife Catherine de Montfaucon (Deborah Kerr) soon discovers that her husband is acting mysteriously and that his employees are following old pagan rituals that call for the life of the Marquis to save the crops. —Mattias Thuresson The family of Marquis Philippe de Montfaucon (David Niven) has long been the major landowner in Bellenac, a wine-growing region in France. Philippe heads back to the family vineyard from his home in Paris when he learns that problems in the fields are threatening the crops. Against Philippe's wishes, his wife, Marquise Catherine de Montfaucon (Deborah Kerr), decides to follow Philippe back to Bellenac, bringing their two adolescent children, Jacques (Robert Duncan) and Antoinette (Suky Appleby). Once they arrive, Catherine sees what she believes is disturbing behavior. Young-adult siblings Christian (David Hemmings) and Odile de Caray (Sharon Tate), whose family has also lived in the region for generations, have been hanging around the estate. Catherine witnesses Christian killing a dove with the bow and arrow he seems to be brandishing at all times, and Odile seems to have a hypnotic power over anyone in her sights. Worse, Philippe seems to be in a transfixed state while in Bellenac. Although the lives of Catherine and the children are threatened by Christian and Odile's actions, Catherine decides to stay just to figure out what is happening and to save Philippe, who also seems to be under some threat. By the time she eventually learns what is going on and why Philippe didn't want the family to come to Bellenac, it might be too late to save Philippe--and perhaps Jacques--from their evil destiny, as was the fate of many men of the de Montfaucon family in Bellenac over the generations. —Huggo

As a child, Princess Dala receives a gift from her father, the Shah of Lugash--"the Pink Panther," the largest diamond in the world. This huge pink gem has an unusual flaw: looking deeply into the stone, one perceives a tiny discoloration resembling a leaping panther. Twenty years later, Dala has been forced into exile following her father's death and the subsequent military takeover of her country. The new government declares her precious diamond the property of the people and petitions the World Court to determine ownership. However, Dala refuses to relinquish it. Noted jewel thief Phantom has struck again in Rome and escaped with half a million dollars in jewels. In Paris, police inspector Jacques Clouseau is assigned to apprehend the Phantom. Clouseau knows that Phantom is working with a woman, who manages to escape when the police intercept her meeting with The Phantom. Clouseau does not know that the woman is his wife, Simone. Simone (Capucine) is the paramour of Charles and helper in the Phantom's crimes and she has become rich by acting as a fence for the Phantom under the nose of her amorous but oblivious husband. Clouseau wonders how Simone can afford expensive items such as a luxurious mink coat on a police officer's salary. Several years later, Dala (Claudia Cardinale) relaxes on holiday at an exclusive ski resort in Cortina D'Ampezzo. Also staying is a noted English playboy, Sir Charles Lytton (David Niven) who leads a secret life as a jewel thief called "The Phantom" and has his eyes on the Pink Panther. The famed diamond is insured for $0.5 million. His unwitting American playboy nephew George (Robert Wagner) follows his uncle to the resort, also hoping to steal the jewel and blame it on the Phantom. George poses as a recent college graduate about to enter the Peace Corps so his uncle continues to support his lavish lifestyle. In reality, George left the US as he was $40,000 in debt. Charles orchestrates the kidnapping of Dala's dog and then appears at the right time to be the savior and become a hero. As such, he gains a dinner invitation from Dala and starts to get close to her. He manages to get Dala to come to his hotel room and seduces her. Charles tempts Dala by calling her the virgin queen, as that is the image that she has cultivated for herself in the media. Charles intrigues Dala enough to get her to agree to drinking Champagne, against her religious principles. When Dala is slightly drunk, Charles kisses her. The same night Charles realizes that George has also come over from the US and staying in his room. On the Phantom's trail is French police inspector Jacques Clouseau (Peter Sellers) of the Sûreté. Clouseau arrives at the resort with Simone. Simone and Charles have booked their rooms next to each other. Simone goes to Charles' room at night but ends up kissing George in the dark. To cover her real purpose, Simone pretends that she had come in to meet George. Charles believes George is naive and studious. He asks Simone to keep George out of trouble and away from Dala, lest he ruins their careful plans. Meanwhile George takes his turn at seducing Dala. Clouseau is so clueless and clumsy that while several theft attempts are made at a fancy-dress party, he looks everywhere but the right place. Meanwhile, Simone dodges her husband (who is always trying to have sex with her) by giving him random chores to perform, while trying to avoid George who has grown enamored of her and aid Charles, who has grown enamored of Dala and is ambivalent about carrying out the theft. The night before their departure, George accidentally learns of his uncle's criminal activities. Jack finds out that the accomplice who kidnapped Dala's dog works for Charles and is convinced that Charles and Phantom are one and the same. Dala tells Jack that there is a fancy-dress party the same night and is sure that Charles will attend the party in disguise and try to steal the diamond. During a costume party, Sir Charles and his nephew attempt to steal the diamond, only to find the jewel already missing from the safe. In spite of himself, the buffoonish inspector discovers the two in the act. They escape during the confusion of the evening's climactic fireworks display, resulting in a car chase throughout the town streets. Despite all odds, Sir Charles and his accomplice George are captured when all the vehicles collide with one another. Later, Simone informs Dala that Charles wished to call off the theft and asks her to help in his defense. Dala then reveals that it was she herself who stole the diamond to avoid deportation back to Lugash. However, the Princess is also smitten with Sir Charles and has a plan to save him from prison. At the trial, Charles' and George's convictions seem inevitable when the defense calls as their lone witness a surprised Clouseau. The barrister asks a series of questions that suggest Clouseau himself could be the Phantom. An unnerved Clouseau pulls out his handkerchief-from which drops the jewel, promptly rendering him unconscious from shock. As Clouseau is driven away to prison, he is mobbed by a throng of enamored women. Watching from a distance, a regretful Simone expresses fears he will rot in prison. Sir Charles reassures her that when the Phantom strikes again, Clouseau will be exonerated. Sir Charles, Simone, and George drive away to continue their life of crime as Dala leaves to return to her country. Meanwhile, in the police car, the officers express their envy that Clouseau is now the object of affection of young women everywhere. As they ask him with obvious admiration how he committed so many robberies, Clouseau's mood gradually changes: "Well, you know . . . it wasn't easy." Pink Panther as a traffic warden is run over by the car carrying Clouseau and attempting to chase after it. He pulls himself together.

British soldiers are sent on a mission to dismantle two large German guns guarding the Greek island of Navarone and making the evacuation of endangered British troops on a neighboring island impossible.

Spoiled Cecile, 17, spends her summer at the French Riviera with her rich, widower, playboy dad and Elsa. Anne, her late mom's friend, visits and brings changes to all. Cecile's a decadent young woman who lives a luxurious life with her wealthy playboy father, a widower. When his old love interest comes to vvisit, she gets more and more comfortable, making Cecile afraid that her lifestyle will end, and sets out to make sure it isn't. —Dragan Antulov <dragan.antulov@altbbs.fido.hr> Spoiled 17-year-old Cecile's spending summer with her, widower hedonistic father. When am old love of his arrives for weekdays supposed to be a brief visit, Cecile becomes ever-more nervous that this visitor might have poems to usurp her father's love - now specifically, get luxurious life, and plans to get her out. —Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Parisians Raymond, a widower, and his 17-year-old daughter, who calls her father by his first name, live a life of privilege, decadence, and frivolity, with whomever else they fancy who wants to be part of that decadent lifestyle. They are currently on vacation on the French Riviera with Raymond's latest conquest, Elsa, who is as much a casual lover for Raymond as she is a playmate and fellow party-er for Cecile. Their lives change when they receive a visit from Anne, Cecile's mother's best friend. Raymond falls in love with Anne and they decide to get married. Cecile is initially happy for Raymond, seeing Anne as a stabilizing force in his life. But then she realizes that this stabilizing force also applies to her and will change the decadent life to which she's become accustomed. Enlisting help from Elsa and from her own latest beau, Philippe (of whom Anne doesn't approve), she sets out to do whatever is necessary to protect her lifestyle, not foreseeing how this plan will ultimately affect her life. —Huggo

The stories of several people are told as they stay at a seaside hotel in Bournemouth. Life at the Beauregard Hotel in Bournemouth during the off-season livens up when beautiful Ann Shankland arrives to see her alcoholic ex-husband John Malcolm, who is secretly engaged to Pat Cooper, who runs the hotel. Meanwhile, snobbish Mrs. Railton-Bell discovers that the kind if doddering Major Pollock isn't what he appears to be--particularly shocking news for her frail daughter Sibyl, who is secretly in love with him. —Shannon Patrick Sullivan <shannon@mun.ca> In Bournemouth, England, the Beauregard Hotel is located three minutes from the sea and managed by Pat Cooper. It is off-season and only the resident guests are lodged in the hotel. Timid Sibyl is a hysterical spinster totally controlled by her arrogant, snobbish mother, Mrs. Maud Railton-Bell, who doesn't want her to work. Sibyl is secretly in love with the reformed Major David Angus Pollock and enjoys listening to his stories. Lady Gladys Matheson is the only friend of Mrs. Railton-Bell. Medical student Charles wants to marry his fiancée Jean but she refuses. Miss Meacham and Mr. Fowler like to play billiards and she always wins the game. American John Malcolm is an alcoholic writer who is secretly engaged to Pat. When elegant, gorgeous Ann Shankland checks into the hotel, John is affected by her presence and Pat learns that Ann is his ex-wife and he'd tried to kill her five years ago. Meanwhile, Major Pollock unsuccessfully tries to steal the West Hampshire Weekly News from reception, but Mrs. Railton-Bell finds an inflammatory article about him and tries to expel him from the hotel. These events will affect the residents' lives. —Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Managed by the efficient Pat Cooper, the Beauregard Hotel on the English coast in Bournemouth is a stuffy, second-rate establishment. Only a handful of mostly resident guests are currently staying at the hotel. They include: retired and decorated Major Angus Pollock; elderly Maud Railton-Bell, who needs to control everything, especially her mousy spinster daughter Sibyl Railton-Bell, who has a quiet bond with and crush on the Major; Lady Gladys Matheson, who follows whatever Mrs. Railton-Bell wants purely out of camaraderie; straightforward, slightly gruff Miss Meacham; staid schoolteacher Mr. Fowler; students Charles and Jean, a young unmarried couple who are the primary focus of Mrs. Railton-Bell's ire for probably doing it out of wedlock; and writer John Malcolm, a brash American who hides his issues behind his excessive drinking and who is in a secret liaison with Pat and wants to marry her. Their relationship is threatened by the unexpected arrival of Ann Shankland, who has a turbulent, passionate history with John. Ann's arrival is not by accident; she says she wants to help John before she remarries, but she might have other, more self-motivated reasons. The focus of the entire group changes when Mrs. Railton-Bell learns of a secret the Major is hiding. As Mrs. Railton-Bell tries to control the situation with the Major to her satisfaction, which includes bending the truth to suit her own needs, the others out of their own situations, especially Sibyl, might eventually come to their own conclusions on how best to deal with the Major's issue with respect to his stay at the hotel. —Huggo During the off-season at the Beauregard Hotel, the secrets of some guests are exposed. Lovely but vulnerable Ann Shankland travels to the hotel in hopes of starting over with her ex-husband, John, but she does not know that he is already engaged to Pat Cooper, the manager of the hotel. Meanwhile, Mrs. Railton-Bell and her daughter Sibyl discover the hidden truth about war veteran Major Pollack. —Jwelch5742

In 1872, an Englishman wagers that he can circle the globe in 80 days and embarks with his valet on a journey full of adventure, romance, unending obstacles and daring escapes.

After learning her multi-millionaire fiancé has already been married seven times, the daughter of a penniless marquis decides to tame him. US multi-millionaire Michael Barndon marries his eight wife, Nicole, the daughter of a broken French Marquis. But she doesn't want to be only a number in the row of his ex-wives and starts her own strategy to "tame" him. —Stephan Eichenberg <eichenbe@fak-cbg.tu-muenchen.de>