David Zucker

Rick Riker (Drake Bell) is an unpopular student at Empire High School. He lives with his Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen) and Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross). He has one friend and confidant, Trey (Kevin Hart). His crush is the breathtaking, Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton), who hardly notices him, is dating Lance Landers (Ryan Hansen), a bully who torments Rick. During a school field trip at an animal research lab, Rick meets Lou Landers (Christopher McDonald), who coughs up blood because he is terminally ill. Dr. Strom (Brent Spiner), the head researcher at the lab, presents his mutated dragonflies, one of which has escaped and bites Rick, and causes his neck to swell. By the time Rick returns home he is violently ill. Uncle Albert and Aunt Lucille believe Rick is acting strange, so Albert proceeds to talk to Rick about puberty, but Rick passes out from the bite. He wakes up five days later, tries to look up "dragonfly bite" online but is contacted by a stranger instead who wants to speak to him in person, later adding Rick as a friend on Facebook. Meanwhile, Lou Landers is involved in an accident during an experiment at the lab, transforming him into Hourglass, a villainous being who can siphon the life energy from others, killing them. During a science fair at school in which a comically rude and mean-spirited Stephen Hawking (Robert Joy) is present, Rick begins to experience strange physical traits, such as becoming stuck to objects, which creates a number of mishaps during the fair. Fleeing school, he discovers has developed superhuman abilities, such as the ability to walk on walls and superhuman strength, though he repeatedly laments throughout the film that he cannot fly. After testing his abilities, he pushes an elderly woman and her dog out of the way of an out-of-control truck, colliding with the truck himself. He is congratulated by passers-by, though he notices that the elderly woman he shoved out of the way landed into a wood-chipper and crushed, with her dog still on its leash. Rick reveals his secret to his uncle and Trey and the latter offers to become his sidekick, but Rick refuses. He and Uncle Albert have an argument, which spurs a flashback sequence in which a younger Rick and his parents (Robert Hays and Nicole Sullivan) are mugged in an alley and die in a spoof of Batman Begins. With his dying words, his father urges him to sell all his shares in Google but invest heavily in Enron. Later, after seeing Jill and Lance leave in Lance's Porsche Cayman, Rick, who desires a car of his own, goes to a bank, where he is denied a loan. A bank robber then holds up the bank and after Rick fails to stop him, Uncle Albert is shot and hospitalized. Jill visits Rick at the hospital, kisses him in an attempt to cheer him up. Meanwhile Landers accidentally takes his secretary's life energy, killing her. Rick is met by Xavier (Tracy Morgan) at his school for mutants Ala X-Men where he meets Storm, Wolverine, Cyclops, the Invisible Woman and Mrs. Xavier. Rick is told to make a costume by Mrs. Xavier and adopts the identity of the Dragonfly. The first version of the skin-tight Dragonfly costume completely covers his head and face so he can't see or breathe, causing him to panic. The final revision has eye, mouth, and nose openings. He meets the Human Torch but fails to fly. Dragonfly quickly becomes a media sensation, fights and gets badly injured by Hourglass who manages to escape stealing a canister of Cerillium. Jill is attacked by muggers, but Dragonfly saves her. Just after Dragonfly defeats the last of the thugs, Jill tells Dragonfly he saved her life, and shyly asks Dragonfly if she can thank him with a kiss. Just before she can kiss him, Dragonfly slides down, so he has a perfect view down Jill's shirt. Jill lifts him back up, but he goes over the building, leaving Jill alone. Dragonfly tries to kiss Jill again but decides to fight more crime to impress her. Landers plans to construct a machine that will kill 42 thousand people and give him enough life energy to make him immortal. During a Thanksgiving dinner at the Rikers', Landers manages to learn his secret identity. Just as Rick and Jill are about to kiss, the Hourglass appears and murders Aunt Lucille. Uncle Albert recovers, and after a comical funeral, Rick decides to end his superhero career, though Trey and Uncle Albert convince him to find Hourglass, who plans to kill countless innocent people. At an awards ceremony to honor achievements in feminine hygiene, Landers is presented with a Douchebag Of The Year Award. Although Rick goes to the ceremony too, Landers tricks him into thinking that the Dalai Lama is Hourglass, which leads to a brawl in the ceremony hall involving all the attendees, including Buddhist monks, the Pope and Stephen Hawking. During this, Jill discovers that Landers is Hourglass. In a nearby hall there is a superhero convention where a flying machine awaits Hourglass. Landers gets in the convention hall and changes into Hourglass as Rick gets into his Dragonfly costume and fights him. When Hourglass tries to finish off Dragonfly, Jill attempts to intervene and is critically injured. Hourglass flies off with the machine to the rooftop where he activates the machine to steal the life-force from all the attendees of the ceremony and the convention. After Stephen Hawking implores Rick not to give up, using a rationale that Rick points out are the lyrics to Celine Dion's "Taking Chances", he dons the Dragonfly suit, and battles the Hourglass on the rooftop. Dragonfly siphons off some of Hourglass's stolen life-force to heal Jill, but the Hourglass throws a bomb at Dragonfly, with the bomb sticking to Dragonfly's crotch. He back-flips several times, finally managing to stick the bomb to Hourglass. Stuck to his invention, he shouts "Oh, f**k!", with the bomb detonating and killing him. Jill falls off the roof, but Dragonfly jumps off after her. After he grabs her and reveals that he is Rick, Jill tells him that she loves him, and they passionately kiss, and Rick finally grows wings. He flies them away, landing on the rooftop where Uncle Albert and Stephen Hawking await them. While they walk away, Hawking's wheelchair gets stuck and hits the ledge sending Hawking to a free-fall. Rick and Jill fly once more but they are hit by a helicopter.

Tom Stansfield (Ashton Kutcher) is a researcher at a publishing company who works under the tyrannical Jack Taylor (Terence Stamp). Tom wants to be in creative, but Jack doesn't know anything about Tom's skills. Paul (Jon Abrahams) is Tom's only friend at work. Tom has a reputation for being calm and composed all the time. Nobody has ever seen him angry. Jack calls Tom for a meeting and ends up firing his secretary Audrey, when Tom makes a comment about the coffee. Jack calls Audrey into his office, calls her retarded and fires her after Tom says something about a company being only as strong as its weakest link. Now Tom was only making polite conversations, but Jack makes it look to Audrey that Tom is responsible for her termination of employment. Tom has a crush on his boss' daughter, Lisa Taylor (Tara Reid), who is completely controlled by her overprotective father. She reveals to Tom that her father is making her house-sit for his bird on the same night as a party she wants to attend, but Tom convinces her to stand up to her father and attend the party anyway. Jack is going out of town for a few days on business. Lisa asks him to come to their house that night, leading Tom to think that she has invited him to the party; in reality, she just wants him to fill in for her - he reluctantly agrees. By the time Tom arrives, Lisa has already left, and he meets Jack. Jack gives Tom instructions on how to take care of his pet Owl OJ. It has to be given water, its medications (one of which is inserted into its rectum). Tom has to wear protective covers over his shoes all the time. A comedy of errors ensues, including the return of Lisa's older brother, Red (Andy Richter), on the run from drug dealers. He enters the house on the pretext of looking for an extra copy of the TV guide. Red dumps drugs into the toilet, and instead returns a bag of flour to the drug dealer via Tom. One of Tom's tasks is to guard their owl, O-J, which lives in an open cage (it has not been able to fly due to a deep depression, from the loss of a prior mate). When the bird drinks from the toilet polluted with drugs, it flies away. Tom goes looking for the owl and runs into Old man neighbor (Patrick Crenshaw) who believes that Tom is on his property to ogle at his young wife Sheryl (Angela Little). Tom disarms the old man, who offers to give Tom the piece of Evander Holyfield's ear that Mike Tyson bit off during the boxing match. Jack Taylor's ex-secretary Audrey (Molly Shannon) goes to the house to try to earn her job back. After fighting with her boyfriend Spike (Tyler Labine) who was in the car waiting for her, she stays over at the house. Meanwhile, nobody is wearing shoe covers in the house. Audrey opens a beer using the kitchen counter as leverage and ends up damaging it. Audrey invites her friends to look for the owl including Tina (Carmen Electra) and Speed (David Koechner). Audrey's friends proceed to rob the house of all the silverware. Lisa returns home after finding out that her boyfriend Hans (Kenan Thompson) is cheating on her. Tom hides from her everything that happened, and she spends some time with him thinking he is homosexual. Lisa had earlier seen a gay magazine in Tom's briefcase, but she didn't know that it was not Tom's briefcase. He found it on the subway. He clarifies to her that he's a heterosexual and she starts to like him. Lisa tells Tom that there is a restraining order against Red and he is not allowed within 100 yards of the house. Hans comes by and wants to apologize to Lisa. Hans admits to having cheated on Lisa. Tom tells Hans to move on from Lisa. Tom finds OJ flying outside the house and follows it to a nearby house. Tom is let in by Ken (Jeffrey Tambor), who was waiting for a guy named Albert, who is supposed to be a blind date for his daughter Julie. Julie has recently been in an accident, and very conscious about her looks. When Julie comes down, she is looking hideous, and Tom clarifies that he is not Albert. Of course, Ken believes that Albert is acting that way as Julie is not pretty enough for him and throws him out of the house. Audrey's friend Tina thinks she has breast cancer and asks Tom to feel her breasts. Lisa walks in on them and is disgusted by the situation. T.J. (Michael Madsen), the drug dealer, finds out about the fake drugs and threatens to kill Tom if he doesn't return him his money $20,000. T.J. tries to open a safe and steal the money. However, Tom gives him sleeping pills mixed with alcohol which sends him into a coma. Julie comes by the house and tells Tom that he was telling the truth since Albert came by her place a little later. Julie was bleeding from the back of her, and proceeds to smear everything with blood, wherever she rested her head. Red is attracted to Julie. Because they think T.J. is dead, Audrey and her friends bury him. Later, T.J. escapes from the grave and threatens to kill Lisa. With Red's help, Tom rescues Lisa and she falls in love with him. He then goes to get her father, but on the way back the owl gets into the car making Tom lose control of the car and crash into the house. They find police officers in the house looking for T.J., who ends up getting arrested. Tom believed that it was Jack dealing drugs out of his house and reports him to the police. But then Red says that he is the one who was dealing in drugs, and that his full name if Jack Taylor Jr. TJ was at the house looking for Red, and Red simply used Tom to avoid TJ. Jack Taylor is enraged by the damages done to the house and throws Tom out. Jack orders that Lisa will accompany him to Thailand. The next day, Jack Taylor hears his son Red explaining to Lisa how she should stand up to their father and goes back to Tom. Jack realizes his mistakes and gives Tom a promotion to handle the creative department at the office. Hans goes with Jack to Thailand. Hans turned around the company's factory in Thailand. Audrey found a job at a coffee shop. Lisa restructured the entire company from top to bottom. OJ now drinks only beer.

By the 1990's, all professional sports became too highly commercialized, with marketing and endorsement deals calling the shots. Athleticism gives way to show-boating. Even the stadiums became billboards to market products and the players sold their services to the highest bidder. Entire teams moved to new cities in search for greater profits. As the talent pool declined, teams were forced to recruit from prisons and mental asylums. Sports became full on brawls during the games. The fans deserted even when the owners tried inter-league and then inter-sport games. Milwaukee slackers and lifelong best friends Joseph R. "Coop" Cooper (Trey Parker) and Douglas "Doug" Remer (Matt Stone) gate crash the college graduation party of a high-school friend and are shunned by their classmates as they were not even invited. Coop had always wanted to be a sports star since childhood, but life turned out to be very different as they grew up. Coop spends all his time playing games on his Nintendo machine. They find themselves outside drinking beer and shooting a basketball when two classmates challenge them to a game. After seeing that their opponents are very good at basketball, they say they will only play a game they picked up in the streets (while secretly inventing the rules as they play, based on and combining elements of both basketball and baseball). The game also features the ability to stop your opponent from scoring by distracting them using any manner of insults, which is a technique known as "Psyche Out". After winning, they decide to refine the rules to the game and Coop makes the first BASEketball out of a La-Z-Boy chair. Their friend, Kenny "Squeak" Scolari (Dian Bachar), tags along (he worked for the gas company and had come to shut down the gas, but ended up being lure by the game) and the sport becomes very popular in the neighborhood over the next six months. Businessman Ted Denslow (Ernest Borgnine) meets Coop and Remer and proposes the creation of the National BASEketball League (NBL) along with numerous rules in place to prevent its decline: teams cannot switch cities, players cannot be traded, individuals cannot make money via corporate sponsorship deals, and anyone who wants to play can freely participate, with Denslow stating that "anyone can be a sports hero". Though reluctant, Coop ultimately accepts the opportunity. Five years later, the NBL is in full swing with teams, fans, stadiums, and a major championship, the Denslow Cup. Denslow owns the Milwaukee Beers, Coop and Remer's team. During the championship game, Denslow dies from choking on a hot dog, causing Coop to miss his shot and costing the Beers the game. Denslow was 85 years old. Coop's mistake hands the Championship to the Dallas Felons owned by Baxter Cain. Denslow's will names Coop as owner of the Beers for one year on the condition that they win the next Denslow Cup; otherwise, ownership reverts to Denslow's widow Yvette (Jenny McCarthy). Coop and Remer then meet Jenna Reed (Yasmine Bleeth), head of the Dream Come True Foundation, and Joey (Trevor Einhorn), one of the children in her care and a passionate fan of BASEketball; Coop, Remer and Squeak begin spending time with the two, with Coop eventually forming a romantic relationship with Jenna. Baxter Cain (Robert Vaughn), owner of the Dallas Felons, wants to remove Denslow's rules preventing commercialization of the sport, having been unable to do so during Denslow's lifetime. However, Coop refuses to accept any changes and Cain needs all owners to agree for the rules to be changed. Cain partners with Yvette as he tries to make the Beers lose the next Denslow Cup so she will own the team; however, the Beers still continue winning games and heading towards the championship. The Beers team has the best Psyche outs in the game and no opponent are able to score against them. Joe's wish is to spend time with the team before his liver operation. The guys take him to a bar and get horribly drunk. Remer promises Joe that Coop will hit 3 home runs for Joe, in that evening's game. But Coop is horribly drunk and misses. Joe still survives his surgery. Jenna falls in love with Coop, but wants to know if Coop will stay committed to her. Cain approaches Remer, telling him that he made an offer to Coop, but Coop refused without telling Remer. Remer confronts Coop about what Cain told him, and Coop quickly compromises by declaring Remer part owner of the team. He offers stock options for all players, including medical benefits and 20-week free psychiatric care. Coop and Remer both continue to hit on Jenna, and this is noticed by Cain. Later, Cain cuts the funding to Jenna's foundation in an attempt to get Coop and Remer to adopt a clothing line (this is allowed as per the rules if the proceeds of an endorsement go to charity); Coop opposes it, but Remer agrees and becomes conceited with his newfound A-list status. After the semifinals, Cain blackmails Coop and Remer into losing or forfeiting the Denslow Cup game, or else he will inform the public that the clothing line has been produced through child labor in Calcutta, thus ruining the team and Jenna's foundation. Jenna learns about the scandal and breaks up with Coop, as Coop and Remer blame each other for the controversy, with Remer declaring that Coop was no longer his best friend. With their friendship dissolved, Coop goes to Calcutta, aiming to resolve the situation by replacing the child workers with adults. Returning to the championship game just as it begins, Coop and Remer still argue with each other and the Beers are losing; by the seventh inning stretch, the Beers are down 16-0. Finally infuriated by the pair's feuding, Squeak gives the stadium an impassioned speech, reminding Coop and Remer where they came from, how much they changed everyone else's lives, and what they risk losing if they lose the game. Motivated, Coop and Remer reconcile as Yvette, also moved by Squeak's speech, breaks off her alliance with Cain. After shifting their focus back in the game, they are poised to win when Coop's La-Z-Boy BASEketball pops. Joey brings a crestfallen Coop a new BASEketball made from a Barcalounger, restoring his confidence. After a risky last throw, they win the Denslow Cup. Jenna and Coop reconcile as Yvette makes out with Remer, and both men skate around the stadium with their new trophy.

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