Planet Spaceball, led by President Skroob (Mel Brooks), has wasted all of its air. Skroob schemes to steal air from their peace-loving neighboring planet Druidia by kidnapping the daughter of King Roland (Dick Van Patten), Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga), on the day of her already arranged wedding to the narcoleptic Prince Valium (Jim J. Bullock). Vespa says that she does not love Valium, but Roland replies that Valium is the last prince left in the Galaxy and as per the rules, a Princess can only marry a Prince. Skroob wants to force Druidia's ruler King Roland to give him the code to the shield surrounding the planet. Druidia has 10,000 years of fresh air. Skroob sends Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) to complete this task with Spaceball One, an impossibly huge ship piloted by Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner). Before they can arrive, Vespa herself abandons her marriage and flees the planet along with her Droid of Honor, Dot Matrix (Joan Rivers), in her personal Mercedes spaceship. Spaceball One closes in on Vespa and her spaceship and starts firing warning shots across her bow. Vespa is terrified and calls her father to get her some help. King Roland contacts the mercenary Captain Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his Mawg (half-man, half-dog) sidekick, Barf (John Candy), offering a lucrative reward to retrieve Vespa before she is captured. Lone Starr readily accepts, as he is in major debt with the space gangster Pizza the Hutt (Dom DeLuise). Lone Starr owed 100,000 Spacebucks, but Pizza the Hutt who says that the due amount is 1 million Spacebucks due to the late charges. They are contacted by Pizza the Hutt and his robotic minion Vinny to retrieve the money they owe them "or else Pizza is going to send out for you". Lone Starr and Barf, in their Winnebago spaceship (Eagle 5), reach Vespa before Spaceball One (they scramble the radar of the Spaceball One, but throwing a bottle of Jam at their radar), rescue her and Dot, and escape into hyperspace. When the radar is repaired, Dark Helmet realizes that Vespa has been taken by Lone Starr and decides to go after them. Dark Helmet and a reluctant Sandurz use "Ludicrous Speed", but heavily overshoot the group when they try to follow. Vespa is livid at being rescued in such a filthy spaceship such as the Eagle 5. While being rescued, she demanded that Barf carry her matched luggage to the Eagle 5. Running out of fuel, the Eagle 5 crew and passengers crash on the nearby desert "Moon of Vega". The four escapees travel on foot for a while, but ultimately pass out in the relentless heat. They are found by the Dink-Dinks, a group of diminutive aliens in sparkly robes, and taken to the hidden cave of the wise old sage Yogurt (Mel Brooks). Yogurt introduces Lone Starr to the power of "The Schwartz". Yogurt also introduces the audience to the film's merchandising campaign, which becomes prevalent throughout the rest of the film. During their respite on the moon, Lone Starr and Vespa begin to flirt, but Vespa insists she can only be married to a prince. Lone Starr shows Yogurt a medallion bearing an indecipherable message that was found with him when he was abandoned as a baby. The Spaceballs break the fourth wall by going through a VHS copy of the film to locate the Eagle 5's whereabouts. Helmet disguises himself as Roland to lure Vespa and Dot out of the cave. The Spaceballs capture Vespa and return with her to the planet Spaceball. The Spaceballs threaten to reverse Vespa's nose job, forcing Roland to give over the code to the shield that protects Druidia. Dark Helmet takes Spaceball One to Druidia, and transforms the ship into Mega Maid, a giant robotic maid with a vacuum cleaner that begins sucking the air from the planet. As Lone Starr and Barf prepare to chase Helmet, Yogurt gives Lone Starr a ring that he can use to channel the Schwartz. Lone Starr, with Yogurt's help in repairing his ship and training in the Schwartz, races to the planet Spaceball to rescue Vespa. Lone Starr and Barf infiltrate the prison and break them out, and all four escape in Eagle 5 while leaving their stunt doubles to be captured. Spaceball One transforms itself into a giant maid (Mega-Maid), opens the shield, and uses a vacuum cleaner (vacuum of space) to suck the air from Druidia. Lone Starr taps into the Schwartz to reverse the flow and return the air (saving Roland and the Druidians), then pilots Eagle 5 into the head of Mega-Maid. Lone Starr finds a self-destruct button, but Helmet interrupts and they engage in a duel using light-saber-like weapons that extend from their Schwartz rings. Helmet steals Lone Starr's ring and drops it through a floor grate, but Lone Starr gets a telepathic message from Yogurt telling him that the power lies within him instead of the ring. As Helmet prepares to attack, Lone Starr levitates a mirror and reflects Helmet's blast, knocking him into the self-destruct button. Lone Starr returns to Eagle 5 and pilots it to safety. Skroob, Helmet and Sandurz fail to reach any escape pods in time and discover the "cancellation button" is out of order as Mega-Maid explodes. Lone Starr and Barf discover that Pizza the Hutt had locked himself in a limousine and ate himself to death, absolving them of the debt. The duo return Vespa and Dot to Roland, but take only enough money to cover their expenses. The remnants of the Mega-Maid crash-land on a nearby planet populated by intelligent apes, who express dismay at the stranded Spaceballs. After being scared by a singing Xenomorph at a diner, Lone Starr and Barf find a final message from Yogurt hidden in a fortune cookie, telling them that Lone Starr's medallion means he is a prince and can thus marry Vespa. The two return to Druidia just in time to stop her wedding to Valium, and Lone Starr announces his royal lineage and marries Vespa. The film ends with them riding off in Eagle 5 and a message to the audience stating, "May the Schwartz Be With You".
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