Don Rickles

Set in a small Midwest U.S. town, Mitch Weaver and his best friend Sam McKenna are two social misfits who "don't take crap from anyone", as Sam's father, Pops McKenna (Jack Warden) taught them. While in school as young kids, they get a bully arrested for (planted) gun possession, and catch a crossing guard/pedophine kiddie-fondler in the act (with glue). As a teenager, Mitch's single mother dies and he moves in with Sam and his father Pops. Mitch and Sam get revenge against a spiteful meter maid by planting popcorn kernels in her car radiator, and they get revenge against a neighborhood dog that chases them to having them get a homosexual German Shepherd dog to have it's way with the dog that attacks them. (Note: gay and homophobic jokes are the recurring theme throughout the movie.) The film then cuts to their adult lives. After losing 14 jobs in three months and getting dumped by his girlfriend, Mitch (Norm MacDonald as an adult) moves in with Sam (Artie Lange as an adult) and Pops. As grownups in their early 30s, Mitch and Sam still "don't take crap from anyone" when after they get beaten up and humiliated by a group of college frat guys at their local hangout bar, the guys set up the frat guys to get arrested for fighting with the police. A little later, Pops is rushed to the hospital when he has a heart attack. Even though his heart is failing and needs a transplant, the gambling-addicted Dr. Farthing (Chevy Chase) tells Mitch and Sam that he will only raise Pops on the transplant list if he is paid an under-the-table bribe of $50,000 in three weeks. To raise the money, Mitch and Sam try to get jobs any way they can from a failed construction site job, to being payed to sample hallougenic brownies. Mitch and Sam get jobs in a movie theater with an abusive manager named Mr. Hamilton (Don Rickles), who mocks and pokes fun of the slow-witted and overweight Sam, and the wise-cracking Mitch. The guys exact their revenge by showing a premier film of "Men In Black (Who Like To Have Sex With Each Other)" a gay porn film parody to a packed house. The other workers congratulate them and tell them they should open their own business. Mitch and Sam open "Dirty Work", a revenge-for-hire business. They exact increasingly lucrative reprisals for satisfied customers until they interfere with unscrupulous local property developer Travis Cole (Christopher McDonald). Cole tricks them into destroying "his" apartment building, promising to pay them enough to save Pops. Afterwards, Cole reneges, revealing that he is not the owner. However, the grandmother of Mitch's new girlfriend Kathy (Traylor Howard) lives there. Unknown to Cole, Mitch's "note to self" tape recorder captures this confession. Mitch and Sam plot their revenge on Cole, using the tape to set up an elaborate trap. Using skunks, an army of prostitutes, homeless men, a nose-less friend, the brownies with hallucinogenic additives, and Sam's father, they ruin the opening night of an opera sponsored prominently by Cole. With the media present, Mitch plays back Cole's confession over the theater's sound system. Cole sees that his public image is being tarnished and agrees to pay the $50,000. In the end, Cole is punched in the stomach, arrested and jailed, his dog is raped by a skunk, and Mitch gets the girl. Pop's gets his heart transplant and lives, while Dr. Farthing overcomes his gambling habit, but is said to have been murdered by his angry bookies anyway.

Sir Lionel (Gabriel Byrne) is a knight of the Round Table who is killed foiling an assassination attempt on King Arthur (Pierce Brosnan) by the evil lord Ruber (Gary Oldman). Ruber wanted new lands for himself and Arthur refuses to grant his demands. Ruber challenges Arthur at the round-table and says that he has supported Arthur for many years and his needs are greater than everyone else's. Arthur replies that as Knights they need to serve the people and not themselves. Ruber says that it is time for a new King and attacks Arthur. Lionel tries to stop Ruber but is injured in the attack and later dies from his wounds. Ruber is then driven off by Excalibur, Arthur's sword. At Lionel's funeral, Arthur tells Lionel's daughter Kayley (Jessalyn Gilsig) and his wife Juliana (Jane Seymour) that they will always be welcome at Camelot. Kayley dreams of becoming a Knight, like her father, and trains herself while working on their farm. Kayley was inspired with Lionel's tales of the Excalibur and how it united the lands and its peoples. Lionel told her that before the Excalibur, the people were divided, and Excalibur was the only hope. Only a true king could pull this magical sword from its stone. Many tried and failed. Kayley was born on the same day as Arthur pulled the sword out of stone. England prospered as a nation under Arthur and Excalibur, and they built the greatest Kingdom on Earth. The 3 rings of Camelot represent the Unity of the Kingdom. Lionel had promised that one day when she was old enough, he would take her to Camelot. A decade later, Ruber's Griffin (Bronson Pinchot) attacks Camelot, where he steals Excalibur and injures King Arthur. Arthur orders his guards to alert Merlin. Merlin's (Sir John Gielgud) pet falcon, Ayden (On Merlin's orders), attacks the Griffin, causing it to drop the sword into the Forbidden Forest. The Griffin is driven away by the forest's sentient trees who try to attack the Griffin as it comes closer to the canopy of the forest. The guards of Camelot send out an audio signal indicating that the Excalibur has been stolen. When Kayley hears news of this, she plans to search for Excalibur herself, which displeases her mother. Kayley is not satisfied with her domestic life, and she yearns for a life of a Knight. Ruber turns his henchmen into steel men and a henpecked rooster into Bladebeak (Jaleel White) using a witch's potion to aid him. As a result, the men are fused with the weapons that they were holding in their hands and their bodies converted to steel. He attacks the farm and captures Kayley, planning to use her to gain entry to Camelot. Ruber knows that Arthur will open the gates for Kayley & Juliana (while his men hide inside the wagons) and that's when Ruber and his men will come out of hiding and enter Camelot. After hearing Ruber's plans & learning from the Griffin that the Excalibur was dropped in the Forbidden Forest, Kayley escapes and heads to the forest, pursued by the Griffin, steel men and Bladebeak. Garrett (Cary Elwes), a blind hermit, and Ayden (Frank Welker) (Merlin's pet falcon), save her. They decide to search for Excalibur, and Kayley persuades him to let her join the quest after she sees that the forest obeys Garrett and that he is one with the natural forces. They meet a wisecracking two-headed dragon named Devon (Eric Idle) and Cornwall (Don Rickles), whose two heads can't stand each other and dream of being separated and can neither fly nor breathe fire. They fight off another attack from Ruber and his henchmen, and Devon and Cornwell join their quest. Garrett reveals he was once King Arthur's stable boy, who wanted to be a Knight. He was kicked in the head while saving the King's horses from a fire, causing his blindness. Following the accident, Sir Lionel still believed in Garrett and trained him personally. Garrett teaches Kayley more about the forest, including the existence of magical healing plants. The next day, they find the belt and scabbard of Excalibur in a giant footprint. Kayley's insistent talking distracts Garrett causes him to miss Ayden's signal, and he is injured by one of Ruber's men. Kayley uses the sentient trees to trap Ruber and his men, and escorts Garrett into a remote cave where the magic of the forest heals Garrett's wounds. While in the cave, Kayley and Garrett profess their love for each other. The next day, the group goes into a giant cave where a rock-like Ogre holds Excalibur, using it as a toothpick. They snatch Excalibur and flee from Ruber in the process. They reach the edge of the forest where Garrett says he belongs here, not in Camelot, and gives Kayley the Excalibur. Ruber captures Kayley, takes Excalibur and fuses it with his right arm. He imprisons Kayley in the wagon with her mother Juliana. Devon and Cornwall, who witness this, rush to Garrett and convince him to save Kayley. By working together for the first time, Devon and Cornwall are able to fly and breathe fire, and they fly Garrett to Camelot. Bladebeak reconciles with his constantly henpecking hen and frees Kayley from her ropes, and she warns the guards of Ruber's trap, exposing him and his steel men. Garrett, Devon and Cornwall arrive shortly after and come to her aid. Garrett enters the castle while Devon and Cornwall rescue Ayden from the Griffin by breathing fire at the creature, roasting it to death. Inside, Kayley and Garrett find Ruber attempting to kill Arthur with Excalibur, gloating about how all-powerful he has become now. They intervene and trick Ruber into returning Excalibur to its stone, causing its magic to disintegrate Ruber, revert the steel men, including Bladebeak, back to normal and temporarily separate Devon and Cornwall, but they decide to end up back together again. Later, with Camelot restored to its former glory, Kayley and Garrett marry and both become Knights of the Round Table. The newlyweds ride off into the distance together on their horse.

Film legend Martin Scorsese presents a tale about the rise and fall of a Las Vegas gangster and his slowly unraveling wife, exposing a world never seen by the average person.

When a ruthless mob hit-man mistakenly murders the wrong guy, a detective (Lee Majors) and his partner (Don Rickles) are ordered to protect the intended target (Abe Vigoda) in this hard-edged action-comedy. Ex-mobster Keaton, now living in a retirement home, narrowly misses being the target of a mob hit. Policemen Jake, an old friend of Keaton, and Gable, a violent cop who takes an immediate disliking to the aging gangster are called in to keep Keaton safe, as well as investigate the hit. There is a turn of events though when Jake is killed by the hitmen, Gable and Keaton are forced to get along while they search for whomever killed their friend and partner. Adding to the challenge, they only have forty-eight hours to solve this case on their own. —Jean-Marc Rocher <rocher@fiberbit.net>

Ray Milland plays Dr. James Xavier a brilliant scientist who understands that the human eye only perceives a tenth of the entire visual spectrum. Through his experiments he develops an eye drop that allows a monkey to see through hard material and his gal-pal Dr. Diane Fairfax (Diana Van der Vlis) is astounded at the discovery. Xavier turns to his friend Dr. Sam Brant (Harold J. Stone) to aid him in administering the drug on himself to record the details first hand, but Brant doesnt want to because too much is still unknown about the drug. Xavier goes forward with his plans and discovers a wealth of new visual abilities he didnt posses before. His ability to see through material prevents a miss-diagnosed surgery but puts him at odds with the attending physician at his hospital. Brant tries to prevent Xavier from continuing the drug because of the physical damage to his system. In the midst of an argument Xavier accidentally causes the death of Brant and Diane convinces Xavier to flee until he can pull himself together and explain what happened. Xavier drops out of sight until Diane tracks him down and discovers that by continually using the vision drug Xavier has developed a sensitivity that has caused shocking changes in the doctors persona. As the police close in and crosses paths with a religious preacher the doctor takes some actions that have drastic aftereffects.

An aspiring musician arrives in New York in search of fame and fortune. He soon meets a taxi dancer / call girl and moves in with her. Before long, a romance develops. Tender romantic comedy about an aspiring musician who arrives in New York in search of fame & fortune. He soon meets a taxi dancer, moves in with her, and before too long a romance develops. —alfiehitchie A romantic comedy about a dancer who lives in New York and a would-be musician who arrives in town to make his fame & fortune, and platonically share an apartment. It's not too long before sparks fly as they struggle to make it in the city's 'rat race'. —Huggo