Eric Idle

The greatest fairy tale never told continues when Shrek embarks on another whirlwind adventure with Donkey and Puss In Boots to find the rightful heir to the throne.

Ella Enchanted is a modern-day Cinderella fairy tale staring Anne Hathaway. Ella is given the gift of obedience by her fairy godmother (Vivica A. Fox). Ella must obey any orders that are given to her by anyone. Her mother knew about the spell and did not use it to hurt Ella. Ella's mother dies and a few years later, her father remarries. Her new stepmother has two mean daughters. They find out about the spell, and they begin to order Ella to steal items at the store and do as they wish. Ella runs into the prince and soon falls in love. Ella searches for her fairy godmother and pleads with her to take away the gift, so she can be normal. Douglas Young (the-movie-guy) Ella is born into an ordinary household. Her mother is a fairy and there is another household fairy, Mandy living at their house. Ella's fairy godmother, Lucinda, comes when Ella is just a baby. Ella's mother and Mandy try to hide her, but Lucinda finds Ella and gives her the "gift" of obedience. Because of this, Ella must obey any order given to her by anyone. Even with this curse, Ella grows up to be a strong-hearted young lady. In school, when she is a kid, she saves a girl called Areida and they grow up to be bestfriends. Ella's mother then falls very ill. She tells Ella not to tell anyone about the curse and says "whatever anyone says, what is inside you is stronger than any spell." She then gives Ella her necklace and dies. Now Ella is a grown woman. Her father gives her the news that he has married again, to a rich woman called Dame Olga, because they need the money. Dame Olga and her two daughters Hattie and Olive come to live at their house. Almost immediately, Ella's father goes away on a job. Hattie orders Ella to do things and soon she finds out that Ella has to obey every command. Meanwhile, Prince Char comes to their town with his Uncle who is the temporary king. He is a handsome young man and all the women, including Hattie and Olive has a crush on him. But Ella is against him because she does not like Char's uncle's ruling and she thinks that Char is also like that. Later she meets Char and after he saves her from a horse-drawn carriage coming towards her, they start talking. But they're soon interrupted by Hattie and Olive; Hattie orders off Ella and Olive and tries to chat up Char, but he runs away. Ella and Areida are at the marketplace and Hattie and Olive see them. Hattie orders Ella to steal some glass shoes on a nearby display, but a guard spots her. Ella starts running and after a long chase he catches her. At home, Dame Olga scolds Ella. Hattie tells Ella to say that it was Areida who told her to steal. So when Dame Olga asks, Ella is forced to say Areida and Dame Olga orders Ella to tell Areida that she couldn't ever see her again. Areida comes to see Ella and Ella says what Dame Olga said. Later, Ella decides to go look for Lucinda and ask her to take away the curse. Mandy gives Ella a book and tells her it's Benny, her boyfriend, whom she accidently turned into a book. Benny is able to show Ella a picture of anyone in their present surroundings and also maps and other useful information. Ella asks to see Lucinda and they see that Lucinda is in Giantville because everything else around her is huge. Ella then sets off with Benny. Benny shows Ella a map of the forest. Suddenly they come to a clearing where two people are teasing / hurting an elf. Ella saves the elf, Slannen, and he takes her to an elf restaurant to eat. Meanwhile, an invitation to the Prince's coronation ball arrives for Ella, and Dame Olga, Hattie and Olive get it. Slannen sets off with Ella to look for Lucinda. In the forest they encounter some ogres. Ella was told not to speak and not to move. Then they tied her up and hung her down from a tree branch over a boiling pot. Slannen is tied to another tree. Just as they were lowering Ella to the pot, Prince Char arrives, saves Ella and defeats the ogres. He thinks that the ogres killed his father. Ella talks to Char about how bad the giants are treated, but Char says that his uncle probably doesn't know about that. So he goes to Giantville with Ella and sees that the giants are being treated as slaves. Ella, Char, Slannen and Benny go to a giants' bar where Ella learns that Lucinda has already left the place. Char talks to a giant and tells him that once he becomes king, the giants won't be slaves. Char asks Ella to stay there that night and resume the search for Lucinda tomorrow. They have a fun night at the end of which they kiss. Char tells her that he may be able to help her find Lucinda using the books at the library at his castle. So the next day they go to the castle. At the castle, Char and Ella meet Hattie with a group of other women who are on a tour of the castle. Ella and Char run away and they meet Char's uncle Edgar and his pet snake. Ella is introduced to Edgar and then she goes off to the library with Benny. In the mean time, Char tries to talk to Edgar about the giant enslavement and how the elves aren't allowed to do anything but sing and dance (Slannen wants to be a lawyer). Edgar says they'll talk about it after the coronation ceremony. Char then reveals to Edgar that he plans on asking Ella to marry him at the ball at midnight. Same time and same place where his father proposed to his mother. Ella finds a clue to Lucinda's whereabouts in Benny's book. Meanwhile, Hattie and Olive are chatting with Edgar. Hattie tells Edgar that Ella does everything she's told, that she can't help it. In return, Edgar says that Hattie can have Char's hand in marriage when he becomes king. Edgar then goes to the library and tells Ella that Char will take her to the hall of mirrors and ask her a question. And at the stroke of midnight, Ella has to plunge a dagger (Edgar takes out a dagger) through Char's heart and kill him. Edgar says that it's lucky Ella's here because then he won't have to do it himself. Ella is shocked that he's willing to kill his own nephew. Edgar reveals that in fact, it was he who killed his brother, Char's father, the king. Then Edgar orders Ella's not to tell anyone about this. Ella quickly goes to find Lucinda, but a fairy there tells her that Lucinda was thrown out of there. Beaten, Ella writes a letter to Char saying that they couldn't be together. Then Ella tells Slannen to chain and padlock her to a huge tree in the middle of a meadow, away from the castle. After that she tells Slannen to go to the castle, find Benny, and to keep Edgar away from Char. At 23:30 that night Lucinda suddenly appears in the meadow. Ella begs her to take the gift back. Lucinda is offended and tells her that she has to get rid of it herself. To "prove what a gem she is," Lucinda then unchains Ella from the tree amid her protests and suggests that she should be at the ball dancing with the Prince. Lucinda then magically prepares Ella for the ball with a beautiful white gown. Ella is forced to go to the ball where she immediately meets Char. She tells him that she loves him when he asked to tell him how she really feels about him. Then he tells her to come with him and takes her to the hall of mirrors. The time is 23:57. There Ella starts crying and tries to explain to Char what's happening when he proposes. But Char doesn't understand. All this time, Edgar is watching the whole thing. As the clock strikes midnight, Ella starts sobbing and we see the dagger behind her back. Char hugs her to try to comfort her. Ella raises the dagger over Char, but using all her strength she fights against plunging it into him. She has flashbacks and suddenly remembers what her mother told her before she died. "What's inside you is stronger than any spell." Then Ella screams, "You will no longer be obedient!" and Char looks up and sees the dagger in Ella's hand in the reflection. The spell is broken. Ella drops the dagger but Char thinks that Ella tried to kill him. Edgar barges in and calls the guards and orders them to take Ella away to the dungeon. Char is having trouble believing that Ella might hurt him, so Edgar and his pet snake tell Char that, what happened in the forest with the ogres, was all planned by Ella and the ogres so that she could get close to Char and kill him. Edgar tells Char to concentrate on tomorrow's coronation ceremony and leave Ella to him. Later Edgar tells the snake that he has an idea on how to prevent Char from becoming king. The next day, Slannen comes to the castle with some elfin friends and two giants. They find Benny in the rubbish bin outside. Slannen rescues him and Benny shows them that Ella is in the dungeon. The three ogres from the forest also join them in the rescue mission. They get into the castle by hiding themselves in a carriage driven by Slannen who is disguised as the executioner. Meanwhile, the coronation ceremony is starting. Slannen gets the guard to open the dungeon doors by saying that he is Ella's lawyer. The ogres then disable the guard and Slannen releases Ella. Ella asks Benny to show Edgar. They see Edgar placing a poisoned crown in the place of the original crown. Ella, Slannen, and the others dash off. Just as the poisoned crown is about to be placed on Char's head, they burst through the hall doors and a huge fight erupts. Char jumps in to save Ella. During the fight, Ella explains to Char what really happened right down to where Edgar poisoned Char's crown. Mandy tries to change Benny back to a real man and gets it on the second try and Benny joins in the fight too. Ella then takes Char aside and tells him that Edgar is the one who killed Char's father. Char is unable to believe it and Edgar comes and says, "Of course it's not true. Who are you going to believe, a lying twit or the man who raised you?" At that point Ella sees that Edgar's snake is about to strike Char and steps on it. All the women there attack the snake because it was about to kill their beloved Char. Char finally believes everything Ella told him. Edgar is very angry and starts shouting. In his excitement he forgets that the crown is poisoned and places it on his head and immediately passes out. Ella and Char get married. [By: Shuwey]

The inept Canadian Mountie Dudley Do-Right chases after villain Snidely Whiplash and woos girlfriend Nell Fenwick. Based on the 60's-era cartoon of the same name. Royal Canadian Mountie Dudley Do-right is busy keeping the peace in his small mountain town when his old rival, Snidely Whiplash, comes up with a plot to buy all the property in town, then start a phony gold rush by seeding the river with nuggets. Can this well-meaning (though completely incompetent) Mountie stop Whiplash's evil plan? —Jean-Marc Rocher <rocher@fiberbit.net>

Sir Lionel (Gabriel Byrne) is a knight of the Round Table who is killed foiling an assassination attempt on King Arthur (Pierce Brosnan) by the evil lord Ruber (Gary Oldman). Ruber wanted new lands for himself and Arthur refuses to grant his demands. Ruber challenges Arthur at the round-table and says that he has supported Arthur for many years and his needs are greater than everyone else's. Arthur replies that as Knights they need to serve the people and not themselves. Ruber says that it is time for a new King and attacks Arthur. Lionel tries to stop Ruber but is injured in the attack and later dies from his wounds. Ruber is then driven off by Excalibur, Arthur's sword. At Lionel's funeral, Arthur tells Lionel's daughter Kayley (Jessalyn Gilsig) and his wife Juliana (Jane Seymour) that they will always be welcome at Camelot. Kayley dreams of becoming a Knight, like her father, and trains herself while working on their farm. Kayley was inspired with Lionel's tales of the Excalibur and how it united the lands and its peoples. Lionel told her that before the Excalibur, the people were divided, and Excalibur was the only hope. Only a true king could pull this magical sword from its stone. Many tried and failed. Kayley was born on the same day as Arthur pulled the sword out of stone. England prospered as a nation under Arthur and Excalibur, and they built the greatest Kingdom on Earth. The 3 rings of Camelot represent the Unity of the Kingdom. Lionel had promised that one day when she was old enough, he would take her to Camelot. A decade later, Ruber's Griffin (Bronson Pinchot) attacks Camelot, where he steals Excalibur and injures King Arthur. Arthur orders his guards to alert Merlin. Merlin's (Sir John Gielgud) pet falcon, Ayden (On Merlin's orders), attacks the Griffin, causing it to drop the sword into the Forbidden Forest. The Griffin is driven away by the forest's sentient trees who try to attack the Griffin as it comes closer to the canopy of the forest. The guards of Camelot send out an audio signal indicating that the Excalibur has been stolen. When Kayley hears news of this, she plans to search for Excalibur herself, which displeases her mother. Kayley is not satisfied with her domestic life, and she yearns for a life of a Knight. Ruber turns his henchmen into steel men and a henpecked rooster into Bladebeak (Jaleel White) using a witch's potion to aid him. As a result, the men are fused with the weapons that they were holding in their hands and their bodies converted to steel. He attacks the farm and captures Kayley, planning to use her to gain entry to Camelot. Ruber knows that Arthur will open the gates for Kayley & Juliana (while his men hide inside the wagons) and that's when Ruber and his men will come out of hiding and enter Camelot. After hearing Ruber's plans & learning from the Griffin that the Excalibur was dropped in the Forbidden Forest, Kayley escapes and heads to the forest, pursued by the Griffin, steel men and Bladebeak. Garrett (Cary Elwes), a blind hermit, and Ayden (Frank Welker) (Merlin's pet falcon), save her. They decide to search for Excalibur, and Kayley persuades him to let her join the quest after she sees that the forest obeys Garrett and that he is one with the natural forces. They meet a wisecracking two-headed dragon named Devon (Eric Idle) and Cornwall (Don Rickles), whose two heads can't stand each other and dream of being separated and can neither fly nor breathe fire. They fight off another attack from Ruber and his henchmen, and Devon and Cornwell join their quest. Garrett reveals he was once King Arthur's stable boy, who wanted to be a Knight. He was kicked in the head while saving the King's horses from a fire, causing his blindness. Following the accident, Sir Lionel still believed in Garrett and trained him personally. Garrett teaches Kayley more about the forest, including the existence of magical healing plants. The next day, they find the belt and scabbard of Excalibur in a giant footprint. Kayley's insistent talking distracts Garrett causes him to miss Ayden's signal, and he is injured by one of Ruber's men. Kayley uses the sentient trees to trap Ruber and his men, and escorts Garrett into a remote cave where the magic of the forest heals Garrett's wounds. While in the cave, Kayley and Garrett profess their love for each other. The next day, the group goes into a giant cave where a rock-like Ogre holds Excalibur, using it as a toothpick. They snatch Excalibur and flee from Ruber in the process. They reach the edge of the forest where Garrett says he belongs here, not in Camelot, and gives Kayley the Excalibur. Ruber captures Kayley, takes Excalibur and fuses it with his right arm. He imprisons Kayley in the wagon with her mother Juliana. Devon and Cornwall, who witness this, rush to Garrett and convince him to save Kayley. By working together for the first time, Devon and Cornwall are able to fly and breathe fire, and they fly Garrett to Camelot. Bladebeak reconciles with his constantly henpecking hen and frees Kayley from her ropes, and she warns the guards of Ruber's trap, exposing him and his steel men. Garrett, Devon and Cornwall arrive shortly after and come to her aid. Garrett enters the castle while Devon and Cornwall rescue Ayden from the Griffin by breathing fire at the creature, roasting it to death. Inside, Kayley and Garrett find Ruber attempting to kill Arthur with Excalibur, gloating about how all-powerful he has become now. They intervene and trick Ruber into returning Excalibur to its stone, causing its magic to disintegrate Ruber, revert the steel men, including Bladebeak, back to normal and temporarily separate Devon and Cornwall, but they decide to end up back together again. Later, with Camelot restored to its former glory, Kayley and Garrett marry and both become Knights of the Round Table. The newlyweds ride off into the distance together on their horse.

A duke dies and leaves the title and wealth to his adult son. But who's the real son: the found baby raised in USA or the abandoned baby raised by a Hindi family in London? Comedy follows. A member of the English upper class dies, leaving his estate and his business to an American whom he thinks is his son who was lost as a baby and then found. An Englishman who thinks he is an Indian comes to believe that he is actually the heir. He comes to hate the American who is his boss, his friend, and the man who has stolen the woman after whom he lusts. —Mark Logan <marklo@west.sun.com>

A multimillionaire whose son and daughter are gay leaves a will with one clause: His children will inherit his money only if at least one of them produces his grandchild within a year of his death.

An account of Baron Munchausen's supposed travels and fantastical experiences across late 18th-century Europe with his band of misfits. The fantastic tale of an 18th-century aristocrat, his talented henchmen, and a little girl in their efforts to save a town from defeat by the Turks. Being swallowed by a giant sea-monster, journeying to the moon, dancing with Venus, and escaping from the Grim Reaper are only some of the improbable adventures. —Keith Loh <loh@sfu.ca> In the late 18th century, a European town is under siege of the Turkish army. Meanwhile, the theater company owned by Henry Saltis entertains the dwellers with the production of "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen". Out of the blue, an old man interrupts the presentation claiming that he is Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen and the tells that he is the one to be blamed by the Turkish attack. The Baron Munchausen tells how he had won a bet against the Sultan with the abilities of his servants Berthold, Adolphus, Albrecht, and Gustavus, and earned his treasure. Further, he offers to help the locals against the Turks and builds a balloon to seek out his missing servants. During his journey, he finds a girl named Sally hidden in the balloon and they travel to the moon, where they meet Roger, the deranged King of the Moon with a detachable head, and his wife, Ariadne, the Queen of the Moon. —Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Bent on saving a besieged European city from the clutches of a Turkish Sultan and his soldiers, Baron von Munchausen, the incredible aristocrat of fabrication, embarks on an enchanting odyssey to the four corners of the world--and beyond. Accompanied by young stowaway Sally Salt, the dauntless Baron sets off on a dangerous mission to assemble his old team of remarkable gentlemen, only to face regal Selenites; lovelorn deities; the immaculate personification of beauty; and gigantic, deep-sea leviathans. Now the fate of the war-ravaged town rests in the hands of a handful of defenders; however, a persistent, and above all, eternal dark adversary threatens to thwart the Baron's altruistic plans. Can the extraordinary Baron von Munchausen carry out his impossible task? —Nick Riganas During the late 18th century, when Austria is at war with the Turks, an Austrian town is besieged and in the town a local theatrical producer is presenting the story of Baron Munchausen. One night a man appears, claiming to be the actual Baron Munchausen. —grantss

The film begins with a stand-alone 17-minute supporting feature entitled The Crimson Permanent Assurance (directed by Terry Gilliam). Set in London, England in present day 1983, a group of elderly office clerks in a small accounting firm rebel against their emotionlessly efficient, yuppie corporate masters. They commandeer their building, turn it into a pirate ship, and sail into a large financial district, where they raid and overthrow a large multinational corporation (before ultimately sailing to the edge of the earth and falling off). The film proper consists of a series of distinct sketches, broken into seven chapters. Part I: The Miracle of Birth A woman in labour is taken into a hospital delivery room, where she is largely ignored by doctors (John Cleese and Graham Chapman) and nurses, who are more concerned with using the hospital's most expensive equipment to impress the hospital's administrator (Michael Palin). The woman in labour notices that hospitals are changing, with "lots and lots of machinery". The Miracle of Birth Part II - The Third World In Yorkshire A Roman Catholic man (Palin) loses his employment. He goes home to his wife (Terry Jones) and an impossible number of children, where he discusses the church's opposition to the use of contraception, leading into the musical number "Every Sperm Is Sacred". Watching this unfold, a Protestant man (Chapman) proudly lectures his wife (Eric Idle) on their church's tolerance towards contraception and having intercourse for fun, although his frustrated wife points out that they never do. Part II: Growth and Learning A schoolmaster (Cleese) and chaplain (Palin) conduct a nonsensical Anglican church service in an English public school. The master lectures the boys on excessively detailed school etiquette regarding the school cormorant, and hanging clothes on the correct peg. In a subsequent class, the schoolboys (Idle, Palin, Jones, Chapman, and others) watch in boredom as the master gives a sex education lesson, by physically demonstrating techniques with his wife (Patricia Quinn). Later, a team of boys is beaten physically and on the scoreboard in a violent rugby match against the masters; the scene then match cuts to Part III. Part III: Fighting Each Other A World War I officer (Jones) attempts to rally his men (Chapman, Gilliam, Palin, Idle, and Cleese) to find cover during an attack, but is hindered by their insistence on celebrating his birthday, complete with presents and cake. A blustery army RSM (Palin) attempts to drill a platoon of men but ends up left alone when he excuses them one by one to pursue leisure activities. In 1879, during the Anglo-Zulu War in Natal, a devastating attack by Zulus is dismissed due to a far more pressing matter: one of the officers, Perkins (Idle), has had his right leg bitten off during the night. The military doctor (Chapman) hypothesises that, despite not being native to Africa, a tiger might be the perpetrator. Ainsworth (Cleese), Packenham-Walsh (Palin) and a sergeant (Jones) form a hunting party, which encounters two suspicious men (Idle and Palin) dressed in two halves of a tiger suit, who attempt to assert their innocence through a succession of increasingly feeble excuses to explain why they are dressed as a tiger. The Middle of the Film A woman (Palin), as if on a talk-show called "The Middle of the Film", introduces a segment called "Find The Fish" a brief surreal piece in which a drag queen (Chapman), a gangly long-armed man (Jones), and an elephant-headed butler eerily challenge the audience to find a fish in the scene. Part IV: Middle Age A middle-aged American couple (Idle as the wife and Palin as the husband) heads to a dungeon-themed Hawaiian restaurant at a holiday resort. They are presented with a menu of conversation topics by their waiter (Cleese), and choose philosophy and the meaning of life. Their awkward and generally uninformed conversation quickly grinds to a halt, and they send it back, complaining "This conversation isn't very good." Part V: Live Organ Transplants Two paramedics (Chapman and Cleese) arrive at the doorstep of Mr. Brown (Gilliam), a card-carrying organ donor, to claim his liver. He protests on the basis that he is not dead, but is nonetheless gruesomely operated on against his will. Cleese's paramedic unsuccessfully attempts to chat up Mrs. Brown (Jones), then requests her liver as well. She initially declines, but after a man (Idle) sings a song about man's insignificance in the universe ("The Galaxy Song"), she agrees. In a large corporate boardroom, a businessman straightforwardly summarises his two-part report on the meaning of life: that the human soul must be "brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation", which rarely happens because people are easily distracted; and that "people aren't wearing enough hats." This is followed by an attempted takeover of the building by the Crimson Permanent Assurance from the short feature. Part VI: The Autumn Years A posh restaurant (complete with a pianist played by Idle, singing "The Penis Song" à la Noël Coward), is visited by Mr. Creosote (Jones), a morbidly obese man in his autumn years. Creosote swears at the unflappable maître d' (Cleese), vomits copiously, and consumes an enormous meal and a huge quantity of beer and wine to the disgust of other patrons. After he has finished, the maître d' offers him a small after-dinner mint; despite initial resistance, Creosote eats it then explodes, showering the restaurant with human entrails and vomit. Part VI-B: The Meaning of Life Afterwards, two of the restaurant's staff clean up the mess left behind by the late Mr. Creosoto and offer their own thoughts on the meaning of life. The maître d' converses with cleaning lady Maria (Jones). The waiter Gaston (Idle) leads the viewer to the countryside where he was born, and explains that his mother encouraged him to notice the beauty of the world and love everyone. Realising that the audience is unamused, he angrily dismisses them and walks off. Part VII: Death A condemned man (Chapman) is allowed to choose the manner of his execution: being chased off the edge of a cliff by a horde of topless women. A depressed autumn leaf "commits suicide" by falling off its tree. Distraught, his wife and children quickly do likewise, followed by the rest of the tree's leaves simultaneously. (Animated segment) The Grim Reaper (Cleese) visits an isolated country house, and finds himself invited into a dinner party. Not knowing who he is, the dinner guests spend a lot of time arguing with him before finally being told they've all died from eating contaminated salmon mousse. Their souls leave their bodies, and they follow the Grim Reaper to Heaven. The dinner guests arrive in Heaven, a bright Las Vegas-style hotel where every day is Christmas. In a large auditorium filled with characters from throughout the film, a cheesy lounge singer resembling Tony Bennett (Chapman) performs "Christmas in Heaven", while bare-breasted women wearing Santa Claus costumes perform an elaborate dance number. The End of the Film The hostess from "The Middle of the Film" is handed an envelope containing the meaning of life, and casually reads it out: "Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations." She retorts that "gratuitous pictures of penises" and other meaningless controversies would do a better job at bringing the audiences into the cinema, and bitterly announces the closing credits.

On a Spanish galleon in the year 1687, aristocrat El Nebuloso (Tommy Chong) and his second-in-command, El Segundo (Cheech Marin), abscond with a treasure chest intended for their king. A band of English pirates, led by the dreaded blonde-haired Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman), descend on the ship and seize the treasure. Although his boatswain, Moon (Peter Boyle), planned the attack, Yellowbeard refuses to share the treasure, and as he slams the chest shut, Moon's left hand is severed. Yellowbeard continues his reign of terror, killing more than 500 men, until a betrayal by Moon leads to his 20-year prison sentence for tax evasion in England. Despite years of rehabilitation and torture, Yellowbeard refuses to divulge the location of the treasure. In a jump-forward to 1707, during the final week of his incarceration, Yellowbeard is informed by his wife, Betty (Madeline Kahn), that they have a teenage son named Dan (Martin Hewitt). The pirate is horrified to learn that the boy was raised by Lord Percy Lambourn (Peter Cook) to be an intellectual and a gardener. Dan, however, is fascinated by the idea that his father is the most ruthless pirate of all time. Meanwhile, Commander Clement (Eric Idle) of the Royal Secret Service coerces Queen Anne (Peter Bull) to extend Yellowbeard's sentence an additional 140 years, hoping the pirate will escape and lead authorities to his treasure. As predicted, Yellowbeard breaks out of prison and makes his way to Betty's tavern in search of the treasure map. Betty reveals that she tattooed it onto Dan's head before destroying the original, and directs Yellowbeard to Lambourn Hall, where the boy lives with his mentor. On the advice of informant Harvey "Blind" Pew (John Cleese), Commander Clement follows Yellowbeard into the tavern, but the pirate evades him. Moon's henchman, Gilbert (Marty Feldman), questions Blind Pew about the location of the map, but the informant refuses to assist pirates. Yellowbeard confronts his son at Lambourn Hall, declaring that he needs to remove the boy's head. Dan asks to remain intact and join his father on the treasure hunt. They consult Dr. Ebenezer Gilpin (Michael Hordern), who advises Yellowbeard to pose as a scientist on a voyage of discovery. Gilpin, Dan, and Lord Lambourn sign on as traveling companions. Blind Pew listens outside the office and informs Commander Clement of the group's departure. Moon and Gilbert eliminate Blind Pew by locking him inside a shed full of explosives and detonating them. The next morning, while Yellowbeard wreaks havoc in a brothel, Moon and Gilbert infiltrate a group of sailors and take Dan, Lord Lambourn, and Dr. Gilpin aboard the battleship, Lady Edith. As the ship sets sail, Yellowbeard stows away in the hold, while Captain Hughes lectures the men of their duty in England's war against France. Certain that Yellowbeard is aboard, Moon organizes a mutiny and elects Dan the new captain. Dan places the ship on a course to Madagascar, but during the night, Yellowbeard takes the helm and guides it toward the West Indies. Guided by Yellowbeard's wife, Betty, Commander Clement pursues the Lady Edith. He flies the French flag on his ship to avoid suspicion, and inadvertently attracts cannon fire from the battleship, forcing him to retreat. When the crew of the Lady Edith sights an island, Yellowbeard jumps overboard and swims ashore. Meanwhile, in El Nebuloso's hilltop fortress, an underling named Verdugo demonstrates his latest torture device, designed to break every bone in the human body. To further intimidate victims, it is suspended on a walkway over a pool of acid, to which nothing is impervious except gold and jewels. As the crew arrive on shore, Dr. Gilpin consults the map on Dan's scalp and leads a small party to the other side of the island. El Segundo assumes the landing party is searching for Yellowbeard's treasure and rallies his troops against the invaders, taking Dan prisoner. The boy is placed in the torture device, but refuses to talk. El Nebuloso's daughter, Triola (Stacey Nelkin), begs Dan to lead her father to the treasure, "for the grace and glory of God." When Dan suggests that torture is inconsistent with Christian ideals, Triola explains her father's desire to expedite his victims' entry into heaven. After Dan and Triola declare their love for each other, he promises to find the treasure and return for her, although El Nebuloso may be killed in the process. The avaricious Triola voices her approval. Elsewhere in the castle, El Nebuloso instructs El Segundo to feign resistance as the invaders approach the castle, enabling him to trap their leaders in the torture chamber. Yellowbeard joins Dr. Gilpin and Lord Lambourn as they lead their men into the fortress. Although guards pretend to fall dead at their feet, Yellowbeard proceeds to dispatch all in his path, including El Segundo, who dies a highly dramatic death, and receives a round of applause from his men. Upon entering the torture chamber, Dan's comrades find El Nebuloso threatening the boy with a sword. Yellowbeard swings from a rope and pushes the despot into the acid. Triola enters as Dan is set free, and she is happy to learn that her father is in heaven with all of the people he sent there. Moon leads his band of mutineers into the chamber and a sword fight ensues where Gilbert also falls into the pit of acid. Yellowbeard offers Dan the opportunity to fight Moon, but Triola intervenes and pushes the boatswain into the acid. Returning to the beach, Yellowbeard uses his sword to shave the top of Dan's head, revealing the map. When they unearth the treasure, Dan embraces his father, accidentally stabbing him with a dagger. Yellowbeard is proud of his son for adhering to the family tradition of patricide. Clement confiscates the treasure in the name of Queen Anne, prompting Triola to reject Dan and declare her love for the commander. Later, while Commander Clement considers keeping the treasure for himself, Dan and Yellowbeard burst into his cabin and take control of the ship. Triola has renewed affection for Dan, and Yellowbeard declares, "There's pirating to be done."

"How Not to Be Seen": A parody of a government film which first displays the importance of not being seen, then devolves into various things being blown up (anyone who is seen is shot down), much to the amusement of the narrator (John Cleese). The narrator eventually composes himself, says "And now for something completely different," and finds himself being blown up. "Animation - Main Titles:" Animated by Terry Gilliam. "Man with a Tape Recorder up His Nose": Immediately following the main title sequence, a screen appears announcing "The End". An emcee (Terry Jones) steps onto the stage, explains that the cinema overestimated the film length and announces an interval. In the meantime, two short films are shown - one starring a man (Michael Palin) with a tape recorder up his nose (which plays La Marseillaise) and another starring a man with a tape recorder up his brother's (Graham Chapman) nose (with a brief "stereo" segment at the end of the second film, in which both tape recorders are played slightly out of sync). "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook": A Hungarian gentleman (Cleese) enters a tobacconist's shop and reads from his phrasebook the declaration: "I will not buy this record, it is scratched" (believing it to be a request for cigarettes). Through similar non-sequitur, he and the proprietor (Jones) manage to arrange the purchase of a packet of cigarettes, until the Hungarian's phrasebook-guided English devolves into sexual innuendo ("Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy-bouncy?"). The incident takes a dramatic turn as the tobacconist uses the phrase book to translate the cost into Hungarian - "costs 6 and 6" ("Yandelavasa Grldenwi Stravenka") - and is rewarded with a right cross. The Hungarian gentleman is swiftly arrested for assault, but is released and the author (Palin) of the fraudulent phrasebook is arrested instead. At the author's trial, the prosecutor (Eric Idle) claims that in the book the Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my buttocks," which leads to the film's first exclusive link, in which another Hungarian (Jones) uses the aforementioned inappropriate English phrase to a local gentleman (Chapman), who then gives him proper directions to the station. "Animation - Land of Hands": An animation depicting cut-out hands as plants and animals. "Animation - A Shaver's Suicide": An older man puts shaving cream all over his own head and cuts it clean off. "Marriage Guidance Counsellor": Arthur and Deidre Pewtey (Palin and Carol Cleveland) attend an appointment with a marriage guidance counselor (Idle), who ignores Arthur's rather tedious explanation of their situation and openly flirts with Deidre, eventually telling Arthur to leave the room so that he can make love to the man's wife. Initially depressed by this turn of events, Mr. Pewtey is berated by a heavenly voice (Cleese), who tells Arthur to "pull his finger out" and thus bolsters his self-confidence... but his attempt to take command of the situation fails miserably (he is told to go away), ultimately leading to a 16-ton weight being dropped on top of him. "Animation - The Carnivorous Pram": A man pushes a baby carriage that devours several old ladies, until an intended victim is saved by the intervention of an irate viewer (the hand of Gilliam and the voice of Connie Booth) - who reaches into the screen, turns the carriage around, and sets it to attack its owner instead. The old lady is carted away by truck, and replaced by a statue: Michelangelo's David. "Animation - David's Leaf": An animated arm tries to remove the fig leaf protecting the aforementioned statue's modesty, and after a brief struggle, succeeds, revealing - not the expected male genitals, but the head of an old woman who demands smut like this not be shown on screen. "Nudge Nudge": Sitting in a bar, a man (Idle) asks another man (Jones) about his wife, with a relentless stream of unsubtle sexual innuendos. It turns out that he simply wants to know, "What's it like?" "Self-Defence Against Fresh Fruit": In a self-defense course, a Sergeant Major (Cleese) teaches his students (Chapman, Jones, Palin, and Idle) how to defend themselves from an attacker armed with fresh fruit. This sketch begins with a nun (Gilliam, dubbed by Booth) saying "Well, I think it's overrated" in response to the previous sketch - another link that is exclusive to this film. "The Colonel's Warning": An uptight Colonel (Chapman) warns the film not to get silly again after the above sketch, and orders the director to cut to a new scene. "Hell's Grannies": A documentary report about disaffected urban behavior, which includes "Hell's Grannies" (antisocial old ladies), "Baby Snatchers" (men dressed as babies, who seize random people off the street) and vicious gangs of "Keep Left" signs, at which point the Colonel stops the sketch for becoming "too silly". "Camp Square-Bashing": An army platoon performs precision drilling (also called "square-bashing") in a highly effeminate manner, which the Colonel again finds silly ("and a bit suspect, I think") and replaces with a cartoon. "Animation - The Prince and the Black Spot": An animation depicts a prince getting a spot on his face, foolishly ignoring it and dying of cancer. The spot then goes out to seek its fortune and marries another spot. "Kilimanjaro Expedition": Arthur Wilson (Idle) goes to Sir George Head (Cleese) to join an expedition to Mt. Kilimanjaro, but the interview rapidly descends into chaos due to Head's unusual case of double vision and another member of the expedition (Chapman) trashing the office. The scene ends when Head is startled to see the next scene coming, as it presumably looks to him like a young woman with four breasts. "Girls in Bikinis": Sexy young women are seen posing in bikinis to the sound of lecherous male slavering, which ends abruptly when the camera pans to Cleese reclining on a desk in a pink bikini and bow tie saying the phrase, "And now for something completely different." "Wanna Come Back to My Place?": A man (Palin) tells a police inspector (Cleese) of a theft, and after an awkward silence, decides to invite said policeman to come back to his place, presumably for sex. After a moment, the policeman agrees and follows the man off. "The Flasher": A man (Jones) in a grubby raincoat appears to be flashing his naked body to women on the streets. He then does the same to the camera, revealing he is fully clothed, and hanging round his neck is a sign saying "Boo!" "Animation - American Defense/Ads": A middle-aged secretary is consumed by hordes of yellow creatures resembling Chinese soldiers during the Cultural Revolution. The segment turns into a series of propagandist advertisements for American Defense, Crelm Toothpaste and Shrill Petrol. This segment abruptly ends when the advertiser for Shrill Petrol (voiced by Palin) is shot off-screen while overstating the effectiveness of his product. "Animation - You'll Never Take Me Alive, Copper!": The murderer of the Shrill Petrol advertiser hides himself in a trashcan, but is subdued when the police drop a 16-ton weight upon him, which leads to the 20th Century Frog and MGM-spoofing logos that introduce the next item. (NOTE: This animation was for "20th Century Vole" in the original TV version.) "Animation - Conrad Poohs and His Dancing Teeth": An animated photograph of Gilliam, in which his teeth dance to the music of Josef Wagner's "Under the Double Eagle". "Musical Mice": Ken Ewing (Jones) has "musical" mice, reputedly trained to squeak at specific pitches. He announces they will play "Three Blinded White Mice", but he simply starts hitting them with huge mallets while humming the tune himself. His audience is enraged and chases him out of the nightclub. "It's the Arts": The audience chases Ewing into a television studio, interrupting a talk show (presented by Idle) in which an interviewer (Cleese), attempting to create a rapport, calls his subject - film director Sir Edward Ross (Chapman) - increasingly inappropriate nicknames: "Ted", "Eddie Baby", "pussycat", "angel drawers", and "Frank"... claiming "President Nixon had a hedgehog named Frank." When he finally starts using less questionable names for his guest and the guest is finally convinced to discuss his latest film, he quickly tells him to shut up... at which point Ken Ewing reappears in the studio, still being chased by the angry mob, and escapes through an exit onto the streets. "Seduced Milkmen": A milkman (Palin) gets seduced at the door of a house by a lovely woman (Cleveland), and follows her inside, only to get locked in a room with other milkmen, "some of whom are very old." "The Funniest Joke in the World": Ernest Scribbler (Palin), who is shown writing the revelation to the previous sketch and discarding it, has a sudden inspiration and writes a lethal joke - anyone hearing or reading it will literally "die laughing". It is acquired by the British army who translate it into German, creating a devastating weapon that wins the Second World War. (NOTE: This sketch is considerably shorter than in its original TV version.) "Animation - Old Lady Waiting for the Bus": In another link exclusive to this film, an animated man (based on a portrait of Henry VII of England, voiced by Cleese) attempts to apologize for the poor taste of the previous item, but is distracted by an animated woman flashing her nude body to him, and departs (on his fingers) to chase after her. An old woman then arrives on the scene and attempts to catch a bus, but it drives past. A second bus comes along, but it, too, drives past. When a third bus comes, the woman trips it with her foot and flips it over so she can board it. "Animation - The Killer Cars": In an overzealous attempt to curb overpopulation, cars turn vicious and begin eating people. Eventually, a giant mutant cat is created to deal with this menace. This plan works perfectly - the city is saved - until the cat starts eating buildings. Another exclusive bit to this film alludes to a cataclysmic battle against the giant mutant cat occurs off-screen, narrated by an old man (Idle) who describes it as "a scene of such spectacular proportions that it could never in your life be seen in a low budget film like this... if you notice, my mouth isn't moving, either." "Animation - Dancing Venus": The mutant cat from the previous animation falls into a sausage grinder, with a number of other animals. The resulting "product" leads into the hair of Botticelli's Venus, who stands on her shell... until an arm comes out of the water and twists her nipple like a radio knob. Upbeat music plays, and Venus dances wildly until her exertions cause the shell to tip over, leading to (by way of Venus falling into a fish tank)... "The Dead Parrot": Eric Praline (Cleese) attempts to get a refund for his deceased parrot, but the shopkeeper (Palin) refuses to acknowledge the parrot's passing on. In another sketch that proves to be much shorter than its original TV counterpart, a twist ending has the shopkeeper revealing that he never wanted to be a pet shop owner, he always wanted to be... "A LUMBERJACK!" "The Lumberjack Song": The shop owner (Palin) sings about his desire to be a lumberjack, as well as his tendencies toward transvestism, the latter a revelation that both surprises and dismays his best girl (Booth) and the background singers (nine Canadian Mounties - five of whom are Chapman, Cleese, Idle, Jones and Gilliam), who ultimately storm off in disgust and pelt him with rotten fruit. As the owner leaves in defeat, in another link exclusive to this film, he passes by a group of old ladies roasting Cleese on a spit, who once again proclaims, "And now for something completely different." "The Dirty Fork": The employees of a restaurant (Jones, Palin, Idle, and Cleese) react with ever-increasing melodrama to a dirty fork given to a dining couple (Cleveland and Chapman), resulting in the horrible death of the head waiter (Idle) as well as an insane attack by the chef (Cleese). After a brief chaos, a punchline is then shown, in which Chapman turns to the camera and says "Lucky that I didn't tell them about the dirty knife!" "Animation - Musical Interlude": A picture of Rodin's The Kiss appears, with the addition of several small holes along the woman's leg. The woman straightens her leg out, and the man plays her like an ocarina. "Animation - How to Build Certain Interesting Things" (exclusive to this film): Garbage is dropped on a stage and banged repeatedly with a hammer. It takes on the shape of a wheeled arm holding a gun, which rolls into the next scene. "Bank Robber": A bank robber (Cleese) mistakes a lingerie shop for a bank, and attempts to rob it. After the shop owner (Idle) stymies his hopes of stealing large quantities of money, the robber is somewhat put out by his error, and makes do with a pair of panties. "River Link" (exclusive to this film): Cleese walks through a river to reach his desk and state (for the last time in the film), "And now for something completely different." "People Falling Out of High Buildings": An office worker (Idle) sees people falling past the window, but his co-worker (Cleese) is uninterested, until they realize there is a board meeting occurring up stairs and wager whether Parkinson will be next. A man played by Chapman then writes a letter of complaint, but just as he writes "I have worked in tall buildings all my life, and have never once--", an unknown force propels him screaming out of a tall building. "Animation - The Metamorphosis": A grimy-looking caterpillar in a trench-coat with human-like features goes to sleep and wakes up as an effeminate male butterfly. "Animation - The Three People" (exclusive to this film): Three people walk in snow and then, one at a time, sing the title of the next sketch in harmony (sung by Jones, Palin, and Cleese). "Vocational Guidance Counselor": Herbert Anchovy (Palin) no longer wants to be a chartered accountant, and harbors dreams of being... "A LION TAMER!" The counselor (Cleese) suggests that Anchovy should instead work his way up to lion taming, via banking, an idea which Herbert initially rejects, until he is informed that the animal he thinks is a lion is in fact an anteater, and mere stock footage of a lion scares the life out of him. He desperately cries out that he just wants to see his name in lights, and his wish is granted by a magic fairy (Idle in drag with a mustache). "Blackmail": Herbert is initially mystified by his sudden role of hosting the television show "Blackmail", in which he threatens various citizens with revealing sensitive information dealing with their sex lives unless they pay him increasingly large sums of money. He gets into the idea very quickly, performing his new, albeit questionable, duty with enthusiasm and panache. (NOTE: Terry Jones makes his debut here as the nude organist, after Terry Gilliam had previously performed the role on the TV show.) "The Battle of Pearl Harbor": The silly-hating Colonel appears again (having called in to the previous sketch due to being one of its target victims), and introduces a group of women who are members of the Batley's Townswomen's Guild (the Pythons in drag) - led by one Rita Fairbanks (Idle) - who re-enact the attack on Pearl Harbor... or, rather, beat each other with their handbags while rolling in mud. "Romantic Interlude": Brian and Elspet (Jones and Cleveland) begin ravishing each other on a bed, and several suggestive images are shown (an industrial chimney collapse shown in reverse, a train entering a tunnel, a torpedo being fired, etc.), but the images are actually only films being played by Brian, on a projector propped on the bed. Elspet testily asks whether he is actually going to do something or just show films all night. Brian replies with "Just one more, dear", and proceeds to show the next and final sketch. "Upper Class Twit of the Year": Five mentally deficient members of the landed gentry go through a challenging obstacle course, with such events as: walking along a straight line; jumping over a wall made of two rows of matchboxes; and slamming a car door loudly. The winner will be the first competitor to shoot himself in the head. (In the process, one twit is so inept that while attempting to back up a car, he somehow manages to run himself over.) "Animation - End Titles:" The end credits, rendered in Terry Gilliam's typically absurd style. The various "characters" seen in the credits are taken from various other animations that were seen in the series.