Joey Fatone

A struggling artist who feels imprisoned by her toxic relationship is enthralled by her journey of sexual liberation in a bid to find substance in her unfulfilled life.

We begin with an aerial view of the hotels in Las Vegas, before settling on one called the Shangri-La. Inside one gaming area, the patrons all seem to be winning. Joe, a floor boss, picks up a phone and asks where Bernie is - they need him right away. Moments later, from an elevator emerges Bernie Lootz (William H. Macy), dressed in a seedy-looking ill-fitting suit. As he limps through the casino and passes people, their luck immediately goes sour. Roulette wheels, blackjack cards, crap tables and slot machines all stop paying out. Bernie then wanders over to Doris, the barmaid, who pours him a coffee. He asks for cream, but as she starts to pour it the creamer runs dry. A pretty blonde waitress, Natalie Belisario (Maria Bello) brings a drink order to the bar. Bernie tries to chat with her, but she is clearly distracted. She asks Doris if Shelly left word for her; he was supposed to put her at the tables rather than the nickel slots she's been stuck at. As Natalie leaves, Bernie promises her he'll talk to Shelly but she doesn't seem to notice. Joe tells Bernie he's needed on table 11. Bernie tells Joe to have Natalie bring him a drink - that he talked to Shelly and he wanted her on the tables tonight. Natalie brings him the drink, thanking him for talking to Shelly. Bernie then takes the drink to a player at the crap table who's having a hot streak - which ends immediately. Bernie then plays some blackjack, losing his money and wrecking the luck of all the other players. Next, we see casino boss Shelly Kaplow (Alec Baldwin) in his office. He has a headache and is trying to get a manicure, when a small entourage of men in gray suits barge in . Leading the pack is his casino partner, Nicky Bonnatto (Arthur J. Nascarella). Nicky introduces Shelly to his new VP Larry Sokolov (Ron Livingston) and his numbers guy, Marty Goldfarb. After drinks, smokes and jokes, Nicky tells Shelly that Larry has some ideas to revitalize the Shangri-La. Shelly asks why - they raked in $35 million last year. Larry explains that he respects the job Shelly has done the last 16 years, but that things have changed on the strip. Shelly responds in disgust about the "Disneyland" the strip has become. What was once a high class hooker, has now become a cheap, fat whore. Larry points out that other casinos are raking in dough and the Shangri-La just can't compete anymore. Shelly says they're not trying to compete; this is where old-time real money comes to play. Larry counters they only offer nostalgia - fine for museums but not casinos. Later, Shelly meets Bernie on the floor and stops him for a chat. He asks how his knee is and tells him about an orthopedist who can make a kneecap out of titanium. But Bernie reminds him he won't be here past Sunday. Shelly asks him where he's going to go that better than this. But Bernie insists that in seven days he's gone. Bernie goes to his motel room at the Bettor Life motel, a dismal dive. He sits in bed watching TV. He can't even try to sleep because his neighbor is having loud, headboard-banging sex on the opposite side of the wall. Next day, a high roller is on a hot streak. When Natalie brings him his drink, he deliberately takes his time stuffing the money into her cleavage, causing her to topple over into Bernie. She apologizes, but Bernie tells her she might want to stick around. He hands the guy some new dice, and his lucky streak evaporates. The roller sees Natalie smiling at his misfortune, and starts swearing at her, until he is hauled off by security. Natalie smiles at Bernie gratefully. Shelly takes his partner and the new guys out to watch Buddy Stafford (Paul Sorvino), the casino's older, worn-down lounge singer. Larry is clearly not impressed. Shelly goes to see the singer in his dressing room. Buddy is embarrassed about his performance. Shelly tries to pump up his ego, but Buddy is more concerned whether Shelly brought his fix. Shelly did and Buddy quickly shoots up. He tells Shelly about a nature show he saw - how a lion who was once the leader of a pride had gone past his prime and was expelled and left to forage on his own until he died. It would be so much easier, he moans, if he could just walk away with his dignity intact. Shelly disagrees, saying that would be like admitting he was dead already. Bernie walks out to his car and is surprised to find Natalie waiting for him. "Buy you a drink?" she invites. Larry, meanwhile, introduces Shelly to Johnny Capella (Joey Fatone), a new hot singer he thinks should be headlining at the Shangri-La. Shelly tells Larry he already has Buddy signed up for five more years. Johnny is miffed and walks out. Natalie and Bernie are in a diner, where she is reviewing his astrological chart, telling him he is a slow starter when it comes to romance. He tells her it all doesn't matter; he knows what the outcome will be - all bad. He asks if she knows what he does. "You're a cooler", she replies. "You turn winners into losers". He tells her he does it by just being himself. Everyone who's ever been next to him has had their luck turn sour; it's always been that way. That sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy, she retorts. He blurts out that he is leaving in five days anyway, so she suggests they don't waste any time and just go to his place. He nervously tells her he's not sure he can afford her. She is insulted, and he realizes he's made a mistake. I've done it again, he tells her. I've cooled the damn table. But she assures him he hasn't cooled anything yet. They go to his motel room, where she notices his plants are all dead, and he has a cat food dish but no cat. She sits down on the bed, while he dusts off an old record. But as it starts to play the needle scratches across it. He resets it and nervously sits next to her. She tells him to relax - at least one of them has done this before. As the record starts to play, "Luck Be a Lady Tonight", she starts to undress. He notices she has a tattoo of two dice, each reading a two, on her behind. She walks to him coyly and starts to seduce him. But he is nervous, and ends up just rolling on top of her and finishing very quickly. She tells him gently, "It's okay. I've had worse", then gives him other kind reassurances. The next morning Bernie wakes up to find he's alone. Sadly, he picks up her pillow and hugs it. Suddenly she walks out of the bathroom, brushing her teeth, and asks if he wants to go to breakfast. He nods yes with a huge smile. At breakfast, he tells her about his past. He was an out-of-control gambler who built up a huge debt until Shelly broke his legs with a baseball bat. Natalie is horrified, but Bernie says he's actually grateful. His shattered bones are a reminder to keep him from giving into the temptation to gamble. He worked out a repayment plan with Shelly - six years off the books cooling tables, and it's up in five days. The conversation is interrupted as a pregnant girl nearby has labor pains. Bernie sees them and recognizes the husband as his son, Mikey (Shawn Hatosy). Bernie and Natalie escort the pregnant couple, Mikey and Charlene (Estella Warren), to their car. She has settled down and is no longer in labor. When Bernie asks about Mikey's mother, he angrily responds she's getting by as long as she's high. Bernie nervously invites him to come to his motel to "catch up". Mikey says he might do that for the kid's sake. Bernie sits down at a blackjack table with one other player, Mel, who is obviously winning. He bets one hand and the dealer goes bust with it. Afterward, incredibly, the dealer busts on hand after hand, letting Mel rake in the dough. Bernie is perplexed and leaves the table. Shelly wonders if the dealer is cheating, but can't believe it. They run across Larry - who knows Bernie is a cooler. He chides Shelly for sticking to the old ways. He says there are more effective ways nowadays. He shows Shelly a CD with soft music laced with a subliminal message of "Lose. Lose. Lose." Shelly only rolls his eyes. The other partners arrive, and Shelly takes them to Buddy's room only to find Buddy on the floor dead of an overdose. Shelly suggests that the Paradise room stay closed tonight in Buddy's honor, but Larry quickly has Johnny Capella take over and do the show. The partners are impressed, but not Shelly. Bernie and Natalie try the ring toss as a carnival, but she misses all her tosses. They sit down and Natalie looks sadly at a little boy standing next to his dad. She asks Bernie if he noticed the tattoo on her butt: two dice each with a 2 - a Little Joe. She admits she had a son named Joe, but only for a year. She gave him up for adoption ten years ago because she was 17 and wanted her life back. Her family abandoned her after that, and she ran off to become a showgirl. Deep down, she knows she did the right thing, but now feels she was selfish. Bernie stands up as if to leave, and tells her softly, "I think...I could kick your ass at the dime toss". She laughs and they hug tenderly. Afterward, they make love in his motel room. Bernie is now very confident and gives Natalie obvious pleasure. Then with a smile he asks if she'll do something for him. Moments later, it sounds like they are having loud, headboard-banging sex, but the camera pans up to reveal that the two of them are just leaning against the headboard, rocking it and screaming out loudly. Finally, Bernie screams out and the two collapse, quietly laughing as the neighbor yells for them to shut up. "Did we wake you?" Bernie calls out. Later on, Natalie returns to Bernie's apartment to find Charlene and Mikey waiting there. Mikey asks if Bernie is renting her, because he can't figure out how else his loser father could get so lucky. Before she can say something back, Bernie returns from parking his car. He's surprised but happy to see Mikey. Mikey then tells him they're strapped for money and Bernie gives them $3,000 in cash, all the money he has to spare. Meanwhile, Larry presents a model of the new Golden Shangri-La to the partners: 3 floors of gaming, entertainment, boutiques, restaurants - even a roller coaster. Shelly responds by telling them the plot of the movie LOST HORIZON, how Shangri-La was totally untouched by the outside world - a paradise. Thats what the hotel Shangri-La was supposed to be, and you don't mess with that. Shelly insists that someday people will want the old Vegas back and he'll be there to give it to them. Nicky then goes to play some craps but is annoyed by a rude player. After Nick craps out and the guy laughs, Nicky head-butts him and beats him bloody until security, called by Bernie, drags the guy away. Bernie tells Natalie how anxious he is to get out of Vegas and begs her to come with him. She answers that she's done an astrological compatibility chart on them and they're good together - but only if they stay in Vegas. Bernie returns to his job. As he stands by a table, he is appalled to see his son there, playing craps. Natalie finds him and so does Larry, as Mikey rolls two nines and wins big. Shelly arrives in time to see Mike subtly switching back the real dice for his obviously loaded dice. He then throws a losing roll and decides to graciously leave with his winnings. Shelly tells him he doesn't want to lay out that kind of cash on the floor and invites them to come to his office to collect. Mikey agrees, but when Shelly tells him not to bother bringing his chips he knows he's in trouble. Larry suggests they turn them in to the authorities, but Shelly tells Larry to watch him protect his investment the "old school" way. Bernie is torn up, but goes to save his son. Shelly has the couple down in a basement area, about to work Mikey over when Bernie arrives and begs him to stop. Shelly accuses Bernie of being in on the con, but believes him when he denies it. Instead, he tells Bernie they were up 150 grand when they left the table, so he wants $75,000 each for their lives. When they start to punch Mikey, Bernie agrees to cover the 150 G's. Charlene then starts to have contractions and pleads to go to the hospital. Shelly responds by kicking her in the stomach, then pulling up her shirt to reveal that the "baby" was just a large cushion. Shelly mocks the shocked Bernie by cradling the cushion. He gives Bernie a chance to change his mind but the cooler still offers to cover the debt. Shelly then orders Mikey to be put up on the table. Bernie pleads that they had a deal, but Shelly tells him 150 grand buys only their lives. With that he takes a sledge hammer and breaks both of Mikey's legs. Back at his motel, Bernie blames himself for what happened to Mikey. Natalie gently tells him to stop beating up on himself and begins to dance with him instead. Later on, they are in bed together. She sits up and confesses that she knows she loves him. "You blindsided me, Bernie Lootz," she declares. "I never saw it coming". She then tells him there are things about her that he should know, but he doesn't care; it won't change how he feels about her. He's afraid to voice just how he feels about her because of all his rotten luck. But she tells him his rotten luck is all over now, so he admits that he loves her too. As a new day dawns, Bernie awakes to find his cat Trixie has come back, and Natalie has left him a note, "Have a Spectacular Day". He goes off to work with a new confidence. When the waitress pours his coffee, the creamer finally pours out cream for him. As he makes his rounds, people around him start to get very lucky. Even as Shelly takes him aside to find out what's going on, a brand new slot machine rigged for virtually no payouts hits a big jackpot. Bernie tells Shelly theres nothing wrong with him - he's just in love! Shelly has Natalie brought to him. He reminds her he only hired her to be a lover to Bernie, not to actually fall in love with him. Now his falling in love has turned Lootz's bad luck to good and cost the casino at least a million. He demands that she leave him, not even telling him to his face but just leaving a note. She refuses at first until Shelly threatens her life. Bernie returns home to find a note from Natalie that she has left him. Afterward he returns to the casino to find the creamer has run dry again and he is once more bringing bad luck to everyone he touches. He meets Shelly in the lounge and asks if he muscled Natalie into leaving, but Shelly denies everything and acts offended. Bernie comments that the new lounge singer is all flash and no soul and that he misses Buddy. Shelly tells him Buddy was tired and that he gave him an easy way out. He admits that he knew Buddy would never accept the casino buyout. He'd have fought to the end and eventually would have been hurt. So he gave him the overdose instead and let him die peacefully. Bernie is appalled. That night in his motel room, a lonely Bernie hears a knock on the door. Natalie is back, suitcase in hand. He takes her back before she can even say a word. Later, in bed, she suggests they run away together, but he says he can't. He owes Shelly a debt, and if he ran, Shelly would come after him and hurt her as well. At the casino, Bernie is bringing people luck again, so Shelly has Natalie grabbed from the motel. He tells her he could make her disappear and no one would miss her. "Bernie would!" she counters. She tells Shelly it must kill him to know that Bernie loves her. Bernie was your friend, she shouts at him, and you crippled him. Still he stood by you but no more! She and Bernie are leaving tonight and he can't stop them. Shelly slams her face into a mirror which shatters and leaves her face bloody. He then departs quietly. Bernie returns home to find Natalie hiding in the dark. He finds the broken mirror and turns on the light, seeing her with cuts on her face. She confesses that Shelly paid her to get close to him. She thought it was easy money. But as she got to know him, she saw that he wasn't a phony or a hustler but a decent guy. And she loved the way he treated her like a lady. Now Shelly wants her gone because she brought him luck. She just wanted to tell him the truth before leaving him, because she knows he wouldn't want her now. But instead, Bernie rushes her to the hospital, where they stitch up her cuts. He tells her afterward that everything will be all right. And if she ever looks in the mirror and doesn't like what she sees, then don't believe it. Look into my eyes instead, he tells her tenderly, they're the only mirror you're ever going to need. They go back to the Shangri-La. She tells him she lied about his astrological chart that first night - that it was actually the worst she had ever seen. But he assures her that was before he opened his heart to her now he has Lady Luck on his side. She gives him the $3,000 that Shelly had paid her and suggests he give it to Shelly as a down payment. He goes inside to where Shelly is meeting with his partners, throws Natalie's bloody handkerchief on the table and punches Shelly in the stomach swearing to kill him if he touches Natalie again. Shelly and his men drag Bernie up to the roof. Shelly says he hurt Natalie because he never gives up on a good thing, and Bernie is a very good thing - the best cooler ever. Bernie says he's not that man anymore. He promises to leave, get a job and send Shelly half his paycheck, but.Shelly says if he tries to leave the casino without paying his debt, he'll toss both he and Natalie off the roof. Bernie says he won't do that, because with him dead, he'd no longer the biggest loser in the world - Shelly would. What do you have except this place, Bernie challenges, your legacy is an illusion - you've got nothing. Shelly isn't impressed by the speech and walks away. Bernie turns his $3,000 into chips and starts throwing the dice at the crap table and winning. After he has run up some serious money and gotten Shelly's attention (but no interference from him) Larry arrives demanding Shelly shut him down right now and proclaiming that Bernie isn't leaving with one dime. Shelly hauls Larry into the men's room and tells him Bernie is okay and nobody's touching a hair on his head. He pins Shelly down and declares, wait, on a subsonic level, I hear a mantra "Pain! Pain! Pain!" Then he breaks Larry's wrist. At the table, Bernie is up over 100 grand until he craps out. He bets again but craps out a second time. He then takes the rest of his chips - $80,000 in all and places one last bet, throwing the dice nervously. He is next seen walking out of the casino empty-handed. Natalie is just grateful that he is alive as he drives them away. Meanwhile, Shelly is in his office with a headache, refusing to answer his ringing phone. He finally smashes the model of the new Golden Shangri-La to bits. Miles away in the car, Natalie asks Bernie to tell her what happened. He stops the car on the side of a desert road and opens the door as if he has to throw up. Meanwhile, Shelly gets into his car in the parking lot only to find Nicky waiting in his back seat. Bernie, meanwhile, proceeds to pull wads of money out of his pockets. He tells Natalie he won big at the casino. "Bahamas, here we come", he declares. Then a cop appears at their window, ordering them to step out. Bernie tells the cop he's sorry if he was driving carelessly, but that they just won a load of money. The cop pulls out a gun and tells them they didn't win anything - and orders them to get on their knees. Nicky tells Shelly he's just protecting his investment the old school way. He points his gun at Shelly's temple and shoots him dead. Meanwhile, on their knees in the desert, Natalie whispers to Bernie that they should have known it was all too good to be true. They turn to give each other one last loving gaze as the cop cocks his gun. But instead of hearing a gunshot, they hear a loud thud. They turn to see that a car has run down and killed the cop. Bernie realizes it was just a random drunk driver - a freaky, lucky coincidence. Bernie and Natalie get back into the car and drive away with their money. We see Larry being introduced to the investors as the new Director of Casino Operations at the new Golden Shangri-La. "The future looks very bright, gentlemen. Very, very bright," he assures them. And with those words of endorsement ringing in our ears, we watch Bernie and Natalie drive off toward a new life together.

Kevin (Lance Bass) is performing with his band at a high school graduation party. When he sees an attractive girl, his band-mates try to get him to sing to her and ask her out. He becomes nervous, and envisions himself nude in front of everyone, and faints. Fast-forward 7 years, and Kevin's in advertising. He makes a pitch for Reebok that gets shot down. His boss Mr Higgins (Dave Foley) tells him that he needs a lot of charisma and confidence, which is the image Reebok wants to portray. Boss assigns Kevin to work in a team with Jackie (Tamala Jones), who basically thinks that Kevin is a bit useless and a pain in the neck. She doesn't like much the ideas put forward by Kevin. Boss presents the slogan for Reebok, "Step into the Future", but they expected a warmer tagline. Kevin is blamed for the disaster, and in frustration, he starts daydreaming. Kevin takes the train home from work. Taken away by the music he is listening to, he stands up and sings it aloud. All the rest of the commuters look at him like he's a weird guy, except for one girl. He meets Abbey (Emmanuelle Chriqui). They hit it off talking about their similar interests (The Cubs, Al Green, etc.). They start talking. She studies archaeology, and she notices his company pass saying he works for FKR agency. They keep on chatting, and they get off in the same station. While they are leaving, he asks her to tell him something which she would only tell a complete stranger she will never see again. So, she says that her dad is a pilot and that she loves creating paper planes. His secret is that he can name all the presidents in order. She can name them as well. As they go their separate ways, they hesitate but eventually leave. They each go home and discuss the encounter with their friends. He decides to try to find Abbey by making posters and placing them all over town. The poster says "Are you her? We met on the train. We talked about the presidents" with his telephone number. He distributes this all over town. He goes out with a few random women who answer the call, none of which are Abbey. The weirdo who wants to date Kevin felt a "cosmic connection" with him by reading his poster. The local newspaper finds out about his search and sets up an interview. The reporter, Brady Frances (Dan Montgomery, Jr.), is an old classmate who hates him. In high school Brady asked a girl out to prom, and she promptly asked Kevin who was standing nearby, then returned to Brady and said she was taken. The article comes out in the paper and Kevin gets hundreds of calls, which leads to his dateless roommates - aspiring musician Rod (Joey Fatone), Eric (GQ), and the art nut Randy (James Bulliard) suggesting they date all the callers to help. Eric has the idea shot down when he originally pitches it to Kevin, but while Kevin is at work one day, Eric calls and asks him to reconsider. The people at Reebok want Kevin officially on the team which is working on their campaign, as they want that kind of passion. Margie the Receptionist (Jenny Parsons) is the one who has to deal with some of the prank calls It is poor timing, as Kevin is having a conversation with his boss, Higgins (Dave Foley). Mr Higgins thinks that Kevin is still lacking drive and confidence. He wants more involvement from Kevin in Reebok. When Kevin gives a "Yes" answer to a question from Higgins, Eric hears him at the other end of the line and hangs up. A follow up article comes out in which Brady presents Kevin as a loser, which makes even more girls call. Brady gets more upset when his girlfriend Julie (Amanda Foreman), who is rather bothered by his still-intense grudge against Kevin, takes Kevin's side. While the search is going on Abbey is having problems with her boyfriend of 3 years, whom she was visiting when she met Kevin. Her boyfriend buys tickets to an Al Green concert but then cancels at the last minute. Kevin is also at the concert, but they never see each other, despite several close calls. Soon, Eric, Rod, and Randy begin taking calls from many girls, and going on dates with them, for their own enjoyment, although some of the dates were quite strange. Back in Chicago, Abbey finally sees the newspaper article about Kevin. She phones him but it's one of his friends who picks it up. All his friends are dating these girls pretending to be Kevin, so one of them sets a date on Saturday evening with Abbey. When Abbey arrives to the restaurant she realizes that he is not Kevin. The friend runs after her and he realizes that this time, she is the real deal. He makes her believe that Kevin knows and approves of his friends dating the lonely girls who call him. Abbey gets mad when she finds out Kevin's friends are taking the dates. Another girl who answers the call is Brady's girlfriend, Julie. When she tells him the friends are answering the calls and dating the girls Brady writes another article declaring the scam. The first thing Kevin notices is that Margie doesn't want to talk to him. Higgins also calls him to his office and takes him out of the Reebok team. At work, Reebok decides they won't work with Kevin once the article comes out and he is taken off the project, even though it was his idea. Kevin's pitch is later used in the meeting by Jackie who presents it as hers at the last minute. After work Kevin sees Abbey waiting for the train. He tries to get her attention, but she doesn't see him till she's getting on the train. He runs to get on but the doors close. As he knocks on her window, she smacks the paper with the headline "Train Man Scam" against the window as the train pulls away, signifying that she is upset with him. Kevin also learns that Abbey responded to his public search for her, and when he learns that Eric went out on a date with her without telling him, he punches Eric. His friends, who feel guilty about the whole situation, decide to search for Abbey themselves. They put up their own posters, with a hand drawn image of her, and ride the train for days. At first people aren't interested in helping, until Eric makes a speech about being in love, ending it with, "Love may not make the world go 'round, but it's what makes the ride worthwhile." He gets a standing ovation from everyone on the train except Abbey, sitting in stunned silence behind the other passengers. Things continue going downhill when Kevin learns his best friend at the agency, Nathan (Jerry Stiller), suffers a heart attack. Kevin goes to see Nathan at a rehab facility, where Nathan tells him the story of both meeting his wife at a Chicago Cubs game and catching a home run from Cubs legend Ernie Banks the same day, and how the two tied together. He gives Kevin the baseball and tells him to try to find Abbey again. Things soon start going uphill for Kevin. For starters, he is put back on the ad campaign project. Jackie apologizes to Kevin, and places him in charge of the campaign's billboards. He changes the billboards to an apology to Abbey asking her to meet him at the station at 7 PM. The billboard is all over town and the media wait with him at the scheduled time. After 15 minutes of Abbey not showing up, the TV crew start packing up and the spectators begin to disperse, but all stop when Kevin picks up a paper airplane thrown by Abbey telling him to look up. Kevin races up a flight of stairs to a breezeway over the tracks, where he asks Abbey for her name, and number. Abbey responds with, "Abbey, and I'd thought you'd never ask." They then kiss, much to the delight of the crowd at the station, and to the television viewers at home, and in a bar where his roommates are watching. Life also gets better for Rod and Randy. Randy meets a girl at the bar while watching Kevin's meeting with Abbey, and finds that she, too, is interested in art. Meanwhile, Julie dumps Brady for Rod. Rod is offered a contract to the record label owned by his idol, Mick Silver (Richie Sambora), saying he liked Rod's demo tape, which Kevin sent in. Brady is given an advice column in the Living section of the Chicago Times.