John Hamburg

Models Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) must team up again to stop a conspiracy.

Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd), a real estate agent, just got engaged to his girlfriend Zooey Rice (Rashida Jones). Zooey is ecstatic about the engagement and calls her friends Denise (Jaime Pressley) and Hailey (Sarah Burns) to tell them about it, but Peter does not seem to have any close friends to share the good news with. Peter is apparently more adept at getting along with women and has a history of allowing his male friends to fall by the wayside when he is involved with a woman. Peter realizes he needs to find male friends in order to have a best man for his upcoming wedding. Peter turns to his gay younger brother, Robbie (Andy Samberg), for advice on dealing with men. He attends a Major League Soccer game with a man named Lonnie (Joe Lo Truglio), who has a rather loud and annoyingly high-pitched voice. He has dinner with another man named Doug (Thomas Lennon), who he soon discovers is bisexual. He also has lunch with an elderly man named Mel (Murray Gershenz). He even joins Denise's somewhat hostile husband, Barry (Jon Favreau), and his friends for their poker night. Peter inadvertently projectile-vomits on Barry after winning a beer-drinking contest, prompting an angry Barry to kick him out of his house. Feeling rejected, Peter is about to give up, when during an open house at Lou Ferrigno's mansion which Peter is trying to sell, he meets Sydney Fife (Jason Segel), an investor who is attending the showing simply to pick up divorced women and take advantage of the free food. The two hit it off very well and exchange business cards. The two quickly become friends, and Sydney eventually invites Peter into his "man cave," a space in his garage where he keeps his collection of musical instruments and various other belongings. Peter finally introduces Sydney to Zooey at their engagement party, where Hailey makes advances on Sydney, who appears uninterested. The meeting takes an unfortunate turn when a nervous Sydney makes a very awkward toast. The next night, Peter is watching TV with Zooey, when Sydney calls and talks Peter into joining him for a Rush concert. Hesitant to break his plans, Peter reluctantly agrees to go on the condition that he can bring Zooey. During the concert, Peter and Sydney bond, leaving Zooey feeling ignored. The next day, while shopping for tuxedos, Sydney asks Peter why he is marrying Zooey, and also asks for an $8,000 loan. After some thought, Peter decides to lend Sydney the money, and later grants him the honor of being best man at his wedding. Zooey, meanwhile, has become suspicious of Sydney, especially after he gets into a fight with Lou Ferrigno (as himself), which may cost Peter the exclusive sales rights to Ferrigno's house. Peter tells Zooey that he lent Sydney money and asks her if she knows why they are getting married, Zooey leaves to stay at Denise and Barry's house. Peter leaves for work the next morning only to discover that Sydney has used the $8,000 loan to purchase several ridiculous billboard advertisements promoting Peter's real estate business. Still upset over his fight with Zooey, Peter confronts Sydney and decides to end their friendship. Peter then patches things up with Zooey. Upon arriving at work, Peter discovers that Sydney's billboard advertising campaign was successful, as he immediately begins receiving more clients and offers on the Ferrigno house. Encouraged by this career boost, Peter finally stands up to his insufferable colleague, Tevin Downey (Rob Huebel), who has been badgering Peter for half the selling rights to the lucrative Ferrigno property. When Tevin makes one final attempt to get a piece of the Ferrigno listing, Peter slaps him across his face and tells him to stay away from it. While Zooey and Peter prepare for the wedding, Sydney finds himself alone and desperate to hang with someone, but phone calls to his other friends, who all have wives and children, prove futile, and he even out of boredom and depression, watches Chocolat, which is a movie Peter mentioned watching with Zooey on what he felt was the best night of his life in the last couple of years. Peter feels bad about fighting with Sydney but does not re-invite him to the wedding. Instead, he assembles an array of random groomsmen that includes Robbie, Father Oswald (J. K. Simmons), Doug, Lonnie, Mel, and Ferrigno. Before the wedding, Zooey sees Peter looking forlorn, clearly missing his friend Sydney. She calls and invites Sydney, who is, unbeknownst to them, already en route to the wedding. Just before the vows are to be taken, Sydney makes a dramatic entrance via moped. He informs Peter and Zooey that he is, in fact, a successful investor and returns the money he borrowed from Peter, stating that the billboards were the couple's wedding present. Peter and Zooey declare their love to each other, Sydney assumes the role of best man, and the wedding commences. As the end credits begin to roll, we see the wedding reception, where Peter and Sydney join the hired band (played by OK Go) in a rendition of the Rush song "Limelight" and even pull Zooey on stage to join them. Meanwhile Hailey and Lonnie get together, Denise ends up throwing up on Barry, whose anger over it subsides when she mentions she's pregnant, and finally when the song ends, Sydney attempts to toast the newlyweds and Peter runs to frantically stop him as the screen cuts out (still remembering Sydney's ill-advised toast at the engagement dinner.)

Greg Focker and his fiance Pam Byrnes introduce their parents to each other, but the hyper-relaxed Fockers and the tightly-wound Byrneses are woefully mismatched from the start.

Reuben Feffer (Ben Stiller), a risk analyst for life insurance, is celebrating his honeymoon with his new wife, Lisa Kramer (Debra Messing), on the island of St. Barts, but catches her having sex with Claude (Hank Azaria), a French scuba instructor. Returning home to New York alone, he attempts to piece his life back together. Reuben goes to an art gallery with his friend, Sandy Lyle (Philip Seymour Hoffman) (who was also the best man at his wedding), where he runs into former junior high school classmate Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston). Polly's best friend is Roxanne (Missi Pyle). Sandy tells Reuben that Polly is not right for him. Reuben thinks this is destiny and goes after her. He calls Polly but hangs up. He later hangs around her apartment, waits till she comes home (watched her eat food that she dropped on the pavement) and "pretends" to run into her. Reuben and Polly begin dating, with her introducing him to activities he once wrote off as "too risky". This included eating at a Moroccan restaurant which ends badly due to Reuben's IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome). Reuben goes to the toilet in Polly's apartment as he can't hold it any longer, but as there is no toilet paper, he uses her grandmother's stole to wipe his ass. He tries to flush it, but it ends up clogging the toilet and flooding the bathroom. Polly likes to move around a lot, doesn't believe in long term relationships, avoids commitment and has had 8 failed relationships that ended badly for her. Luckily, Polly gives him a second chance (they also run into Reuben's parents where his mother tells Polly how Lisa dumped Reuben on his honeymoon) where they end up salsa dancing (Reuben gets jealous when Polly dances sensually with an old flame Javier (Jsu Garcia)) and later enthusiastically having sex together, with Reuben shouting "50" at the climax (he was counting down from 5 mins (as he wanted to last 5 mins), but came 50 seconds before his target time). The contrast between their two personalities (Reuben is careful and calculated, while Polly is unorganized and random) is a source of comedy (Reuben finds that Javier is gay, gets over his jealousy and takes salsa lessons from him) until Lisa returns and tells him she wants to reconcile their relationship. She says she got tired of Claude as he only ever talked about Scuba diving. Stan Indursky (Reuben's boss) (Alec Baldwin). Sandy meanwhile is a self-centered, former teen idol, is trying to make a comeback by having a documentary filmed (with crew Dustin (Judah Friedlander) & Vic (Kevin Hart)) about his starring role as Judas in an amateur production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Sandy keeps going off script and tries to grab the limelight during rehearsals, earning the displeasure of his fellow actors. Reuben is torn between the free-spirited Polly and the safe and familiar Lisa. To solve this issue, he enters information about Polly and Lisa into a computer insurance program which measures risk. The computer tells him that, despite his numerous blunders with her, Polly is the least risky choice for Reuben. Polly joins Reuben on a sailing trip where he is to inspect Leland Van Lew (Bryan Brown), a high risk client (he is an extreme sports nut) (when Reuben first meets Leland, he does a base jump in front of him and fractures his coccyx) (At the next meeting Reuben had told Leland that his company won't be able insure him and Leland says that maybe he was wrong about Reuben thinking that he would see past the risks and analyze the person. He invites Reuben to his sailboat to spend some time together) and his other best friend, but she is offended when she sees his risk analysis of her. She rejects his proposal to move in together, telling him that he would be better off going back to Lisa. Leland's sailboat ends up in a storm and crashes into some rocks and sinks. Leland, Reuben and Polly have to take the lifeboat to row their way to safety. Back home, Reuben tries talking to Polly, but to no avail. He eventually invites Lisa to Sandy's opening show, where he learns that Polly is leaving New York in a few hours. After a speech given by his father, Irving (Bob Dishy), to Sandy about not living in the past (when Sandy decides to play the part of both Judas and Jesus leading to an onstage confrontation with the other actors), Reuben realizes he wants to be with Polly and not Lisa, and he rushes to her apartment to stop her from leaving. Sandy encourages Reuben and says E! is not doing a documentary on him, and that he hired Dustin and Vic on his own. Reuben asks Sandy to fill in for Reuben for his risk analysis presentation on Leland and successfully grants Leland his insurance. Reuben eventually catches up with Polly and tries to persuade her to stay. Polly is not convinced she should stay with him, so Reuben eats food off the ground to prove he is capable of taking risks. Polly is finally convinced and ends up dating Reuben, but they both agree they will take their relationship step-by-step and not rush into marriage. Reuben and Polly vacation on the same beach where he and Lisa had their honeymoon. Reuben again encounters Claude, but instead of being angry, he thanks Claude for showing the ugly truth about Lisa before heading into the water with Polly to join Leland on his new boat.

The Prime Minister of Malaysia (Woodrow Asai) vows to raise sub-standard minimum wages across the country and end child labor once and for all. The bosses of all the major fashion houses have all their inventory tied up in Malaysia and other Southeast Asian countries. They believe that the changes in Malaysia will soon spread to other countries and the fashion houses will be out of business in less than a year. The Malaysian PM is arriving in New York in 14 days and Mugatu (a fashion designer) is tasked with assassinating him. Mugatu it told to invite the PM to fashion week as a guest of honor and assassinate him there. They need a beautiful, but dim-witted assassin who can be manipulated easily. The dim-witted but good-nature Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is ousted as the top male fashion model by the rising star, Hansel (Owen Wilson). Derek was competing for his 4th straight Male Model of the Year award and Hansel is a rookie, who is very casual and informal about the fashion industry and doesn't take it too seriously. The award is announced to Hansel, and yet Derek gets up goes to the podium, accepts the award and even starts making a speech, embarrassing himself. Meanwhile, fashion mogul Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell), and model agent Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller) are working on finding a model who can be brainwashed into becoming an assassin. They see Derek on stage and find him to be the perfect candidate for their mission. Derek's reputation is further tarnished by a critical article from journalist Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor). Derek has his signature looks like Blue Steel, Ferrari and Le Tigre. He has been working on his look called Magnum for the last 8 or 9 years. Derek is really mad at Matilda, who says that it was her editor who changed the story that made Derek look stupid. Derek's three flat mates and colleagues Meekus (Alexander Skarsgard), Rufus and Brint are killed in a "freak gasoline-fight accident". The friends had gone out to take Derek's mind away from his loss, and ended up at a gas station where they started a gasoline fight instead of a water fight. Derek had stepped away when he saw a man throw a magazine with his photo on the cover in a trash can, and hence survived. Maury reaches out to Derek and presents an offer from Mugatu to work with him in his new fashion show. Mugatu has never signed Derek for an assignment before. Derek announces his retirement from modeling and attempts to reconnect with his father Larry (Jon Voight) and brothers Scrappy (Judah Friedlander) & Luke (Vince Vaughn) by helping in the coal mines in Southern New Jersey. Derek's delicate methods make him an impractical miner, and his family rejects him. Derek complained of getting a black lung after spending just 1 day in the mine. Derek returns to New York and accepts Mugatu's offer to star in the next runway show. Mugatu takes Derek to his headquarters, masked as a day spa, where Derek is conditioned to attempt the assassination when the song "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood is played. Matilda, who felt partially responsible for Derek's retirement, is suspicious of Mugatu's offer, and tipped off by an anonymous caller, tries to enter the spa, but is thrown out. Matilda tries to voice her concerns to Derek once he leaves, but he ignores her. Matilda follows Derek to a Pre-runway show, where he loses to Hansel in a "walk-off" judged by David Bowie. Matilda receives another anonymous call to meet at a nearby cemetery. Matilda along with Derek find the anonymous caller is hand model J.P. Prewett (David Duchovny), who explains that the fashion industry has been behind several political assassinations including Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, and the brainwashed models are soon killed after they have completed their task. Before J.P. can explain more, Katinka (Milla Jovovich), Mugatu's chief Henchwoman, and her aides attack the group, forcing Derek and Matilda to flee. They decide to go to Hansel's home, the last place they believe Mugatu will think to look, and Derek and Hansel resolve their differences while partaking of Hansel's collection of narcotics and participating in groups sex with Matilda and others. While recovering, Derek also finds that he is falling in love with Matilda. Derek and Hansel break into Maury's offices to find evidence of the assassination plot but cannot operate his computer to find them. Derek leaves for the show, Hansel following later with the computer in hand, believing that, as told to him by Matilda "the files are inside the computer". Matilda tries to intercept Derek before the show, but Katinka thwarts her attempt. As Derek takes the runway, Mugatu's disc jockey starts playing "Relax", activating Derek's mental programming. Before Derek can reach the Prime Minister, Hansel breaks into the DJ booth, and switches the music to Herbie Hancock's "Rockit", breaking Derek's conditioning. Hansel and the DJ have a brief fight before Hansel eventually unplugs the system, moments before Derek was about to snap the Prime Minister's neck. Mugatu attempts to cover up the incident, but Hansel offers Maury's computer as evidence, smashing it to the ground which he believes would release the incriminating files. Though the evidence is destroyed, Maury steps forward and reveals he had backed up the files, and offers to turn over the evidence of the assassination plot after years of guilt for his complicity in the conspiracy. Mugatu attempts to kill the Prime Minister himself, but Derek stops him by unleashing his ultimate model look, "Magnum", that stuns everyone. Mugatu is arrested, and Derek is thanked by the Prime Minister. In Derek's rural hometown, his father Larry watches the event on television, and proudly acknowledges Derek as his son. A few years later, Derek, Hansel, and Maury start "The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too". Derek and Matilda have a son named Derek Zoolander Jr., who has already developed his first modeling look.