Kenneth McMillan

Officer Frank Dooley (John Candy), a 10-year veteran of the LAPD, is framed for the theft of a television set by two corrupt detectives, Sgt. Rizzo (Don Stroud) and Mel Nedler (who Dooley had actually caught robbing an appliance store). He is dismissed from the force, but escapes criminal punishment at his day in court. The next court case features hapless and nervous defense attorney named Norman Kane (Eugene Levy) attempting to defend a Charles Manson-type white supremacist cult leader named Lawrence Lupik (Glenn Withrow), who threatens to kill him should Kane fail to keep him out of prison. A fearful Kane reveals his ineptitude and the death threat to the judge (Stacy Keach, Sr.), who tells Kane that he will give Lupik "A sentence so long he won't even remember his own name, let alone yours" so long as Kane agrees to find another line of work with a "lot less responsibility". Dooley and Kane meet for the first time when they both apply for work at Guard Dog Security, a low-rent firm run by the gruff "Captain" Clarence O'Connell (Kenneth McMillan) and part of a security guard's union requiring heavy $15 a week contributions that is represented by Clyde Klepper (Jonathan Banks) and Tony Lazarus (Brion James). Becoming licensed armed security guards after a single afternoon of training, Dooley and Kane are made partners by Guard Dog supervisor Maggie Cavanaugh (Meg Ryan) and assigned to night duty at the Carlex Pharmaceutical Company's warehouse. During their first night, after being loudly ordered to take a lunch break by senior guard Bruno (Tom Lister, Jr.), Kane happens upon an armed robbery of the warehouse and quickly calls over the radio to Frank for help, but they prove no match for the thieves (the robbers are Klepper and Lazarus in ski masks) who used machine guns. Kane unwittingly escapes into the "Annex" where Bruno had told them to stay away from as it was guarded by the K9 Patrol (Rottweiler's and Doberman's). In there he is chased by the dogs until Frank shows up and fights them off with unusual tactics, including biting one and punching another. The next day, the pair are berated and fined $100 each by O'Connell for their screw up in not nabbing or identifying the thieves despite their contention that they had machine guns and were wearing ski masks. This leaves them suspicious of the company as they hadn't done anything to warrant the hefty fine (almost a week's pay). When Maggie asks about the meeting afterwards, both men vent their anger about O'Connell (Dooley calls him a jerk while Kane calls him a "Sub-human, moronic, poop head"), only to be informed by Maggie that O'Connell is actually her father. Dooley and Kane then attend a meeting of the union, where after getting turned down in their plea to have the fine revoked and it being revealed that Klepper and Lazarus work for Carlino, Kane pointedly questions union president Michael Carlino (Robert Loggia) about how the union dues each member is required to pay are spent (roughly $4 million per year). After Kane rejects an evasive answer from Union treasurer Lou Brackman (James Tolkan), an enraged Carlino threatens to break Kane's legs should he ever attend another union meeting and then abruptly adjourns the meeting. Over the next few days, Dooley and Kane find themselves assigned to work at a landfill and a toxic waste dump, causing both to come to the conclusion that the assignments are the result of Kane speaking out at the union meeting. At the toxic waste dump, Dooley and Kane listen to a similar story by two burned-out guards about a robbery incident over three weeks ago when they were on warehouse duty and forced to take their lunch break by Bruno which resulted in the warehouse getting robbed while they were away. Convinced something illegal is afoot, the pair track down Bruno at his gym and interrogate him. With the threat of heavy weights crashing down on his head, Bruno confesses that it was O'Connell who had phoned him that night and instructed him to order Dooley and Kane to go to lunch and be away from the warehouse at exactly midnight, but maintains that he doesn't know anything about the robbery. After letting Bruno go, the bumbling duo make a quick escape from the gym while an angry Bruno chases after them on foot. The pair then visit an old friend of Dooley's, a retired thief named Cappy (Tony Burton), who is fishing with other men at a small pier, to get information on Carlino. Upon learning of Carlino's corruption (which cost Kane a weeks pay in bribes for information as Cappy wouldn't take money from Dooley), they bring their suspicions to Maggie, but she rejects them as having no evidence to back them up. An evening or two later, Dooley and Kane meet two loose women at a local bar where they dress up in blue tuxedos and use the women as their escorts to crash a formal dinner party thrown by Carlino in hopes of gathering some evidence. While hiding out in an overheated steam room and eavesdropping on a meeting between Carlino and Brackman in the backyard, they learn of Carlino's use of the union's pension fund to finance dealings with a Colombian drug cartel and his plans to have the money robbed from an armored car, with insurance covering the loss. Fearing an investigation by the insurance company in which he will be the fall guy for turning the funds into cash, Brackman urges Carlino not to go through with the robbery. In response, Carlino instructs Klepper and Lazarus to take Brackman away and dispose of him. Dooley and Kane attempt to save Brackman, but are too late to prevent his murder and instead find themselves framed for his death. At the party, Maggie asks O'Connell about what is happening, he refuses to give her any answer and tells her to stay out of his business. A long chase beings as Dooley and Kane are chased by Carlino's henchmen from the Hollywood Hills and through downtown L.A., and evade them, only to run into the police which their car goes off the road. After hiding out in a porno bookstore and peep show, Dooley and Kane evade the bad cops, Rizzo and Nedler, looking for them by somehow dressing up as outlandish gay couple (Dooley being a 'Divine' lookalike and Kane as a leather-man), the two spend the rest of the night evading the police. In the morning, the cross-dressing duo meet at MacArthur Park with the receptive and amused Maggie where they reveal Carlino's intentions and make plans to prevent the armored car robbery. Kane and Maggie take over driving the truck, while Dooley plans to meet them ahead of the would-be robbers. On the 6th Street Bridge, Dooley has problems with his motorcycle and is forced to hitch a ride with "Cowboy" (Steve Railsback), a wild trucker who eagerly disobeys traffic laws and uses his truck to ram his way through a traffic jam (while hauling VERY flammable rocket fuel). Meanwhile, Kane and Maggie avoid assaults from multiple cars attempting to hold them up. With the Cowboy's help, Dooley is able to arrive in time to save the armored car from a guided missile strike and foil a final attack from Klepper and Lazarus with his illegal .50 caliber handgun (Dooley tells The Cowboy that they only used the gun to hunt Buffalo "up close", and that its only legal in two states, but California wasn't one of them). O'Connell, a willing partner of Carlino's, no longer willing to abide the scheme after Carlino threatened to hurt Maggie if he didn't co-operate with the robbery, arrives having captured Carlino and his associates, the two detectives (Rizzo and Nedler) who originally framed Dooley and had him thrown off the police force. The criminals are arrested and the Police Chief (Bruce Kirby) invites Dooley back to the police force as a plain clothed detective... along with a reluctant Kane who wants to go back to the relative safety of being a lawyer.

The story follows the escape of two men from an Alaska prison, the efforts of a train dispatching office to safely stop the out-of-control train they are on, and the hunt by their warden to recapture them. Oscar "Manny" Manheim (Jon Voight) is a ruthless bank robber and hero to the convicts of Stonehaven Maximum Security Prison. After two previous escape attempts the doors to Manny's cell have been welded shut for three years. A court order compels Manny's nemesis, the vindictive Associate Warden Ranken (John P. Ryan), to release him back into the general prison population. Manny immediately sets his next escape plan into action. Buck (Eric Roberts) is another convict (convicted of statutory rape) who, due to his position in the prison's laundry room, is recruited to smuggle Manny out in a laundry trolley. Naive and unintelligent, Buck decides to escape with Manny, who doesn't care for company. After a freezing cross-country hike (involving a 300 ft drop into a river and subsequent swim) the two hop on board a train consisting of four locomotives at a remote Alaskan rail yard. Just as the train is set in motion, the elderly engineer suffers a heart attack. In attempting to stop the train and get off, the engineer does not close the throttle, instead pulling on the conductor's emergency brake lever, before collapsing off the still-moving train. Consequently, although the brakes apply, the locomotives overpower them, and the brake shoes burn off, making it now impossible to stop the train. Neither the two convicts nor the only railway worker left on the train, a locomotive hostler named Sara (Rebecca De Mornay), are aware of their situation (the convicts due to taking refuge inside the fourth car's toilet compartment, Sara due to being asleep in the second car). As the train accelerates, dispatcher Frank Barstow (Kyle T. Heffner) is alerted to the situation. Unaware of the failure of the brakes, Barstow authorises employees to allow the runaway out onto the main-line, arrogantly insisting that a computer-controlled signalling system of his creation will trigger a brake application on the locomotives. The last of the brake-shoes burn out and the dispatchers realise the severity of their situation, forcing them to keep the tracks clear. The runaway collides with the tail-end of a freight train that was in the act of moving out of its path. Learning that the train's excessive speed will most likely collapse an elderly trestle ahead, Barstow's superior orders him to derail it, believing that no one alive is on board. Upon doing so, the signal maintainer hears the whistle. Realising someone is indeed alive on the train, Barstow orders a reversal of the switch. The speeding train continues onwards towards the aging Seneca trestle, where emergency workers are gathering in expectation of a disaster. Warden Ranken concludes that his two escaped convicts are escaping by rail. Meanwhile, the two fugitives have found Sara on board when she climbs back to the fourth engine in the belief she'll be safer in a possible collision at the rear. Now aware the engineer must be dead, the three must get to the lead engine so they can press its emergency fuel cutoff switch. Sara informs them that they can't because the second locomotive is a streamlined F-unit with no forward catwalk. Its nose door, which would normally allow access to the lead engine, is jammed. At her suggestion, they are able to slow the train by disconnecting the electrical bus link cables supplying commands to the two rear locomotives, shutting them down. Unintentionally, this slows the train enough that it is able to safely cross the Seneca trestle. The dispatchers divert the runaway onto a branch after determining it only five minutes away from a head-on collision with a passenger train. This is only a brief respite, as further ahead the branch negotiates a tight curve adjacent to a chemical plant. Even at its reduced speed, the runaway is likely to derail on this curve and trigger a major chemical spill. His hand forced by his superiors, Barstow agrees that they must switch the runaway onto a stub-ended siding and crash it, thus sending the three people on the train to almost certain death, rather than risk a catastrophic chemical explosion. Warden Ranken refuses to wait, coercing Barstow's assistance in chasing down the train by prison helicopter. Manny shows an increasingly violent streak, repeatedly asserting his dominance over Buck. He eventually forces Buck to attempt a suicidal scramble around the outside of the second engine's nose (Buck already having tried once and failed). Sara's intervention on Buck's behalf forces an armed face-off between the two convicts. Emotionally broken, all three slump into a fatalistic depression, only broken when Ranken's helicopter catches up with the train. Spurred on by the appearance of his arch-foe, and resolved not to return to prison, even if it means his own death, Manny makes a perilous leap to the lead engine. There, after a struggle with Ranken (who has successfully boarded by helicopter), he handcuffs Ranken inside the cab. To the music of the second movement of Vivaldi's Gloria in D (Et In Terra Pax), Manny then uncouples the first engine from the rest of the train, leaving Buck and Sara safely behind. He refuses to stop the lead engine despite Buck's screamed pleas. With Ranken his prisoner now, Manny climbs onto the roof of the lone engine in the freezing cold and blowing snow, his arms stretched out in a cruciform shape, ready to meet his end. After a series of cross-cuts of Buck and Manny's fellow inmates mourning in their cells at Stonehaven, the film fades to white and closes with an on-screen quote from William Shakespeare's Richard III:- "No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity. But I know none, and therefore am no beast."

A heterosexual police detective is unnerved when ordered to go undercover with a homosexual police clerk, as a couple, to solve a series of murders in the gay community. Sergeant Benson (Ryan O'Neal) is a Police detective. After a series of murders in the gay community he is ordered to go undercover with a gay Police clerk named Kerwin (Sir John Hurt) as his partner. In order to be noticed, they have to be flamboyant enough to attract attention, which Benson finds rather disturbing. Can an uptight heterosexual and a mousey homosexual form a meaningful relationship? —John Vogel <jlvogel@comcast.net> With the local police department being accused of sexism, and the murderer of a gay model in Los Angeles still on the loose, Chief Wilkins enlists the help of an unlikely couple to infiltrate the gay community. As a result, the macho, straight police officer, Sgt. Benson has to team up with the meek gay file clerk, Kerwin, to conduct the investigation, while posing as a couple. But, can the mismatched partners make their awkward relationship work, and find the killer in time before someone else dies, too? —Nick Riganas

In 1948, Reverend Desmond Spellacy is a young Roman Catholic monsignor in the Los Angeles Archdiocese. His older brother Tom is a homicide detective with the Los Angeles Police Department. Des is skillful at developing church projects while keeping down costs. He sometimes cuts a corner, overlooking the shady side of construction mogul Jack Amsterdam, a lay Catholic who uses his ties to Des for the congregation's benefit but mainly for his own. One day, Lois Fazenda, a young woman, is found murdered in a vacant lot, her body cut in two. Tom and his partner Frank Crotty are in charge of the case. Fazenda is labeled "the Virgin Tramp" by the press for apparently being both a Catholic and a prostitute, turning it into a sensational case. Tom's investigation leads him to Brenda Samuels, a madam. Tom was acquainted with Brenda years earlier while working as a bagman for Amsterdam, whose corruption extends to the local prostitution ring. Brenda called the police to report the death of a Catholic priest who was having sex with one of her prostitutes. While there, Brenda reproaches Tom for doing nothing for her while she was sent to prison for running one of Jack's whorehouses. Tom later believes that Fazenda appeared in a stag film and obtains a copy. He and Frank notice that a girl in the movie was at Brenda's brothel when they came to retrieve the philandering priest. Tom wants Brenda's help with tracking down the girl. Frank spots her days later when she is being taken to jail after a roundup. They learn that Fazenda was a favorite of Leland Standard, a pornographic movie director, because of her tattoo. Standard did his filming in a deserted army post in El Segundo. At lunch with his brother, Tom provokes Amsterdam with secret facts about Amsterdam's dark side, which makes Des uncomfortable. Des tells the Cardinal that the church needs to cut ties with Amsterdam for good. Des discusses "getting rid of Jack" with his cronies, who remind him that it would not be easily done. Sonny, a corrupt City Council member and mortician, proposes that they give Jack a salutation dinner. Des organizes a Catholic "layman of the year" banquet for Amsterdam as a gesture of appreciation before ending the church's relationship with him. Furious, Tom walks up to Amsterdam at the banquet and pulls off his sash while shouting, "Were you wearing this when you were banging Lois Fazenda?" Jack attacks Tom, and they scream at each other. Tom goes to Standard's "studio" and finds the floor and a bathtub covered with dried blood. He also finds Chinese food, which the medical examiner had found in her stomach. Tom and Frank look for Standard but learn that he had been killed in a car accident twelve hours after the murder. Tom wants to drag in Amsterdam for questioning to humiliate him in public, but Frank talks him out of it. Tom starts digging around and discovers that Fazenda was having sex with community leaders. Amsterdam's lawyer Dan Campion warns the Monsignor that Tom should lay off unless they want it revealed publicly that Des also knew Fazenda. She met Des only once in passing, whereas she had a sexual relationship with both Amsterdam and Campion. But the fact that Des had any kind of involvement in such a lurid case could permanently stain his reputation with the church. Tom will not be talked out of it. His determination becomes complete when Brenda is found dead, an apparent suicide. He decides to have Amsterdam picked up and taken to headquarters, which leads to Des being treated the same way. His rising career curtailed, Des asks to be relocated to a remote parish in the desert, the same place to which his mentor in the diocese, Monsignor Fargo, was exiled. Years later, in 1962, Tom visits Des, who is now dying. Tom feels that everything is his fault, but Des calls him his salvation, tells him that he is at peace, and absolves his brother of all blame. He shows Tom the plot where they will be buried together.

At a robot factory, two employees, Charlie (Randy Quaid) and Max (Kenneth McMillan), deliver ValCom 17485 (Andy Kaufman), a Companion Series robot suffering from a second level appendix laceration, to the factory warehouse C-Section. While in storage, Val is spoken to by AquaCom 89045 (Bernadette Peters) , a female Companion Series robot scheduled to be reconditioned and become a charming Companion Hostess for poolside parties and other social functions. Val responds that he was intended to be a companion and valet with no social charms. Despite their differently programmed personalities, Val and Aqua become close, and decide they are "mechanically compatible for many similar functions." On the factory floor, a Crimebuster Deluxe robot is being programmed, but when it shoots flames at a cardboard cutout of a nanny with a baby in a stroller on the shooting range, the programmers observe that the machine is still overreacting. A comedian-robot, Catskill 55602, is also delivered to C-Section. Catskill can only tell stupid one-liners, and needs a complete circuit rewashing. At night, Val decides he needs to take a field trip to study distant trees, and invites Aqua to come along as a highly intelligent companion who can help him collect, store and interpret data. Before they set off on their journey, they ask Catskill 55602 to join them. They appropriate one of the factory's trucks, and although he has never driven before, Val takes the wheel, zig-zagging along the road and crashing into road barriers as they travel. On his nightly rounds, the security guard notices the three missing robots in C-Section, and asks Charlie and Max where they were moved. When he learns of the missing robots, the factory boss (Richard B. Shull) berates Max and Charlie for keeping an eye on their charges, and gives them until tomorrow at 12 noon to retrieve them. The humans are unaware that the Crimebuster Deluxe has also overheard the boss's order, and the mis-programmed machine sets out to capture the fugitive robots. Val smashes the truck into a tree, and the next morning he and Aqua build a small robot, which they name Philco, to carry some of the supplies stored in the vehicle as they continue their journey on foot. Trailing the missing robots, Charlie and Max find the abandoned truck. Charlie notices the truck's dashboard is missing, and wonder if the robots might have stolen the truck and partially dismantled it on their own? Unable to find the robots, Max and Charlie are ready to return to the factory, but their boss sends out a helicopter to aid in the search. As they walk through the woods, Val and Aqua notice that Philco is missing. They locate him using Val's bow tie direction finder. Because searching for Philco is an energy drain, Val gives the direction finder to the small robot. Up in the air, Max again wants to turn back, until the helicopter pilot informs him that he and Charlie will be responsible for the replacement costs if they do not return with the missing robots. With night coming on, the robots seek shelter in a cave, but when Val scouts the location, he is tossed out by a bear, which he mistakenly believes to be a camel. Philco takes on the bear and scares the animal away. From the helicopter, Charlie spots movement on the ground-but he only sees the bear running away, as the robots have taken refuge in the cave. Realizing that Philco has no capacity for self-protection, Aqua asks Val to transfer her unit safety monitor to the small robot, relying on Val to protect her. Then, as Val and Aqua seek to repair their seemingly malfunctioning pleasure centers, they are interrupted by Philco and Catskill 55602. With the Crimebuster Deluxe also on their trail, the robots sneak into a small town at night, hiding behind small trees they have dug up. Back at the cave, the Crimebuster Deluxe picks up the fugitives' scent, and quickens its pace. In town, the robots raid a hardware store robot supply display for spare parts. They find a new bow tie direction finder for Val, but the store is out of energy packs. Philco pitches a fit when Val will not allow him to have a traffic control helmet, but before they leave the hardware store, Catskill 55602 takes the disputed helmet with him. Back on the street hiding behind their trees, the red light on Philco's traffic helmet gives them away to the Crimebuster Deluxe, which detains them for questioning. The Crimebuster Deluxe tells them he has informed the police and the fugitives will be picked up at 4:00 AM. It tells them not to move in the interim. However, the Crimebuster Deluxe becomes confused over whether the robots can be criminals if they are robots or robots if they are criminals? The law enforcement robot goes berserk, and hightails it out of town. The escapees come upon a party, and hide in plain sight by becoming servers. Again, however, the Crimebuster Deluxe is on the prowl. Discovering their discarded tree disguises outside of where the party is taking place, Crimebuster Deluxe literally crashes the party and destroys the building. Back in the woods, Val and Aqua have stopped communicating, but come to realize they need maximum input for efficiency. In the meantime, singing "America The Beautiful," Crimebuster Deluxe barrels through the woods, scaring the wildlife and randomly shooting at the fleeing animals. The runaway robots come upon a junkyard, promising unlimited replacement parts. However, their energy packs are running down. As the robots search the facility, they are observed by Calvin and Susan (Christopher Guest and Melanie Mayron), owners of the junkyard. Calvin welcomes the "customers" he believes will bring needed cash flow to the business, but Susan reminds him that the robot models do not come with a wallet option. Exploring the junkyard, Philco comes upon a dead robot, and attempts to warn Val and Aqua. However, Crimebuster Deluxe finds them and begins shooting bullets and flames. Susan and Calvin jump the Crimebuster and disable it. After its misguided behavior throughout their adventure, all agree that Philco is in need of a specialized purpose. Unfortunately, Susan informs Aqua and Val the only place where such enhancements can be made is back at the factory. On their way back, Aqua is again concerned about their energy packs. Val tells her that he has 34% power remaining, when in fact he only has .009%. Aqua also lies, telling Val that she has 33% instead of the .008% registering on her power meter. The four robots are spotted on the trail by Max and Charlie. Max wants to grab only the three missing robots so as not to mess up the factory inventory. As they slowly proceed, Val has a heart-to-heart talk with Philco, the first robot he ever built and programmed, wishing his "offspring" a bright future, even as he realizes their power packs will soon be drained. As his power ebbs, Val tells Aqua that he hopes the last thing erased in his circuit wash is his memory of her. In a selfless act, Catskill 55602 switches power packs with Philco. He still has 42% of his energy left because he has been telling low power jokes on their journey. As Val, Aqua and Philco resume their journey, Max and Charlie come upon the powerless carcass of Catskill 55602. "One down, two to go," says Max, but Charlie is annoyed that after chasing the robots all over hell's half acre they find this one close to the factory. Nearing the factory, Val and Aqua are pleased that they have been able to make their way back, and pleased that Philco will now have a bright future. Val wants to discuss one last human emotional phenomenon with Aqua, but their power runs out before he can raise the subject. A sad Philco continues on his journey alone, while Max and Charlie pick up the powerless remains of Val and Aqua. From the nearby woods, Philco sees his makers hauled away. Sometime later, Westland (Kathleen Freeman), the helicopter pilot, finds Max and Charlie now demoted to the motor pool at the factory working over the Crimebuster Deluxe. She asks what happened to the robots, and is told that they were circuit washed three times and sent out to new owners, but they returned each time and finally junked. Back at the junkyard, Calvin and Susan have refurbished the former fugitive robots, and given them updated wardrobes. Also, Val and Aqua have created another new, female sister robot to Philco. Back at the factory, the Crimebuster Deluxe is back on the prowl. He too, has had his circuits washed, but he has fooled Max and Charlie, and again heads out to fight crime in his old mis-programmed manner.

A gruff bookie's life is turned upside-down when he gets a 6-year-old kid as collateral for a bet. Sorrowful Jones (Walter Matthau) is a cheap bookie in the 1930s. When a gambler leaves his daughter as a marker for a bet, he gets stuck with her. His life will change a great deal with her arrival and his sudden love for a woman also involved in gambling operations. —Steve Richer <sricher@sympatico.ca> Sorrowful Jones (Walter Matthau) is a cheep bookie in 1930s New York City who grudgingly accepts a six-year-old girl (Sara Stimson) as collateral for a debt. The sprightly youngster soon has a positive effect on her curmudgeonly guardian, adding a little sunshine to his life.The little girl decides to play matchmaker for Sorrowful and lonely widow Amanda Worthington (Dame Julie Andrews) by setting her up with Jones on a date. —Larry B.