Madeline Kahn

The events focus around a crisis hotline business on one crazy night during the Christmas holidays. Philip runs a crisis hotline with Catherine and Mrs Munchnik. That's the easy part, now it gets tricky... Stanley loves evicting people and he evicts Philip. Philip loves helping people and he is loved by Catherine. Catherine is loved by Louie who loves writing songs. Chris loves dancing to songs and loves to wear large dresses. Gracie also loves to wear large dresses because she's pregnant. She loves the baby's father, Felix, who loves to paint. That just leaves Mrs. Munchnik who hasn't been loved by anybody in a very long time. —Tim McSmythurs <Tim.McSmythurs@swindon.ericsson.se> Christmas Eve in Venice Beach, California. A serial strangler is on the loose. A crisis hotline, staffed by three inept counselors, faces eviction. Each of the three is lovelorn. They and their non-profit program need a miracle. Their paths cross those of Gracie and Felix, penniless lovers who are fighting with each other and are about to become parents; Chris, an unhappy man in drag; Louie, their loopy song-writing neighbor; a man walking his dogs; a veterinarian; and, their landlord. A Christmas tree, an elevator, a fruit cake, and a pistol also figure in this night before Christmas. Are any miracles in the offing? —<jhailey@hotmail.com>

Kansas City 1933.Prohibition and the mobsters rule the streets.The number one crime boss is Leon Coll (Tony Lo Bianco),but Primo Pitt (Rip Torn) is determined to be top dog.One night at a cafe,Police Lieutenant Speer (Clint Eastwood) encounters his ex-partner turned Private eye Mike Murphy (Burt Reynolds) who gets into a fight with a pair of thugs.Speer's heard rumours about some dodgy dealings going on around at Murphy's agency and is convinced that the punch up had something to do with it.The next day at his office,Murphy's secetary Addy (Jane Alexander) who he and Speer have both always liked (and is possibly the reason for their feud) tells Murphy that the two thugs were in fact Repo guys.Murphy's partner Dehl Swift (Richard Roundtree) arrives flashing his money around,and Murphy becomes suspicious that his partner is up to no good. Dehl arrives at a club where his girlfriend Ginny Lee (Irene Cara) sings and gives Leon Coll's crooked book keeper $25,000 from Primo Pitt.Pitt wants all of Coll's accounts to use as evidence against him so that he can take over the streets.Ginny Lee worries that Dehl is getting in too deep when he tells her of his plan to double cross Pitt and sell Coll his books back to him for $50,000.Later at a boxing match,Speer is on a date with Addy when Dehl arrives to meet Coll.Dehl tells Coll that his book keeper betrayed him and Pitt will have enough to bring him down. Dehl goes home and Speer follows him.When Dehl arrives he finds Ginny Lee been held hostage by Pitt and his gang.Attempting to save her,Ginny Lee manages to escape but Dehl is killed.Speer kills one of the henchmen.Pitt manages to escape without been seen but without the books he wanted.At the morgue,Speer fills Murphy in on the incident.As he leaves,Coll's men pick Murphy up and tell him about the situation with Dehl and the books and that he wants them back.But it isn't long before Pitt pays him a visit as well and tells him he has his girlfriend Caroline (Madeline Kahn) hostage and that he wants the books. Speer discovers that the bullet found in Dehl's body matches the bullet from Pitt's gun and tells Murphy he wants to know Ginny Lee's whereabouts so she can testify.But Murphy secretly meets her so he can try and find out where Dehl has hidden the books.He soon realises that he had stashed them in the locker of a boxing gym.Pitt's men arrive to try and get hold of Ginny Lee but as she escapes she is hit by a car. Now in possession of the books,Murphy plans to get Caroline back but Pitt's men and Coll's men arrive at the same time and he finds himself caught up in a shootout.Speer arrives and reluctantly takes care of the situtation.Murphy tells him about Caroline,so Speer joins him at Pitt's hideout for the exchange of the books.Pitt tells them that Caroline is been held somewhere else.Murphy tells him in that in the case with the books is also some explosives.A shootout breaks out and Speer ends up killing Pitt. Speer and Murphy extract the whereabouts of Caroline from one of the thugs - at a brothel.They set out to get her back.But at the same time,Addy is taken hostage by Coll and his men at her apartment.Speer and Murphy gate crash the brothel and beat up Pitt's remaining men and rescue Caroline.As they leave,Coll drives up with Addy and tells the pair he wants the books.Addy gets out of the car and Murphy hands Coll the case with the books and explosives.As Coll and his men drive off,the car explodes. Some time later,Ginny Lee is back singing at the club and Murphy is on a date with Caroline,while Speer is dating Addy.A fight breaks out between Murphy and a few guys and after making Speer spill his drink,Speer gets him outside for a fight.The film ends with the two squaring up to each other and trading insults.

On a Spanish galleon in the year 1687, aristocrat El Nebuloso (Tommy Chong) and his second-in-command, El Segundo (Cheech Marin), abscond with a treasure chest intended for their king. A band of English pirates, led by the dreaded blonde-haired Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman), descend on the ship and seize the treasure. Although his boatswain, Moon (Peter Boyle), planned the attack, Yellowbeard refuses to share the treasure, and as he slams the chest shut, Moon's left hand is severed. Yellowbeard continues his reign of terror, killing more than 500 men, until a betrayal by Moon leads to his 20-year prison sentence for tax evasion in England. Despite years of rehabilitation and torture, Yellowbeard refuses to divulge the location of the treasure. In a jump-forward to 1707, during the final week of his incarceration, Yellowbeard is informed by his wife, Betty (Madeline Kahn), that they have a teenage son named Dan (Martin Hewitt). The pirate is horrified to learn that the boy was raised by Lord Percy Lambourn (Peter Cook) to be an intellectual and a gardener. Dan, however, is fascinated by the idea that his father is the most ruthless pirate of all time. Meanwhile, Commander Clement (Eric Idle) of the Royal Secret Service coerces Queen Anne (Peter Bull) to extend Yellowbeard's sentence an additional 140 years, hoping the pirate will escape and lead authorities to his treasure. As predicted, Yellowbeard breaks out of prison and makes his way to Betty's tavern in search of the treasure map. Betty reveals that she tattooed it onto Dan's head before destroying the original, and directs Yellowbeard to Lambourn Hall, where the boy lives with his mentor. On the advice of informant Harvey "Blind" Pew (John Cleese), Commander Clement follows Yellowbeard into the tavern, but the pirate evades him. Moon's henchman, Gilbert (Marty Feldman), questions Blind Pew about the location of the map, but the informant refuses to assist pirates. Yellowbeard confronts his son at Lambourn Hall, declaring that he needs to remove the boy's head. Dan asks to remain intact and join his father on the treasure hunt. They consult Dr. Ebenezer Gilpin (Michael Hordern), who advises Yellowbeard to pose as a scientist on a voyage of discovery. Gilpin, Dan, and Lord Lambourn sign on as traveling companions. Blind Pew listens outside the office and informs Commander Clement of the group's departure. Moon and Gilbert eliminate Blind Pew by locking him inside a shed full of explosives and detonating them. The next morning, while Yellowbeard wreaks havoc in a brothel, Moon and Gilbert infiltrate a group of sailors and take Dan, Lord Lambourn, and Dr. Gilpin aboard the battleship, Lady Edith. As the ship sets sail, Yellowbeard stows away in the hold, while Captain Hughes lectures the men of their duty in England's war against France. Certain that Yellowbeard is aboard, Moon organizes a mutiny and elects Dan the new captain. Dan places the ship on a course to Madagascar, but during the night, Yellowbeard takes the helm and guides it toward the West Indies. Guided by Yellowbeard's wife, Betty, Commander Clement pursues the Lady Edith. He flies the French flag on his ship to avoid suspicion, and inadvertently attracts cannon fire from the battleship, forcing him to retreat. When the crew of the Lady Edith sights an island, Yellowbeard jumps overboard and swims ashore. Meanwhile, in El Nebuloso's hilltop fortress, an underling named Verdugo demonstrates his latest torture device, designed to break every bone in the human body. To further intimidate victims, it is suspended on a walkway over a pool of acid, to which nothing is impervious except gold and jewels. As the crew arrive on shore, Dr. Gilpin consults the map on Dan's scalp and leads a small party to the other side of the island. El Segundo assumes the landing party is searching for Yellowbeard's treasure and rallies his troops against the invaders, taking Dan prisoner. The boy is placed in the torture device, but refuses to talk. El Nebuloso's daughter, Triola (Stacey Nelkin), begs Dan to lead her father to the treasure, "for the grace and glory of God." When Dan suggests that torture is inconsistent with Christian ideals, Triola explains her father's desire to expedite his victims' entry into heaven. After Dan and Triola declare their love for each other, he promises to find the treasure and return for her, although El Nebuloso may be killed in the process. The avaricious Triola voices her approval. Elsewhere in the castle, El Nebuloso instructs El Segundo to feign resistance as the invaders approach the castle, enabling him to trap their leaders in the torture chamber. Yellowbeard joins Dr. Gilpin and Lord Lambourn as they lead their men into the fortress. Although guards pretend to fall dead at their feet, Yellowbeard proceeds to dispatch all in his path, including El Segundo, who dies a highly dramatic death, and receives a round of applause from his men. Upon entering the torture chamber, Dan's comrades find El Nebuloso threatening the boy with a sword. Yellowbeard swings from a rope and pushes the despot into the acid. Triola enters as Dan is set free, and she is happy to learn that her father is in heaven with all of the people he sent there. Moon leads his band of mutineers into the chamber and a sword fight ensues where Gilbert also falls into the pit of acid. Yellowbeard offers Dan the opportunity to fight Moon, but Triola intervenes and pushes the boatswain into the acid. Returning to the beach, Yellowbeard uses his sword to shave the top of Dan's head, revealing the map. When they unearth the treasure, Dan embraces his father, accidentally stabbing him with a dagger. Yellowbeard is proud of his son for adhering to the family tradition of patricide. Clement confiscates the treasure in the name of Queen Anne, prompting Triola to reject Dan and declare her love for the commander. Later, while Commander Clement considers keeping the treasure for himself, Dan and Yellowbeard burst into his cabin and take control of the ship. Triola has renewed affection for Dan, and Yellowbeard declares, "There's pirating to be done."

Bob Newhart stars as President Manfred Link in this zany, wonderfully-cast comedy from veteran funnyman Buck Henry ("Heaven Can Wait", "The Graduate").

San Francisco, 1940, detectives, dames, documents, Nazis, and a treasure. Lou Peckinpaugh (Peter Falk), the cheap detective has entered a world that is half Casablanca (1942) and half The Maltese Falcon (1941). A parody of Humphrey Bogart's movies in which Lou goes through a series of scenes from the two movies trying to keep ahead of the police who think he killed his partner and find the black bird.

In 1924, Estie comes to Hollywood to become an actress but the dog that followed her becomes the star. Hollywood has its own rules of success.

In the American Old West of 1874, construction on a new railroad led by Lyle (Burton Gilliam) runs into quicksand. The route has to be changed, which will require it to go through Rock Ridge, a frontier town where everyone has the last name of "Johnson" (including a "Howard Johnson", a "Dr. Samuel Johnson", a "Van Johnson" and an "Olson N. Johnson"). The conniving State Attorney General Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman) wants to buy the land along the new railroad route cheaply by driving out the townspeople. He sends a gang of thugs, led by his flunky assistant Taggart (Slim Pickens), to scare them away, prompting the townsfolk to demand that Governor William J. Le Petomane (Mel Brooks) appoint a new sheriff. The Attorney General persuades the dim-witted Le Petomane to select Bart (Cleavon Little), a black railroad worker who was about to be hanged. (Bart had hit Taggart in the head with a shovel after Taggart ignored him and his black friend sinking in quicksand, deciding to save their handcar instead.) Lamarr believes a black lawman will so offend the townspeople that they will either abandon Rock Ridge or lynch the new sheriff, with either result paving the way for him to take over the town. With his quick wits and the assistance of drunken gunslinger Jim (Gene Wilder), also known as "The Waco Kid" ("I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille"), Bart works to overcome the townsfolk's hostile reception. He defeats and befriends Mongo (Alex Karras), an immensely strong, slow-thinking (but surprisingly philosophical) henchman sent by Taggart and Lyle to kill Bart, and then beats German seductress-for-hire Lili von Shtupp (Madeline Kahn) at her own game. Lamarr is furious that his plans keep failing and decides to destroy Rock Ridge with a newly recruited and diverse army of thugs (which Lamarr characterized as ideally consisting of "rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists"). Bart now has 24 hours to come up with a "brilliant plan to save our town". He gathers the town, along with the railroad workers, 3 miles east of Rock Ridge to build a fake town as a diversion. The workers labor all night to complete their task. The sun rises on a fake town that's a perfect replica, down to the orange roof on Howard Johnson's outhouse. Bart realizes the town has no people in it, so it won't fool Lamarr's villains. Bart orders the townspeople to make "exact replicas of themselves," and leaves with Jim and Mongo to execute a plan that will slow the villains "to a crawl". The three construct a tollbooth labeled "Le Petomane Thruway", requiring Taggart's crew to pay 10¢ each to pass on their horses. ("Now what will that asshole think of next?" snaps Taggart.) Since no one in the raiding party has any change, Taggart sends someone back to town to "get a shitload of dimes". Once through the tollbooth, Lamarr's villains attack the fake town populated with dummies, which Bart boobytrapped with several dynamite bombs. Bart tries setting off the bombs but is unsuccessful as the detonator does not work. Jim is given the task of exploding the bombs, and fires his pistol at them. After the bombs explode, launching villains skyward, the Rock Ridgers attack the villains. The resulting fight between the townsfolk and Lamarr's army of thugs breaks the fourth wall.... literally. The fight spills out from the Warner Bros. film lot into a neighboring musical set being directed by Buddy Bizarre (Dom DeLuise), then into the studio commissary, where a pie fight ensues. Taggart is knocked out when Mongo smashes his head on a cash register, and the fight finally pours out into the surrounding streets (specifically, Olive Avenue in Burbank). The citizens of Rock Ridge chase the villains back to town to destroy them, but Lamarr takes a taxi..... "off this picture." He arrives at Grauman's Chinese Theatre to watch the "premiere" of Blazing Saddles. Unfortunately, he sees on the movie screen that Bart has arrived outside the theatre. Bart ends up killing Lamarr by shooting him in the groin. Bart and Jim then go into the theater to watch the end of the film. The film ends with Bart leaving Rock Ridge, much to the sadness, of the townspeople and the railroad workers, for his work there is done. He intends to fight injustice in other parts of the world, which the townspeople and the railroad workers dismiss as "bullshit", and Bart admits it's simply getting dull around there. As he rides off, he finds Jim (who still has the popcorn that he bought at the theater), and the two decide to go off to "nowhere special." They then hand in their horses to the film crew horse wranglers, and ride off (in a limousine) into the sunset.