Martin Hewitt

A young Southern débutante temporarily abandons her posh lifestyle and upcoming, semi-arranged marriage to have a lustful and erotic fling with a rugged drifter who works at a local carnival. April has just graduated from an exclusive Southern college. She's just returned home to her family mansion to prepare for her semi-arranged marriage to "the right man", a man approved by April's father, a Senator. During a trip to the local fair, April meets Perry, the kind of man she always wanted but never knew. Her parents are aghast, as Perry is exactly the kind of man they don't want her associating with. April must reconcile the expectations of her family and her fiancée with the passion she feels for Perry. —Murray Chapman <muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au> April is a shy, beautiful young southern girl who is engaged to a handsome wealthy man named Chad. April loves him, but one day, April and her sisters go to a local carnival and meets a muscle bound worker named Perry. April doesn't think much of him at first. April parents who are both respected politicians, leave town for a few days and April stays with her cankerous grandmother Belle, but April is more closer to Belle's housekeeper Delilah and asks her to cover for her while April goes back to the carnival. Belle, aware of what she is going to do, asks Sheriff Hawkins to spy on her. April returns to the carnival to find Perry, drunk and disordered. Perry's friend, Patti Jean asks April to go with her on a night on the town, so Perry can sober up. While April and Patti Jean are gone, Perry's enemy and carnival gambler Smiley! —Anonymous

On a Spanish galleon in the year 1687, aristocrat El Nebuloso (Tommy Chong) and his second-in-command, El Segundo (Cheech Marin), abscond with a treasure chest intended for their king. A band of English pirates, led by the dreaded blonde-haired Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman), descend on the ship and seize the treasure. Although his boatswain, Moon (Peter Boyle), planned the attack, Yellowbeard refuses to share the treasure, and as he slams the chest shut, Moon's left hand is severed. Yellowbeard continues his reign of terror, killing more than 500 men, until a betrayal by Moon leads to his 20-year prison sentence for tax evasion in England. Despite years of rehabilitation and torture, Yellowbeard refuses to divulge the location of the treasure. In a jump-forward to 1707, during the final week of his incarceration, Yellowbeard is informed by his wife, Betty (Madeline Kahn), that they have a teenage son named Dan (Martin Hewitt). The pirate is horrified to learn that the boy was raised by Lord Percy Lambourn (Peter Cook) to be an intellectual and a gardener. Dan, however, is fascinated by the idea that his father is the most ruthless pirate of all time. Meanwhile, Commander Clement (Eric Idle) of the Royal Secret Service coerces Queen Anne (Peter Bull) to extend Yellowbeard's sentence an additional 140 years, hoping the pirate will escape and lead authorities to his treasure. As predicted, Yellowbeard breaks out of prison and makes his way to Betty's tavern in search of the treasure map. Betty reveals that she tattooed it onto Dan's head before destroying the original, and directs Yellowbeard to Lambourn Hall, where the boy lives with his mentor. On the advice of informant Harvey "Blind" Pew (John Cleese), Commander Clement follows Yellowbeard into the tavern, but the pirate evades him. Moon's henchman, Gilbert (Marty Feldman), questions Blind Pew about the location of the map, but the informant refuses to assist pirates. Yellowbeard confronts his son at Lambourn Hall, declaring that he needs to remove the boy's head. Dan asks to remain intact and join his father on the treasure hunt. They consult Dr. Ebenezer Gilpin (Michael Hordern), who advises Yellowbeard to pose as a scientist on a voyage of discovery. Gilpin, Dan, and Lord Lambourn sign on as traveling companions. Blind Pew listens outside the office and informs Commander Clement of the group's departure. Moon and Gilbert eliminate Blind Pew by locking him inside a shed full of explosives and detonating them. The next morning, while Yellowbeard wreaks havoc in a brothel, Moon and Gilbert infiltrate a group of sailors and take Dan, Lord Lambourn, and Dr. Gilpin aboard the battleship, Lady Edith. As the ship sets sail, Yellowbeard stows away in the hold, while Captain Hughes lectures the men of their duty in England's war against France. Certain that Yellowbeard is aboard, Moon organizes a mutiny and elects Dan the new captain. Dan places the ship on a course to Madagascar, but during the night, Yellowbeard takes the helm and guides it toward the West Indies. Guided by Yellowbeard's wife, Betty, Commander Clement pursues the Lady Edith. He flies the French flag on his ship to avoid suspicion, and inadvertently attracts cannon fire from the battleship, forcing him to retreat. When the crew of the Lady Edith sights an island, Yellowbeard jumps overboard and swims ashore. Meanwhile, in El Nebuloso's hilltop fortress, an underling named Verdugo demonstrates his latest torture device, designed to break every bone in the human body. To further intimidate victims, it is suspended on a walkway over a pool of acid, to which nothing is impervious except gold and jewels. As the crew arrive on shore, Dr. Gilpin consults the map on Dan's scalp and leads a small party to the other side of the island. El Segundo assumes the landing party is searching for Yellowbeard's treasure and rallies his troops against the invaders, taking Dan prisoner. The boy is placed in the torture device, but refuses to talk. El Nebuloso's daughter, Triola (Stacey Nelkin), begs Dan to lead her father to the treasure, "for the grace and glory of God." When Dan suggests that torture is inconsistent with Christian ideals, Triola explains her father's desire to expedite his victims' entry into heaven. After Dan and Triola declare their love for each other, he promises to find the treasure and return for her, although El Nebuloso may be killed in the process. The avaricious Triola voices her approval. Elsewhere in the castle, El Nebuloso instructs El Segundo to feign resistance as the invaders approach the castle, enabling him to trap their leaders in the torture chamber. Yellowbeard joins Dr. Gilpin and Lord Lambourn as they lead their men into the fortress. Although guards pretend to fall dead at their feet, Yellowbeard proceeds to dispatch all in his path, including El Segundo, who dies a highly dramatic death, and receives a round of applause from his men. Upon entering the torture chamber, Dan's comrades find El Nebuloso threatening the boy with a sword. Yellowbeard swings from a rope and pushes the despot into the acid. Triola enters as Dan is set free, and she is happy to learn that her father is in heaven with all of the people he sent there. Moon leads his band of mutineers into the chamber and a sword fight ensues where Gilbert also falls into the pit of acid. Yellowbeard offers Dan the opportunity to fight Moon, but Triola intervenes and pushes the boatswain into the acid. Returning to the beach, Yellowbeard uses his sword to shave the top of Dan's head, revealing the map. When they unearth the treasure, Dan embraces his father, accidentally stabbing him with a dagger. Yellowbeard is proud of his son for adhering to the family tradition of patricide. Clement confiscates the treasure in the name of Queen Anne, prompting Triola to reject Dan and declare her love for the commander. Later, while Commander Clement considers keeping the treasure for himself, Dan and Yellowbeard burst into his cabin and take control of the ship. Triola has renewed affection for Dan, and Yellowbeard declares, "There's pirating to be done."

In suburban Chicago, 15-year-old Jade Butterfield (Brooke Shields) and 17-year-old David Axelrod (Martin Hewitt) fall in love after they are introduced by Jade's older brother, Keith (James Spader). Jade's liberal family is well known in their community for their bohemian lifestyle, allowing Jade and David to develop an all-consuming and passionate relationship; including allowing the two to make love in Jade's bedroom. In contrast to the openness of her family, David's home life is boring; his parents are wealthy right-wing political activists who are not actively involved in his life. One night, Jade's mother Ann (Shirley Knight) sneaks downstairs, and upon seeing Jade and David make love by the fireplace, starts living through them vicariously. However, Jade's father Hugh (Don Murray) watches the couple with increasing unease. Jade's nightly trysts with David begin negatively impacting her grades and her ability to sleep. One morning, she attempts to steal one of her father's prescription sleeping pills, but he catches her in the act. This is the last straw for Hugh and he demands that David stop seeing Jade until the end of the school year in 30 days. Although David is devastated, believing Hugh wants to destroy their relationship, Ann calmly assures him that the time apart is for the best and will go by quickly. Back at school, David's friend Billy (Tom Cruise) informs him that when he was eight years old, he tried to burn a pile of newspapers and after he became scared, put out the fire, only to find his parents think he was a hero for saving the house from burning. Inspired by this grim story, David starts a fire on the Butterfields' front porch after their late-night party and walks away briefly. Unfortunately, by the time he returns, the flame has spread too far under the high wind. He rushes to warn the family but he is too late, the entire house is burned to the ground. David immediately evacuates the Butterfields from the burning house before he is eventually apprehended. Following the trial, David is convicted of second-degree arson, sentenced to five years' probation, committed into a mental hospital for evaluation, and forbidden from ever going anywhere near Jade or her family again. Nevertheless, he continues to write daily, but his letters are not sent because of the court order to make no contact with Jade. David's wealthy parents arrange to have him released early from the mental hospital, much to Hugh's chagrin. Meanwhile, David receives his many letters upon his exit, and upon realizing why Jade never wrote back, he decides to pursue her even though he knows full well that this will violate his parole. After the loss of their home, the Butterfields has moved from Chicago to Manhattan, where Ann and Hugh file for divorce. At her apartment, Ann imitates she has an attraction to David, but he gently refuses her advances which leaves her rather nonplussed. When Ann isn't looking, David thumbs through her address book, learning where Jade is and discovers that she now attends the University of Vermont in Burlington. Intent on catching a bus to Vermont, David sees Hugh on the street and Hugh angrily chases him. But while running across the street to catch David, Hugh is run over by a car and killed. Hugh's fiancée, Ingrid Orchester (Penelope Milford), arrives on the scene just in time to witness David leaving. He comes close to board the bus to Vermont, but is overcome with grief and returns to Ann's apartment and consoles her. Keith orders David to leave and informs him that Jade hates him while Ingrid, catching a glimpse of David, recognizes him from the accident. Jade later goes to David's room and informs him that they have to leave their relationship in the past and move on with their lives separately. He pulls her back as she tries to leave, throwing her on the bed and holding her down until she admits she still loves him, which she eventually does, and they spend the night together. The next morning, Jade and David plan to return to Chicago and begin a new life together. Keith and Ingrid arrive at the hotel and Keith angrily informs Jade that David is blamed for their father's death. Jade initially refuses to believe this, but when David confirms that he was actually at the scene, she becomes horrified and hides behind Keith. David tries to explain that this was an accident and shoves Keith out of the way in a desperate attempt to come near her. Keith holds him off until the police arrive and arrest David for brawling, disturbing the peace and violating his parole. David is sentenced to five years in a state prison and despairs that he may never to see Jade again. Jade informs her mother at her father's lakeside funeral that no one will ever love her as David does, and Ann expresses her understanding and approval. The final scene shows David from behind bars watching Jade approach the prison through his barred cell window to comfort him.