Peter Sellers

When the famous Pink Panther diamond is stolen once again from Lugash, Chief Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) is called on the case by Deputy Commissioner Lasorde (Marne Maitland) despite protests by Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom). Lasorde has received a request for assistance by the President of Lugash (Harold Kasket) himself, who has asked for Clouseau personally. Dreyfus is under therapy with Dr Longet (Ronald Fraser), due to his obsession with Clouseau. Dreyfus derives pleasure from the through of Clouseau dying. While on the case, Clouseau is followed by the mob who are seeking to assassinate him. Clouseau gets himself a disguise designed by Prof. Auguste Balls (Harvey Korman) and his wife Martha (Liz Smith). The disguise consists of a wig, a false nose and teeth. Clouseau first goes to London to interrogate Sir Charles Litton (David Niven) (having forgotten that the Sir Charles Litton lives in the South of France) and that Prince Charles lives in London. Traveling to the airport driven by Sgt. Francois Chevalier (André Maranne), he accidentally blows up his car, but mistakenly believes it to be an assassination attempt. Clouseau disguises himself in a heavy cast while on the flight, which causes complications in the air (when he attempts to go to the toilet with his cast on) and on land and leads to an awkward introduction to the Scotland Yard detectives who meet him at Heathrow. The Yard is represented by Superintendent Quinlan (Leonard Rossiter), Alec Dummond (Colin Blakely) and Inspector McLaren (Dudley Sutton). Meanwhile, Dreyfus learns from Scotland Yard that Libyan terrorists may have marked Clouseau for assassination once he announces his intent to visit the scene of the crime in Lugash. Rather than order him back to Paris, Dreyfus orders him to continue on to Lugash as planned. Colonel Bufoni (Peter Arne) is the right hand man to the President of Lugash and advises him the Clouseau reaching Lugash is not good news as that would put Lugash in a negative light in the international community. The President asks Bufoni to take care of the situation, with a promise of a promotion to General. Clouseau's plane crashes on route to Lugash. All aboard are believed lost at sea. Marie Jouvet (Joanna Lumley), a television reporter covering the story, sets out to interview those who knew the detective best. All of these interview scenes provide flashbacks to scenes of earlier Pink Panther films (The Pink Panther, A Shot in the Dark, The Return of the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, and Revenge of the Pink Panther). Dreyfus is barely able to contain himself when Jouvet describes Clouseau as an athlete, an expert marksman, a born leader, a karate black belt, and so on. To prepare for unforeseen attacks, Clouseau would assign his manservant Cato (Burt Kwouk) to attack him at any time of day or night. Jouvet interviews Clouseau's former assistant Hercule Lajoy (Graham Stark). Hercule says that while Clouseau was obsessed with facts, but he made decisions based on his intuition. He was always proven right at the end of a case. Clouseau's meeting with Princess Dalia (Claudia Cardinale) who claims to be the real owner of the Pink Panther. Jouvet meets Lady Simone Litton (Capucine), Clouseau's ex-wife, who is now married to Charles Litton whom Clouseau accused of being the Phantom. For a while it looked like Clouseau was the Pink Panther and was even sent to prison for the same reason. Charles Litton says that Clouseau was a fool, but he epitomized determination. Jouvet also interviews Clouseau's father, at his winery in the south of France. He uses naked French beauties to crush his grapes into wines. Clouseau's father provides glimpses of Clouseau's childhood (Lucca Mezzofanti) (who was born on Sep 8th, 1920) (as a child he always wanted to be a policeman and was very resourceful), and his early career during college (Daniel Peacock), nearly leading him to commit suicide after a girl of his dreams marries another person, especially in the French Resistance involving him failing to detonate a bridge full of crossing Nazis. Jouvet also has an unpleasant encounter with Mafia don, Bruno Langlois (Robert Loggia), an antagonist. Langlois warns Maria to stop asking questions about Clouseau as business is booming in the French underworld with the detective missing. Jouvet refuses and tries to file a complaint against Langlois with Chief Inspector Dreyfus. Dreyfus, who wants Clouseau dead just as much as Langlois does, refuses to press charges citing circumstantial evidence, much to Jouvet's frustration. The film ends with Maria hoping that Clouseau might be alive. Clouseau is seen standing looking over a seaside cliff, when a seagull flies over and messes the sleeve of his coat. The words "Swine seagull!" are heard in the distinctive 'over French' accent of Clouseau. The next shot shows the animated Pink Panther in trench coat and trilby hat, revealed to be in place of Clouseau watching the sunset; he turns around to face the camera and flashes his coat open.

Chance (Peter Sellers) is a middle-aged gardener who lives in the townhouse of a wealthy man in Washington D.C. Chance seems very simple-minded and has lived in the house his entire life, tending the garden, with virtually no contact with the outside world. His cultural and social education is derived entirely from what he watches on the television sets provided by the "Old Man," who raised him. The only other person in his life is Louise, the maid who cooks his meals and looks upon him as nothing more than a child who has failed to grow up. When his benefactor dies, Chance is visited by attorneys handling the estate. Chance tells them that he has lived his whole life inside the house. He was apparently abandoned as a baby and left in a basket outside the front door where the "Old Man" lived, who took him in and raised him. The lawyers force him to leave the townhouse and he discovers the outside world for the first time. Chance wanders aimlessly through a wintry and busy Washington dressed in conservative, old-fashioned business attire, a homburg hat, suitcase, umbrella and a television remote from his former home. Although finely-tailored many years ago, his clothes are of the style which has now come back into fashion, and so others presume he is an expensively well-dressed man of means. That evening, as he wanders, Chance happens upon a TV store. He sees his own image in one of the TVs captured by a camera in the shop window. While watching himself he backs into the street and is struck by a car owned by Ben Rand (Melvyn Douglas), a wealthy businessman. Rand's wife Eve (Shirley MacLaine), who is inside the limo, invites Chance to their home to recover from his injured leg. After being offered alcohol for the first time in his life, Chance coughs after he is asked his name. He says, "Chance the Gardener", but due to his cough those listening interpret his name to be "Chauncey Gardiner." During dinner at the Rands' home, Chance describes the attorneys coming to his former house and shutting it down where he lived his whole life after the death of "the Old Man". Judging by his appearance and overall demeanor, Ben Rand automatically assumes that Chauncey is an upper class, well-to-do, highly-educated business man. Although Chance is really describing being kicked out of the home where he tended to the garden after the death of his legal guardian, Ben Rand perceives it as attorneys shutting down Chance's business because of financial problems after the death of his long-term boss and mentor "the Old Man". Ben even assumes it must have been caused by "kid lawyers from the SEC," obviously attributing it to have occurred at a higher, more sophisticated level than a tax/IRS problem, as most persons would likely have assumed. Sympathizing with him, Ben Rand takes Chance under his wing. Chance's personal style and seemingly conservative and insightful ways embody many qualities that Ben admires. His simplistic, serious-sounding utterances, which mostly concern the garden, are interpreted by virtually everyone as allegorical statements of deep wisdom and knowledge regarding business matters and the current state of the economy in America. Ben Rand is also the confidant and adviser of the U.S. President (Jack Warden), whom he introduces to "Chauncey." Chance's remarks about how the garden changes with the seasons are interpreted by the President as economic and political advice, relating to his concerns about the mid-term unpopularity that many administrations face while in office. Chance, as Chauncey Gardiner, quickly rises to national public attention. He becomes a media celebrity and appears on a national television talk show. He rapidly joins the A-list of the most wanted in Washington society. Public opinion polls start to reflect just how much his "simple brand of wisdom" resonates with the jaded American public. At an upscale Washington cocktail lounge, two important, older, well-dressed men are discussing Chauncey; one says to the other, there is a rumor "he holds degrees in medicine as well as law." Rand, dying of aplastic anemia, encourages his wife to become close to Chance, knowing Eve is a fragile woman. Rand's doctor (Richard A. Dysart) makes a few inquiries of his own. Even after acquiring Chance's fingerprints and a photo of him, the physician can't find a record of him anywhere, including elementary, middle, or high schools, colleges, nor employment or a police record. Rand's doctor concludes that Chance is actually a simpleton gardener, totally oblivious and unaware to the ways of the world. But he sees that Chance has helped Rand to accept his final illness and pending death. The doctor is hesitant to say anything that will upset Rand. He also sees that Chance possesses no guile, no intent to deceive, or any interest which would adversely impact Ben or Eve, or have any adverse effect upon Eve, or the estate, following Ben's death. Just days before his death, Rand amends his will to include Chauncey. At his funeral, the President gives a long-winded speech full of bon mots and quotes by Rand. Rand's pallbearers, all influential citizens and members of the board of Rand's several companies, hold a whispered discussion over potential replacements for the President in the next term of office. As Rand's coffin is about to be interred in the family Masonic pyramid-like mausoleum, they unanimously agree on "Chauncey Gardiner." Chance, oblivious to all this, wanders away from the funeral and through Rand's wintry estate. Ever the gardener, he straightens out a pine sapling and then walks up to the edge of a pond and then onto its surface. He pauses, dips his umbrella deeply into the water next to him, and then continues to walk further out into the pond. Rand's quote "Life is a state of mind" is stated in voiceover .

Philippe Douvier (Robert Webber), a major businessman and secretly the head of the French Connection, is suspected by his New York Mafia drug trading partners of weak leadership and improperly conducting his criminal affairs. Due to this, Douvier's signature Gannet transaction is in jeopardy as New York believes that he does not have the power to control the situation. To demonstrate otherwise, Douvier's aide Guy Algo (Tony Beckley) suggests a show of force with the murder of Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Peter Sellers). Clouseau is the most important man in France, a nemesis for criminal organization all over the world, and someone that the mafia would be happy to get rid of. Clouseau has already survived 16 assassination attempts, including 2 from his own boss. Unfortunately for Douvier, his first attempt at bombing him fails. The bomb destroyed half a city block and yet Clouseau survives. Clouseau informs the police commissioner (Douglas Wilmer) that the bomb was meant for him. The commissioner tells Clouseau about Claude Russo, a criminal who dresses as a woman and has conducted 4 armed robberies in 3 weeks. Clouseau sets the commissioner's office on fire with his clumsiness. The subsequent attempt by Chinese martial artist 'Mr. Chong' (an uncredited appearance by the founder of American Kenpo, Ed Parker) is thwarted when Clouseau successfully fights him off, believing him to be his (Clouseau's) valet Cato (Burt Kwouk) who has orders to keep his employer alert with random attacks. That night, Douvier poses as an informant and calls Clouseau at his resident, to lure Clouseau into a trap, but the Clouseau's car and clothes are stolen by transvestite criminal Claude Russo (Sue Lloyd) (who took a lift from Clouseau when he was on his way to meet Douvier). Russo is subsequently killed by Douvier's men. Douvier's men had set up a diversion further up the road. When Russo follows the car, he is hit by machine gun bullets and ends up driving the car into a telephone pole. Upon collision, the car bursts into flames and Russo's body is charred beyond recognition. Subsequently Douvier and the French public believe Clouseau is dead. The President declares a day of mourning and all the Government buildings fly their flags at half-mast in Clouseau's honor. As a result of this assumption, Clouseau's former boss, ex-Commissioner Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom), is restored to sanity and is to be released from the lunatic asylum to perform the investigation in Clouseau's death. The police commissioner says that only Dreyfus knows Clouseau well enough to conduct the investigation into his death. In Russo's clothes and insisting on his true identity, Clouseau is taken to the asylum himself (featuring a cameo by Andrew Sachs, whose character apparently believes himself to be Hercule Poirot, the greatest detective in all of France). Clouseau is given 90 days of psychiatric examination, but he escapes into Dreyfus' room, who faints from the shock of seeing Clouseau alive. He commissioner tells Dreyfus that perhaps the man he saw in the closet was Claude Russo, which reassures Dreyfus that Clouseau is indeed dead. Clouseau manages to disguise himself as Dreyfus and is taken home by operative Francois (Andre Maranne). Clouseau is thrilled to learn that the Pope himself might be in attendance at his funeral. At home, Clouseau finds Cato, who, despite having turned Clouseau's apartment into a Chinese-themed brothel (customer recite a password to gain entry and the password is "Inspector Clouseau"), is relieved to see he survived and the two plan revenge on the sponsor of Clouseau's assassination. Cato claims that he needed something to keep himself busy and the brothel was going to make $300-400K per year. Meanwhile, Dreyfus is assigned to read a eulogy at Clouseau's funeral by the police chief's wife, on pain of his own discharge. The commissioner says that the PR people would love the angle of the story and the wife of the head of the police department wrote the speech. So, Dreyfus has no choice. During his recital, Dreyfus barely controls his mirth at the praise of Clouseau, but his reaction is disguised by his tears of muffled laughter. Later, at the graveside ceremony, Clouseau sneaks in disguised as a church official and then surreptitiously reveals himself to Dreyfus. Upon recognizing Clouseau, Dreyfus faints and falls into the burial pit. Douvier's wife Therese (Adrienne Corri) eventually threatens him with divorce for his unfaithfulness with his secretary Simone (Dyan Cannon). Needing her respectability, Douvier tells his secretary and paramour Simone LeGree that their relationship is over, to which Simone reacts angrily. Fearing that she will reveal his crimes, Douvier gives orders to have Simone killed at her nightclub; but having been told by an informant Fernet (Alfie Bass) of the possibility of trouble there, Clouseau and Cato inadvertently manage to save her. At Simone's flat, Clouseau reveals his identity, prompting her to reveal that Douvier ordered Clouseau's assassination. Attacked by more hit men, Clouseau and Simone escape into Dreyfus' flat, coincidentally located nearby. Fleeing Douvier's henchmen, Simone tells Clouseau of Douvier's plan to meet the New York Mafia godfather Julio Scallini (Paul Stewart) in Hong Kong for the Gannet Transaction - a $50,000,000 heroin sale. Dreyfus overhears Simone telling Clouseau of Douvier's plan, but again faints when he beholds Clouseau. Clouseau, Cato, and Simone follow Douvier to Hong Kong in disguise, unaware that Dreyfus has also arrived. Dreyfus wants to use the opportunity to finally get one up to Clouseau & redeem his own career. Clouseau impersonates Scallini in a ridiculous gangster disguise, while Simone distracts the real godfather. One of Scallini's men spots Douvier leaving their hotel with a stranger, and Clouseau exposes his own disguise during the Gannet Transaction. A car chase begins, ending in a crash at the Hong Kong docks, where Dreyfus recognizes Clouseau and pursues him into a firework warehouse. Inside, Dreyfus mistakenly sets the fireworks off and the resulting explosions sow chaos among all the participants, which eventually leads to the arrests of Douvier and Scallini. Clouseau is honored for their capture by the President of France, and he and Simone spend an evening together.

An eccentric millionaire invites the world`s top detectives to his remote mansion to involve them in a baffling whodunit, convinced he can out-sleuth them all.

At a psychiatric hospital, former Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) is largely recovered from the murderous insanity that saw him repeatedly attempt to kill the thorn in his side, Inspector Jacques Clouseau. He is about to be released but Clouseau (Peter Sellers), who is now Chief Inspector and has arrived to speak on Dreyfus's behalf, comes to visit, and his clumsiness and repeated tendency towards accidents drive Dreyfus insane again. The opening credits begin with an animated Inspector Clouseau entering a cinema hall to watch a film. He is constantly beleaguered by the Pink Panther, however, and when the Panther appears on the screen impersonating various features (Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Batman, King Kong, The Sound of Music, Dracula, Singin' in the Rain, and Steamboat Bill Jr.), the Inspector finally loses his temper and climbs into the screen to get him... ending up trapped inside. Soon thereafter, Dreyfus escapes from the asylum, intent on killing Clouseau. His first attempt involves planting a bomb whilst Clouseau destructively duels with his manservant Cato (Burt Kwouk), who is under orders, from Clouseau, to keep Clouseau alert by randomly attacking him. The bomb merely destroys Clouseau's apartment whilst Clouseau himself is unharmed, largely because Clouseau has been distracted by an inflatable costume and a telephone call by Dreyfus which was meant to keep him in place for the bombing. Cato, however, ends up in the hospital. Dreyfus sets his sights higher. Using his knowledge of the underworld, he enlists the help of an army of vicious criminals, kidnaps nuclear physicist Professor Hugo Fassbender (Richard Vernon) and the Professor's daughter Margo (Briony McRoberts), forcing the professor to build a "doomsday weapon" in return for his daughter's freedom. As Hugo Fassbender cannot bear to hear his daughter undergoing Dreyfus's torture (which consists of forcing her to listen to nails dragged across a blackboard), he agrees. Clouseau travels to England to investigate Fassbender's disappearance, with typically chaotic results, as Scotland Yard Section Director Alec Drummond (Colin Blakely) and Superintendent Quinlan (Leonard Rossiter) painfully learn. However, Clouseau manages to set his sights on Jarvis, the cross-dressing butler of the Fassbenders, and while Jarvis is killed by the kidnappers, to whom he had become a dangerous witness, Clouseau follows a clue found on the crime scene to the Oktoberfest in Germany. Meanwhile Dreyfus broadcasts himself to the world to announce his ultimatum. Disintegrating the United Nations headquarters in New York City before the disbelieving eyes of the world, he blackmails the leaders of the world, including the President of the United States (a thinly veiled impersonation of Gerald Ford, advised by a similarly poorly camouflaged Henry Kissinger), into assassinating Clouseau. Forced to take Dreyfus's threat seriously, several nations send assassins to kill Clouseau at the Oktoberfest. Many of the nations, however, instruct their assassins to kill other assassins if necessary in order to ensure that their own country can kill Clouseau and thus win Dreyfus's favor and possibly get hold of the Doomsday Machine themselves. This, combined with Clouseau's typical bumbling fashion, enables Clouseau to evade each assassination attempt just as it is about to happen, so that the assassins all kill each other instead. In the end, only the operatives of Egypt and Russia remain alive. The Egyptian assassin (an uncredited cameo by Omar Sharif), sneaking into Clouseau's hotel room, shoots a man he believes to be Clouseau (who is in fact one of Dreyfus's henchmen, who had taken it upon himself to kill Clouseau). The Russian operative, Olga Bariosova (Lesley-Anne Down), who has sneaked into Clouseau's room, seduces the Egyptian, similarly mistaking him for Clouseau. His passionate sexuality convinces her not to assassinate him; when the real Clouseau makes an appearance, he is surprised to discover a beautiful yet nude woman in his bed who confuses him further by declaring her undying passion for him, snogging him all over his face every few minutes in the process, and by finding a dead man in his bath. A tattoo on the dead man, combined with Olga's dismissively revealed knowledge, reveals to Clouseau Dreyfus's location at a castle in Bavaria. He leaves immediately leaving a confused and frustrated Olga behind him. Dreyfus is elated at Clouseau's apparent demise, but his joy is soured by a bad case of toothache. Clouseau, who has arrived in the village near Dreyfus's castle but has been denied entry into the castle by a mischievous drawbridge, eventually infiltrates Dreyfus's castle hideout disguised as a dentist, intoxicates Dreyfus (and himself) with Nitrous oxide, and pulls one of Dreyfus's healthy teeth. Realising the deception, Dreyfus orders Clouseau killed, but Clouseau escapes. Enraged, Dreyfus means to seek vengeance on the world by destroying England; as he prepares for this, Clouseau, who has been thrown into the castle's barnyard, is literally catapulted onto Dreyfus's doomsday machine. Clouseau's weight redirects the dis-integrator so that the beam hits Dreyfus (causing him to start to disintegrate, from the feet up) and the castle. As Dreyfus's henchmen, Fassbender, and his daughter, and eventually Clouseau himself escape the dissolving castle, Dreyfus plays "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" on the castle's pipe organ, while gradually disintegrating. The castle then disappears entirely, taking Dreyfus with it. Returning to Paris, Clouseau is reunited with Olga, who has dismissed Cato for the evening and intends on completing her seduction of Clouseau. This is interrupted first by Clouseau's apparent inability to remove his clothes without a struggle, and then by Cato, who chooses this time to once more follow his orders and attack Clouseau and Olga. The consequent struggle ends when all three are hurled by a reclining bed into the Seine. Immediately thereafter, a cartoon image of Clouseau emerges from the water, which has been tinted pink, and begins swimming, unaware that a gigantic version of the Pink Panther character is waiting below him with a sharp-toothed, open mouth (a reference to the film Jaws made obvious by the thematic music). The film ends when the animated Clouseau gets chased by the shark in the water (which was actually the pink panther) as the credits roll.

In the fictional country of Lugash, a mysterious thief seizes the Pink Panther diamond and leaves a white glove marked with a gold-tinted "P". The diamond was kept on display at the national museum of Lugash. The Pink Panther comes the dynasty of Emperor Akbar and had been in Lugash for over 1000 years. It is the largest and most famous diamond in the whole world and is irreplaceable and priceless. The diamond was protected by a modern security system, and yet the thief managed to defeat it easily. Presumably the thief was part of a tour group, when the guide demonstrated the security features to the group, which included laser activated motion sensors, light activated shutters near the diamond, and a pressure activated shutter mechanism, anytime the Pink Panther is lifted from its base, without the system being switched off. The thief is discovered in the museum during the theft but manages to avoid the guards and escapes through a zip line on the roof that was connected to the building next door. With its national treasure once again missing, the Shah of Lugash requests the assistance of Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) of the Surete, as Clouseau had recovered the diamond the last time it was stolen. Clouseau has been temporarily demoted to beat cop by his boss, Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom), who despises him to the point of obsession. Clouseau is his bumbling best as he misses a bank robbery right in front of his eyes as he engages in a verbal joust with a blind beggar right in front of the bank asking him to get a license to play a musical instrument in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise. Turns out the beggar was the lookout for the robber gang and was distracting Clouseau. But after the request, the French government forces Dreyfus to reinstate him. Clouseau joyously receives the news after fending off a surprise attack from his servant Cato (Burt Kwouk), who had been ordered to keep the Inspector on his toes, and duly goes to Lugash. As soon as Clouseau is back on the force, there is an assassination attempt on his life, when a mysterious person hands him a bomb inside his apartment. It's a miracle that Clouseau survives, but Cato lands in the hospital. Upon examining the crime scene in the national museum-in which he wrecks several priceless antiquities-Clouseau concludes that the glove implicates Sir Charles Lytton (Christopher Plummer), alias "the notorious Phantom," as the thief. After several catastrophic failures (as a pool boy, an electrician and so on) to stake out Lytton Manor in Nice (which he nearly demolishes), Clouseau believes a mysterious assassin is attempting to kill him. Charles, meanwhile, has retired from his life of crime, and had nothing to do with the robbery of the Pink Panther. Charles decides to travel to Lugash to uncover the identity of the impostor. He follows Sir Charles' wife, Lady Claudine (Catherine Schell), to a resort hotel in Gstaad in search of clues to her husband, where he repeatedly bungles the investigation. Actually, Claudine had recognized Clouseau in disguise & was just playing with him by pretending that she was travelling to Gstaad to conduct a deal on the diamond. Meanwhile, Sir Charles is teased about the theft by his wife and realizes he has been framed. Arriving in Lugash to clear his name, Sir Charles barely avoids being murdered, Sir Charles barely avoids being murdered and sent to the Lugash secret police by his associate known as the "Fat Man" (Eric Pohlmann), who explains that with the leading suspect dead, the secret police will no longer have an excuse to continue purging their political enemies. Escaping to his suite, Lytton finds secret police Colonel Sharki (Peter Arne) waiting for him, who implies the Fat Man's understanding is correct, but reminds him the diamond must be recovered eventually. Pretending to cooperate, Sir Charles is unable to hide his reaction when he recognizes his own wife in disguise on the museum's security footage. He avoids another plot by the Fat Man and his duplicitous underling Pepi (Graham Stark) and escapes from Lugash, secretly pursued by Sharki, who believes Sir Charles will lead him to the diamond. Still in Gstaad, Clouseau, who unwittingly has been on the trail of the real thief (Claudine) all along, is suddenly ordered by Dreyfus over the telephone to arrest Lady Lytton. When Clouseau calls back to clarify the order, however, he is told that Dreyfus has been on vacation. Sir Charles, who in the meantime has chartered a private flight out of Lugash, arrives at the hotel and is first to confront his wife. Lady Claudine admits she stole the jewel to spark excitement in their lives. but not before the Colonel gets there first. Colonel Sharki shows up, but just as he prepares to kill them both, Inspector Clouseau barges in. Sir Charles explains things to Clouseau, and Sharki is about to kill the three of them. However, Dreyfus has followed Clouseau and is outside the hotel room with a rifle - Dreyfus is in fact the "mysterious assassin" who has been trying to kill Clouseau all this time - and just as Dreyfus shoots at Clouseau, the Inspector ducks to check if his fly is undone, and the shot kills Sharki instead. The other three take cover, while Dreyfus, insanely enraged by his latest failure to kill Clouseau, goes berserk until he is arrested. For once again recovering the Pink Panther, Clouseau is promoted to Chief Inspector, while Sir Charles resumes his career as a jewel thief (Lady Claudine's fate is not mentioned). At a Japanese restaurant in the epilogue, Cato unexpectedly attacks Clouseau again and triggers a massive brawl, naturally destroying the premises. Dreyfus is committed to a lunatic asylum for his actions, where he is straitjacketed inside a padded cell and vows revenge on Clouseau. The animated Pink Panther appears and films his antics and concludes the credits with a smoke ring.

The world's richest man and his adopted hobo son set out to test the limits of human vanity and greed through a series of "money games". Sir Guy Grand adopts homeless bum Youngman to be heir to his obscene wealth, and immediately begins bringing him into the intricacies of the family business, which is to prey upon people's greed by use of the vast holdings of the Grand empire. They leave no stone unturned as sporting events, restaurants, art galleries, and traditional pheasant hunts turn into lurid displays of bad manners and profiteering. Things climax at the social event of the season, the inaugural voyage of the new pleasure cruiser, "The Magic Christian". —Ed Sutton <esutton@mindspring.com>

Unknown Indian actor Hrundi V. Bakshi (Peter Sellers) has been hired to play a bugler on the set of a costume epic in the style of Gunga Din (1939). He keeps on playing his bugle even though he has been shot several times, and even after the film director (Herbert Ellis) has yelled "Cut!". Later, as he staggers around the set, he accidentally falls on a plunger and blows up an enormous fort set. The director immediately fires Bakshi and calls the head of the studio, Fred Clutterbuck (J. Edward McKinley) to tell him about the mishap. Fred writes Bakshi's name on a piece of paper thinking he is putting him on a blacklist, but he inadvertently writes it on a list of guests to invite to an upcoming dinner party that his wife Alice (Fay McKenzie) is holding. Bakshi receives the invitation and drives in his car, a Morgan three-wheeler, to the Clutterbucks' home. When he arrives there, he tries to rinse some mud off his shoe in a large pool that flows through the house, but in doing so he loses his shoe. He makes many attempts to retrieve the shoe, but they all fail. Bakshi has several awkward interactions with everyone else at the party, even Cookie, the Clutterbucks' dog. He meets "Wyoming Bill" Kelso (Denny Miller), a famous Western movie actor, and receives an autograph from him. Later, Kelso is shot with a toy gun, but he doesn't see that the gun was fired by Bakshi. Bakshi feeds a caged macaw some bird food from a container marked "Birdie Num Num", but drops the food on the floor. He also finds an electronic control panel and at various times in the film presses the buttons for the intercom, a replica of the Manneken Pis fountain (which causes a guest to get soaked) and a retractable bar (which retracts while Fred is sitting at it). When Kelso shakes Bakshi's hand, he hurts it, and Bakshi sticks it into a nearby bowl of crushed ice unaware that it contains caviar. As he waits to wash his hand in the bathroom, he meets aspiring actress Michèle Monet (Claudine Longet) and producer C.S. Divot (Gavin MacLeod), who came to the party together. Divot shakes Bakshi's hand not knowing that it has been dipped in caviar, and as Divot goes around and interacts with other guests, he shakes their hands too and passes the fishy smell around to them, even back to Bakshi after he has washed his hands. At dinner time, Bakshi's place setting next to the kitchen door has a very low chair that puts his chin close to the table. A waiter named Levinson (Steve Franken) tries to serve dinner despite becoming increasingly drunk. Bakshi finally gets his shoe back when it is served with the hors d'oeuvres. During the main course, Bakshi's roast Cornish game hen catapults off his fork accidentally and lands on another guest's tiara. Bakshi asks Levinson to retrieve his meal, but when he tries to take it, the woman's tiara and wig both come off with it. The woman continues to engage in her conversation oblivious to her situation. The dinner is disrupted after Levinson gets into a fight with the other kitchen staff. Bakshi apologizes to his hosts, then says that he needs to go to the bathroom. He wanders through the house in search of the bathroom, and opens several doors that see him barge in on various guests and servants in embarrassing situations. His search takes him into the backyard, where he accidentally sets off the irrigation sprinkler system. Divot insists that Monet give an impromptu performance of "Nothing to Lose" on guitar in order to impress the guests. Continuing his search, Bakshi goes upstairs and finds Monet and Divot in a room together. He dislodges Divot's toupee and saves Monet from Divot's unwanted sexual advances. Finally, he finds a bathroom, but he breaks the toilet, drops a painting in it, gets toilet paper everywhere and floods the bathroom when some of the paper blocks the bowl after the toilet flushes. Bakshi sneaks out through the bathroom window onto the roof in order to avoid being discovered, but he loses his balance, slides down the roof and falls into the pool. Because Bakshi cannot swim, Monet has to leap into the pool to save him. Several guests race to the side of the pool to pull Bakshi and Monet out, and they coerce Bakshi to drink some alcohol to warm up, unaware that he is not accustomed to it. Under the influence, he struggles to put on a red terry towelling jumpsuit. Bakshi goes to a room where he finds Monet crying, and consoles her. Divot bursts into the room and demands that Monet leave the party with him that instant. When Monet refuses, Divot cancels her screen test for him the next day. Bakshi convinces her to stay at the party and have a good time with him. They both return to the party in borrowed clothes as a Russian dance troupe arrive. When the party gets wilder, Bakshi offers to retract the bar to make some more space for the guests to dance, but at the control panel, he presses a button that makes part of the floor where the dance troupe are performing open up, causing them to fall into the pool underneath. As the guests rush to the side of the pool to help them out, Levinson stumbles to the open panel and presses a couple of buttons that make more parts of the floor retract and send many of the would-be-rescuers into the pool themselves. Meanwhile, Clutterbuck's daughter Molly (Kathe Green) arrives at the party, along with her friends and an elephant painted with hippie slogans over its body and "THE WORLD IS FLAT" on its forehead. Alice, already distraught after the commotion involving the dance troupe, walks alongside the pool unaware that the elephant is following her. When she turns around and sees it, she screams and falls into the pool, and Molly and her friends jump in to get her out. When Bakshi sees the elephant, he takes offence to it being painted and asks Molly and her friends to wash it. The soap bubbles from its cleaning soon find their way into the air conditioning system, which spreads them all over the house. Back at his own home, Divot comes to the realization that Bakshi is the fired actor who blew up the fort set, and races back to the party to tell Fred. Meanwhile at the Clutterbucks' home, Alice falls from an upper balcony into the pool again, Fred tries to save his suds-covered fine art paintings, and the band keeps playing on in spite of the suds. As the guests begin to dance to psychedelic music, the sight of guests covered in suds makes Alice escape from her bed to the upper balcony, and to fall into the pool for a third time. Divot returns to find the police and fire department at the Clutterbucks' home working to resolve everything. Bakshi apologizes to Fred again just before Divot reveals who Bakshi is, but when Fred chokes who he thinks is Bakshi among the suds, it turns out to be the head waiter instead. As Bakshi and Monet get ready to leave in Bakshi's car, Kelso gives Bakshi his Stetson hat and an autographed photo. When they arrive outside Monet's apartment, they seem to be on the verge of admitting that they have fallen for each other. Bakshi given Kelso's hat to Monet as a keepsake, and Monet tells him that he can come and get it any time. When Bakshi suggests that he could come by the following week, Monet readily agrees to the idea. The car backfires as Bakshi smiles and drives off.

Casino Royale (1967) Sir James Bond (David Niven) retired at the height of his powers when forced to betray his lover Mata Hari, and now lives in an English country house, surrounded by lions, devoting himself to Debussy and cultivating black roses, attended by his butler (Erik Chitty). However, alarmed by the mounting losses of their spies, he is visited by the heads of the British ('M' or McTarry; John Huston), French (LeGrand; Charles Boyer), American (Ransome; William Holden) and Russian (Smernov; Kurt Kasznar) Secret Services (collectively driven by M's chauffer John LeMesurier), who petition him to return. He refuses, considering himself to belong to a nobler tradition, and them all gadget-ridden "jokeshop" spies, and deploring the handing on of his legend, name and number to a "sexual acrobat". Even a letter from the Queen does not sway him, and as a final desperate trick M signals for Sir James' home to be blown up by the Army: the attack also kills M (but not, apparently, the others). Smersh Authority (the villains) learns that "Sir James Bond is back, with his morals, his vows and his celibate image. We must destroy that image". Sir James, thus forced out of retirement, travels to Scotland, taking M's toupee (the only surviving relic or heirloom) to M's widow, Lady Fiona, who has been substituted by Smersh agent Mimi (Deborah Kerr). She explains the rituals surrounding the death of The McTarry, which include a banquet (with fresh goat haggis and lots of whisky), dancing, and a memorial grouse shoot ("Whenever a McTarry dies, the grouse come into season"). The castle is filled with beautiful girls, agents of Smersh, pretending to be M's eleven 16-19-year-old daughters ("some of us are adopted") including Heather (Tracey Crisp) and Meg (Alexandra Bastedo), who undress Sir James for his bath ("be careful, that's my loose kneecap"), Buttercup ("Daddy's little thermometer", Angela Scoular) whom Sir James discovers actually in his bath, as well as Eliza (Gabriella Licudi), Peg (Elaine Taylor), and Michele (Frances Cosslett). Sir James drinks all the others under the table at the banquet, but when later approached by Mimi in his bedroom claiming he "comfort her" as her "widow's due", upon rejecting her, she calls him a "ninnogaywillycouf" and summons the pipers for a 'worzle', a contest which involves picking up and attempting to throw large stone cannonballs. This he wins, largely as the five pipers (Robin, Jock, Sandy: Bob Godfrey, Percy Herbert) injure themselves in trying to pick up the balls, whereas he manages to pick one up, throw it and catch it. Mimi is so impressed the other girls decide she is a risk and lock her in her room. At the grouse shoot, one of Sir James' cape buttons has been substituted with a homing beacon, and the girls send rocket-launched explosive-laden dummy grouse towards him. Assisted by Mimi, who has escaped down the rather unsafe drainpipe from her room, Sir James uses his braces to fire the button back into the rocket launcher, blowing it up. Mimi, injured, wins a farewell kiss from Sir James ("Madam, are you quite sure you're dying?") before entering a convent, and tells him that their orders came from "Authority: International Mothers' Help, East Berlin" (1). Driving back from Scotland, Sir James is trailed by a remote-controlled booby-trapped milk float (control girl Penny Riley), but manages to escape so that it kills yet another Smersh agent (). In London, he takes over as head of the British Secret Service, whose only surviving members are his secretary Miss Moneypenny (or rather her daughter; Barbara Bouchet), and his assistant Hadley (or rather his son; Derek Nimmo), who explain that all the secret agents apart from Sir James' replacement (now doing television) have been killed in sexually suggestive situations ("stabbed to death in a ladies sauna bath", "burnt in a blazing bordello", "garrotted in a geisha house", etc.) with the possible exception of Sir James' nephew, Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen), last seen in the Caribbean escaping a firing squad ("I have a very low threshold of death") with an exploding cigarette, only to end up in front of another firing squad. Sir James decides to call up all the auxiliary staff, and to create the ultimate 'Anti-Female Spy Device' - a man whom all women desire, but who is indifferent to them. Miss Moneypenny is tasked with finding one such ("your mother did some of her best work at night"), and she finds Cooper ('Coop': Terence Cooper: "Sounds like something for keeping birds." "That's me"). Coop, a holder of the 'Kama Sutra Black Belt', is then sent for his anti-female training, against a gym-full of a variety of exotic, exotically dressed Bond girls (Yvonne Marsh, Veronica Gardnier - there are over 200 beautiful girls in the film), overcoming them all but eventually meeting new secret weapon The Detainer (Daliah Lavi), who also becomes 007 ("I don't do anything, but, unless you're one of them, you do"), Sir James having decided that to create confusion all agents, both male and female, will become 'James Bond, 007'. Sir James personally recruits two new 007 spies. The first is wealthy Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress: assistant Valentine Dyall), who Sir James persuades using a £5m tax arrears demand (2). Vesper is given the task of approaching and recruiting Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers: "Isn't Evelyn a girl's name? No, its mine"), an expert in baccarat at the Buckingham Club, whom Sir James wants to use to defeat Smersh's treasurer, Le Chiffre (Orson Welles), currently gambling with Smersh's money at Casino Royale. She does this, seducing Tremble at her Mayfair flat (to which she has lately had Nelson's Column removed) and also encouraging him to dress up in a number of costumes (including Napoleon - complete with 'Sunny Elba' pamphlet - Hitler and Toulouse-Lautrec: "Come on, you have more to do". "More?!"). Tremble, now also James Bond, 007, goes to Q (Geoffrey Bayldon) and his fey assistant Fordyce (John Wells) in their cellars full of inept inventions (where he is also shadowed by a dwarf dressed as a garden gnome "He's our security man") for his fitting with a gadget-filled suit ("a little bit tight about the..." "Poison capsule compartment?"). Sir James then recruits his own daughter by Mata Hari, Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), currently working as a living Eastern goddess ("Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar" "Figuratively speaking, of course": temple guard Milton Reid, monk John Hollis): there is a superb temple dance sequence. Mata Bond is sent to West Berlin by London taxicab (taxicab driver Bernard Cribbins) to infiltrate International Mothers' Help, known to be a Smersh cover for the Mata Hari School of Dancing, a spy training school, with rather complex neo-Cubist décor, presided over by the formidable Frau Hoffner (Anna Quale) and the diminutive Polo (Ronnie Corbett). Revealing her identity as Mata Hari's daughter, she is shown by Polo to her mother's old room ("What an enormous bed!" "The German army was very large in those days"), where she discovers a secret passageway activated by the cistern, which leads to a projection suite: she also discovers 'little Otto' one of her mother's lovers ("Is he dead?" "Hard to tell. He always looked like that"). She learns that Le Chiffre is, via his agent (Vladek Sheybal) auctioning his art collection of blackmail photographs to raise money: the auction in the auditorium is attended by officers from the British (Jack Gwilliam, Richard Wattis), Chinese (Burt Kwouk), American (Hal Galili) and Russian armies. Warned by the taxi-driver (revealed as Carlton-Towers of the Foreign Office) to prevent Le Chiffre raising the money, as the bidding for the first lot escalates ("Seventy million tons of rice!" "Sixty tons of caviar!"), Mata returns to the projection room, seizes the case of projector slides and flushes them away: she then escapes Polo by unplugging his external heart battery, Frau Hoffner is shot by Otto, and Mata, using a foam fire-extinguisher on the assorted military, makes good her escape with Carlton-Towers (first trying a drain, but on hearing 'What's New, Pussycat', by taxi back to London). Le Chiffre's agent, telephoning him to report his failure, and that Smersh's leader Dr. Noah now knows what Le Chiffre has been up to, is blown up in his telephone box (the explosion also destroys part of the Berlin Wall). Tremble now travels to Casino Royale, where after meeting Matthis, a French inspector of police (with an improbable Scots accent; Duncan Macrae (3)) , and having a car-wash with many eavesdroppers (yet more beautiful girls), in his room meets Miss Goodthighs (Jacqueline Bisset) "the management of the Hotel Tropical present their compliments" who attempts to drug him with doped champagne. Vesper arrives, 'takes care of' Miss Goodthighs, and rouses Tremble. Vesper and Tremble go the Casino: they deposit £100,000 (cashier Graham Stark) and then meet the casino director Slimmington-Jones (Colin Gordon) in his office. Tremble spots that Le Chiffre is using infra-red spectacles to cheat: Vesper steals these: Le Chiffre shows off with some magic (assistants Jennifer Baker, Susan Baker), and then Tremble and Le Chiffre play a very-high-stakes baccarat game (50 million francs: ~£3.6m or $10m at the time), which Tremble ultimately wins. Tremble takes his winnings as a cheque drawn on a Swiss bank. On the way out of the Casino, Vesper is kidnapped: Tremble, advised of this by the doorman (John Bluthal) follows in a racing car (the racing car driver Sterling Moss, as himself, having run off) but is also captured by Le Chiffre, who wants the cheque. Placed in a very elaborate but broken chair in Le Chiffre's dungeon, he suffers torture - not physical, but mental - eventually becoming a Scot in full Highland costume attacked by four Scots marching bands (including Peter O'Toole), he is rescued by Vesper using a machine gun disguised as bagpipes, who then, however, betrays and kills him (and presumably takes the cheque: "Never trust a rich spy'). Le Chiffre is then killed by Smersh agents sent by Dr. Noah. Back in London, Sir James goes to see the Prime Minister, leaving Mata to sight-see ("Mummy would have taken me in" "Mummy took everyone in"): she is captured by a Household Cavalry officer () on horseback and taken by flying saucer, which lands on the now-vacated site of Nelson's Column, to Casino Royale, where, it is now revealed, the secret headquarters of Smersh's leader Dr. Noah are located (announcer Valentine Dyall). Advised of this by former agent Mimi, now a nun collecting donations ("This department has always been very helpful to needy girls") Sir James and Moneypenny follow to Casino Royale: attacked in the casino director's room (which is a lift connecting to Dr. Noah's HQ, activated by pushing the eye of a stuffed tiger) they eventually win through to an audience hall with chairs made of gold ingots to see Dr. Noah himself - who turns out to be Sir James' missing nephew, Jimmy Bond. Jimmy is however speechless in his uncle's presence: "I never should have let Nellie send him to progressive school... I'm beginning to think you're a trifle neurotic". Dr. Noah/Jimmy reveals part of his plans (using a taped message); to release a bacillus which will leave all women beautiful and all men shorter than himself; and then hits a gong to summon his staff and have Sir James and Moneypenny incarcerated. Dr. Noah then reveals to The Detainer, whom he has also captured, stripped and strapped down to a couch ("I learnt that in the Boy Scouts"), his desire to outshine his uncle, and the rest of his plans: to substitute robot doubles for all world leaders (some of which he has already done). He also shows her a pill he has invented, which "looks like an aspirin, it tastes like an aspirin, but it is not an aspirin" - it is in fact an atomic bomb, which goes off after 400 chain reactions. Feigning interest in him, she is released, steals the pill, and manages to slip it into his champagne, and he starts his hiccup-visualized countdown. Sir James, Mata, Moneypenny and Coop (captured earlier) now manage to escape the psychedelically-decorated room in which they have been imprisoned (using exploding 'vaporized lysergic acid' (4)), and making their way back to the audience hall ("Super place for a coming-out party") and meeting up with The Detainer, find their way back to the Casino (with the aid of Frankenstein's monster: David Prowse). Whilst The Detainer escapes, Sir James tries to call London for aid, but is stopped by Vesper; "Dear Vesper. The things you do for money": who has, however, apparently fallen in love with him, and everything that has happened has been a plan to lure him to her at Casino Royale. He overpowers her, and then he and the remaining James Bonds initiate an attack on the Smersh agents in the Casino, aided by the French (Jean-Paul Belmondo: translates 'Merde!' as 'Ouch') and the Americans, both horse-riding Cowboys and tomahawk-wielding Red Indians (air-dropped with tepees as parachutes: Ransome reappears also): George Raft (as himself) shots himself during the affray, and the Keystone Cops have a cameo. Dr. Noah appears with the final chain-reaction countdown hiccups, and the Casino is explosively completely destroyed, killing all five remaining James Bonds (Sir James, Coop, Vesper, Mata, Moneypenny), as well as Dr. Noah/Jimmy Bond. The closing song explains that six James Bonds (including Tremble) go to "a heavenly spot", Jimmy to "a place where it's terribly hot"). Notes: (1) For younger readers: During the Cold War, the city of Berlin was divided by the Berlin Wall (1961-1989) into West Berlin (under Allied control: the Wall surrounded this) and East Berlin (under Soviet control). One of the motifs of the film is that the International Mothers' Help building straddles the border, this being reflected in the interior décor and lighting, and a symbolic rope bisecting the auditorium. (2) In 1967, £5m was half of art auctioneers Christie's annual turnover. Nowadays (2009) it buys 10% of a Titian. (3) There is also a brief pre-credits scene where Tremble (as James Bond) and the Inspector meet in a pissoir (4) Lysergic acid is a precursor for lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD - very Sixties). As its melting point is 240oC, and its (theoretical) vaporization point considerably higher (it degrades), a certain technical liberty is taken by considering it to be an explosive vapour collectable in a seat-cushion-cover in the film (Original version retained below - fades a bit to the end) Any movie directed by 5 different people is bound to be confusing. This is, off course, no exception. The movie starts off with James Bond (Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers)) meeting Lieutenant Mathis (Duncan Macrae) of the Special Police in a pissouir in Paris. After Bond checks Mathis' credentials, he follows him out. The credits roll. 4 cars come in from different directions - a Citroen, a Cadilac, a Bently, and what appears to be something Russian. The 4 chaufers wait by their cars as the 4 passengers get into a Rolls Royce, driven by a fifth chaufer. Through conversations between M (McTarry (John Huston)), Ransome (William Holden), Le Grand (Charles Boyer), and Smernov (Kurt Kasznar), we learn that this is the home of the original James Bond. He is pure of mind and body. They property is protected by many lions. James is exercising as the gentlemen arrive. He has a stutter. He complains that the agent that replaced him as James Bond 007 is leaving a trail of dead women behind; that the new gadgets have taken the honour from the profession. He takes them outside to show them his black rose. Each spy head complains that they are losing agents at an alarming rate. They want James to come out of retirement to fix their shared problems. James interrupts them to play some Debussy. We learn that Bond retired because he had to lure his lover, Mata Hari, to her death. He returns from playing. M shows him a letter from the Queen. Still, he refuses the request to return to duty. M lights a cigar as a signal, and British troops bomb the property. His mansion is destroyed and M's toupee is blown off. Cut to a Smersh control room. We hear the head of Smersh (Authority) tell them that James Bond is back, with his morals, vows, and celebate image in tact. He tells them to initiate Plan B to attempt to destroy that image. We see James driving his Morgan (?) through the British countryside into Scotland. Various spys report his progress. We learn that he is heading for M's (McTarry's) castle. Plan B is in operation with Agent Mimi taking the place of M's widow (Lady Fiona) because she has the best Scot's accent. Sir James presents the remains of M to Lady Fiona (Deborah Kerr). They explain that they'd heard of the death from the Grey Piper. The room is full of women, mourning. They prepare a traditional hagis feast for midnight, where they will dance the traditional Scotish Fling and drink Ouskabar. It is explained (there's a lot of explaining going on, but it really doesn't help) that they drink until they drop in their tracks, then after an hour's rest, the piper awakes them for the morning grouse shoot. James is shown to his room, where Meg and Heather help him undress for his bath. The room is full of paintings of nude women. Meg and Heather tell him that they are 2 of M's 11 daughters - all between the ages of 16 and 19. As they walk down the hall to the bath, they walk past a series of bedrooms, each with a gorgeous girl peering out. James goes into the bath room and starts to undress, when he notices that 17 year old Buttercup is in the tub - testing the water temperature ("Daddy's little thermometer"). She invites him in to scrub his back. James has to turn on the cold water to avoid certain embarassment. Cut to James' room, where we see Meg and Heather swapping a button on his coat - but they are speaking French! We learn that the button is to be used only as a last resort - that Mimi's never failed before. At the hagis feast, everyone is drinking scotch. Two girls have their legs entwined with James at the table, as he listens to Mimi pass on some of the McTarry folklore. Everyone eventually passes out except James, who takes his cup and the scotch decanter up to his room. He's enjoying a nightcap as Mimi comes in and declares "her Widow's Due", insisting that James "doodle her". He refuses, so she insists that he "pay the piper". She blows a silly trumpet solo on a hunting horn, and calls the huge Scottish pipers in. They are going to "wassle" - play catch with heavy stone cannon balls. The first 5 do themselves in trying to lift and throw the balls. The sixth manages a throw that James catches and throws back. The piper catches the ball, but the weight forces him back, into an armour display, which falls on him and knocks him out. James then picks up the last wassle ball and karate chops it in 2. Mimi is stricken. She praises him in French, blowing her cover. The other girls realize, and lock Mimi in her room. The next morning, James is out for the grouse shoot. Mimi's locked in her room, and realizes that James is in trouble. The truck that brought the beaters is actually a launcher of exploding grouse. Mimi escapes by sliding down a drainpipe outside her window, and come to warn James that the button on his coat is actually a homing device. He shoots the grouse before they can get too close, and tells Mimi to take off his braces. They use them like a slingshot to fire the button back towards the beaters. The beaters use a garter belt to fling the homing button back. James grabs the return shot, and Mimi is able to fire it into the grouse launcher. Mimi is injured, and commits herself to a nunnery. She tells James that they are run by International Mother's Help in Berlin. James leaves the McTarry estate, but is followed by a woman driving an E-Type Jaguar. The women in the Smersh control room activate a rigged milk truck. Through some tricky driving, James gets in front of the Jag, and the milk truck loses its visual feed to Control. Control has to set the truck to automatic. James drives into his gated estate and gets the gate closed as the Jag spins into them. The milk truck plows into the Jag, and they both explode. James shows up at MI5, sees Moneypenny, and gives her a big kiss. Moneypenny enjoys it, but explains that she is actually Moneypenny's daughter. James is on a mission, and has lost his stammer. He meets Hadley, who is also the son of the original Hadley. Hadley goes over the state of MI5's agents. Most have been lured to their death by enemy women agents. The replacement James Bond has quit to "do television". James' nephew, Jimmy Bond was working as a spy in the Caribbean, but hasn't been heard from in a while. In a flashback, we see Jimmy (Woody Allen) about to face a firing squad. He escapes using an exploding cigarette. James assigns Moneypenny to find a replacement 007 agent that is desireable to women, but can be trained to resist them. She selects agent Cooper, and spends the night confirming that he is good with women. The next day, she is having trouble staying awake, but James likes Coopers credentials (6" 2 1/2', 184 lbs, Kama Sutra Black Belt). James announces that all remaining agents and trainees will be known as "James Bond 007" to confuse the enemy. Cooper goes through his anti-female training, flipping off a girl dressed identically to Ursula Andres in Dr. No. The third girl appears later as Dr. Noah's prisoner. James shows up at the headquarters of Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress). We learn that she is the world's richest spy. She negotiates a trade of the Eiffel Tower for nuclear warheads, and purchases the Lord Nelson's statue. James requests her help in exchange for reducing a large writ for tax arears. Vesper approaches Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers) at the Buckingham Club. They come close to kissing, as Vesper suggestively tells him that she would like to go over some of the passeges in his book on winning at Baccarat. She has been reading it in her bed. She will send her car to bring him to her place. Evelyn arrives as Vesper is disposing of a body. In one of the best looking shots in the movie, they walk behind a huge aquarium - in slow motion - to "The Look of Love" song. Vesper is waiting for Evelyn on (in?) her sunken couch. Evelyn admires Lord Nelson's statue from her window. After some suggestive banter, we see Evelyn exercising in his pyjamas and Vesper wearing a nightgown. She films Evelyn dressing up as Hitler, Napolion (complete with a "Sunny Elba" brochure) and Toulouse-Lautrec. She requests his help in breaking La Chiffre, who likes to play high stakes Baccarat. Evelyn accepts, and agrees to become James Bond for the assignment. Evelyn shows up at the MI5 training facility, where we see frog-men firing bows and arrows and a drill sergent leading his men into an elevator. Evelyn is fitted with a wrist-TV, and body armour vest. Cut to James Bond's office, and James has learned that International Mother's Help (IMH) is a Smersh front. He decides that Mata Bond should try to infiltrate. She is his iligitmate daughter with Mata Hari. She gets to IMH and destroys the slides, forcing Le Chiffre to play baccarat. Tremble to France / Carwash / Miss Goodthighs Vesper & Tremble to Casino Le Chiffre's Magic, swap glasses Tremble plays one hand, and loses. Le Chiffre Stirling Moss Big disconnect - Bond is Le Chiffre's prisoner - mind torture Vesper kills Tremble, Dr. Noah's men kill Le Chiffre Mata kidnapped - Mimi gives a hint Ambushed in casino office Escape, but end up in front of Dr. Noah Dr. Noah is Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen) Bacillius The Detainer Looks like an Asperin, tastes like an asperin. 400 tiny little time pills. Vaporized Lysergic Acid - Agent Cooper returns Frankenstein to office Vesper pulls gun on Evelyn American Aid Monkey wearing toupee Indians Police - Keystone Cops Explosion

An American Brigadier puts the world on the verge of a nuclear catastrophe, when he deploys a B-52 bomber on the Russians, without informing his superiors.

Late at night at the country home of millionaire Benjamin Ballon, several of its occupants are moving about rooms, hiding and spying on others. The household consists of: Ballon's wife Dominique; Henri LaFarge, the head butler, and his wife Madame LaFarge, the cook; Miguel Ostos, the head chauffeur; Pierre, the second chauffeur, and his wife Dudu, the head maid; Georges the gardener, and his wife Simone, the second maid; Maria Gambrelli, the third maid; and Maurice, the second butler. The night's events soon end with gunshots in the room of Maria, with Miguel found murdered. Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) of the Surete, a bumbling and incompetent detective, is called out to the scene, accompanied by his assistant Hercule Lajoy. Clouseau arrives at country home of Paris plutocrat Benjamin Ballon (George Sanders) to investigate the murder of his Spanish chauffeur Miguel. The chauffeur was having an affair with the maid, Maria Gambrelli (Elke Sommer), who claims that he often beat her. All the evidence points to Gambrelli as the killer. She was found in her room, bolted from inside, with the gun in her hands, with no recollection of how it got there. Maria says that she and Miguel were having sex when someone entered the room and shot at Miguel 4 times. The gun was registered to Miguel and was kept in the glove compartment of the Ballon Rolls Royce. Clouseau refuses to admit her guilt after he develops an instant attraction to her. Clouseau is convinced that Maria is shielding someone. Before Clouseau can investigate further, his superior Commissioner Dreyfus removes him from the investigation out of fear he will bungle a high-profile case as Ballon is very influential in political circles. Clouseau finds himself returned to the investigation after Dreyfus is ordered by his superiors to do so, through Ballon's political influence Maria tells Clouseau that Miguel was about to break up with her, and the night of his murder was their last night together. So, Maria told him that she was already seeing someone else to make him jealous. Georges (David Lodge) the Gardener is shown to blackmail Mr Ballon saying that he saw Ballon climbing down Maria's window on the night of Miguel's murder. The next day Georges is found murdered with Maria found with the bloody scissors in her hand. For the real culprits to keep the truth hidden from Clouseau's boss, Commissioner Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom), they must commit more murders. With the murders of Georges the gardener, Dudu (Ann Lynn) the maid, and Henri LaFarge, the head butler, the situation becomes untenable. Despite the facts, Clouseau continues to believe she is innocent, which leaves Dreyfus dismayed at his incompetence in the case and the scandals he causes. After the body of Henri is found in the closet of Maria's bedroom, Clouseau is once more removed from the case. Clouseau sets her free each time but is himself arrested police four times in quick succession (first for selling balloons without a license, then for selling paintings without a license, then for hunting without a license, and finally with Maria Gambrelli for public nudity, after they flee a nudist community). In order to keep his mind sharp for the case, Clouseau eventually instructs his manservant Cato (Burt Kwouk) to attack him at every opportunity (which becomes a staple running gag for the rest of the Pink Panther movies featuring Sellers). During investigations Clouseau makes Ballon admit that he was having an affair with Maria, and was also in her room, before Miguel death, but left shortly before the shooting & had no idea who had shot Miguel. Then Dudu is found dead at the same nudist camp, which Maria happened to be visiting that particular day. As Clouseau continues to bungle the case, Commissioner Dreyfus becomes increasingly agitated, as by accidentally cutting off his thumb and stabbing himself with a letter-opener. Although Dreyfus begins to suspect Ballon is trying to cover up facts about the murders, assuming that he is shielding someone with Maria's help, Clouseau's theory about her innocence leaves Dreyfus worried that he could be undone. When he is forced to put Clouseau back on the case, Dreyfus eventually suffers a nervous breakdown upon hearing of Clouseau going out for the evening with Maria. Concealing himself, he stalks Clouseau in order to assassinate him, but accidentally kills a doorman instead, as well as two cafe customers and a Cossack dancer. The increased notoriety of the case as a result of the incidents, coupled with proving Clouseau's theory correct, slowly cause Dreyfus to become unhinged. When Clouseau confronts the Ballon household with his conclusions, it is revealed that Ballon, his wife Dominique (Tracy Reed), Madame LaFarge (Vanda Godsell), Pierre the driver (Maurice Kaufmann), and Simone the maid (Moira Redmond) are all guilty of murder. Dominique reveals she killed Miguel by mistake, believing he was her husband who she thought was having an affair with Maria. Madame LaFarge murdered Georges, with whom she was having an affair, because he was about to leave her for Dominique. Simone killed Dudu in order to maintain her affair with Pierre; and Ballon murdered Henri because he was having an affair with Dominique. Pierre also reveals that Maurice was blackmailing Ballon. Meanwhile, Dreyfus, revealed to be the stalker targeting Clouseau previously, plants a bomb in Clouseau's car in one more attempt to kill him. As a massive argument breaks out, Clouseau's aide-De-camp Hercule LaJoy (Graham Stark) knocks out the power as part of an earlier, now unnecessary ruse to catch the murderer. The guilty take the opportunity to escape in Clouseau's car, but it is destroyed by a bomb set by Commissioner Dreyfus. Having witnessed the explosion, Dreyfus angrily confronts Clouseau and indirectly confesses to his own murders, but Clouseau is unable to make sense of Dreyfus's ranting and has Hercule drag him away to cool off. Clouseau and Maria celebrate the clearing of her name with a long and passionate kiss - which is swiftly interrupted by another sneak attack by Cato.

As a child, Princess Dala receives a gift from her father, the Shah of Lugash--"the Pink Panther," the largest diamond in the world. This huge pink gem has an unusual flaw: looking deeply into the stone, one perceives a tiny discoloration resembling a leaping panther. Twenty years later, Dala has been forced into exile following her father's death and the subsequent military takeover of her country. The new government declares her precious diamond the property of the people and petitions the World Court to determine ownership. However, Dala refuses to relinquish it. Noted jewel thief Phantom has struck again in Rome and escaped with half a million dollars in jewels. In Paris, police inspector Jacques Clouseau is assigned to apprehend the Phantom. Clouseau knows that Phantom is working with a woman, who manages to escape when the police intercept her meeting with The Phantom. Clouseau does not know that the woman is his wife, Simone. Simone (Capucine) is the paramour of Charles and helper in the Phantom's crimes and she has become rich by acting as a fence for the Phantom under the nose of her amorous but oblivious husband. Clouseau wonders how Simone can afford expensive items such as a luxurious mink coat on a police officer's salary. Several years later, Dala (Claudia Cardinale) relaxes on holiday at an exclusive ski resort in Cortina D'Ampezzo. Also staying is a noted English playboy, Sir Charles Lytton (David Niven) who leads a secret life as a jewel thief called "The Phantom" and has his eyes on the Pink Panther. The famed diamond is insured for $0.5 million. His unwitting American playboy nephew George (Robert Wagner) follows his uncle to the resort, also hoping to steal the jewel and blame it on the Phantom. George poses as a recent college graduate about to enter the Peace Corps so his uncle continues to support his lavish lifestyle. In reality, George left the US as he was $40,000 in debt. Charles orchestrates the kidnapping of Dala's dog and then appears at the right time to be the savior and become a hero. As such, he gains a dinner invitation from Dala and starts to get close to her. He manages to get Dala to come to his hotel room and seduces her. Charles tempts Dala by calling her the virgin queen, as that is the image that she has cultivated for herself in the media. Charles intrigues Dala enough to get her to agree to drinking Champagne, against her religious principles. When Dala is slightly drunk, Charles kisses her. The same night Charles realizes that George has also come over from the US and staying in his room. On the Phantom's trail is French police inspector Jacques Clouseau (Peter Sellers) of the Sûreté. Clouseau arrives at the resort with Simone. Simone and Charles have booked their rooms next to each other. Simone goes to Charles' room at night but ends up kissing George in the dark. To cover her real purpose, Simone pretends that she had come in to meet George. Charles believes George is naive and studious. He asks Simone to keep George out of trouble and away from Dala, lest he ruins their careful plans. Meanwhile George takes his turn at seducing Dala. Clouseau is so clueless and clumsy that while several theft attempts are made at a fancy-dress party, he looks everywhere but the right place. Meanwhile, Simone dodges her husband (who is always trying to have sex with her) by giving him random chores to perform, while trying to avoid George who has grown enamored of her and aid Charles, who has grown enamored of Dala and is ambivalent about carrying out the theft. The night before their departure, George accidentally learns of his uncle's criminal activities. Jack finds out that the accomplice who kidnapped Dala's dog works for Charles and is convinced that Charles and Phantom are one and the same. Dala tells Jack that there is a fancy-dress party the same night and is sure that Charles will attend the party in disguise and try to steal the diamond. During a costume party, Sir Charles and his nephew attempt to steal the diamond, only to find the jewel already missing from the safe. In spite of himself, the buffoonish inspector discovers the two in the act. They escape during the confusion of the evening's climactic fireworks display, resulting in a car chase throughout the town streets. Despite all odds, Sir Charles and his accomplice George are captured when all the vehicles collide with one another. Later, Simone informs Dala that Charles wished to call off the theft and asks her to help in his defense. Dala then reveals that it was she herself who stole the diamond to avoid deportation back to Lugash. However, the Princess is also smitten with Sir Charles and has a plan to save him from prison. At the trial, Charles' and George's convictions seem inevitable when the defense calls as their lone witness a surprised Clouseau. The barrister asks a series of questions that suggest Clouseau himself could be the Phantom. An unnerved Clouseau pulls out his handkerchief-from which drops the jewel, promptly rendering him unconscious from shock. As Clouseau is driven away to prison, he is mobbed by a throng of enamored women. Watching from a distance, a regretful Simone expresses fears he will rot in prison. Sir Charles reassures her that when the Phantom strikes again, Clouseau will be exonerated. Sir Charles, Simone, and George drive away to continue their life of crime as Dala leaves to return to her country. Meanwhile, in the police car, the officers express their envy that Clouseau is now the object of affection of young women everywhere. As they ask him with obvious admiration how he committed so many robberies, Clouseau's mood gradually changes: "Well, you know . . . it wasn't easy." Pink Panther as a traffic warden is run over by the car carrying Clouseau and attempting to chase after it. He pulls himself together.

The Mouse that Roared The world's smallest nation, the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, which lies on the Swiss-French border, is quietly and prosperously ruled by the Grand Duchess Gloriana XII (Peter Sellers), with the assistance of the Hereditary Prime Minister, Count Rupert of Mountjoy (Peter Sellers), the Hereditary Field Marshall and Grand Constable, Tully Bascombe (Peter Sellers) and the Leader of the Loyal Opposition, David Bentner (Leo McKern). Disaster strikes, however, when the Duchy's only export, its wine, Pinot Grand Fenwick, is undercut in the United States by a Californian copy, Pinot Grand Enwick. Faced with bankruptcy, and having had no reply to its protests, the Duchy decides to declare war on the United States, Mountjoy having reasoned that it will certainly lose and will then be magnificently rehabilitated by the generous, victorious Americans. A Declaration of War is duly sent, but is considered a press-room joke by its recipient in Washington. Tully Bascombe, his lieutenant Will Buckley (William Hartnell), and twenty soldiers, in chain mail and armed with longbows, including Roger (Timothy Bateson) and Cobbley (Monte Landis) and (Alan Gifford), are sent to invade the United States, making the first part of their journey by bus and then by tramp steamer, captained by Pedro (Harold Kasket), encountering, en route, the QEII (captain Stuart Saunders, second officer Ken Stanley), which they mistakenly attack. In New York, an air-raid exercise has closed the entire city, with the exception of the laboratory of Professor Alfred Kokintz (David Kossoff) at the New York Institute of Physics, where he and his daughter Helen (Jean Seberg) are working on the new Q-bomb: an air-raid warden (Wally Brown) tries to get them to take shelter, but the Professor shows him the Q-bomb - an active working model on a hair-trigger - which he must deactivate first. The Grand Fenwick party land, but can find no-one to surrender to: in Central Park, they encounter a decontamination squad, Mulligan (Richard Gatehouse) and O'Hara (George Margo), who believe the Fenwickians in their shiny mail are "men from Mars" invading the city: this rumour rapidly spreads through the crowds in the shelters. The Grand Fenwick party takes the decontamination squad's van, trying to reach the Arsenal, but instead end up at the Institute of Physics, where they take Prof. Kokintz, Helen and the Q-bomb captive. General Snippet (Macdonald Parke), in charge of the New York exercise, alerted by an army captain (Bill Edwards) of the spread of rumours of "men from Mars", arrives with four New York policemen (Bill Nagy): they are also taken captive. Leaving the Grand Fenwick flag flying from the New York customs shed, the Grand Fenwick party re-embarks and returns home. Prof. Kokintz persuades Helen to try and seduce Tully, to persuade him to allow her father to deactivate the Q-bomb, but Tully, seasick, is unreceptive. In France, the Americans cannot get anyone (ticket collector, Jacques Cey) to listen to them. Back in Grand Fenwick the whole country is excitedly preparing to welcome the American victors, and planning what to spend the money on: they are dumbfounded when Tully arrives with his prisoners and declares that Grand Fenwick won. The Q-bomb is taken to the dungeons, Prof. Kokintz and his daughter to the castle, and the General and policemen to the "Museum of Ancient Torture" before the policemen are also taken to comfortable quarters in the castle: the General, insisting on his exact rights under the Geneva Convention, is shown to a small, dim cell with a tin plate of food. The U.S. Secretary of Defense (Austin Wills) finally puts together the pieces and realizes that the United States has been defeated: he has to tell the President, persuade the Pentagon generals (Lionel Murton) that this is the only course, and then go to Grand Fenwick to surrender. Meanwhile Grand Fenwick by its possession of the Q-bomb has now become the most powerful nation on the planet, as explained by the BBC Announcer (Colin Gordon). In Grand Fenwick's parliament, messages of support arrive from numerous other countries - all offering also to take the Q-bomb. The British (Charles Clay), French (Henry de Bray) and Soviet (Guy Deghy) Ambassadors convene at the frontier, and Will Buckley makes the U.S. Secretary of Defense, arriving to discuss the U.S.'s surrender, wait also. In frustration, Mountjoy and Bentner, and their parties, all resign, leaving Tully as the new Prime Minister. Mountjoy and Bentner now decide the only course is to help the Americans to escape and take the Q-bomb with them: they release the General and policemen, and give them the Q-bomb, and they also persuade Helen to leave, but not before Tully has declared his love for her: Prof. Kokintz, being entertained by the Duchess on the harpsichord, cannot be found. Taking the Duchess' elderly car, the Americans drive away, but are pursued by Tully. The car stalls and has to be pushed over a hill-crest: it then runs away with the General and the Q-bomb on board, running into a haystack, which sets the Q-bomb into high alert mode: tossed from hand to hand, it is captured by Tully and returned to the Duchy. Tully and the U.S. Secretary of Defense now discuss the peace treaty terms; the Californian wine will be discontinued, Prof. Kokintz and Helen, who will now marry Tully, will remain in Grand Fenwick, and so will the Q-bomb: as the Duchess points out, any atomic war would destroy Grand Fenwick anyway, and the big nations have not succeeded in nuclear disarmament, so now it is time for a League of Little Nations to try. Prof. Kokintz, finally allowed to disarm the Q-bomb, drops it! It was a dud all along: or was it? The little white mouse that emerges from it may know.