Royal Dano

Students Mike Tobacco (Grant Cramer) and Debbie Stone (Suzanne Synder), on their first date at "Make-Out" Point, are quite intensely conducting their own anatomical studies when they're distracted by what appears to be a falling star plummeting to Earth. Curious, Mike and Debbie investigate, and after driving to a spot a few miles outside of town, they discover... a weird, glowing circus tent?! Unknowingly, Mike and Debbie have stumbled upon the site of an incredible phenomenon; the "circus tent" is in fact the home of a strange alien breed - killer klowns from outer space. But these clowns are no laughing matter. They are carnivorous, with sharp teeth as a crocodile and they feed on humans They use clown-related items to run after them, for example a pink balloon in the shape of a dog to follow their scent. They kill and "harvest" humans in a kind of pinkish cocoons which are kept in their cave. They shoot the townspeople and they instantly die and appear inside one of those cocoons. Mike and Debbie tell the police, but they don't believe them. In fact, they get into trouble, especially with Curtis Mooney (John Vernon), the townsherill. He arrests one of the klowns and puts him inside a cell at the police station. The klown proceeds to kill everybody in the cell and uses Mooney's corpse as a kind of vintroluquist's doll in order to scare Dave Hanson (John Allen Nelson), the youngest police officer who has realised that the klowns are a real threat to the town. By shooting the one who kills Mooney, he realises that the only way to destroy them is to shoot their red nose. The clowns are really interested in getting Debbie alive, so they trap her at her home, and they take her away in a huge balloon. Mike sees it. He and Dave go after the klowns. Mike and Dave rescue Debbie from the yellow balloon and then run down a pole. They reach the main stage. They go up a cake. When there is no way out and they are surrouned by more than 30 klowns, the always-fighting stupid brothers Terenzi, Rich and Paul (Michael Siegel and Peter Licassi) enter the place with the icecream van through a wall. They talk through the microphone and order the klowns to leave Mike, Debbie and Dave alone. This creates confussions among the klowns, who seem petrified. The biggest klown appears and runs after them, destroying the van. Debbie and Mike leave the amusement park which the klowns have made their home, as the flying saucer is about to leave. Dave is left inside with the two-story tall clown and he's run out of ammunition. The main klowns picks him up and is about to swallow him when Dave uses his police star to tear the klown's red nose, killing him.

A tough Marshal has a difficult task when his two sons join a gang and rob a bank. J.D. Cahill is the toughest U.S. Marshal they've got, just the sound of his name makes bad guys stop in their tracks, so when his two young boys want to get his attention they decide to rob a bank. They end up getting more than they bargained for. —Christopher D. Ryan <cryan@direct.ca>

Link Jones (Gary Cooper rides into the small town of Crosscut, Texas. He sees a beautiful woman (Julie London) leaving the local saloon; they are taking down the sign advertising her as a singer. He gets a meal, and then hires someone to take care of his horse for a few days. He says he's Link Jones from Good Hope, which is five days' ride west. Then he drops his money bag, and we see he is wary about the money. Then he washes up and changes his clothes, and after thinking it over, puts his money bag and his holster and pistol in his satchel. Link heads to the train station and buys a ticket to Fort Worth. There he sees that Billie Ellis (London) is also boarding the train, and he meets Sam Beasley (Arthur O'Connell), a loquacious gambler. The local sheriff seems to recognize Link and asks his name. Link gives a different name, Henry Wright, and says his home town is Sawmill. The sheriff asks if he knows Dock Tobin, but Link denies knowing the name. On the train, Beasley is friendly and talkative, and gets Link to tell him that he is traveling to Fort Worth to hire a schoolteacher. Talking loudly, Beasley observes that you would have to pay someone a year's salary in advance in order to get them to travel so far to such a remote place. Link replies that yes, he has the townspeople's money. A shady character Alcutt hears it all. The train stops to load wood and all able-bodied men are asked to help. The train guard assures that Link he'll watch his bag. But it's an ambush; four men lay in wait for the train, and the shady character is part of the gang. Separated from his gun, Link gets knocked out, and Alcutt takes his satchel off the train. The train guard manages to fight off the bandits, wounding Alcutt, and the train takes off. When Link comes to, he realizes he's been left behind, and soon he finds that Miss Ellis and Mr. Beasley are in the same predicament. They begin to walk with Link telling them the nearest town is about a hundred miles away. Link leads the trio to a farmhouse, and says he lived there once long ago. He sends his companions to wait in the barn while he cautiously approaches the house. But the would-be train robbers are waiting in the dark, guns drawn, and Link is caught. The situation is tense, when from the back room comes an old man (Lee J. Cobb) who introduces himself as Link's uncle Dock Tobin. Dock reminisces about what a great gang he had when Link was his right hand, and how enraged he was when Link left him all while Link is at gunpoint. He says he wants to rejoin Dock, but guns remain pointed at him. Meanwhile, the wounded Alcutt is dying. Dock insists one of his men put him out of his misery, and at last Coaley shoots him. With the tension still high, they agree that Link will stay, and Link brings in his friends from the barn. Immediately, Beasely is put to work digging a grave. Dock asks if Billie is Link's woman and to protect her, he says yes. Then Link is sent to take out the body. While outside he hears Billie Ellis begin screaming. Link runs back to find that Coaley has her at gunpoint, demanding she undress for the pleasure of them all. When Link tries to intervene, Coaley holds a knife to his throat, drawing blood. Billie removes her shoes, stockings, blouse, skirt, and undershirt, and is wearing only her undergarments when Dock ends the show and allows Link to take Billie to sleep in the barn. In the barn, Link helps Billie get into bed, where she sobs while he tries to comfort her. It is here that Billie begins to fall for Link, who is distraught because he has lost all the townspeople's money. He says he has a wife and two children (ages 8 and 10) at home and he speaks of them with deep affection. Billie says his wife is a very lucky woman. In the morning, Claude (John Dehner) arrives. Coaley and Claude are brothers and Link's first cousins. Dock wants to rob a bank in Lassoo, a bank he says is loaded with money. Now that Link is with them again, he's sure that they can pull off the job. They ride off in three wagons with two on horseback towards Lassoo. When they stop for a break, a "friendly" bit of wrestling turns into a murderous fight between Coaley and Link. Coaley fights dirty in every possible way, but Link gets the upper hand. He can't bring himself to kill, but Link strips Coaley in the same order he forced Billie to strip and leaves him humiliated. Coaley draws his gun and ignores Dock's order to stop. Beasely leaps jumps in front of Link to save him and is shot by Coaley, who is then shot by Dock. Link tells Billie that the folks in Good Hope know all about his murderous past, and he's "broken his back" working to establish himself with them as a decent man. Now, among this gang, he feels he wants to kill them, but he knows if he does, then he's no different from them. Dock's plan is to send one man into Lassoo to case the bank. If the man feels that they can take the bank, then he will wait in town; otherwise, he will ride back. The rest of the gang is to wait four hours, and if the man doesn't ride back, they will ride into Lassoo to meet him, find out how many guns await them, get the layout from their scout, and proceed to get rich. Link convinces Dock that he's the only man who can be the scout: Claude and Dock are known on sight in these parts, Trout (Royal Dano) is mute, and Ponch (Robert J. Wilke) is too stupid. Dock reluctantly agrees but sends Trout along with him. When they arrive, they find that Lassoo is a ghost town, and a scared Mexican woman lives in the former bank. She holds a gun on the two men, terrified, but while Link tries to reassure her, Trout shoots and kills her. Enraged, Link kills Trout with the dead woman's gun. She has no ammunition, so Link gets Trout's guns and gun belt and waits. He also searches Trout, but doesn't find his money. Claude and Ponch ride into Lasso. A tense, exciting battle follows; Link kills both men and is wounded in the left arm. Again, he searches fruitlessly for the money. As he is leaving, a Mexican man rides up; Link just says "I'm sorry." As Link rides off, we hear the husband's grief as he finds his beloved Juanita dead. Back at camp, Link finds Billie stripped and weeping. It appears that she has been molested despite Dock's promise to keep her safe. Link goes after Dock, wanting to take him in alive, but he is forced to return Dock's fire and kills him. His search over, Link gratefully pockets the money from the townspeople of Good Hope. As they drive away together from the awful scene, Billie thinks that Link will be treated as a hero. She says that she regrets nothing because she's never loved before, and although she knows that Link cannot return her love, to have the feeling is worth it.

One morning, in a forested area near the village of Highwater, Vermont, four-year-old Arnie Rogers is playing when he stumbles across the body of a dead man. After Arnie rushes off to get his mother, retired seaman Captain Albert Wiles, who has been unsuccessfully hunting rabbits, cleans his rifle. Having shot a beer can and a "no shooting" sign, Capt. Wiles is lamenting his luck when he stumbles across the corpse. Fearing that his third shot killed the man, who has a wound on his forehead, Capt. Wiles searches his pockets and finds a letter identifying him as Harry Worp of Boston. As Capt. Wiles is dragging Harry away to bury him, he is stopped by spinster Miss Ivy Graveley, who calmly asks him what the trouble is. Miss Graveley, who was out for a walk, is unperturbed by Capt. Wiles's situation, and agrees with him that he should bury Harry without involving the authorities, as the death was accidental. Miss Graveley leaves after inviting Capt. Wiles for tea later that day, but before Capt. Wiles can begin digging, Arnie returns with his mother, Jennifer Rogers. The captain quickly hides behind a tree, and is pleased to hear Jennifer, who recognizes Harry, express delight that he is dead and instruct Arnie to forget that he saw the body. After Jennifer and Arnie leave, Capt. Wiles is forced to continue hiding when Dr. Greenbow, engrossed in a book, wanders by but does not see Harry, and a tramp also comes by and steals Harry's shoes. While the captain falls asleep, in the village, eccentric painter Sam Marlowe cheerfully reprimands Emporium store owner Mrs. Wiggs for not being able to sell his abstract paintings at her roadside stand. While the pair are inside the store, however, they ignore a millionaire, who has stopped while driving by and wishes to buy the paintings. Soon after, Sam walks through the woods with his sketchbook and comes across the dead body, of whom he draws a portrait. The captain wakes up and explains his situation to Sam, who reluctantly agrees to help him bury the corpse, provided that Jennifer does not intend to notify the police. Capt. Wiles decides that Sam is right and goes off to dine with Miss Graveley while Sam introduces himself to Jennifer, whom he has admired from afar. Jennifer calmly takes Sam's unusual manner in stride and explains that after her first husband, Arnie's father, died shortly after their marriage, she learned that she was pregnant. Harry, the older brother of Jennifer's husband, decided that it was his duty to marry her, and although she did not love him, Jennifer agreed for the sake of her child. On their wedding night, however, Harry never came up to their hotel room, and Jennifer learned that he had read an ominous horoscope, advising him not to undertake any long-term projects. Repulsed, Jennifer left Harry, changed her name and moved to Vermont. That morning, however, Harry found her and insisted that she return to him because he was lonely. Refusing, Jennifer hit him over the head with a milk bottle and the dazed Harry wandered off. Theorizing that Capt. Wiles's shot finished off Harry, Sam asks if Jennifer minds a quiet burial for Harry, and Jennifer gives her assent. Meanwhile, the flirtatious captain is enjoying his luncheon with Miss Graveley when Arnie arrives with a dead rabbit, which Capt. Wiles happily realizes he shot that morning. Capt. Wiles then joins Sam in the woods, where they bury Harry in a huge hole. After they are done, however, Capt. Wiles deduces that he could not have shot Harry if his third and last shot felled the rabbit instead, and persuades a tired Sam to dig up Harry so they can examine him. Upon looking closely, Sam decides that Harry died from a blow to the head and wonders if Jennifer killed him. Determined to protect Jennifer, Sam and the captain again bury Harry. Later that afternoon, Capt. Wiles talks with Miss Graveley, who confesses her fear that she killed Harry during her morning walk in the woods. She describes how the addled Harry, believing that she was his wife, dragged her into the bushes, and she stunned him with a blow to the head with her sturdy hiking shoe. Despite the captain's misgivings, Miss Graveley insists that she must tell the authorities, and they go to the woods, where they dig up Harry. Meanwhile, Sam is at Jennifer's house, where the couple admits that they are comfortable together, despite having known each other for only a short time. Their conversation is interrupted by Capt. Wiles and Miss Graveley, who arrive covered with dirt and tell them of Harry's latest dis-internment. The group then concludes that Harry should be re-buried, so that the details of Jennifer's marriage to him will not become public. After burying the body yet again, the quartet is returning to the village when Mrs. Wiggs tells them that the millionaire has come back and wants to buy Sam's paintings. In the store, Sam refuses the millionaire's offer of money and instead asks his friends what they want. Upon agreeing on fresh strawberries every month for Jennifer, a chemistry set for Arnie, a cash register for Mrs. Wiggs, shooting clothes for Capt. Wiles and a hope chest for Miss Graveley, Sam whispers his own request to the millionaire. After the millionaire and his chauffeur leave, Calvin, Mrs. Wiggs's son and a deputy sheriff, arrives with the news that he found the tramp with the stolen shoes. The quartet beats a hasty retreat, but after they depart, Calvin finds Sam's sketchbook with the portrait of Harry, which matches the tramp's description of the corpse. Meanwhile, at Jennifer's house, Jennifer agrees to marry Sam, which delights everyone until they realize that she cannot legally marry again until she proves that Harry is dead. Dragging themselves back into the woods, the friends dig up Harry and are startled by the sudden appearance of Dr. Greenbow, who believes that they have just come across Harry and agrees to examine him at Jennifer's house. There, the friends are attempting to clean Harry so that the doctor will not suspect that he has been buried several times already when they are interrupted by Calvin. They quickly hide Harry in the bathtub and scatter his clothes around the house, after which a suspicious Calvin interrogates Sam. Sam casually manages to alter his drawing so that it no longer resembles Harry, and as the doctor arrives, Capt. Wiles steals Harry's shoes out of Calvin's car so that Calvin will not have any other evidence. After Calvin finally leaves, the friends are astounded when Greenbow announces that Harry died from a heart attack. Once the doctor departs, the friends decide to take Harry back to the woods and have Arnie, who has a tenuous grasp of the passage of time, discover him again, so that they can alert the police. In the morning, the quartet watches as Arnie finds Harry, then rushes off to get Jennifer. Before they disperse, however, Capt. Wiles questions Sam about his request from the millionaire, and Sam happily reveals that he asked for a double bed. The film closes with the text proclaiming: "The Trouble with Harry is over".