Terry Gilliam

Wilhelm (Matt Damon) and Jacob Grimm (Heath Ledger) are famous for vanquishing witches and demons for a price. They have been earning their living for years by traveling around Germany from village to village defeating supernatural fiends. They usually arrive in a village when they hear that villagers are being attacked. What the villagers don't know is that the pair are con men who stage the attack with their two cohorts. They make a deal with the villagers to drive away the evil spirits for a bag of gold. Unfortunately for them, the French army, which is occupying Germany, discovers what they have been doing to the villagers and arrests them. General Delatombe (Jonathon Pryce) will let them go if the brothers help him find the people kidnapping young girls from one village. The brothers go to the village only to find that they have encountered a cursed forest with real magical spells and real evil spirits. They must battle the enchanted forest to get the girls back. Douglas Young (the-movie-guy)

A montage of news clips of Civil Rights Movement and Vietnam War protests while The Lennon Sisters cover of "My Favorite Things" plays over them, before cutting to Raoul Duke (Jhonny Depp) and Dr. Gonzo (Benicio Del Toro) speeding across the Nevada desert. Duke, under the influence of mescaline, complains of a swarm of giant bats, before going through the pair's inventory of psychoactive drugs. This included 2 bags of weed, 75 pellets of Mescaline, five sheets of high-powered Blotter acid, a saltshaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers and Laughers. A quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and 2 dozen Amyls. Duke was particularly concerned about the ether, as he believed that there was nothing more depraved than a man in the throes of an ether binge. A report comes on the radio about drugs killing American soldiers. Illegal drugs had killed 160 GIs that year, and 40 of them in Vietnam. Shortly afterward, the duo stops to pick up a young hitchhiker (Toby Maguire), although Duke panics and says that they cannot stop in the middle of bat country. Duke begins to get paranoid that the hitchhiker will think they are part of the Manson family, so he decides to explain the situation. Duke has been assigned by an unnamed magazine to travel to Las Vegas and cover the Mint 400 motorcycle race. Mint 400 is the richest off-road race for motorcycles and dune buggies in the history of organized sport. All they had to do is drive to Vegas, check into their suite, and meet their Portuguese photographer named Lacerda. When they were packing for the trip, Gonzo suggests they arm themselves to the teeth. They decide to cover the event through pure Gonzo Journalism. They drive around for a while and argue about the differences between white and Samoan culture. They buy some drugs and shirts, then they haggle over the phone with a salesman for a tape recorder. On their way to the shop, they're delayed on route when a Stingray in front of them kills a pedestrian. Later, they rent a convertible and scare the salesman by driving it backwards at high speeds and stealing his pen. Then they eat some mescaline and go swimming. "Our trip was different, it was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country, but only for those with True Grit." Duke claims that Gonzo is his attorney. The hitchhiker watches each of them take "medicinal" Amyl Nitrite and become completely twisted. Gonzo pretends to be completely confused as to why they are in the desert, then they scare the hitchhiker with crazy stories about their plans to murder the drug dealer "Savage Henry" who ripped them off. The young man soon becomes terrified of the antics of the duo and flees on foot. Trying to reach Vegas before the hitchhiker can go to the police, Gonzo gives Duke a tab of "Sunshine Acid", then informs him that there is little chance of making it before the drug kicks in. Duke wants to reach Vegas before the deadline for the press check-in expires, as else they will have to pay for their suite. By the time they reach the strip, Duke is in full throes of his drug induced hallucinations, and barely makes it through the check-in. The carpet in the lobby appears to be made of living vines that are growing up the walls at an alarming rate. Duke sees a desk clerk turn into a poisonous moray eel before his eyes. Duke is left alone for a minute, the atmosphere of the bar becoming more and more ominous. The floor appears to turn to sticky mud under Duke's shoe. A bowl of snacks in front of him turns into a bowl of worms; a lizard like tongue suddenly shoots into the bowl. Duke turns around and everyone in the lounge turns into giant lizards, all humping, slashing and devouring each other. In the hotel room they order an insane amount of food, including a ton of grapefruit, shrimp cocktails and club sandwiches. Duke still tripping on acid starts watching some war footage and sees a "big machine in the sky, some kind of electric snake, coming straight at us". Lacerda comes to meet them in their suite. Duke on acid to see Lacerda as a jungle commando for an instant with a crazy look in his eyes and bombs going off around him. Gonzo sends him away as Duke is still hallucinating heavily. Gonzo becomes fed up with the war footage and rips the TV cord out of the wall. The next day, Duke arrives at the race and heads out with his photographer Lacerda (Craig Bierko). The race has a winner's prize of $50,000. The race kicks up a lot of dust and Lacerda bundles Duke in a jeep and drives across the course to take pictures, trying different combination of lenses and films to get a shot in the dust. Some guy shakes a dusty rag into Duke's beer. When the race starts, the bikers kick up a lot of dust and make the race impossible to cover. Duke and Lacerda run into some people with machine guns. Duke convinces them that they are "friendlies" and they drive off. Duke's beer turns into mud from all the dust in the air. During the coverage, Duke becomes irrational and believes that they are in the middle of a battlefield, so he fires Lacerda, and returns to the hotel. Duke and Gonzo wind up at a Debbie Reynolds concert. Once they get inside the man tells them there are no seats left. Gonzo threatens the usher with legal action. The man agrees to let them into the concert, but only if they will stand quietly at the back and not smoke. Two seconds after Duke and Gonzo enter the concert, the ushers drag them back out the door, both of them laughing hysterically, and kick them out, knocking over the velvet ropes in the process. After consuming more Mescaline, as well as huffing Diethyl Ether, Duke and Gonzo arrive at the Bazooko Circus casino. Diethyl Ether or Devil Ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor skills. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue, the mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way. They leave shortly afterwards the chaotic atmosphere frightening Gonzo who was just starting to get high on mescaline and was freaking out. Inside the circus, a team of acrobats is putting on an act where they do a mock birthing midair, using oversized scissors, clamps and a hammer, to a doll in a spacesuit with a big American flag on its chest. Below them, on a large net that separates the circus from the casino floor below, a trainer grapples with a snarling wolverine that has just bitten in half a white baton. Below the casino floor is sheer mayhem, a bizarre assortment of brightly-colored attractions, games, and people in weird costumes. They stop at a rotating bar where the waitress asks them to leave when Gonzo asks her if she was paid to have sex with a polar bear. They try to get off the bar, but Gonzo is too paranoid to step off the bar because it's rotating. Duke goes all the way around the bar, briefly losing Gonzo as Gonzo awkwardly holds onto the support bar and tries to drag his feet over the edge. Gonzo tells Duke that Duke should probably drive on the way back as he falls over. Back in the hotel room, the story flashes back to the elevator where Gonzo confronts Lacerda over the attentions of a pretty blonde reporter (Cameron Diaz). Lacerda laughs when Duke tells a TV crew they work for Vincent Black Shadow. Gonzo scares Lacerda by pulling a knife on him. Duke leaves and broods over the meaning of his trip to Las Vegas, and some early morning gamblers who are "still chasing the American dream". Duke tries his luck at a quick round of roulette. When Duke returns, he finds that Gonzo, after consuming a full sheet of LSD, has trashed the room, and is sitting fully clothed in the bathtub, attempting to pull the tape player in with him, as he wants to hear the song better. He pleads with Duke to throw the machine into the water when the song "White Rabbit" peaks. Duke agrees but instead throws a grapefruit at Gonzo's head before running outside and locking Gonzo in the bathroom. Gonzo chases him out of the bathroom and tries to attack him with a knife, but Duke holds him back with the can of mace. Duke threatens to call the police, because he doesn't want Gonzo wandering around on acid and wanting to slice him up. Duke chases Gonzo back into the bathroom by yelling at him through a megaphone. He locks the door, jams it with a chair and goes to the couch, lighting a pipe. Duke attempts to type his reminiscences on hippie culture, and flashes back to San Francisco. A roadie (Lyle Lovett) offered Duke some LSD in a club called the Matrix. Duke took the product into the washroom and only consumed half of it, spilling the rest of it on a red woolen shirt. A bass player from the band walks into the bathroom and starts licking Duke's sleeve after he is told that it has LSD spilled on it. Back in the hotel room, Duke goes to the window, thinking about the end of the 60's acid wave and the crash that followed. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. We had all the momentum. We were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark, that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back The next morning, Duke awakes to a massive room service bill, and no sign of Gonzo, who had returned to Los Angeles while Duke slept. Duke takes off with his suitcase of drugs and doesn't pay the hotel a dime. At the reception, Duke is handed a telegram from Gonzo, which had come from Los Angeles. As he nears Baker, California, a highway patrolman H. Sulliven (Gary Busey) pulls him over for speeding and advises him to sleep at a nearby rest stop. Realizing that he is being set up, Duke instead decides to return to Las Vegas, and reads a telegram from Gonzo, informing him that he has a suite in his name at the Flamingo Las Vegas so he can cover a District Attorney's convention on narcotics. Duke fires off some shots randomly from the .357 into the desert. He decides he has no choice but the go to the conference. He rents a new Cadillac, with his credit card still technically valid. Duke checks into his suite, only to be met by an LSD-tripping Gonzo, and a young girl by the name of Lucy (Christina Ricci) he has brought with him. Gonzo explains that Lucy is a Christian artist and apparently a big fan of Barbara Streisand. She came all the way out from Montana to show her paintings to Barbara herself during a concert. An entire half of the room is filled with paintings of various sizes, every one of them of Barbara Streisand. Gonzo had fed her LSD on the plane without her knowing. Sensing the trouble this could get them into (as Lucy was a minor and any sex with her was illegal), Duke convinces Gonzo to ditch Lucy in another hotel before her drug wears off. Finally, they decide to pay a cab driver to drive her to the Tropicana, and they also pay for a room there, telling her she's going to meet Barbara Streisand, hoping she wouldn't remember what happened. Gonzo accompanies Duke to the D.A.'s convention, and the pair discreetly snort cocaine as the guest speaker delivers a comically out-of-touch speech about "marijuana addicts" before showing a brief film. Unable to take it, Duke and Gonzo flee back to their room, only to discover that Lucy has called. Their hallucinations mostly over, Gonzo deals with Lucy over the phone (pretending that he is being savagely beaten by thugs), as Duke attempts to mellow out by trying some of Gonzo's stash of Adrenochrome. However, the effects of the drugs spiral out of control, and Duke is reduced to an incoherent mess before he blacks out. After an unspecified amount of time, Duke wakes up to a complete ruin of the once pristine suite. After discovering his tape recorder, he attempts to remember what had happened. As he listens, he has brief memories of the general mayhem that had taken place including a heated encounter with a waitress at a diner, convincing a distraught cleaning woman that they are police officers investigating a drug ring, and attempting to buy an orangutan. Duke drops Gonzo off at the airport, after missing the entrance, driving across the tarmac and pulling up right next to the plane, before returning to the hotel one last time to finish his article. Duke speeds back to Los Angeles as The Rolling Stones' "Jumping Jack Flash" plays.

James Cole (Bruce Willis) is a convicted criminal living in a grim post-apocalyptic future. In 1996-97, the Earth's surface was contaminated by a virus so deadly that it forced the surviving population to live underground. In 2035, James Cole is a prisoner living in an underground compound beneath Philadelphia. Cole is sent to the surface periodically to collect biological samples to ascertain the condition of the planet. To earn a pardon, Cole allows scientists to send him on dangerous missions to the past to collect information on the virus, thought to be released by a terrorist organization known as the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. If possible, he is to obtain a pure sample of the original virus so a cure can be made. Cole is troubled with recurring dreams involving a chase and a shooting in an airport. On Cole's first trip, he arrives in Baltimore in 1990, not 1996 as planned. He is arrested for creating a public nuisance and doesn't have any ID on him. Cole is hospitalized in a mental institution on the diagnosis of Dr. Kathryn Railly (Madelline Stowe). Cole claims that he lives underground and says that he is supposed to be in 1996, which is the "past" for him. There, he encounters Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt), a fellow mental patient with fanatical animal rights and anti-consumerist leanings. Cole is interviewed by a panel of doctors and tries to explain that the virus outbreak has already happened and cannot be prevented. He says that the virus will be released by the Army of the 12 Monkeys in 1996, and by 1997 only 1% of the human population would survive. He says that he was sent to the wrong time and begs to make one telephone call to sort this all out. Cole tries unsuccessfully to leave a voicemail on a number monitored by the scientists in the future. But the number was not being monitored in 1990. After a failed escape attempt, Cole is restrained and locked in a cell, but then disappears, returning to the future. Back in his own time, Cole is interviewed by the scientists, who play a distorted voice mail message which gives the location of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and states that they are responsible for the virus. Cole says that he did not leave the voicemail as he was in the wrong year. He is also shown photos of numerous people suspected of being involved with the virus, including Goines. The scientists offer Cole another chance to complete his mission and send him back in time. Cole briefly arrives at a battlefield during World War I, where he sees another prison inmate who was sent back in time, José. Cole is shot in the leg and gets transported to 1996. In 1996, Railly gives a lecture about the Cassandra complex (a psychological phenomenon that describes when someone's accurate predictions of a crisis are ignored or dismissed. The term comes from the Greek mythological figure Cassandra, who was given the gift of prophecy by Apollo but was cursed so that no one would believe her) to a group of scientists. At the post-lecture book-signing, Railly meets Dr. Peters, who tells her that apocalypse alarmists represent the sane vision while humanity's gradual destruction of the environment is the real lunacy. Cole arrives at the venue after seeing fliers publicizing it. Cole kidnaps Railly and sets out in search of Goines, learning that he is the founder of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. When Cole confronts Goines, he denies any involvement with the group and says that in 1990, Cole originated the idea of wiping out humanity with a virus stolen from Goines' virologist father, Dr. Leland Goines. Cole is transported back to 2035, where he reaffirms to the scientists his commitment to his mission and asks to be sent back to complete it. After Cole disappears, Railly begins to doubt her diagnosis of Cole when she finds evidence that he is telling the truth, including a photograph from World War I in which Cole appears. Cole, on the other hand, convinces himself that his future experiences are hallucinations, and persuades the scientists to send him back again. Railly attempts to settle the question of Cole's sanity by leaving a voice mail on the number he provided, creating the message the scientists played prior to his second mission. They both now realize that the coming plague is real and make plans to enjoy the time they have left. They decide to depart for the Florida Keys before the start of the plague. Cole and Railly learn that the Army of the 12 Monkeys was not the source of the epidemic; the group's major act of protest is releasing animals from a zoo and placing Goines' father in an animal cage. At the airport, Cole leaves a last message telling the scientists they are on the wrong track following the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and that he will not return. He is soon confronted by Jose (Jon Seda), an acquaintance from his own time, who gives Cole a handgun and instructions to complete his mission. Railly spots Dr. Peters (David Morse) at the airport and recognizes him from a newspaper as an assistant of Goines' father. Peters is about to embark on a tour of several cities that matches the viral outbreaks chronologically and geographically. Peters is about to embark on a tour of several cities around the world, which matches the sequence (memorized by Cole) of viral outbreaks. Cole, while fighting through security, is fatally shot as he tries to stop Peters. As Cole dies in Railly's arms, she makes eye contact with a small boy - the young James Cole witnessing his own death; the scene that will replay in his dreams for years to come. Peters, aboard the plane with the virus, sits down next to Jones (Carol Florence), one of the scientists from the future, who comments that her job is "insurance". The young Cole watches a plane take off from the ground outside the airport.

A former radio DJ, suicidally despondent because of a terrible mistake he once made, finds redemption in helping a mentally unstable homeless man who was an innocent victim of that mistake. Jack Lucas was once a famous, arrogant and egotistical New York City call-in radio talk show host. Largely self-inflicted due to remorse and grief, Jack goes on a quick downward spiral, both personally and professionally, after a glib comment he makes to one of his regular callers results in that caller going on a murder spree. Three years later, the only emotional and financial support a despondent Jack receives is from his current video store owning girlfriend, Anne. When Jack hits rock bottom, he meets a seemingly crazy and homeless man calling himself Parry. Parry does have mental health issues, namely hallucinations centered around the story of the Fisher King, which is why he has an obsession with obtaining the Holy Grail. When Jack learns of Parry's own background and the reason he got to where he is, Jack feels he needs to be part of Parry's salvation. He figures the way to do so is to connect Parry with Lydia Sinclair, a shy and uncoordinated woman who Parry loves from afar. In doing so, Jack may himself be able to recapture his old life back. But if he does, he may not realize that he was no saint in that former life. —Huggo A former radio shock-jock (Bridges) sinks into a boozy depression when his flip comment on the air is blamed for a shooting spree in an upscale cafe. Living off the kindness of long-suffering girlfriend Anne (Ruehl, who won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress), Jack has an epiphany when he is rescued from street punks by Parry (Williams), a homeless former professor who has created a world of his own invention to insulate himself from the pain of witnessing his wife's death in the cafe shooting spree.

The film begins with a stand-alone 17-minute supporting feature entitled The Crimson Permanent Assurance (directed by Terry Gilliam). Set in London, England in present day 1983, a group of elderly office clerks in a small accounting firm rebel against their emotionlessly efficient, yuppie corporate masters. They commandeer their building, turn it into a pirate ship, and sail into a large financial district, where they raid and overthrow a large multinational corporation (before ultimately sailing to the edge of the earth and falling off). The film proper consists of a series of distinct sketches, broken into seven chapters. Part I: The Miracle of Birth A woman in labour is taken into a hospital delivery room, where she is largely ignored by doctors (John Cleese and Graham Chapman) and nurses, who are more concerned with using the hospital's most expensive equipment to impress the hospital's administrator (Michael Palin). The woman in labour notices that hospitals are changing, with "lots and lots of machinery". The Miracle of Birth Part II - The Third World In Yorkshire A Roman Catholic man (Palin) loses his employment. He goes home to his wife (Terry Jones) and an impossible number of children, where he discusses the church's opposition to the use of contraception, leading into the musical number "Every Sperm Is Sacred". Watching this unfold, a Protestant man (Chapman) proudly lectures his wife (Eric Idle) on their church's tolerance towards contraception and having intercourse for fun, although his frustrated wife points out that they never do. Part II: Growth and Learning A schoolmaster (Cleese) and chaplain (Palin) conduct a nonsensical Anglican church service in an English public school. The master lectures the boys on excessively detailed school etiquette regarding the school cormorant, and hanging clothes on the correct peg. In a subsequent class, the schoolboys (Idle, Palin, Jones, Chapman, and others) watch in boredom as the master gives a sex education lesson, by physically demonstrating techniques with his wife (Patricia Quinn). Later, a team of boys is beaten physically and on the scoreboard in a violent rugby match against the masters; the scene then match cuts to Part III. Part III: Fighting Each Other A World War I officer (Jones) attempts to rally his men (Chapman, Gilliam, Palin, Idle, and Cleese) to find cover during an attack, but is hindered by their insistence on celebrating his birthday, complete with presents and cake. A blustery army RSM (Palin) attempts to drill a platoon of men but ends up left alone when he excuses them one by one to pursue leisure activities. In 1879, during the Anglo-Zulu War in Natal, a devastating attack by Zulus is dismissed due to a far more pressing matter: one of the officers, Perkins (Idle), has had his right leg bitten off during the night. The military doctor (Chapman) hypothesises that, despite not being native to Africa, a tiger might be the perpetrator. Ainsworth (Cleese), Packenham-Walsh (Palin) and a sergeant (Jones) form a hunting party, which encounters two suspicious men (Idle and Palin) dressed in two halves of a tiger suit, who attempt to assert their innocence through a succession of increasingly feeble excuses to explain why they are dressed as a tiger. The Middle of the Film A woman (Palin), as if on a talk-show called "The Middle of the Film", introduces a segment called "Find The Fish" a brief surreal piece in which a drag queen (Chapman), a gangly long-armed man (Jones), and an elephant-headed butler eerily challenge the audience to find a fish in the scene. Part IV: Middle Age A middle-aged American couple (Idle as the wife and Palin as the husband) heads to a dungeon-themed Hawaiian restaurant at a holiday resort. They are presented with a menu of conversation topics by their waiter (Cleese), and choose philosophy and the meaning of life. Their awkward and generally uninformed conversation quickly grinds to a halt, and they send it back, complaining "This conversation isn't very good." Part V: Live Organ Transplants Two paramedics (Chapman and Cleese) arrive at the doorstep of Mr. Brown (Gilliam), a card-carrying organ donor, to claim his liver. He protests on the basis that he is not dead, but is nonetheless gruesomely operated on against his will. Cleese's paramedic unsuccessfully attempts to chat up Mrs. Brown (Jones), then requests her liver as well. She initially declines, but after a man (Idle) sings a song about man's insignificance in the universe ("The Galaxy Song"), she agrees. In a large corporate boardroom, a businessman straightforwardly summarises his two-part report on the meaning of life: that the human soul must be "brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation", which rarely happens because people are easily distracted; and that "people aren't wearing enough hats." This is followed by an attempted takeover of the building by the Crimson Permanent Assurance from the short feature. Part VI: The Autumn Years A posh restaurant (complete with a pianist played by Idle, singing "The Penis Song" à la Noël Coward), is visited by Mr. Creosote (Jones), a morbidly obese man in his autumn years. Creosote swears at the unflappable maître d' (Cleese), vomits copiously, and consumes an enormous meal and a huge quantity of beer and wine to the disgust of other patrons. After he has finished, the maître d' offers him a small after-dinner mint; despite initial resistance, Creosote eats it then explodes, showering the restaurant with human entrails and vomit. Part VI-B: The Meaning of Life Afterwards, two of the restaurant's staff clean up the mess left behind by the late Mr. Creosoto and offer their own thoughts on the meaning of life. The maître d' converses with cleaning lady Maria (Jones). The waiter Gaston (Idle) leads the viewer to the countryside where he was born, and explains that his mother encouraged him to notice the beauty of the world and love everyone. Realising that the audience is unamused, he angrily dismisses them and walks off. Part VII: Death A condemned man (Chapman) is allowed to choose the manner of his execution: being chased off the edge of a cliff by a horde of topless women. A depressed autumn leaf "commits suicide" by falling off its tree. Distraught, his wife and children quickly do likewise, followed by the rest of the tree's leaves simultaneously. (Animated segment) The Grim Reaper (Cleese) visits an isolated country house, and finds himself invited into a dinner party. Not knowing who he is, the dinner guests spend a lot of time arguing with him before finally being told they've all died from eating contaminated salmon mousse. Their souls leave their bodies, and they follow the Grim Reaper to Heaven. The dinner guests arrive in Heaven, a bright Las Vegas-style hotel where every day is Christmas. In a large auditorium filled with characters from throughout the film, a cheesy lounge singer resembling Tony Bennett (Chapman) performs "Christmas in Heaven", while bare-breasted women wearing Santa Claus costumes perform an elaborate dance number. The End of the Film The hostess from "The Middle of the Film" is handed an envelope containing the meaning of life, and casually reads it out: "Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations." She retorts that "gratuitous pictures of penises" and other meaningless controversies would do a better job at bringing the audiences into the cinema, and bitterly announces the closing credits.

"How Not to Be Seen": A parody of a government film which first displays the importance of not being seen, then devolves into various things being blown up (anyone who is seen is shot down), much to the amusement of the narrator (John Cleese). The narrator eventually composes himself, says "And now for something completely different," and finds himself being blown up. "Animation - Main Titles:" Animated by Terry Gilliam. "Man with a Tape Recorder up His Nose": Immediately following the main title sequence, a screen appears announcing "The End". An emcee (Terry Jones) steps onto the stage, explains that the cinema overestimated the film length and announces an interval. In the meantime, two short films are shown - one starring a man (Michael Palin) with a tape recorder up his nose (which plays La Marseillaise) and another starring a man with a tape recorder up his brother's (Graham Chapman) nose (with a brief "stereo" segment at the end of the second film, in which both tape recorders are played slightly out of sync). "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook": A Hungarian gentleman (Cleese) enters a tobacconist's shop and reads from his phrasebook the declaration: "I will not buy this record, it is scratched" (believing it to be a request for cigarettes). Through similar non-sequitur, he and the proprietor (Jones) manage to arrange the purchase of a packet of cigarettes, until the Hungarian's phrasebook-guided English devolves into sexual innuendo ("Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy-bouncy?"). The incident takes a dramatic turn as the tobacconist uses the phrase book to translate the cost into Hungarian - "costs 6 and 6" ("Yandelavasa Grldenwi Stravenka") - and is rewarded with a right cross. The Hungarian gentleman is swiftly arrested for assault, but is released and the author (Palin) of the fraudulent phrasebook is arrested instead. At the author's trial, the prosecutor (Eric Idle) claims that in the book the Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my buttocks," which leads to the film's first exclusive link, in which another Hungarian (Jones) uses the aforementioned inappropriate English phrase to a local gentleman (Chapman), who then gives him proper directions to the station. "Animation - Land of Hands": An animation depicting cut-out hands as plants and animals. "Animation - A Shaver's Suicide": An older man puts shaving cream all over his own head and cuts it clean off. "Marriage Guidance Counsellor": Arthur and Deidre Pewtey (Palin and Carol Cleveland) attend an appointment with a marriage guidance counselor (Idle), who ignores Arthur's rather tedious explanation of their situation and openly flirts with Deidre, eventually telling Arthur to leave the room so that he can make love to the man's wife. Initially depressed by this turn of events, Mr. Pewtey is berated by a heavenly voice (Cleese), who tells Arthur to "pull his finger out" and thus bolsters his self-confidence... but his attempt to take command of the situation fails miserably (he is told to go away), ultimately leading to a 16-ton weight being dropped on top of him. "Animation - The Carnivorous Pram": A man pushes a baby carriage that devours several old ladies, until an intended victim is saved by the intervention of an irate viewer (the hand of Gilliam and the voice of Connie Booth) - who reaches into the screen, turns the carriage around, and sets it to attack its owner instead. The old lady is carted away by truck, and replaced by a statue: Michelangelo's David. "Animation - David's Leaf": An animated arm tries to remove the fig leaf protecting the aforementioned statue's modesty, and after a brief struggle, succeeds, revealing - not the expected male genitals, but the head of an old woman who demands smut like this not be shown on screen. "Nudge Nudge": Sitting in a bar, a man (Idle) asks another man (Jones) about his wife, with a relentless stream of unsubtle sexual innuendos. It turns out that he simply wants to know, "What's it like?" "Self-Defence Against Fresh Fruit": In a self-defense course, a Sergeant Major (Cleese) teaches his students (Chapman, Jones, Palin, and Idle) how to defend themselves from an attacker armed with fresh fruit. This sketch begins with a nun (Gilliam, dubbed by Booth) saying "Well, I think it's overrated" in response to the previous sketch - another link that is exclusive to this film. "The Colonel's Warning": An uptight Colonel (Chapman) warns the film not to get silly again after the above sketch, and orders the director to cut to a new scene. "Hell's Grannies": A documentary report about disaffected urban behavior, which includes "Hell's Grannies" (antisocial old ladies), "Baby Snatchers" (men dressed as babies, who seize random people off the street) and vicious gangs of "Keep Left" signs, at which point the Colonel stops the sketch for becoming "too silly". "Camp Square-Bashing": An army platoon performs precision drilling (also called "square-bashing") in a highly effeminate manner, which the Colonel again finds silly ("and a bit suspect, I think") and replaces with a cartoon. "Animation - The Prince and the Black Spot": An animation depicts a prince getting a spot on his face, foolishly ignoring it and dying of cancer. The spot then goes out to seek its fortune and marries another spot. "Kilimanjaro Expedition": Arthur Wilson (Idle) goes to Sir George Head (Cleese) to join an expedition to Mt. Kilimanjaro, but the interview rapidly descends into chaos due to Head's unusual case of double vision and another member of the expedition (Chapman) trashing the office. The scene ends when Head is startled to see the next scene coming, as it presumably looks to him like a young woman with four breasts. "Girls in Bikinis": Sexy young women are seen posing in bikinis to the sound of lecherous male slavering, which ends abruptly when the camera pans to Cleese reclining on a desk in a pink bikini and bow tie saying the phrase, "And now for something completely different." "Wanna Come Back to My Place?": A man (Palin) tells a police inspector (Cleese) of a theft, and after an awkward silence, decides to invite said policeman to come back to his place, presumably for sex. After a moment, the policeman agrees and follows the man off. "The Flasher": A man (Jones) in a grubby raincoat appears to be flashing his naked body to women on the streets. He then does the same to the camera, revealing he is fully clothed, and hanging round his neck is a sign saying "Boo!" "Animation - American Defense/Ads": A middle-aged secretary is consumed by hordes of yellow creatures resembling Chinese soldiers during the Cultural Revolution. The segment turns into a series of propagandist advertisements for American Defense, Crelm Toothpaste and Shrill Petrol. This segment abruptly ends when the advertiser for Shrill Petrol (voiced by Palin) is shot off-screen while overstating the effectiveness of his product. "Animation - You'll Never Take Me Alive, Copper!": The murderer of the Shrill Petrol advertiser hides himself in a trashcan, but is subdued when the police drop a 16-ton weight upon him, which leads to the 20th Century Frog and MGM-spoofing logos that introduce the next item. (NOTE: This animation was for "20th Century Vole" in the original TV version.) "Animation - Conrad Poohs and His Dancing Teeth": An animated photograph of Gilliam, in which his teeth dance to the music of Josef Wagner's "Under the Double Eagle". "Musical Mice": Ken Ewing (Jones) has "musical" mice, reputedly trained to squeak at specific pitches. He announces they will play "Three Blinded White Mice", but he simply starts hitting them with huge mallets while humming the tune himself. His audience is enraged and chases him out of the nightclub. "It's the Arts": The audience chases Ewing into a television studio, interrupting a talk show (presented by Idle) in which an interviewer (Cleese), attempting to create a rapport, calls his subject - film director Sir Edward Ross (Chapman) - increasingly inappropriate nicknames: "Ted", "Eddie Baby", "pussycat", "angel drawers", and "Frank"... claiming "President Nixon had a hedgehog named Frank." When he finally starts using less questionable names for his guest and the guest is finally convinced to discuss his latest film, he quickly tells him to shut up... at which point Ken Ewing reappears in the studio, still being chased by the angry mob, and escapes through an exit onto the streets. "Seduced Milkmen": A milkman (Palin) gets seduced at the door of a house by a lovely woman (Cleveland), and follows her inside, only to get locked in a room with other milkmen, "some of whom are very old." "The Funniest Joke in the World": Ernest Scribbler (Palin), who is shown writing the revelation to the previous sketch and discarding it, has a sudden inspiration and writes a lethal joke - anyone hearing or reading it will literally "die laughing". It is acquired by the British army who translate it into German, creating a devastating weapon that wins the Second World War. (NOTE: This sketch is considerably shorter than in its original TV version.) "Animation - Old Lady Waiting for the Bus": In another link exclusive to this film, an animated man (based on a portrait of Henry VII of England, voiced by Cleese) attempts to apologize for the poor taste of the previous item, but is distracted by an animated woman flashing her nude body to him, and departs (on his fingers) to chase after her. An old woman then arrives on the scene and attempts to catch a bus, but it drives past. A second bus comes along, but it, too, drives past. When a third bus comes, the woman trips it with her foot and flips it over so she can board it. "Animation - The Killer Cars": In an overzealous attempt to curb overpopulation, cars turn vicious and begin eating people. Eventually, a giant mutant cat is created to deal with this menace. This plan works perfectly - the city is saved - until the cat starts eating buildings. Another exclusive bit to this film alludes to a cataclysmic battle against the giant mutant cat occurs off-screen, narrated by an old man (Idle) who describes it as "a scene of such spectacular proportions that it could never in your life be seen in a low budget film like this... if you notice, my mouth isn't moving, either." "Animation - Dancing Venus": The mutant cat from the previous animation falls into a sausage grinder, with a number of other animals. The resulting "product" leads into the hair of Botticelli's Venus, who stands on her shell... until an arm comes out of the water and twists her nipple like a radio knob. Upbeat music plays, and Venus dances wildly until her exertions cause the shell to tip over, leading to (by way of Venus falling into a fish tank)... "The Dead Parrot": Eric Praline (Cleese) attempts to get a refund for his deceased parrot, but the shopkeeper (Palin) refuses to acknowledge the parrot's passing on. In another sketch that proves to be much shorter than its original TV counterpart, a twist ending has the shopkeeper revealing that he never wanted to be a pet shop owner, he always wanted to be... "A LUMBERJACK!" "The Lumberjack Song": The shop owner (Palin) sings about his desire to be a lumberjack, as well as his tendencies toward transvestism, the latter a revelation that both surprises and dismays his best girl (Booth) and the background singers (nine Canadian Mounties - five of whom are Chapman, Cleese, Idle, Jones and Gilliam), who ultimately storm off in disgust and pelt him with rotten fruit. As the owner leaves in defeat, in another link exclusive to this film, he passes by a group of old ladies roasting Cleese on a spit, who once again proclaims, "And now for something completely different." "The Dirty Fork": The employees of a restaurant (Jones, Palin, Idle, and Cleese) react with ever-increasing melodrama to a dirty fork given to a dining couple (Cleveland and Chapman), resulting in the horrible death of the head waiter (Idle) as well as an insane attack by the chef (Cleese). After a brief chaos, a punchline is then shown, in which Chapman turns to the camera and says "Lucky that I didn't tell them about the dirty knife!" "Animation - Musical Interlude": A picture of Rodin's The Kiss appears, with the addition of several small holes along the woman's leg. The woman straightens her leg out, and the man plays her like an ocarina. "Animation - How to Build Certain Interesting Things" (exclusive to this film): Garbage is dropped on a stage and banged repeatedly with a hammer. It takes on the shape of a wheeled arm holding a gun, which rolls into the next scene. "Bank Robber": A bank robber (Cleese) mistakes a lingerie shop for a bank, and attempts to rob it. After the shop owner (Idle) stymies his hopes of stealing large quantities of money, the robber is somewhat put out by his error, and makes do with a pair of panties. "River Link" (exclusive to this film): Cleese walks through a river to reach his desk and state (for the last time in the film), "And now for something completely different." "People Falling Out of High Buildings": An office worker (Idle) sees people falling past the window, but his co-worker (Cleese) is uninterested, until they realize there is a board meeting occurring up stairs and wager whether Parkinson will be next. A man played by Chapman then writes a letter of complaint, but just as he writes "I have worked in tall buildings all my life, and have never once--", an unknown force propels him screaming out of a tall building. "Animation - The Metamorphosis": A grimy-looking caterpillar in a trench-coat with human-like features goes to sleep and wakes up as an effeminate male butterfly. "Animation - The Three People" (exclusive to this film): Three people walk in snow and then, one at a time, sing the title of the next sketch in harmony (sung by Jones, Palin, and Cleese). "Vocational Guidance Counselor": Herbert Anchovy (Palin) no longer wants to be a chartered accountant, and harbors dreams of being... "A LION TAMER!" The counselor (Cleese) suggests that Anchovy should instead work his way up to lion taming, via banking, an idea which Herbert initially rejects, until he is informed that the animal he thinks is a lion is in fact an anteater, and mere stock footage of a lion scares the life out of him. He desperately cries out that he just wants to see his name in lights, and his wish is granted by a magic fairy (Idle in drag with a mustache). "Blackmail": Herbert is initially mystified by his sudden role of hosting the television show "Blackmail", in which he threatens various citizens with revealing sensitive information dealing with their sex lives unless they pay him increasingly large sums of money. He gets into the idea very quickly, performing his new, albeit questionable, duty with enthusiasm and panache. (NOTE: Terry Jones makes his debut here as the nude organist, after Terry Gilliam had previously performed the role on the TV show.) "The Battle of Pearl Harbor": The silly-hating Colonel appears again (having called in to the previous sketch due to being one of its target victims), and introduces a group of women who are members of the Batley's Townswomen's Guild (the Pythons in drag) - led by one Rita Fairbanks (Idle) - who re-enact the attack on Pearl Harbor... or, rather, beat each other with their handbags while rolling in mud. "Romantic Interlude": Brian and Elspet (Jones and Cleveland) begin ravishing each other on a bed, and several suggestive images are shown (an industrial chimney collapse shown in reverse, a train entering a tunnel, a torpedo being fired, etc.), but the images are actually only films being played by Brian, on a projector propped on the bed. Elspet testily asks whether he is actually going to do something or just show films all night. Brian replies with "Just one more, dear", and proceeds to show the next and final sketch. "Upper Class Twit of the Year": Five mentally deficient members of the landed gentry go through a challenging obstacle course, with such events as: walking along a straight line; jumping over a wall made of two rows of matchboxes; and slamming a car door loudly. The winner will be the first competitor to shoot himself in the head. (In the process, one twit is so inept that while attempting to back up a car, he somehow manages to run himself over.) "Animation - End Titles:" The end credits, rendered in Terry Gilliam's typically absurd style. The various "characters" seen in the credits are taken from various other animations that were seen in the series.