Zero Mostel

Does Hecky himself turn anybody in? I remember he is an alcoholic with a ridiculous excuse for being one, namely that he saw his father drink one shot glass of whiskey every night by gulping it and so grew up thinking there is no way to drink except by gulping, though he consumes more than one glass. (What's your excuse?) And that he is blacklisted---did somebody rat him out in retaliation?

Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel) is a washed-up, aging Broadway producer whose career has veered from great success to the depths of near failure. He now ekes out a hand-to-mouth existence while romancing lascivious, wealthy elderly women in exchange for money for a "next play" that may never be produced. Bialystock spends time hiding inside his own office to hide from creditors and previous investors, whose money he failed to return. Bialystock has a closet full of framed photographs of old women that he is romancing, and he changes the frame on his office desk depending on which of the women is coming to meet him. Bialystock is long overdue on rent for his office, where he meets all the women and is being hounded by his landlord. Nebbish Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder) is a nervous young accountant prone to hysterics, who arrives at Bialystock's office to do his books. Bloom keeps his small blanket in his pocket, which is also his security cover and goes absolutely hysterical if that blanket is taken away from him. Bloom discovers there is a two-thousand-dollar overcharge in the accounts of Bialystock's last play. Bialystock raised $60,000 from investors and only spent $58,000 on producing the play. This was because he raised more money than he could repay by selling more than 100% of the shares in the potential profits. Bialystock persuades Bloom to hide the relatively minor fraud, by shuffling numbers and begs him not to send him to prison in his old age. Bloom realizes that since a flop is expected to lose money, the IRS will not investigate its finances, so a producer could earn more from a flop than from a hit by overselling interests and embezzling the funds. For the scheme to work the play has to be a guaranteed flop. If the show is a hit, then all the investors would expect a return, and there would never be enough money to pay everyone. This would lead to jail. Bialystock immediately puts this scheme into action. They will over-sell shares again, but on a much larger scale and produce a play that will close on opening night. No one audits the books of a play presumed to have lost money, thus avoiding a pay-out and leaving the duo free to flee to Rio De Janeiro with the profits. Leo is afraid such a criminal venture will fail, and they will go to prison. But Max eventually convinces him that his drab existence is no better than prison. After reading many bad plays, the partners find the obvious choice for their scheme: Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden. It is "a love letter to Hitler" written in total sincerity by deranged ex-Nazi Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars), whose name is German for "Frank Lovechild". Leo and Max bond with Franz over Schnapps and tell him they want to show the world a positive representation of Hitler. They persuade him to sign over the stage rights, telling him they want to show the world "the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart." Auditions are held for 'Springtime for Hitler'.... with the ad "No experience needed". To guarantee that the show is a flop, they hire Roger De Bris (Christopher Hewett), a flamboyantly gay transvestite director, whose plays "close on the first day of rehearsal". The part of Hitler goes to a charismatic but only semi-coherent, flower power hippie named Lorenzo St. DuBois / L.S.D. (Dick Shawn), who can barely remember his own name and had mistakenly wandered into their theater during the casting call. After Bialystock sells 25,000% of the play to his regular investors (dozens of lustful little old ladies), they are sure they are on their way to Rio. They use some of the money to redecorate the office and hire a new receptionist, Ulla The result of all of this is a cheerfully upbeat and utterly tasteless musical play purporting to be about the happy home life of a brutal dictator. It opens with a lavish production of the title song, "Springtime For Hitler", which celebrates Nazi Germany crushing Europe. At the theater on opening night, Max tries to ensure a harshly negative review by attempting to bribe The New York Times theater critic. Springtime for Hitler has its premiere, which Max and Leo also figure it will be its closing performance. The play starts out as they hoped; There is an opening big musical production number which glorified Hitler and Nazi Germany. The dancers include young women who wear Nazi regalia. Other women wear very little clothing. The entire audience initially reacts with shock and disgust. People walk out. The only person who applauds is beaten. But when L.S.D. appears as a hippie Hitler, the crowd returns to their seats. After initial dumbfounded disbelief, the audience finds L.S.D.'s beatnik-like portrayal (and misunderstanding of the story) to be hilarious and misinterpret the production as a satire. During intermission, some members of the audience come to the bar at which Max and Leo are drinking and rave about the play, much to Max's and Leo's shared horror. The two decide to return to the theater after intermission to hear what the rest of the audience has to say, which echoes what the others already said. Meanwhile, L.S.D.'s portrayal of Hitler enrages and humiliates Franz, who after going behind the stage, untying the cable holding up the curtain, and rushing out on stage confronts the audience and rants about the treatment of his beloved play. However, someone behind the curtain manages to knock him out and remove him from the stage, and the audience assumes that Franz's rant was part of the act. Springtime For Hitler is declared a smash hit, which means, of course, that the investors will be expecting a larger financial return than can be paid out. As the stunned partners turn on each other, they are confronted by a gun-wielding Franz Liebkind, who is enraged and humiliated by L.S.D.'s portrayal of Hitler, accuses them of breaking the "Siegfried Oath". After a reconciliation, the three band together and blow up the theater to end the production. They are injured, arrested, and tried. In spite of Leo's impassioned statement praising Max (while also referring to him as "the most selfish man I have ever met in my life") the jury finds them "incredibly guilty", and they go to prison. In the end, Leo, Max, and Franz go back to producing plays with their fellow inmates ("Prisoners of Love"). Leo Bloom, however, continues the same old scam of overselling shares of the play to the other prisoners (20-30%) and even to the warden (50%). The song is performed while the credits are shown.

Set in Rome during the first century A.D. during the early years of the Roman Empire, the film opens with one of the musicals most famous songs, "Comedy Tonight," performed by Pseudolus. The lyrics tell the audience they will see some familiar things, others peculiar, some appealing, others appalling, some gaudy, and definitely others that are bawdy, in other words, something for everyone. Ultimately, Pseudolus promises a happy ending. The action, Pseudolus tells the audience, takes place in Rome around three adjacent houses: the house of Erronius (Latin for "wrong"), an old man who has been searching for his children who were stolen by pirates while they were infants; the house of Marcus Lycus, a buyer and seller of beautiful women, and the house of Senex (Latin for "old man" or "senile"), a Roman senator, his wife, Domina (Latin for "mistress"), who is loathed by her husband, their son, Hero, and his slave, Pseudolus, who is attempting to raise enough money to buy his freedom. One day when Senex and Domina leave for a trip, Hero tells Pseudolus that he's in love with a girl in the house next door. Pseudolus seizes the opportunity to bargin for his freedom. Hero agrees if Pseudolus can get the girl for him, he will free him. Pseudolus and Hero visit the house of Lycus to purchase Hero's beloved. Lycus presents several of his courtesans for their inspection: Tintinabula (Latin for "bell"), a bell-wearing beauty, dances to middle eastern music; Vibrata (Latin for "vibrant"), an energetic, lively dark-skinned lovely who is dressed in a leopard skin bikini, dances to jazz; Geminae (Latin for "twins") are a matched pair that Lycus will not separate; Panacea (Latin for "cure all") dances seductively; and Gymnasia (Latin for "nude," which she may have been in the original musical, but in the film she is portrayed as speechless) is a mute from the Island of Silent Women. Gymnasia and Pseudolus communicate in sign language and he immediately falls for her. When Hero's dream woman is not among the girls who are presented, Lycus tells them that she is a virgin who recently arrived from Crete and he has sold her to a famous Roman soldier. Being an excellent fabricator of lies, Pseudolus claims Crete has been ravaged by a plague, and since he has already had the plague, he would happily look after the girl in Senex's house until the soldier comes to claim her. Lycus gulibly agrees to Pseudolus offer. Once they return to the house of Senex, Hero and the girl get to know each other. He learns that her name is Philia (which in Greek means "love"). Philia sings "Lovely" (as "I'm Lovely"), in which she explains that "lovely is the one thing I can do." Hero then sings his reply, "You're Lovely," and they both agree they are happy to have found each other. Even though Philia has fallen in love with Hero, she insists she must honor the contract Marcus Lycus made to sell her. Pseudolus devises a plan to give Philia a sleeping potion. Once she is unconscious, he will tell Lycus that she died from the plague. When they move her body for burial, Hero can then take her away to Greece and Pseudolus will get his freedom. Pseudolus steals a potion book from Hysterium (Latin for "hysterial"), another slave in the house of Senex. The only sleeping potion ingredient he doesn't have is mare's sweat, so he and Hero head in different directions to obtain some. While they are away, Senex unexpectedly returns home and knocks three times on his door. Pseudolus had told Philia that three knocks was the signal of her purchaser, Captain Miles Gloriosus (Latin for "braggart soldier"). Hearing the knocks, Philia assumes Senex is the captain, so she offers herself to him. She tells him that he may have her body but will never have her heart. The old Senator is more than happy to take her body, with or without her heart. Pseudolus returns with the mare's sweat just in time to see Senex and Philia embracing. He tells Senex that the girl is a new maid he has hired. That leads into the hilarious song, "Everybody Ought to Have a Maid." Senex is very much in favor of maids especially those who butter up the master with sexual favors. Hysterium joins Senex and Pseudolus for a chorus of the song, and then they are joined by Lycus, who is checking on the condition of the virgin. These lecherous fellows particularly like maids who wriggle, giggle and jiggle as they putter around the house. After the song, Pseudolus convinces Senex that he needs a bath after his road trip (Senex is actually smelling the mare's sweat) and since his son could be home, he should bathe and receive the girl in Erronius' long-abandoned house next door. Just after Senex heads for his bath, Erronius returns from his exhaustive twenty year search for his two long-lost offspring. The elderly and semi-senial Erronius, who is now almost blind, reveals that each of the children is wearing a ring with a gaggle of geese engraved upon it. When Erronius heads for his house, he hears Senex singing as he bathes. Hysterium, desperate to keep Erronius out of his house, tells the old man his house is haunted. Erronius demands Hysterium find a soothsayer to banish the haunting spirit from his house. Overhearing, Psuedolus pretends to be a soothsayer and orders Erronius to run around the Seven Hills of Rome seven times to banish the spirit. Meanwhile, two Roman Army emissaries of Captain Miles Gloriosus arrive at Lycus' house to make certain everything is in order for their commander to receive his purchased courtesan. They threaten to turn Lycus' women over to the soldiers and burn his house if anything is amiss. Fearing the Captain's wrath, Lycus talks Pseudolus into substituting for him for an hour. Pseudolus is more than happy to oblige since he gets to see Gymnasia again. Pseudolus convinces Lycus that it would be best to move all the girls into Senex's house. Meanwhile, Senex has finished his bath, but orders Hysterium to bring him an energy (love) potion prior to his rendezvous with Philia. When Captain Gloriosus and his troops march into the city, the captain sings "Bring Me My Bride." This conceited soldier claims to be a man among men but is also admired and desired by all women. He is impatient to receive his bride because he has towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse. Pseudolus, pretending to be Lycus, tires to delay delivering Philia. The Captain gives him half an hour to deliver the girl or else. While Gloriosus waits, he dictates his memoirs and his men enjoy Lycus' courtesans. Meanwhile, Lycus, who is drinking in a nearby bar, learns from a fellow patron there is no plague in Crete. When he tries to return to reveal the lie, he isn't admitted into his own house because everyone, as he had instructed, swears Pseudolus is Lycus. Domina returns from her trip early because she had a premonition that Senex was up to something. She goes to the market to purchase a breeder slave and picks a robust, stocky female specimen. Once they return home, the breeder takes a liking to Pseudolus. He puts her in a room and tells her he will knock on the door three times when he returns. He sends one of the Captain's soldiers to the room and tells him to knock three times (the soldier thinks he's getting one of Lycus' women). Later, Pseudolus sends Senex to the breeder's room (Senex assumes Philia is there), but escapes the breeder slave through the window. When Domina is introduced to the Captain, she is smitten. Then when Hysterium brings the energy potion to Senex, Domina stops him and thirstly consumes the liquid. Pseudolus tells Domina to wait in the Green Room and he will send the Captain to her. About the same time, Senex climbs in the window of the Green Room, where he expects to be joined by Philia. He and his wife are both unpleasantly surprised to end up in the same room. When Philia hears the voice of the Captain, she recognizes it as the brute who raped her country, "Thrace." She claims he did it three times. Pseudolus questions, "He raped Thrace thrice?" Pseudolus decides to tell the Captain the virgin has died, but in order to make it convincing, he needs a body. After a lot of convincing, Hysterium agrees to dress in drag and pretend to be the dead Philia. Pseudolus sings a reprise of "Lovely" (as "You're Lovely"; a hilarious self-spoof of the musical number sung by Hero earlier in the film) to convince Hysterium he can pull off the ruse. Once convinced, Hysterium sings "I'm Lovely." To complete Hysterium's outfit, Pseudolus gives him the old man's ring - the one with the gaggle of geese. As the funeral procession begins, Hero returns with a cup of mare's sweat. He is so distraught when he learns that Philia is dead that he plans to throw himself to the lions. Before he leaves, however, Senex mistakes the mare's sweat for the energy potion, drinks it and immediately passes out. Pseudolus tells the Captain the virgin died because the sight of his glorious physique was too much of a shock. The conceited Gloriosus competely understands and is saddened that the girl would have died before she experienced him. Gloriosus insists on a proper funeral including cremation of the body. He also composes and sings a funeral dirge ("The Dirge"). When the Captain starts to give the dead virgin a farewell kiss, Pseudolus tells him she actually died of the plague she contracted in Crete. Unfortunately, the Captain had been stationed in Crete and knew there was no plague there. When the Captain says he is going to cut the girl's heart out and take it with him, Hysterium jumps up and runs away. Gymnasia communicates to Philia that Hero thinks she is dead, so he is going to throw himself to the lions. Distraught, Philia decides to sacrifice herself to the gods. Gymnasia then tells Pseudolus that Philia and Hero are both planning to kill themselves. Hero sneaks into a nearby arena during a gladiator training session. Pseudolus finds him there just before the gladitor knocks Hero in the head. He manages to save Hero and tells him that Philia is alive and has gone to the Temple of the Virgins to sacrifice herself. The gladitor then fights Pseudolus and captures him, but Gymnasia saves Pseudolus and they get away in a chariot. Hero climbs to the roof of the Temple and from a hole in the top saves Philia. They ride away in a chariot. A madcap, comic chase ensues with the Captain chasing Hero and Philia and Pseudolus and Gymnasia. Once the Captain captures them, they return to Rome for a quick wedding and a slow execution. Back in the city, Erronius, who has made several circles around the hills of the city, recognizes the gaggle-of-geese ring worn by Philia. Miles also has a gaggle-of-geese ring, which means they are brother and sister - the long-lost siblings of Erronius. That means Philia is a free-born citizen of Rome and cannot be sold as a courtesan. It also means that the Captain cannot marry his sister, so Hero and Philia can marry. A happy ending just as the lyrics of "Comedy Tonight" had promised (a reprise of the song is heard). Hero and Philia get each other, Senex and Domina get each other (whether they like it or not), Miles gets the twins, Erronius gets his family back, the soldiers get Lycus' women, Lycus must get a new supply of girls, and Pseudolus gets his freedom. And the moral? The cast sings, "Morals tomorrow! Comedy tonight!"

A cynical American expatriate gets involved in smuggling and gun-running for the rebels during the 1925 Syrian insurgency against French occupation. In 1925 Damascus Harry Smith runs guns to the rebels under Emir Hassan. Harry meets and develops a relationship with Feroud's, a French intelligence officer's mistress. The French arrest him along with others and to save himself he agrees to arrange a meeting between Feroud and Hassan. —Ed Stephan <stephan@cc.wwu.edu> In 1925, in Damascus, the patriotic rebels of Syria are fighting against the invading French forces. The weapons smuggler Harry Smith is an amoral businessman taking advantage of the situation. He meets Violette, the mistress of the idealistic French Col. Feroud in a restaurant. Feroud is trying to make a deal with the rebel leader Emir Hassan, and under threat of execution for weapons smuggling he forces Harry to be his liaison and arrange a meeting with Hassan. —Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil